View Full Version : ungrateful 7 year old daughter
10-27-2008, 09:25 AM
My 7 year old daughter told me this morning that she hates her life. This based on the fact that she had to get up and get ready for school and I would let her pull the blankets over her head anymore. I am trying to figure out where this anger could possibly come from and I have no clue. She has never had to do anything not even clean her room, half the time I don't even ask her to help clean her toy room. I work very hard to give my child everything she wants from toys to clothes to her activities and I go without in order to do this. I know that there is a fine line on giving your child things and them growing up to appreciate them and you but what is it? I do not know how to handle this situation. Does anyone have any ideas that I can use to show her how good her life is?
10-27-2008, 09:52 AM
I also do without so my boys can have more, and when I noticed my son was getting ungrateful we started making him work for what he wanted. Simple chores that are age appropriate...Cleaning his room, helping me dust. That kind of thing. We realized that by getting him everyhting he wanted without making him work for was not teaching him the responsibility he needs to get through life. When I was growing up I never had to do anything. I didn't clean my room or have any chores. Someone was always there to do it for me. I believe that this is the reason I had such a difficult time transitioning to the positions of wife then mother. She is old enough at this age to help vounteer. Maybe you could find a homeless shelter that only accepts women and children and volunteer your time together.
10-27-2008, 06:22 PM
I would get on that quick. My brother was sooo spoiled. He's now 22 and still lives with them. He doesn't know the value of work, or how to save & deal with his money. He is so obsessed with having the most expensive clothes and gadgets. I know he isn't happy- his life has been one hard lesson after another. My parents try and bail him out when he gets in over his head, but he never learns anything by doing that. Nip this in the bud, make him work for the privileges he has, or take them away. I remember one time my mom packed up all my toys and put them in the garage because I didn't clean up my room. Looking back on it, this must have been hard on her- physically packing everything up, and I didn't have any toys to entertain myself with- I must have been a handful! Good luck!
10-28-2008, 01:04 PM
I am by no means a parent with all the answers but I can try on this one. My son says things like "this is the worst day ever" or "i hate this day" or "I hate my sister". All of which means he dislikes it, he's too young in my mind at 7 yrs old to know what hating is. But when it's directed to hurt someone, I do say something. First try making sure she's not having problems with someone or something at school by just asking her. My son went through a phase of not wanting to go because during the summer months the bus was extremely hot. He lived through it, but if it were something I could change or help with I would have. I think it wouldn't hurt if you did start giving her chores or having her help you more. My 7 yr old has to clean his own room and keep his bathroom neat. His daily chores are to wipe the dining table and take the dog outside. On Sundays he has to fold all the washcloths in the laundry and dump his bathroom trash into the "big" garbage. OH, and he puts all his own clean/folded laundry up in it's place and hangs his permanant press laundry in the closet(his are low bars for children). I don't feel like this is to much for him to do.His daily chores take a total of 15 minutes and his sunday chores maybe 20 minutes. However like alot of children he still takes somethings for granite.
10-28-2008, 04:01 PM
She has an attitude problem, and she is exaggerating. Not altogether atypical, but if you continue to let her "enjoy" this indulgent lifestyle, things will only get worse. You're doing her a disservice if you don't teach her personal responsibility (cleaning up after herself at the very least if not helping with other household chores). Maybe if she got involved in some volunteer services (serving in soup kitchen or visiting nursing homes where people want nothing more than to get out of bed!) her perspective would be broadened. She might be enlightened as to what a "hard life" actually is all about. As mothers, we are self-sacrificing by nature (where our children are concerned, anyway), but there needs to be a balance between doing something nice for her and letting her walk all over you.
10-30-2008, 09:47 AM
My DD is 8yrs old and I have had this problem before as well. I think as kids start to grow and try to find themselves they try out words (weather that understand them or not) I also think that your DD needs to pull her weight a lilttle around the house. Mine has chores that she is responsible for and it earns her allowance for the week. Believe me, it's not easy, as we all know being a mom is tough :) We want to go easy on our kids but sometimes we really just have to be straight forward. I have a lot of talks with my DD when I don't like things that I see and I ask questions and the reason she is behaving a certain way. Those talks do help and it gives them a chance to really feel like someone is listening, you might learn more than you expect. Good Luck and Take Care!
10-30-2008, 12:26 PM
Sounds like the reason she is "angry" is because she has gotten whatever she wanted for 7 years, and now she is asked to do something she does not want to do. Time to start teaching responsibility now before it gets worse.
Tell her if she does not get ready for school, brush her hair, etc. she will lose her doll, stuffed bear (whatever her favorite toy is). I have been doing this for several years with my 8 year old, and it works every time. BUT, you need to follow through and take it away for a day if she does not do it so she knows you are serious. Now, all I need to do is "give her the look" and tell her FeeFee (her favorie doll) will spend the night with me, and she does whatever it is she needs to do.
11-07-2008, 12:40 PM
I just wanted to say this needs get taken care of. Children don't learn anything useful when things are given to them, they only believe that this will be the same their entire life, and reality will really hit them hard when they find that out. If any of you recall my step son (14 yrs), tore apart our entire family. His entire life he was given whatever he wanted, didn't have to do anything and he is so far set in his ways he just thinks money grows on trees and even though there are other children in the family he believes the whole world revolves around him. When he was told to do a chore he got mad broke things or made one of the other siblings do it. He get into trouble (been to juvenile detention) at school and knows that his parent will always bail him out. Now at his young age he is going to be a father any day now, and he believes that raising a child is nothing. He values nothing because it's always there for him whether he goes to school or not, whether he behaves or not. My DH tried to (finally) put his foot down and make him do chores and discipline him but it was too late. First time he walked off and came home late, second time he refused to go to school, third time he took off with the car. Each time there were no consequences to his actions.
So, just talk with your daughter teach her responsibilities and to work towards goals by doing chores or rewarding her with a toy or something. In my house hate/stupid/shut up are hurtful words and they are not to be used for any reason, I sat my children down and explained the meaning of these words and they understood. So when it is used I know that there is a concern with one of them and we talk it out, and fix whatever needs to be fixed. I also remind my child of why we don't use that word. I have 7 children so the explanation was done as a talking circle and the older ones help explain it to the younger ones, and in the end they all got the point. If a child is given something he learns nothing, if he works for that something he is taught to value it.
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