View Full Version : Husband gets accused of being selfish??
10-22-2008, 05:03 PM
So when my daughter was born, we didnt want anyone at the hospital until we were ready for visitors, meaning we wanted our time with her before everyone had came ans saw her. well my husband gets accused of being selfish (by my damn family members no less) when it was me that wanted time with her as well sio it wasnt just my husband saying thisshame on them, well now it's caused un neccesary drama and my husband is treating them all that said it really weird and i just want everyone to grow up and let this be as it is a happy time for ME and MY HUSBAND, is this right??
10-22-2008, 05:17 PM
I can kind of see both sides. You wanted some alone time, but you should also understand how this makes your family feel. Isn't there some way to compromise? I don't think it really is a good idea to keep family away after the birth of a baby. It only makes room for resentment. They want to be a part of this happy time. Give yourself and husband some time, but let family have some time too.
I think you should just tell the family how overwhelmed you feel by all of them, and thought that was a good way to go, and you're sorry feelings got hurt, and maybe they can come in small, manageable numbers when you are ready. If they don't understand there is nothing more you can do. Sorry about the drama. As I've found from my own family- not everything gets to be as joyful as it should be.
10-22-2008, 05:20 PM
You Are Totally In The Right. You Deserve Time W/ Your Baby & Hubby Without Everybody Else. People Just Get Excited When There Is A New Baby & They Forget It Is Your Baby & You Want/need Time Alone!! I Am Sorry They Are Being That Way & Making Time W/ Your New Baby Stressful. I Would Let Everyone Know Maybe Via Emial Or Phone Call Saying You Appreciate Everything & Everyone For Wanting To Help &/or Be Around, But That You Need Time To Rest. Even If It Isn't About You Being Extremely Tired Make It More About That So Feelings Don't Get Hurt So Easily. Also Stress That It Is Both Of You & Hubby's Decision So No One Gets The Blame. I Read On A Post Under Mom To Mom Thread( I Forgot Who Said It) , But Schedule Time For People To Come By. Like A Certian Day Every Week So You Have The Rest Of The Week Free For You To Longe & Cuddle W/ Baby & Hubby!!! Good Luck & Congrats Again!!
10-22-2008, 05:24 PM
Try this website to organize everyone: http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/
10-22-2008, 05:24 PM
Well it's hard because it was OUR special experience since it is our first baby and thought we could do it as we please and thought that everyone would respect our wishes, yeah they are excited too but they should've been respectful and not called my husband selfish i mean how do yuo think that makes him feel toward them, i mean it wasn't even my mom making the big deal about it, it was my grandma and uncle that was causing the big deal. it just mkaes me feel bad for my husband that he's getting attacked by people that have already had their time to have a baby and i'm just embarassed by them being a$$e$ about everything you know what i mean??? I mean i'm sitting in the hospital 15 hours of labor you really think i'm wanting to be worrying about everyone's feelings?? I cant please everyone even though i'd like to be able to.
10-22-2008, 08:08 PM
I think that you were in the right and although a new baby is something to be celebrated and they felt alittle "put out" they should have just kept their mouths closed about it. Insulting your husband is a sure - fire way to continue to be "put out".
But from the other side: I wanted to give a relative some space when a baby was born because she has a huge In-law family and I knew that there would always be people around. I figured I would visit when she came home to celebrate her new addition. I called her to congratulate her and told her that I would see them when they came home that I recognized she'd be overwhelmed with visitors and I wanted to respect her space. Well apparently I insulted her. She thought I didn't care about her first baby being born. Learned my lesson!
So You're damned if you do damned if you don't!
I agree with the other posts on how to handle it, explain to them why you did what you did, apologize if you hurt anyones feelings and then they just have to move on.
10-22-2008, 09:45 PM
Family should be more understanding of these things. Especially other women who have been through labor before and know how overwhelmed you can feel afterwards. We had so many people visit us after our first two, including my grandmother who insisted on coming during the labor even though we had told everyone we did not want visitors at this time. For our third child we did not tell anyone besides my sister who was taking my oldest two that we were going into the hospital. We went in had the baby, took a nap, and then called everyone and told them. They can celebrate and be part of the experience afterwards. I had several nurses in the hospital tell me how they thought there should be no visitors allowed after giving birth because the new mother and baby need time to rest and bond.If someone really makes a big deal about giving the new family some room and time, I say shame on them.
10-25-2008, 11:35 AM
I agree with tierrajo about needing some space. my wife had our first son was born at 12:42 and our second at 9:53 in the morning. It was 8-9:00 at night before people left. they where there all day and it made it hard on my wife and son's who needed rest. I think this would work,, just ask the family to wait until the baby has been here for two hours.. then they can come down and see you.. take pics of the baby getting weighed and measured they can see that part later.
To sept29th, tell your husband to take what your family says with a grain of salt. my wife and I have been married 6yrs now and there are times when her family has said stuff about me and I let it roll of my back. yes it can be up setting, but you can not expect every family member to like you.. also sept you need to talk to your family and let them know it was a joint decision, don't throw hubby to the wolves..
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