View Full Version : Anyone Else Hate being pregnant?
10-02-2008, 11:47 AM
I should start by saying I never saw myself as a mommy, I'm more the traveling, career chick who gives all her love to her hubby, her job and herself. Everyone is always so OMG pregnancy is great and my MIL says "your unhappiness about this pregnancy scares me, this should be the happiest time of your life" my response "when she graduates college and is a self sufficient successful adult with great morals that we have taught her" - that will be the happiest time of my life, right now not so much! First I had a horrible blood clot just 3 months before I conceived so when we told our families that we were expecting their response wasn't "yeah congrats" it was "OMG you are not supposed to get preg for a year. Maybe you should think about terminating" Thats now how its supposed to be when your a grown up and MARRIED. There should be no mention of the A word, medically or NOT! So after getting over feeling like my joy was stolen. I feel like my body has been hijacked. I was SO sick the first trimester puking on avg. of 3 times a day. I peed on myself- in public while barfing! I have to give my self daily injections of Lovenox twice a day, I lost my job and could only find a $10 and hour temp job because noone would hire someone 4 months into a high risk pregnancy. Now I have to apply for welfare!!! My income before this baby was 35k a year down to 200 a week!!!! Then I had to go out and purchase professional maternity clothes to get a job that paid so little when I had no money to begin with! ( I never expected to loose my job).
I cried the first trimester when I admitted to my mom that I felt like i "hated" the baby! How horrible!!!!
I'm glad to report that now I'm in the second trimester and feeling her little movements have made me feel more bonded to her. and I no longer feel like I "hate" her. ... and I am starting to feel more connected to my pregnancy - but that first trimester was rough.
Oh and PS thank Goodness I never considered terminating because my dr's say the original issue that caused the blood clot will return EVERY time I get pregnant. So it wouldn't have mattered if we waited a year or 5 years - it's the same risk!
- Thanks for letting me rant - I'd really like to hear if I'm not alone in not liking being pregnant - for any reason!
10-02-2008, 01:46 PM
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. My pregnancy was a suprise and at first it was hard because I was excited about the baby but I felt there were things lost that I was planning on doing before kids. My hubby and I got over the initial shock of it all and are very excited (and scared). Because we just got married last Dec. our families were suprised. I went through my mother's "shock" but now she is excited for her grandchild.
I guess what I am saying is (for me) certain feeling passed and I am excited to meet my baby. My feelings were never as strong as what you are experiencing but i'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel more bonded with this baby. Now that you are in your second trimester maybe if you start planning a bit (nursery and register for things was a lot fun for me). Keep thinking of the positive (I know it hard especially with all you have been through) but remember that this time will pass. If you plan on going back to work after the baby, remember you had a good paying job and experience so you can do it again. Since you have had such strong feeling so far, please try to keep in mind how you are feeling after the baby is born (in case of post-partum) that way you can figure out the best way to get through it and become excited about your new baby.
Good luck to you!
Wow, pregnancy is life changing, but I'd say yours has been flipped upside down. No wonder you feel the way you do. I'm glad to hear that the second trimester is going well though. I'm not going to say the rest will be a picnic, but for me the 1st trimester was the worst. Since you asked, I'll tell you my story. My parents met and married young. They raised 4 kids on $30,000 a year, and believe it or not we were happy, healthy, well-fed and well-adjusted. However, I always looked at my mom, and said "I do not want to be like you. I'm not having kids, ever. We ruined your life." She always insisted we didn't, but the way I seen it was that she could have had a successful career if she'd never had us, or at least waited to have me. I kept this mentality until I was 27. I went to college, graduated with a 4.0 GPA, and started work making over $50K a year. I rarely dated, never anything serious. Then one day my friend asked me to go hang out with two guys she had met through work. Next thing I knew I'd spent three weeks straight dating my future husband, without any thoughts of escaping before I got tied down. We eventually married, and here's the shocker, started talking about kids. I had two miscarriages before my son was conceived, and that kind of put a damper on my pregnancy with him. I was constantly worried about losing him. Like you, I had terrible morning sickness, and I also had very bad allergies which I couldn't take much for while pregnant. I never actually "hated" the baby, but there were times that I wished I wasn't pregnant. Then I went into labor a month early. I was scared to death. Scared something was wrong with me, scared something would be wrong with baby. Scared that I wouldn't know how to take care of a baby once he was here. Everything turned out OK, and we brought out son home. I expected to fall madly in love right away. I expected to feel like the pregnancy was worth it. I didn't. I kind of felt numb. And tired. My son had some health problems that made him a terrible sleeper. (No more than 2 hours at a time.) After about 2 months, I did finally feel like I had a strong connection with my son, but it was still hard. No more sleeping in on weekends, no more pick up and go shopping when I wanted, no more hot meals because it never failed my son was hungry whenever I was ready to eat. I continued to work for the same employer, but I had to take a different position with a slight pay cut because my previous position required a lot of overtime that I could no longer put in. I went up 2 jeans sizes and pretty much felt like a stranger in my new body. I started doing things like clipping coupons and packing my lunch for work to save money. I'd become my mom. I was miserable. Then we found out my dad had skin cancer and only had few months to live. I spent a lot of time with my family during those months. We were all there for my mom & dad, no matter what they needed. That taught me so much. Family will be there no matter what. Your employer will probably drop you the minute you aren't making money for him. Your friends may or may not be there for you. Since then I've been making small changes in my life to be happier...like exercising, eating healthier, and taking "me" time, but overall I'm really happy with my life. I'm so lucky to have a loving husband and even more lucky to have my wonderful, funny, precious 3 year old son. I can't wait to have a 2nd child.
