Any Advice

[twatkins]

I am a single dad of a 21 month old son who seems to be growing up as fast as weeds. Many times I feel that I am failing when it come to quality and quantity time with my son. The world does not seem to be sympathetic to single dads who have to be both mom and dad. Taking off work to attend a doctor's appointment, leaving early to receive a sick child from day care, having to leave a meeting that is running long because you have been late picking him up every night simply is not viewed positively in the corporate world for working dads. I always get, "That's a wife's job, man."

Are there any other dads out there who understand my delimma? Or any moms with advice for us struggling single/widowed/divorced fathers who really want to do a great job? My hat is off to the many mothers who do this with ease day in and day out. I admire you but must also admit, you make me feel incompetent at times. :-)

Tim from Memphis, TN

[cay8099]

You are not incompetent. It is a hard job and trust me, we do not think it is easy. Many men who are not in your situation will tease and criticize because they have never been there. If we women make it look easy it is because we don't think about it we just do it. Eventually you will get to the point when what comes next just does and there are probably people looking at you and thinking you make it look easy. Believe me those guys in your office who comment about picking up your kid being a wife's job could not do what you are doing. As for the bonding time it really is not all about quantity of time you have but what you do with the amount of time you have. I'm not saying that you need to miss the big game to take him to the park, but sit on the floor playing with him while the game is on. (I don't know if your into sports it's just an analogy) Kids are amazing in their adaptability, as long as he knows that he is loved and you are doing your best to raise him to be a caring and responsible person everything will be fine. Just take it one day at a time. If you weren't doing a good job with him you wouldn't be worried about it.

[cajuncat743]

I would just say be proud of yourself no matter what those guys at work say. When I read your post I thought, "What a sexy guy!" They know that they couldn't do it or handle it which is why their wives do it, so they make fun of you to make themselves feel better. But tell yourself you are doing a good job, you don't need to second guess yourself. And you may think women make it look easy, but we obviously feel like you do sometimes because we come here to vent lol! So vent away

[1st Time Mom - Again]

40+ years ago, my dad dealt with the same issues. When I need advice I'm as likely to ask him as my step-mom. He was trying to raise 2 pre-school age daughters with no help and very little money.

When "the guys" at work say these things simply remind them that you don't HAVE a wife to do these things - and you are not about to subject yourself or your child to a loveless marriage to get free nanny services. Chances are that type of relationship is less likely to provide your child with what he needs anyway.

And no matter how competent paid childcare is, it is not as good as a parent can provide. Your son will measure your love by quality not quantity.

Your coworkers are the perfect example of why there is a glass ceiling. The assumption is that a mom is not capable of doing as good a job because she must take off for these things. Chances are also good these same people would do the same in your shoes and may even be envious that you have an acceptable excuse for leaving early to spend time with your son.

[bluecollardad]

i just want to suggest looking into FMLA. the federal program was made for reasons like this. also don't let what other people say affect your priority. you are doing the right thing. I would do the same thing if I was in your shoe.