My 5 yr old daughter won't listen...

[navywife1099]

My hubby and I are having a very hard time trying to get our 6 yr daughter to listen to her teachers in school...no luck! Everyday we hope for the best but get the worst... She is constantly in trouble for talking and not listening to her teacher. She is very smart and loves school but gets caught up in moments that takes her train of thought away from what she should be doing.

We have done the rewards chart, taken toys and fun things away but nothing seems to help. It's as if she takes the consequences at that point in time with losing recess and deals with the aftermath... She is not getting it and we are running out of ideas to get her to listen and not get in trouble so much at school. Any Suggestions?

[bluecollardad]

Taking toys away is probably not the best way to handle this. The more fun things you take away at home, the more bored she is, the more likely she is to act up in school. The rewards chart for good behavior is a good idea. Maybe the reward could be when she has a full week of listening to her teacher she gets a fun day. Like a day at the park or a friend over for a sleepover. Something that is special. She has to be good the whole week to earn the reward, and bad behavior gets no reward. Maybe if she goes a whole month with apropriate behavior the reward can be upgraded as a month long good behavior reward. Does she have a hard time focusing and paying attention at home as well? If she does, her problem might be ADD or something along those lines.

[Srenees26]

My daughter has the same exact problems, very smart, probably further ahead than most, but i recently had her seen by a doctor and she had a mild case of adhd, we put her on meds and have seen a world of difference.

[katiemudhen]

Our school and family has a system for addressing this behavior. First, make an appointment with the teacher and have your husband, you and your daughter meet together with him/her. Agree on a "ticket system". On days when your daughter has to be reminded more than three times to pay attention and/or not to disrupt the class she is sent home with a red ticket. On days with less than three reminders she is sent home with a green ticket. (These can be sent home in your daughter's backpack discretely so as not to embarrass her in front of classmates.) At the end of each week you sit down as a family and count the red and green tickets together. Talk about each one, having your daughter explain how she was rewarded with a green ticket or what she did to earn a red one. You can set your own goals at home for rewards - maybe four green tickets in a week will earn her an ice cream cone at a favorite ice cream shop. The point is to make the system a positive goal setting session for your daughter rather than punishing her for acting out in class. Let her understand that she and only she can control how she behaves at school. At the end of one month, have another family meeting with the teacher to discuss progress. I realize this is somewhat similar to a chart, but having the daily involvement of the teacher and accountability at home really does make a difference.

[brandie1127]

I agree with Srenee. Adhd is a chemical imbalance within your childs brain. It is no longer consider just a medical diagnosis to medicate your bad kid. There are REAL tests to prove whether your child REALLY has it. The school should have forms that both you and the teacher fill out, then you take those forms to a nuerologist that specializes in children and the nuerologists will advise you from there. You might have to get a pediatricians referral for insurance reasons.


I'm an adult with ADHD. Don't let anyone tell you that ADD and ADHD aren't real problems. Putting your child on medication or even altering her food as an alternative to medication may help. Just think of the damage you are doing if it is a medical condition that she can't help and you are being forced to dicipline her when in her brain she really can't help it. I'm not saying don't dicipline ADHD children because they can't use it as a handicap either - but you may have less to dicipline her over if she is on a low dose of something - especially if she is generally a good kid but has "moments".

BTW _ As I mentioned earlier medication is not the only option for ADHD but if you know that is her problem then you can do alternative "medications". Such as a diet high in garlic and low in artificial dye ( feed her NOTHING with food coloring in it cereal, juice etc.) I am pro - medication but just incase you aren't I don't want you to think I'm trying to push you to medicate your child.

You may laugh but coffee is a great stimulant for kids with ADHD. A up in the morning 30% coffee, 70% yummy flavored creamer will help her "focus". The school actually recommended it for my brother. I thought it was CRAZY "you want me to give this hyper child caffeine?" but I tried it and you know what ... IT WORKED!!!! I know some people would be apposed to that but if your measuring medicine vs coffee. Coffee is at least natural.

[ocmomof1]

I agree with brandie and srenees. My 6yo son was just diagnosed with mild ADHD, and he had these exact problems, yet he performs very well academically. Teachers are not qualified to diagnose, but your daughter's teacher should be able to offer suggestions as far as what you can do to help manage your daughter's misbehavior. If you (and the teacher) feel you're at your wit's end, ask your pediatrician for a psychologist referral. I agree that discipline is frustrating with an ADHD child, but they do need it! After getting a positive diagnosis for ADHD, family therapy has helped us help our son manage his behavior. His teacher says he's made tremendous improvements to the point that now he rarely gets any warnings at school, let alone a time out. But he still has problems socially, so we're going to address that next. Work closely with your daughter's teacher, because any approach you take will need to be consistently applied at school and at home. It's not your fault, it may be out of your daughter's control, but there is something you can do to make things better. Good luck!

[sschulster]

I have had similiar experiences both as a mom and as an educator. Your daughters behavior sounds exactly the same as one of my sons. Katie gave great advice, using a ticket system that involves everyone involved, including the teacher. Talking to your daughter and explaining that only she can control her behavior will give her the feeling that she is in control of the situation. I have found the best way to deal with most children, especially those that need a little extra support in regards to controlling their behavior is to reward the positive and ignore the negative (as long as it doesn't involve hurting herself or others). Find out what she loves most, and have her earn tickets for that "prize". It doesn't have to cost money, it could be special alone time with you or a playdate set up with her best friend.
One important thing to remember, and something I always train my teachers not to do- NEVER take away recess from a child who is already having difficulties controlling their behavior. They need that time to run out their energy and socialize. Consequences such as this sound as ridiculous as spanking a child for hitting a friend or sibling! Tell your child's teacher this is an unacceptable consequence for your child.

[RLCOFFIN]

Some medications can also cause this behavior from adverse side effects - Singulair and Zyrtec are known to cause neuropyschiatric symptoms that abate once discontinuing medication. I posted under "trouble at school" for links to sites you may find more information. Good luck...