Anyway, sorry to rant. I guess my whole point of sharing was to say that yes, my pregnancy was rough, yes life with my son is more difficult that what my life before was, but it's so much more fulfilling than the great career/social life I used to have, and no being my mother isn't nearly as bad as I thought when I was a teenager!
Good luck to you with the remainder of your pregnancy. Congrats on that wonderful baby who will add more to your life than you can possibly imagine, and keep your chin up. Things will get better. I promise!
10-02-2008, 02:31 PM
CLS, I thought it was great that you brought up how you felt after the baby got here. It is important to remember that if we don't fall right into the pattern of "mother" that it is ok. We just need to be aware of our feelings and get the help or support needed to overcome them. Good luck to you and your growing family!!
10-02-2008, 03:43 PM
While I have had the world's easiest pregnancy, I freely admit that I think being pregnant sucks! I dont like all the changes my body has to endure, and the emotional roller coaster is the only kind of ride that makes me want to lose my mind! Plus, I went from being sble to do whatever I wanted, to having a very demanding boss, limiting what I can do and eat. I understand it is all for benefiting my child, but one's patience can only hold out so long. I cannot wait to get back into shape, and continue to ride horses, and just get back to myself!
The time is coming closer for pregnancy to be a thing of my past, and I am excited to be done with it. Plus, meeting my baby girl wont hurt either ;) I keep having dreams about her! I hope she is as cute in real life as she has been in my dreams :)
I reccomend the book "Pregnancy Sucks. What to do when your miracle makes you miserable" It was really funny, and definatly took a light-hearted look at the crappy points of pregnancy.
10-03-2008, 10:27 AM
Thank you all - JWills I am so getting that book! I am glad that I no longer "hate" the baby - if you think it's horrible to hear - just imagine how it felt. I get "attatched" to strange things in my life. Like Sundays - everyone in my world knows Sunday is MINE - no family obligations, no chores, no calls unless I call you! They all tease me about my "holy sundays". I've had a rough life and have realized that these are what helps me keep my sanity. I'm starting to realize that these attatchments go right out the window with a new baby. Its all about them! My family was always very selfish it was -never- about me as a child ( I ate dinner in the dining room alone at the table while they were in the living room with TV trays) so as an adult I spoil myself with alot of special me-time. Thats my "therapy". I think my hubby is aware of my "issues" and I am going to take a weekly night yoga class after the baby is a month old, where he watches her and I get 30 minutes of specific "me" time!
I figured out that I was also attached to the "married - no kids" status! I think coming from a long line of teen mothers it was my badge of honor to not only be married but not have a child either. So I have to let that go as well.
We were in the baby store and I picked out this chick stroller and he didn't like it. He picked out the most baby-ish mambo jumbo HUGE stroller, I had ever seen!!!!
We argued and I hollared at him - I don't want to look like a MOM! ( silence in Babies R Us) He said " but you are a mom"
Apparently I have some ISSUES. I really really want to be a good mom. My mom really really sucked!!!! I just don't want to be like HER!
10-03-2008, 11:35 AM
You know, my SIL said there is a good reason it takes 9 months to have a baby, (not just baby development) but we also use that time to wrap our head around what is going on. I think it is very important you find "me" time after the baby is here. I'm glad your hubby is supportive of that because you will need it and it is healthy for you to want and need it.
I hope that you can take the things that happened in your childhood that you didn't like and use it to make sure you do differently for your own child. I've known many people who have had unhappy childhoods but turned around to be amazing parents. As long as you are aware of what you want for your child I'm sure you will do fine.
(That book sounds really funny, it will probably give you a great laugh!) :-)
10-03-2008, 03:28 PM
The book was really funny, because it made me realize that it was okay to think that way about pregnancy. The author covered everything and anything as far as symptoms. and she hated nearly every single one. But she added an amazing sense of humor to the whole thing! she thinks alot like I do, and I think that is why I found it so entertaining :)
I have my "me time" planned out as well. I plan on returning to riding horses (dressage) and hopefully competing next summer :) that is my goal. Horses keep me sane, and I plan on keeping them in my life. I dont want my life to stop just because I am having a child. I am willing to sacrafice everything else in my life, but not horses. I wont give that up. EVER. NEVER EVER. LOL. I would not be me if I didnt have horses in my life. And remaining yourself is very important, in my opinion. Which reminds me of another book that I started to read. I think it was called "moms need time-outs too". i didnt really get that into it, so I never finnished, but if I learned one thing from it, it is not to lose your identity. and that is important to just take a break, step back, and be yourself. Wether it means riding horses, reading a book, or just watching your favorite TV show and grabbing a slice of pizza with the works on top ;)
10-05-2008, 10:00 AM
I know exactly how you feel! I absolutely did NOT want to have kids. My mom had my brother when I was 16, and so I really saw how much work they were, and how my mom never had any time for herself(but she never made a big effort to make the time) and so to me having a baby just seemed all bad and no good. When I found out I was pregnant I cried hysterically, and for the whole nine months I was torn up and worried. I was afraid I would hate being a mom! And what would I do if I did hate it? Last time I checked they didn't have a way to reverse mom-hood. And I felt so guilty that I felt that way. To me it was further proof that I shouldn't be a mom. But now my baby just turned 4 months old and i love being a mom and I love her. Yes, there are times where I get really mad that I haven't had a hot, leisurely meal in 4 months, and times when I miss my old schedule of how and when I did things, but I'm so proud of how good of a mom I am! I'm great at it and I love it! What a surprise ;-)
10-06-2008, 01:42 PM
yes i know how you feel! i'm in week 5 of my pregnancy, and this is my second child! my daughter is going on 11 years, so this is like starting all over again. i am 29 i was only 17 with my first child and i was sick my whole 9 months. it was so bad, i loved my baby but i was not a good pregnant person. my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to me and i would never trade her for the world. now with this baby i just found out last week and ive only been sick once, but i now remember all of the bad things that i didnt like about the first. i guess i'm just scared. i dont know i'm so emotional. good luck to you, it is well worth it!
