SO going to Strip Club??

[myboysmom]

Okay, I've got a question for all you with SO's out there. My husband goes to fire school every year with a few fellow firefighters, and they usually go to the strippers at night after class. I feel really uncomfortable with this, not that I have a problem with women doing it for a living, just that I don't want my husband oogling them, you know what I mean? So, he's went once or twice, but not the last few times they've went. Well, the other guys always give him (and me) a hard time about it, like I'm cracking the whip and not letting him go. DH knows how I feel, and has told me he really doesn't enjoy it that much, so I don't know if he doesn't go b/c of how he feels or how I feel. Anyway, tonight is the night they will probably go, and we haven't even discussed it. He's 2 1/2 hours from home with the guys, and I have no idea if he's going or not. How do you all feel about this? Is a problem, or it doesn't bother you? Or maybe you don't have to deal with it at all?

[jenn_0629]

When I first started dating my DH, I was pretty loose with him. I told him to watch porn if he wants, look at Playboy, whatever, I didn't care, as long as he didn't cheat. Well, as the years have went by, I have gotten a lot more strict with him. He has never done any of it anyways, but I mean, I just don't like it. He has never shown any interest in pretty girls, ever, but it just the, "What if he does?" It would make me feel bad, about myself, like...him...maybe I'm not doing it for him anymore.

I don't blame you at all...

[ktejmommy]

IMO I wouldn't say it's that bi of a deal. I've been in this situation when DH and I first started dating. He had been a regular at a club with a group of friends, half of which were women going to watch. Getting out of that crowd and settling down wasn't done cold turkey and I also attended a couple of these outings with him. Adult outings can be looked at bias-ly (tense or sp??), you think strip club and can't see beyond this picture of your DH "oogling" at naked women. Fact can VERY well be that he's telling you the truth. It's an outing with the guys.. he wants to have fun with them and that's just the place that they go.

I don't know your DH, but I know that if mine came to me and said he was going out to a club with some friends I'd say have fun. IMO, especially if he said he doesn't enjoy it that much, that would solidify my theory of him just wanting to be with friends. And I do know fire fighters... they can be cruel, I feel pretty confident saying that it's probably easier (not more pleasurable) for your DH to go just so he doens't have something he'll never be allowed to live down.

[myboysmom]

Yeah, we have a rule that if we watch porn or anything like that, we do it together, b/c I know that it would bother him if he thought I was sitting at home watching it while he was at work, so we see eye to eye there. I think it's just me being insecure, but there is always the "What if?". It's like, if I were to go out and watch guys strip, I would know that there's nothing to it, b/c I know how I feel and that I would never look around for someone else other than DH. Guys are different, I think, though. I think that they're always on the prowl, so to speak. If any guys read this and disagree, please respond!

[ktejmommy]

Hey myboysmom - This is ktejmommy's DH...

This is NOT at all meant to start a fight or offend you but give your husband more credit! :-) Guys are always on the prowl? Have more faith in your vows! Remember, of all the women in the world he picked you. And he's made a choice to not go to the clubs. I think that says alot.

I was a regular at a local club in town for a quite a while, myself and a handful of friends (both guys and girls). We went every week...had regular seats etc. My situation is probably different than most, as were friends with most of the girls that worked there so for us it was a place to hang out and talk with friends. When my wife and I started dating she came along with us to the clubs. As our relationship continued and we started a family priorities obviously changed and we just stopped going.

But I would say that for the majority of guys they go for the entertainment but I wouldn't neccesarily call it "oogling". Outwardly sure, guys walk into a club and it's like a kid in a toy store...Let's be honest pretty girls are nice to look at but that doesn't mean that your husband would prefer one of them to you. And I think that's especially the case with your husband based on what you've said above. This is something he does ONLY when he goes to school with these other guys right? I don't think it's anything to be worried about unless:
-This is something that he starts wanting to do all the time.
-The money he spends while he's there is creating financial issues.

If not, let him go...and I'm not saying that "becuase I'm a guy". It's something they do as a group, it's an innocent night out with friends. I don't think there's anything for you to worry about.

[craftyashley]

Here's my thoughts. If your husband knows how you feel (which is how I feel) and he is fine with not going, then he needs to be a man and stand up to his friends instead of throwing you under the bus and making you look like the bad guy. He should be able to tell his friends he just doesn't think it's that fun- and maybe suggests something else to do.

