more dads needed

[bluecollardad]

I hear people talking every day about our economy and all the violence in our country. lets stop and think about this for a min. when you where growing up how many of your friends had a mom and a dad? I had one out of ten. where have all the dads gone?? When there is only one parent running the home front it is a struggle, you work and cook and clean and try to give attention to your kids but is there ever enough time. I am not saying people should stay together for there kids but I am saying stay with your kids, just because u are seperated from each other why allow that to seperate u from your kids. there are also way to many guys who end up getting a girl pregnant and then bailing out on there responsiblity. So I pose this question, Do you think our economy and the crime rate would be effected if our youth and most of the people you know have their parents there to guide them down the right path? where have all the dads gone? I do realize there are guys out there taking care of their kids alone but for the most part mom gets stuck being mommy and daddy. for all those moms out there going it alone I have much respect for you.

[mamabard]

I know a lot of men who would like to be more involved in their child's life but are not allowed to be. This is a society now where woman choose on their own to be single mothers. Its not always simply the case where mom is ditched out on. Much more than you may realize , women (girls really) decide to have a baby independently. I agree totally that two parents would help with the general stability of society. (Although, this is not the whole truth either.) I just felt the need to point out that we should not demonize men. Women also have a very large role in whether or not there are two parents in a child's life.

[craftyashley]

Here's my view. I have never valued my husband more than after the twins were born. His support, and sometimes just his presence was almost the only thing that got me through the first year, and he's been a big help getting me through the toddler years, too. I would never want to do this alone. There are plenty of times I really dislike him, but I sincerely need him. Our marriage isn't the strongest it could be (that'll take time) but my kids need their dad, and so do I.

[CLS]

I agree that having two loving parents raise a child is the best situation possible. However, I don't think it is better for child to see his parents fight all the time and treat each other badly than for him to not see his dad. So, it depends on the situation for me. Where I think we've gone wrong as a society is just parenting in general. It's hard work. It's not always fun. And you can't be your kid's best friend and raise him/her to be a good person. Too many parents just do the easy thing when the going gets tough rather than the right thing.

[bluecollardad]

well we live in a society where if u smack your kids butt, you could get reported to children services. outside influences dictact how we raise our children. some of the imput is appreciative and valuable (like this website), but to many times when I try and correct my childs misbehavor do I get repremended for raising my voice or smacking his butt. I do not and will never beat my children, but there is nothing wrong with a butt smack now and then. when we where children we got butt smacks all the time. I agree with cls on the mothers choosing to go it alone and I tried to touch on that subject earlier, but for the most part men abandon there children. I have a friend who was not ready to get married to a girl and she was pregnant, it was basically a one night stand. He told her he wanted to get to know her better and go from there. she told him to marry her or stay out of her life. his daughter is 6 now and he has never seen her or even know her name. he has never been giving a chance that he so desperatly wants. He has two kids with his wife and he is a great dad, so yes woman are at fault to. he would be a wonderful father to his daughter. I think he should be able to see her. As a father I get to experience all the laughter and smiles my children give me. I was just simply saying I wish more men or woman would take care of their children and teach them values and respect, so that one day our nations children will grow up with a new found respect for one another, what a country that would be. instead of me me me and what have u done for me lately

[brandie1127]

I am a very independent woman. Neither of my parents were really there for me as a child so I look at life and attatchments alittle different than most women. I have had a brutal breakup after a several year relationship without even batting an eye. I always thought in my mind, my husband could leave at any moment and I would be completely ok. I would be hurt by I would get over it. I have always insisting on having a seperate savings account. He gets annoyed at what he calls my "back door escape plans" but he's very understanding of where it comes from, I think.

Anyway, that being said, now that we are having our first baby. I AM TERRIFIED. I couldn't imagine life without him. I hope that he always will stay in love with me as I am in love with him. SInce the baby, I have abandoned all "back door plans" and I think I am more in the "relationship" than I was before. Hopefully that will increase our odds of making it.

As for your economic question: ABSOLUTELY! Homes need 2 incomes and when they only have 1 income alot of times the surviving parent HAS TO turn to the state for help, even if it isn't welfare, but it's just subsidized daycare, free-lunch, WIC or health coverage. These programs are obviously there to help people, but I think the abandoning spouse takes advantage of this and doesn't pay his or her child support, knowing the child will be taken care of with help from the state.

Not to mention Grandparents end up filling the role of parent and this may have an effect on their well deserved retirement.

[cay8099]

I agree with CLS that a child who sees his parents fight constantly could be worse, but at the same time too many people don't think of marriage as forever anymore. They think why work on a marriage when you can file for divorce. Marriage is hard and many people see divorce as an escape hatch, you have to work at it to make it a success. Here is a quote I once heard, "Marriage is not about giving 50 50, you must both give 100% to make it work." Even if a marriage falls apart that doesn't give either parent the right to forget the responsibility of the child they made between them. So the point is that even though mommy and daddy are no longer together that doesn't mean daddy can stop being a daddy.

"Any boy can be a father, it takes a real man to be a daddy."