10-06-2008, 02:40 PM
I think that the reason why i dislike being pregnant is because people make it seems as if it is such an easy, magical and wonderful time. My best friends was surprised when I told her that I didn't like it, and I was looking to having my baby.
I told her this doesn't mean that I don't love my baby, I loved him from the moment I found out I was pregnant and I never thought about not keeping my baby.
My pregnancy was a surprised, I was 6 months into my new job, when I got pregnant, so the last thing I wanted was to have a baby. I was lucky enough that my boss was understanding and that I am due around the off season at my job, which will allow me enough time for me to adjust to motherhood and work. I am 32 wks and I know that there are a whole new set of challenges once my son is born, but I'm ok I am so looking forward to the day I give birth.
10-06-2008, 07:14 PM
I didn't think about that but maybe thats what it was too. Everyone acts like pregnancy is this big magical time of your life and I think that most woman think about it that way ... until your puking in the toilet and peeing on the floor ... that is!
... and you're like where's the magic???
10-07-2008, 02:10 AM
YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!
I know I want to have more kids, but I don't want to be pregnant again. I wish I could avoid it.
. I was sick all the time. I was huge! It made me feel way too over emotional. I felt weak and vulnerable. I hated feeling that way!
.I hated my relatives and ... well EVERYONE fussing over me, giving me advice, asking when I was due.... I HATED THAT QUESTION THE MOST!!! I got tired of the attention by the second trimester I was like "GET OUT OF MY FACE AND STOP TOUCHING MY STOMACH!"
I cried over everything... and I do mean everything!
I got chicken at a fast-food place from the drive through and I asked for honey mustard sauce. Well they forgot to give me some and I didn't notice till we left. And I actually cried because they forgot to give me my sauce!!!.... Seriously what was up with that? Pregnancy that's what!!!!!!!!! Gah!
The only good part about being pregnant was feeling my baby moving inside of my and knowing he was mine. I loved that little bond I had with my son that we could only have for a short time while he was in my tummy.
Other than that being pregnant sucks. It's worth the result though! :)
PS- I lost my job when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. They let me go because I couldn't help but throw up at least 3 times a day.... yeah 3 times at least... anything I smelled... I would have to run straight to the bathroom and one time I didn't make it all the way.
I think that's what made me the perfect candidate for a let go. Thank goodness they fired me when they did because for the next month I was bed ridden. I litterally could not hold anything down or even sit up. Like a month long stomach flu... ah memories!
10-07-2008, 11:47 AM
Jordyn - My own eyes actually welled up with tears ( as I was giggling) at your experience with no honey mustard - The reason you were let go was the exact reason I was. I was just a few months new to a firm when I got pregnant. My bosses all men and one 27 year old bitchy chick whose uterus was probably in a knot were not understanding at all of my pregnancy issues. When I threw up for the second time that day and peed all over myself, I was completely embarassed and asked if I could run to the nearest store for some pants, ( I lived over an hour away) she gave me this totally DISGUSTED look and said " um don't you think you need to like shower ... or something" I could have ripped her face off - right then and there! Of course I wanted to shower, but I was trying to MAN-UP and put my job ahead of well ... hygiene!?
The fussing is getting annoying too. The only fussing that I will miss when I'm not pregnant is my husbands. He has pretty much put me in the disabled category - which is really sweet .. but everytime I call my MIL if I don't leave a message when she calls me back she says," Whats wrong, do you need me to come over?" instead of hello. I know she just cares but secretly I feel like a ***** because it annoys the crap out of me!
10-07-2008, 05:52 PM
I hate being pregnant. I'm 23 weeks and hate everything about it. I was told for so many years that I'd never have children, that I never worried too much about getting pregnant. This pregnancy feels like a monumental mistake.
I'm in my 30's, have a great career, make fantastic money and am married to a man who loves me, but I don't think I love him anymore. I regret this pregnancy every day and see it as a huge tie to an anchor that will eventually drown me.
I feel like a terrible person, but I can't imagine loving this little girl. I don't think I'm cut out to be a mommy. The word mommy makes me a little nauseous.
My friend and family tell me that when she's born, my attitude will change. Somehow I doubt it. If I wasn't pregnant, I'd probably tell my husband that while he's a nice guy, I don't really love him. No one knows the emotional burden I have right now, and I certainly can't talk to anyone about it. Now I know I'm stuck because I'm responsible and will do the right thing. I'll stay in a marriage that isn't bad, but to me is loveless, raise a child that I don't want, and still try to concentrate on my career so after this 18 year prison sentence is over, I can move on with my life. How terrible is that?
I live my life as a complete and total fraud. I pretend I'm happy because pregnant women are supposed to be thrilled. I pretend that I love my husband. I must be one hell of an actress because it seems that everyone buys my act. I hate having to act.
I hate this child for temporarily derailing my career and making me fat. I have an incompetent cervix, so my doctor doesn't want me traveling. Traveling is what I do for a living. I travel and sell software and I love it. I'm so sick of being left out of sales cycles while my husband can continue on with his life.
I have a history of depression and know I'll end up with PPD. It'll probably drive me to suicide. I mean, the weight gain alone is enough to make me want to snuff it, but I wouldn't do that before the baby's born. I wouldn't take this child from my husband because he actually wants her.
I know I'm a horrible person. That's something I deal with every day.
So see? It could be more extreme than what you're feeling.
10-08-2008, 09:42 AM
I HATED being pregnant. Brand1127 I could've written this post, it's exactly how I felt, "yeah, I'll be happy about this when she's on her own in college". Haha now that she's here...I want it to go slow! It's pretty amazing. I read "The Second Nine Months" and was prepared for the worst but it panned out pretty nicely. Anyway it does get better. Take care.
