Working vs. SAHM (article on this site)

[baba97]

Did anyone read the article on this website titled Working Vs. Staying at home??? I am sick to my stomach after reading that article. If you haven't read it yet, take a second to do so -- if you're a working Mom you may feel a little bothered by the cons of your decision to work outside the home. Maybe I took them personally because I do work outside the home but the way I interpreted it was that by working outside the home you will....

1) have your children to grow and say that you were never around enough and
2) your marriage could potentially be doomed because you work outside the home and might not keep up with things like home-cooked meals, laundry etc.

What the heck?!?!? Am I just being overly sensitive or does anyone else think that is a TERRIBLE thing to say and not necessarily fact? I would love to hear your opinions!

[KelEMcE]

I firmly believe that some moms are BETTER moms when they work. I don't think working dooms a marriage anymore than NOT working makes a woman dependent on her husband, or that kids of SAHMs are necessarily better off! I have friends who stay home who are permanently frazzled and stressed, always yelling at their kids. They complain nonstop about how hard it is and how no one appreciates what they do (do you do it for the thanks???). Then I have friends who work, and are so calm and relaxed with their kids, seem to really enjoy their kids and their time together! I haven't read the article (I will!) but that sounds a little off to me.

I stay home with my kids and I love being here. I will go back to teaching once they are older - I loved my job, loved teaching, loved everything about it. Being home with the kids is the best job ever, but they will grow and be gone, and then what? My sister and my best friend both HAVE to work, and I support them in that. I have friends who CHOOSE to work, and would be miserable being at home wiping bottoms and noses and counters all day. (Let's be honest, it's not all sticky kisses and laughter and walks in the park!)

And my friends who work actually do LESS housework than I do, because they either have a cleaning service or their husbands do more housework.

[KelEMcE]

OK, I just read it, and I didn't think it was that bad. I think the author was just trying to help moms think about all angles of the decision. I don't think s/he was saying that your child will feel abandoned if you work anymore than she was saying that mine will be clingy because I don't. I think the point about a working mom being more like the woman he married is dead on - I am totally different in some ways, being with little kids all day, than I was before kids. So I make sure to keep up on current events, read the paper, scan the news, read interesting books. I do want to talk about more than the kids and m volunteer work!

Maybe re-read the article with an eye for "what if I were trying to decide which path to take?" It might be less offensive that way.

[mary84]

i just read the working vs. sahm article. that doesnt even apply to most of us. i have done both. when my son was born i worked full time and i hated it! i wanted to be home and with him to take care of him. even at daycare my son did not learn anything. when i became pregnant with my daughter, my husband and i decided it would be best to stay home with the kids. Being a stay at home mom is the most rewarding job i can ever have. my hubby knows what i do on a daily basis and truly appreciates the fact that he comes home to a clean home, a hot meal and 2 children that adore him. even if he is tired from working his butt off all day, he still takes his shoes off and the first thing he does is play on the floor for a few hours. watching the three of them together is my paycheck!

[myboysmom]

As a sahm, I was kind of offended by that article, too! They make sound all peaches and cream to be at home, and it just ain't so! Yes, it's great to be at home with your children. I do love it. But, I don't always "roll out of bed ready for duty"! And just because I run errands and work my butt off around the house + taking care of our kids doesn't mean my husband comes home from work and ever so graciously gives me an hour of time. That's a whole other ball game. Now, I'm not saying I wish I didn't stay at home, but it's not perfect one way and horrible the other. Both choices are good and bad. That's the way it will always be, no matter how many articles they write or polls they conduct.

[imtlomlre]

Im a stay at home mom myself. I had my first child and ive been at my job 13 yrs plus. I have no family around to watch my daughter. My friends all work like crazy so they cant help can i afford daycare? Yes but it was mine and husbands choice for me to stay home. Its not easy by all means. Do i love it? I love being there for my daughter and my husband. I will to go back to work when the time is right. I do struggle with the change its been 6 months but i wouldnt trade it for anything. Who ever said life would get easier (not true). It only gets better not easier. Everyone has there own opinion. You just hope and pray take things day by day.

[biddles]

What makes me most upset about the 'SAHM vs. working mom' debate is that there is one to begin with. Being a mother is a difficult job enough without someone judging or comparing their decision to mine. All that comes of it is a sense of guilt from both fronts; "I work, so am I available enough to my children? Can I be as good of a mother?", or, "I stay home so am I fulfilling my role as an individual and independent woman as well?" If my child grows up to be compassionate, honest and happy then I think that is testament enough to the type of mother I am, whether I stay at home or work outside of the house. Be confident with whatever decision you make and be sure it is the best one for you and your family.

PS> This same sentiment goes for the breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding debate... do whatever you think is best and it is the best!

[sstaples]

I have done both and I think that both sides have their pros and cons. When I had my daughter I couldn't stay home. I foundy myself a single mother and until she was 8 I worked as a Border Patrol Agent. Long hours, rotating shifts, etc. I've married and now we have an 8 month old. I went back to work for about two months after he was born but we just decided that it would be better FOR US if I stayed home. It is not a good choice for everyone, and certainly not an easy one. I cried for two months after leaving my job. I loved it and I was so proud to have that career. Now I have found raising my kids can be just as rewarding, in different ways. But if staying at home is not something you can do, or don't want to do, you should not feel bad about it at all. My daughter, even having a working single parent, always made the honor roll, is very friendly to everyone, and very well adjusted. It is the parent that makes the difference, not the decision to work or not.