[nkrumpfer]

The whole strip club this is not an issue for me anymore. I used to find it rude for my (boyfriend) at the time to leave our home and go to a strip club when he could be hanging out with me. I got over the issue by going with him and his friends to a strip club. I saw the way his friends and him were acting and realized that it was silly of me to care. Now when he goes he comes home and tells me all the stories about what happened. Another thing I have to include is that I live in NJ by me a strip club with alcohol has no nudity just girls dancing in underwear or bikinis. Juice bars on the other hand are full nude and do not serve alcohol. My husband has only gone to a juice bar once or twice.

My suggestion is go to a strip club whether it be with your girlfriends or husband. If your comfortable being there with him you'll prob be comfortable with him being there without you. If you're still uncomfortable with it he should respect your feelings and your openness to the idea. Another option is setting guidelines that make you feel comfortable these could include no lap dances, asking him to stay only for an hour or so, or even asking him to only spend a certain amount of money. the less money he spends, the less trouble he will be getting into.

Good luck!!

[Mommymara]

Personally, I would ask to go along! I wouldnt ever mind of SO went, because I know that at night he is coming home to me and at the end of the night he loves me and not them. I have 100% trust in my SO. Now if it became and every week thing and we had better things to spend our money on, then I wouldnt be as happy about it, but every few months with the guys I tell him to go for it. I have my things I like to look at, and my own fantasy's so why shouldnt he?

[APEMBERTON]

My Fiance & I Have An Agreement To Not Do Stuff That Makes The Other On Uncomfortable! Like You Said It's Not That We Don't Trust Each Other, It's That It Doesn't Make Me Feel Good About Myself So Why Hurt Me That Way. I Understand It Is Only One Night Out Of The Year, But That Is Besides The Point. We Have The We Watch Porn Together Rule Also!! Also If He Really Doesn't Enjoy It Then Why Go? That's Just My Opinion Though!! So Did He Go Or Not???

[charliesmommy]

I don't have a problem with my husband going to strip clubs on occasion. Guys are going to look, it's hard wired into them. I trust my husband 1,000% around other women. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married him.

[myboysmom]

It's not that I don't trust him, really. I think it's definitely more me and my problem. I know that I don't look like "those women", so if a man is going to look at them, are they not satisfied with their woman at home? Like I said, it's absolutely more my issue than his. And no, he didn't go, and said he didn't really care. And in his defense, he always makes me feel like the sexiest woman in the world.

[APEMBERTON]

I'm Glad He Didn't Go!!! Honestly I Know How You Feel. I Trust My Fiance 100000 Million-billion %, But Again It Makes Me Uncomfortable. Why Would He Be Looking At Any Other Women Half-naked. My So Also Makes Me Feel Great About Myself & Never Puts Me Down, But It's Still Just A Courtesy Thing For Me. Plus I Know He Wouldn't Appreciate Me Going To A Strip Club!!

[brandie1127]

Probably not the best thing to confess but I danced all through undergrad and grad school ( just like the stereotype says). That is actually where I met my husband - I know weird! but ... I can say this to all of you - your husbands luck runs out as soon as his money does - if he doesn't have any money than he definitely doesn't have any luck. Verses a normal bar outing with the guys - in which todays girls are so easy that all he'd have to do is buy her a drink and she might be all over him. I danced for 8 years and NEVER did anything "extra" with a patron and I made alot of money over those years. Most reputable clubs frown on "extra" activities because they have alot too loose. So don't worry about your husband in that environment with his friends. ( I'd worry if he went alone)! Maybe reap the benefits if he comes home to you alittle extra excited because he saw another womans breasts, don't get hung up in comparing yourself to them because if you've never been in one I've got news for you. 1 in 5 girls has an outstanding body the rest are "filler" girls and aren't really that attractive to begin with!

If you have concerns about the environment but don't want to outwardly ground your hubby, get a sitter and go with him on a busy Sat. night. Most clubs are welcoming to couples and it isn't considered weird or "swingerish". If anything its more entertaining than sitting at a bar and finding after 10 years of a relationship there isn't much to keep the conversation going without a distraction. At least at the club you can point out who needs to renew their gym membership!