10-08-2008, 11:07 AM
I didn't realize it until now but maybe this is a great thread for people to get it all out. Parasiticdreams I feel for you. Sounds like you are in an aweful situatuation. Your name is amusing to me because when I first found out I was pregnant I secretly equated the baby to a parasite - draining all of my nutrients and just hosting off of my body. This will only be another reason to be annoyed with your child because I know it would annoy me, but maybe you and your hubby would benefit from counseling. You have lasting issues, my issues should leave after the baby comes. But even I might seek some help because being pregnant has resurfaced all sorts of issues that I thought I was over with my own mother, I can't even talk to her! I love my husband, I'm just resentful of my life having to change sooo much. You not loving your hubby is HUGE! I hate to think of you carrying that burden in silence. I know you probably said it jokingly but it might lead you down the path of suicide if not helped. If that was going to be the end result you might as well have had an abortion and told him you misscarried, but you didn't so I get that you value life. Your life is sooo very important. Even more important than this childs because if you carry on this act your child will suffer too. So maybe try some private counseling on your own, get to the bottom of why your marriage has become loveless and if you think its worth saving drag his ass into counseling too! If its not worth saving, don't save it!
and PS You don't have to stay married just because you have a baby together although it might be easier!
Take care of yourself and please drop me a message any time you feel the need to scream!
10-08-2008, 12:04 PM
Thank you so much. I have good days and bad days and really wish my life didn't have all this internal drama. It really is good to get it out. Sometimes I feel a little nuts, and I know I sound even more nuts.
I likely will go back to my therapist. It doesn't help that I know my husband is a wonderful man and I'm not sure why I've fallen out of love with him. I think that bothers me more than anything else.
10-13-2008, 11:30 PM
It is comforting to know that I am not the only one that lacked the excitement of pending motherhood. For the first time in my life I was actually doing something right - I was actually losing weight successfully and sticking with the lifestyle change. This was a huge accomplishment for myself - classes of morbid obese I had lost over 80lbs and was close to dropping below 200lbs for the first time since high school. I was feeling confident about myself - proud of myself. Finally feeling like my life on somewhat of a positive track. I was working in a job that I saw promise and was ambitious about moving ahead. Then I found out I was pregnant - it felt like a slap in the face. My husband and I both first reaction was to terminate - although we wanted a family we didn't want it right now. As the appointment grew closer we talked ourselves out of terminating and have grown to be excited about our soon to be daughter.
However I will say that I do not like pregnancy - I didn't experience any real physical problems, no morning sickness or anything. But the problems I have faced are just as bad and it seems that no one else I speak to can relate which makes it even more frustrating.
I sometimes still resent being pregnant - I know weight gain is normal and it is a shallow thing to be upset about - but it is something that is bothering me. I have also been experiencing severe anxiety attacks - it reached the point that I have been on short term disability from work since the beginning of June. I have guilty feelings for leaving work the way I did. I still feel guilty for the way I feel about this pregnancy - I fear that I will not have that tight bond with my daughter when she is born. My mother and I were so close - she was my best friend in the world, she passed away in 2002 - and I want so badly to have that relationship with my daughter... but I have no joy with this pregnancy... even feeling her movements brings me no joy.
My mother made her life taking care of children - I just don't understand how I could be so opposite.
10-15-2008, 01:11 PM
OMG! I hated being pregnant!!!!! I felt like crap the entire time and was severly depressed. i hated how everyone was like congrats and always wanting to touch my belly. hated how my mother called it her baby. I hated that i was pregnant to begin with. the idea of being a mother made me sick!!! to be honest i wish I terminated. My little one is 2 months old and i hate being a mother. I dont know why i dont enjoy it. i have talked to my doctor and he says its normal and my feelings will change. I miss having the freedom from before i was prego. you know going to work everyday(im a sahm, yuk!) being able to do what i want when i want. motherhood sucks!! Now im not saying i would ever harm my child, because thats something i never would do, but i just wish i wasnt a mother
10-15-2008, 08:44 PM
With my first pregnancy, I had awful morning (all day and all night) sickness. There was a point where I was so sick and saw no light at the end of the tunnel, that I actually told my husband I don't think I wanted this or could do this any longer. He knew I didn't mean it, even I knew I didn't need it. So he encouraged me on through the tough time and sat with me in the bathroom all night even though he had work in the morning. So, I definitely think a good support system is vital. He was a Marine at the time and we were stationed away from family so he really was my only support person, like "real" person everyone else could only support over the phone or via the internet. But once I started to feel better I was totally one of those love my baby bump, in heaven at babies r us, type of pregnant person. I know...some of you prob are annoied by that type. LOL. I actually hated that part where you are barely showing but you can tell so you feel fat; I liked it when you could tell I was preggo and I was very proud of it! I also didn't like ppl touching the belly but I didn't mind them asking questions about the baby or my pregnancy.
My second pregnancy I got morning sickness but not as bad as the first time and was more prepared for it all around since I had been through it once before. I was totally the excited, love my baby bump, let's go to babies r us and register, can't wait for my ultrasound....mama to be!
But also I have wanted to be a mother all my life! I have waited for this time in my life and now that I am finally a mommy I am totally in love with it and was in love with it fromt he moment I found out about my first child. I am actually looking forward to one day perhaps being preggo again...I know its cliche but really it is a beautiful time and it goes by so fast when you look back on it later. Trust me I get it towards the end both times I wanted the baby out, back aches, heart burn, braxton hicks, and trouble sleeping all sucked! But the life growing inside you, that little miracle, is what is beautiful! I mean think about it, it really is amazing that we can create and grow life!
10-16-2008, 12:51 PM
I was the opposite... I didn't mind being pregnant so much, it was a relatively easy pregnancy. What I had a problem with was being The Mom, and I had not anticipated feeling this way. I'd been married w/o kids for 11 years and was used to the freedom. MONUMENTAL adjustment in every aspect of my life. The feelings of resentment were a complete surprise. PPD was another surprise, but almost a relief to know that I wasn't going crazy or the only person who had ever felt that way. My son will be 2 years old next month, and I think I have finally accepted that I am his Mom.
10-17-2008, 01:50 PM
I don't understand why all the women in here are so down on being pregnant. It's a magical time. You're issued your first wand, Hagrid buys you a snowy owl, and before long you're going to platform 9 3/4 to board the train to Hogw...
No, wait. That's something else.
My wife is early in her pregnancy, but already she's sore, tires easily, feels like she has to eat all the time and finds herself running to the bathroom so much that she is trying to drink less... but she gets headaches if she does that.
She can't have coffee in the morning, she can't have any alcohol at all (not that she drank much at all, but when people around her are having one...) she can't be around smokers (not that we smoke anyway), and her clothes don't fit anymore.
Magical? What twisted enchanter cast that spell?
... oh. It was me, wasn't it? :o
We're both looking forward to the new member of our family, but I don't think she would call her sore feet 'magical.'
12-18-2008, 06:58 AM
I'm barely 8 weeks, and I'm already sick of all the happy-go-lucky pregnancy boards, and the well-meaning books. Everyone seems so damned ecstatic about being pregnant, and I just don't feel that way. I hate the pregnancy symptoms. I dread labor & delivery. This baby was an oops. I love my job, I love my independent life. I am feeling resentful about all the things I will have to miss out on while pregnant, and then after the baby is born. I am not looking forward to being big & fat at work, having people touch me or fuss over me, and having lots of questions asked. There is no other situation in which a person so blatantly has to outwardly display their sexuality & I find it so distasteful. I'm glad I'm not the only one, because the way they flame people for this kind of thing on those boards, you'd think I was some kind of criminal.
Growing up I always thought I wanted to be a mom someday, but now that it is upon me I am wondering why. Is it that when I look at other people's kids, I only see the inconveniences and not the joys? When this baby is born, will I really fall in love with it immediately, like they say I will? I feel like I might not. I feel no attachment whatsoever to my friends' kids. I'm not sure I even like kids! I'm not looking forward to the late nights, struggling to resume my 'normal life' with a child, or a clingy toddler.
This all sounds so selfish, but my feelings are real. All I can hope for is that they will change at some point, and that I will somehow come to welcome this massive change in my life...
12-18-2008, 09:52 AM
Ha you sound like ME! I'm the one who started this thread and I have to say ... it gets better. At 8 weeks I was so UPSET! I thought my life was over but I think i'm starting to realize that really my life is just beginning. I feel like the baby is giving me a life. A life that I never had before. If you read the original posting the first one - you will see that I did not feel like that in the beginning thats for sure. ANd as you can see this thread has 3 pages of postings so we are not alone. Its just most women won't talk about it. I think I was somewhere around 10 weeks when I called my stepmom crying, and said Shes not even here yet and I hate her! I thought I was AWEFUL going directly to hell for feeling like that.
It passes though. I still dont think being pregnant is wonderful, and I just might push to adopt number 2 instead of grow it, (hubby will never go for it though :( )
Last night I found myself pacing because the cradle we were given seems real rickety to me and I don't think its safe for her. I actually woke him up to say I don't want to use that cradle .. he muttered ok and rolled over. Thats the difference 20 weeks makes.
Good luck to you, I'm sure you are a good person and you will come around to accepting the new you, it'll just take a while.
Oh and PS - this group is great there is no judgement here. You can stand from the roof tops and scream, I hate being pregnant, I'm not breastfeeding and I don't believe in organic stuff, and Its ok! We respect everyones right to their opinions.
12-19-2008, 08:46 AM
I didn't love being pregnant, but I sure miss it now. I wish I could go back to having my son all to myself instead of being expected to hand him over the second anyone else enters the room. HE'S MINE!!!!!!!
01-17-2009, 05:38 AM
It passes though. I still dont think being pregnant is wonderful, ... Thats the difference 20 weeks makes... I'm sure you are a good person and you will come around to accepting the new you, it'll just take a while.
Thanks for the kind words, Brandie. It was really nice to not get flamed for having doubts! I'm now at 12 weeks and already feeling a bit better about this whole thing. I think after a while you just get used to not being able to have a beer with your friends, coping w/ early pregnancy symptoms, & just giving up some things in general. (We'll see how I feel about it at 34 weeks... ha!)
I haven't told my work yet, and I'm still not looking forward to that, but I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. I'm sure I'm not prepared for the massive change that motherhood is going to be but I guess that'll take time too.
P.S. How are you doing? Did you have your baby yet?
01-19-2009, 10:43 AM
I'm glad you are feeling better. I still don't love being pregnant but I'm not so angry at it anymore either. Haven't had the baby yet! My shower is on the 25th so hopefully she hangs in until then - but it would be perfectly fine with me if she came on the 26th!!!! I want her out! My back hurts, I waddle like I just pooped myself, I roll on and off of the couch! But mostly I'm just excited. I want to see this little girl that I have spent 40 weeks painfully growing!!! I want to see what all the fuss is about! :) ... and getting my body back will be a bonus too! ( I don't mean figure or shape cause heaven knows thats awhile away) but just to not have my bladder punched and ribs kicked is something I'm looking forward to!
So Far Knock on wood not 1 stretch mark! I'm sure alittle bit of it is genetics but dont think just cause your mom had them you will - still take care of your skin drink lots of water, lotion daily and take an occasional warm bath!
Hang in there! Continue to talk about how your feeling each bit along the way.
01-25-2009, 11:20 PM
OMG! Women who feel the way I do. I have been feeling like an awful person.
44!! can you believe it? 44! Who gets pregnant NATURALLY at 44? Do you know what the odds are...I do... 1.67% !
My husband is thrilled and excited. I am miserable, angry and depressed. I keep asking God why He would do this to me! I am 6 weeks along. I have no idea how I'm going to make it thru the next 7.5 months and what the hell am I going to do at the end? I never wanted kids...I never had that whole "biological clock" thing going on....and now I'm going to be someone's mother? I can see myself ever wrapping my head around this.
The worst part is I have no one to talk to....everyone who knows (and there aren't many) who we've told has said "OH that's soooooooooooooo wonderful!!! We've been praying for this."
Well thank you so fricken much for "praying"... didja think maybe to ask me what I wanted?
Everything that Imamom is thinking and feeling about her life, job and this whole thing I can totally understand, I feel the same way.
I couldn't imagine if I was having an awful pregnancy on top of it. Short of the sore boobs and being a little bloated, I don't feel any different....and the boob thing feels like it's subsiding! No morning sickness... no appetite at all. Nothing. I could honest go without eating. I swear, I just want to wake up and have this whole thing be a bad dream.... but thank you all for sharing how you feel...at least I know I'm not alone now.
01-26-2009, 02:11 PM
I can't say that I don't like being preg but I can say that it was a surprise and it couldn't have come at a worse time. I think God b/c it is part of his plan but I wonder why??? I wanted to be a sahm with this one but b/c of the financial burden and the crappy economy, that is NOT a choice. It hurts, I get so depressed b/c I dont like my work situation. ANd I get so so sad that when my baby boy gets here, I won't be able to be with him the way I wanted. We were waiting to get preg until we were in a better position and then I found out I had some medical issues and I was going to OB to get IUD but my period never came and then the next month I was preg...WOW!! What a shock???!!!???!!! So, long story short it nice to know that I am not alone. I have a DD and love her so much and I already love this one but I am disappointed at the circumstances! Good Luck Ladies, I guess we all need to just keep our head. Its good to be able to share this b/c it always ways on my mind.
01-27-2009, 01:00 PM
i hate it i hate it! I am pregnant again right now, have barfed about 25 times in the past week and and cant even bear to think about my big fat butt in a bathing suit this summer!
:( at least it will be the last one.... once I pop this kid out its snip snip for my husband haha!
01-30-2009, 01:29 PM
I hated being pregnant. The crazy hormones and mood swings.... I was blessed to not have any medical problems or morning sickness. As much as I wanted a baby, I hated being preggo. I am dreading the next pregnancy already!! If i could skip the pregnancy and just do the labor part, I would be so happy!
02-16-2009, 07:18 AM
I'm 3 weeks pregnant and scared. I always wanted children some day, but it's just so inconvenient right now. I wanted to plan it, like I do everything else. I'm 23, in grad school, and I work full-time as a gov't contractor. I won't finish until spring 2010 but at this rate it'll be longer. I don't know if and how I will be able to keep my job (I really need it and it pays well). The plus side is that I am with the love of my life and he'll more than likely be thrilled. But I can't help but to be upset, his life won't be uprooted like mine. I get teary-eyed thinking about everything that has to change. I'm a bit spoiled and completely selfish and I'm not ready for a little person to be completely dependent on me. Not to mention the loads of debt I have from undergrad. We don't have a house and I dont want an apartment (we already threw away 25,000 on apartments when we were in undergrad) and we both practically live at home with our parents. Not to mention his parents live 2 1/2 hours away so I only see him fri-mon.
I still haven't told him for selfish reasons, I wanted valentine's day to be about me and him and not me, him and the baby. I'm contemplating another 2-3 weeks before I tell him but I don't know if I can keep it a secret that long because I'm already going thru tired spells and mood swings. We planned so much this year but it looks like everything will either be altered or delayed. Not to mention we aren't married. I wanted to do everything right -- courting, engagement, marriage then children (unlike 90% of the women in my family) and i don't want to rush the engagement/marriage just to satisfy my need to have control.
I don't know what to do and I can't stop crying.
old lady that lives in a shoe
02-17-2009, 08:37 AM
Im 22 weeks pregnant with my 5th child, and after a truly rubbish 4th pregnancy (grade 4 placenta previa) I now have a low lying anterior placenta.
I hate the mood swings, im like a crazy she devil most of the time, that ends up crying like an idiot into the washing up bowl.......
I hate the fact that clothing retailers (even maternity) think that all women who are pregnant have had there brain removed and we wear tents for atleast 6 months of our pregnancy.
I haven't told anyone at work except my boss that im pregnant, prefering to wear jackets and scarfs to hide my blooming abdomen as im so embarrassed about being pregnant for the 5th time.
In time i think my health advisors will start referring to my birth canal as a water slide as it will take no effort whatsoever to push the baby out........
02-18-2009, 09:15 AM
I know this sounds bad but I am glad tht there are other women who have had bad pregnancys also. Let me give you a little back ground where you will understand better. I started dating my husband in Jan 2005. I was 19. I found out I was pregnant with my son Luke in April of 2005. I threw up from the day before I found out I was pregnant to the day I had him. On top of being sick I have ITP (Idiopathic thrombocytopenia ). That is where my immune system attacks my platelets. Pregnancy just makes it worse. Oh and did I mention because we were not married I was on Medicaid and the system sucks....! I remeber laying on the bathroom floor wishing that it would just be over with. Well when I was 22 wks I developed HELLP Syndrome. That is the most advanced stage of Preeclampsia. Not to mention your kidneys and liver start to fail. I had a BP pf 200/190 and platelet cout of 2,000. Where 140,000 is normal. But oh how I wanted him so bad. He was mine. I had to deliver at 22 wks, but Luke was only measuring at 21 wks. Babies are not considerd viable till 24 wks. My son lived for about 20 minutes, but I don't remember much from it because I was so out of it. I was so swollen that I could not open my eyes. Not to metion that I had to have him natural and he was breech. He came out feet first. I never heard him cry, just saw him gasping for air. After that experience I did not want to get pregnant again.... Okay on to the rest of my story. Me and my Husband found out I was pregnant in May 2008. I had to go to the doctor every week and it was long and stressful. I delieverd a healthy Baby Girl at 36 wks and got my tubes tied. I did not enjoy being pregnant and hated being sick. But I love my little girl more than life itself. I miss my son everyday, but it gets easier with time. I hope that everyone feels that way I do when their miracle gets here. Thank you for letting me tell my story, it helps to talk about it.
02-20-2009, 05:47 PM
I'm only 21 years old and almost through with my first pregnancy and it has been horrible. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but I swear I never want to do this again, it has been one problem after another. I wish you the best and even though its tough, you'll get through, I did!...well almost (6 days to go)
02-21-2009, 09:41 PM
I know how you feel, too. I hate being pregnant, I feel as if I'm sacrificing my body and that its not my own...thats my deal. I want my body back. Luckily I'm almost due....I'm sooo ready to get it over with. Some women are like, "I've never felt so beautiful than when I was pregnant" and I just think they're nuts. Its emotionally and physically EXHAUSTING and I just want it to be over.
02-25-2009, 04:34 PM
During the first four months HATED it and hated the world. Cringed when I thought of going to maternity stores...CRINGED and would wear my jeans unbuttoned!
My wake up call? My fiance came home from the Oilers game and was all "So, I saw this woman at the Hockey game and she was exuding happiness! Like she loved being pregnant!"
I suppose I was very, very, awful to be around at that time.
Now. month five... am over my hate - but I dislike being pregnant very much! I don't like the fact that I am giving my body over to something and getting fat and feeling like crap all the time... I just can't wait until July when it's over with... I don't think that it means I hate my child though, just the thought of being pregnant.
02-25-2009, 08:44 PM
wow im so glad other women hate pregnancy! any one i talked to looks at me like im crazy when i say i hated pregnancy.. haha i had no problems what so ever didnt care about getting fat or stretch marks thanx to the amazing DH he reasured me every day i was beautiful and prego sex was even awesome, i just flat out hated it. plus i look super young so the only looks i got were oh no another teen mom here to ruin a life.. i did have awful mornin sickness tho, and working, thats bad... but im happy to say its ok to hate pregnancy cuz you love your baby so much after it makes up for it. and proud to say im a SAHM of a beautiful daughter loving my belly fat and stretch marks even after 8 months...
GOOD LUCK! pregos it will be over soon and totally worth it
03-05-2009, 11:43 PM
I wouldn't say I hate being pregnant because I know that all of this is worth it, but I'm having a really rough time. I was throwing up about 8 times a day until I hit 14 weeks ( a week ago) now I'm only throwing up once or day because my doctor gave me zofran. I've been hospitalized twice for deyhdration and I've had 2 UTI's in two months... oh yeah and I have heartburn beyond belief, I can't poop and I'm a crazy woman. I know all of this is going to result in a child - and I want to be a mom more than anything, but really I've been married to my husband for seven months - and I'm due exactly six days after our first anniversary. I know we wanted to be parents. But everyone I know says how wonderful their pregnancies were. Up to now - mine really sucks!
03-06-2009, 12:12 AM
I wish I had seen this thread when I was pregnant, I thought I was the only one :p
I was lucky, I had an easy pregnancy (in fact, I'd do the pregnancy again, I just don't want to do the delivery again!), but I didn't enjoy the peeing all the time, mood swings, lack of sleep because my son couldn't sit still at ALL in the womb (boys may be active, but he was constant! He never like the position I was sitting/lying in), I just lucked out on the swelling, I didn't get it so bad, I think because I kept my feet up all day at work.
The thing I hated most about being pregnant was the attention. Not that the attention was on the unborn baby, not that I heard EVERYONE'S advice on what to do for this or that, it was that I don't like being the center of attention. I did get annoyed by the unrequested advice, though. I just wanted my body back, the baby to be outside rather than inside (because they're more fun outside, you can play with them and cuddle them when they aren't in you), and everyone to stop telling me how good I looked, how big I looked, then when I got to the ninth month, how small I looked for carrying a 8+ pound baby (he was hiding, I didn't look 9 months pregnant).
And mostly "When are you due?"
I'd answer December 20th.
Then I'd hear "A Christmas baby! How wonderful! I bet you're so happy about that!"
I'd answer "The last thing I wanted was a baby born around Christmas" and people would look at me like I was awful.
I didn't want my boy's special day, his birthday, to be overlooked because of Christmas (my mother was born December 26th and she always said she never felt like she had a birthday, it was always the holiday)
Fortunately, he was born December 14th :) He wasn't going to make it to December 20th anyhow, my obgyn was going to induce on December 16th because I was dilated and the baby was getting too big. But people thought I was awful for being happy they were going to induce. You try carrying a 8 lb, 13 oz baby who has had his foot stuck in your ribs for a month and half!
old lady that lives in a shoe
03-12-2009, 12:12 PM
Im now 25 weeks pregnant, and still hating every minute of it, still wearing big cardigans a scarfs to hide the bump......
Can't wait for it to be over and hopefully get back into some kind of normality....
Sometimes wonder though why im so down on this pregnancy, and came up with that I was just starting to get some kind of life back and its all put on hold again. I hate to think that i'll resent this baby because of it too, but i guess I'll just have to wait and see.....
03-16-2009, 05:09 PM
I started this thread so I wanted to check back again and say its totally worth it ... and I'll do it all over again if we ever decide we want another baby. I still don't have a job. My finances are a wreck and we won't discuss what the house looks like. Apparently when you're a new mommy with ADD all you do is hold the baby and stair at her! LOL even when shes sleeping I find it difficult to walk away, except to log on to here.
Now I'm on to new issues. Like "whats so special about me?" What can I teach to her? What values? Morals? Hobbies? Interests? Can I pass on?
I also have some regrets. I look at my life before her and think what did I do with all my time? There were hobbies and things that I wanted to persue that I never did and now I'm afraid I never will because I have a baby now ... and its a full time job .. especially when you are a time-waister and stair at her all day! ... but I'm getting over that now too. Her ten little fingers, ten little toes, beautiful eyes and adorable smile - was worth every ache and pain, every afternoon spent puking and every pound gained!
... Just wait and see ...
03-16-2009, 07:30 PM
Eh, I still hated being pregnant :p I'm enjoying it so much more now that he's here... you're right, the payoff is worth it :)
In my 9th month I said that I would do it all over again (except delivery), pregnancy wasn't as bad as I feared it to be, I can deal with the things I didn't like about it.
In a way, I don't have to worry about delivery. My doctor said because of all the tearing I had I wouldn't be able to do a vaginal birth without risking my own health unless the baby was small. Well the first one came out 8 lbs 13 oz, and your following babies are usually bigger than the first, so what are the chances of me having a smaller than 8 lb baby next time around. So I will have to have a c-section... not looking forward to that.
03-17-2009, 01:16 PM
oh my god! my pregnancy was medically the same way!! crazy.. when we got pregnant it was the happpienst day in my life.. but dont feel bad if you dont feel connect to her just yet..my mother said that she didnt get really connected to me untuil she held me in her arms.. ever woman is different..so dont feel bad if your having bad feelings.. but i was the same.. my doctor took me out of work at 3 months cuz i get blood clots very easily.. so i also had the injections every day and for a month after my son was born.. my doctor told me aswell that for every pregnancy it will be the same.. injections and everything.. but after 12hrs of labor ( get the epidural.. its a life saver) my son came into this world and i love revery minute of it..but i lost my job after my pregnancy.. legally your job can't fire you or let you go while your pregnant.. its the law!!!! i lost mine cuz after my son was born my doc. didnt think i should go back just yet.. so thats how i lost my job. but they cannot let you go while you pregnant.. i'd fight it..cuz its true.. no place will hire a pregnant woman..its unfortunate but true...right now you just need to focus on being healthy for you little one growing in you.. remember she depends souly on you for everything. but if you want.. go apply at WIC (WOMENS INFACT AND CHILDRENS PROGRAM) they help with food for you and your baby,, and most importantly formula.. cuz its very expensive..
remember this..GOD only deals you and hand that HE knows you can handle..its maybe tough right now. but as you believe in HIM.. he will help you and you family through this..i know that for a fact!!!!
chic..enjoy your gift right now... things will work out.. but stress is very very bad for the baby...and bad for you..what i use to do was i would take out the ultrssound pictures and like at them for hours..that always made me feel better just seeing my son.. and since your high risk like me ..ur obgyn should be doing alot of ultrasounds.. i had like 8 done.. seriously..
but from our family to yours GOD BLESS YOU and eveything will be ok..congrats
03-17-2009, 01:19 PM
oh yeah but the being pregnant did suck..just think of it as 9 months of discomfort but a lifetime of joy!! plus its good amo for when your little tike acts up.. you can always say.. "you know what i had to go through to bring into this world!" lol.. i cant wait to use that one..lol
06-02-2010, 09:16 AM
I'm new to this forum.. Hope to have nice time around here...
06-09-2010, 03:10 PM
So, I have been married for 3 years and all I have ever wanted is to have a baby of my own. My husband was not on board the first few years, so I waited patiently for the right time. My husband had open heart surgery this past January at the age of 33 and has been doing well since. In the hospital he told me that he wanted to try to have a baby when he was recovered and I was so excited we started trying in March. I took a test yesterday (2 actually) and I had told myself that I wasn't pregnant, so I guess I was shocked to see that I was. I called my husband right away and was crying when I told him. He thought that I would have a different reaction and is confused that I am not as happy as he is. I have had anxiety issues is the past when we got married I thought I had made a mistake and now he and I are worried that I am going to go down that road again of regret. I love my husband now and when I look back at our newlywed days I laugh at how I could have had regrets...is this the same thing? I just don't know where to turn and I feel so alone right now and no one would understand the fear and not joy...HELP!!
06-16-2010, 02:02 PM
Newly pregnant, I can tell you that I didn't feel immediately overjoyed when I found out I was pregnant, and we had been trying for 4 years! We went through the expensive fertility treatments, but nothing worked, so we decided to take a break from it for awhile and not think about it - that's when I got pregnant. I also told myself that I wasn't, and I was wanting to go back to school, was into my exercise and weightlifting - just basically doing other things with life and not thinking about being a mommy. So when I first found out, I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't be doing all those things anymore, and very anxious about the changes I wasn't expecting. I think it is fairly normal to feel overwhelmed and anxious at first - it is a major life change, afterall. But over the next 9 months as the baby grows, you start to get used to the idea and bond with him/her - at least that is how it was for me. My little girl is almost 7 months now, and I can't believe I was ever unsure about being pregnant. I hope over time that things get better for you - you may want to mention your feelings to your OB - they are used to dealing with all sorts of issues with pregnant women, and would probably have some helpful advice for you.
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