Back Talking?

[miami_mom]

Any advice? My son who is almost three continually tells me to shut-up, has a rude tone in his voice when he answers me, and generally just talks back. I try different things, like taking away toys, timeouts, swats on the butt, and telling him 'we don't talk to mommy that way'. And when I ask him to do something or tell him not to do something, he pretty much ignores me, waiting until I get up to swat him before he will do what I ask. He just does not listen! It is so frustrating. He generally is a good kid, but he gets into ruts where he is sooo disobedient. What else is there besides spanking, time-outs, taking away priveleges? Sometimes none of these work.

[War_Eagle]

Any advice? My son who is almost three continually tells me to shut-up, has a rude tone in his voice when he answers me, and generally just talks back. I try different things, like taking away toys, timeouts, swats on the butt, and telling him 'we don't talk to mommy that way'. And when I ask him to do something or tell him not to do something, he pretty much ignores me, waiting until I get up to swat him before he will do what I ask. He just does not listen! It is so frustrating. He generally is a good kid, but he gets into ruts where he is sooo disobedient. What else is there besides spanking, time-outs, taking away priveleges? Sometimes none of these work.

Two things: spanking and washing his mouth out with soap.

[miami_mom]

Yes today spanks seemed to work. I was going through this thing where I felt like I didn't want to spank him, but other methods were not working! One swat on his butt and he quickly said sorry for saying shutup. Also I have gotten advice from my in-laws to not feel bad for spanking! Some people make it seem like you are abusing your child, I don't know why I started to think that. I tried going the no spanking route, but it just didn't work. He could care less if I took away his puzzle or favorite movie! Thank you war eagle for not making me feel like a bad mom if I spank my child. I know there's other parents out there who spank. As for the soap, If spanking doesnt help(which so far it is) I may have to try that!

[MommaC]

It's unfortunate that spanking has gotten such a bad rap. However, not many people know how to do it in an appropriate way which results in its becoming abuse. I was really on the fence until I read "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. She does an EXCELLENT job of demonstrating how to spank effectively, never in anger, and with an explanation that focuses on their thoughts and attitudes (that is, getting to the ROOT of the problem...not just surface behavior). I highly recommend it. :)

[craftyashley]

I vaguely remember a book that might help you- "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk " by Adele Faber. I've heard good things about this- you just have to commit to the process, and it will take some patience to come up with the right phrases for his misbehavior.

[raymo93]

I have a 4 year old and she has been going through a stage of telling me how things are going to be and sassing off. I always give her a warning and tell her what she said is not appropriate and if it continues I will take away something for the day and that seems to work. Time outs for some reason don't seem to work unless I make sure I don't acknowledge her during the timeout. After the timeout I always get down to eye level to make sure my duaghter knows what the timeout was for and ask for a appoligy. You will go through spurts just try to remain consistant. You will be fine! Good luck!

[miami_mom]

Yes even today his behavior is better, maybe because he knows he will not get away with it. Along with spanking him I am trying to explain why he got the spank and that his words and actions are unacceptable. Before maybe when I would spank him I wasn't explaining it to him. He would just get a spank and then go to his room. By the time I let him out of his room a few minutes later, he'd probably forgotten! Also my husband is telling him not to talk to me that way when he is at work. I am also trying to stay calm instead of getting frustrated. Thanks for the advice!

[auntmaggie77]

Well I'm proud of all of you who aren't afraid to discipline how you see fit. People like to think that all spanking is abuse; it clearly isn't. MommaC, I had never heard of Ginger Plowman. How does she explain spanking effectively? Well you don't have to over explain in here if there's like a whole chapter on it, haha. I'll have to find the book and see if it's similar to how I raised James.

[MommaC]

I read it a year ago, so don't quote me! It's not a certain technique to the actual spank itself. She does a great job explaining what our attitude and motive and demeanor should be and why. She gives really clear examples of what types of situations spanking is appropriate for and what discussions should precede physical discipline as well as what should happen after a spanking. I wasn't against spanking to begin with. I was a child who was spanked (and I needed it!). But I wasn't convinced that it "worked". Seeing it all laid out this way helped cement that it is a legitimate and positive form of discipline when it's done properly. Looking back, I so wish my parents would have disciplined me that way! So that's what I'm hoping to do for my daughter. :)

[auntmaggie77]

Oh I see what you mean. I will have to look into that to help some younger friends of mine with children since my nephew is grown up now. We did have our lady counselor at church to help me out in the earlier days though in regards to spanking. What a great source of help she was.

[bvas81]

MommaC i think i'm going to have to check out that book too.

I think that spanking has gotten a bad rap too. I think because theres sooooo much about it on the media. where some parents take it to the extreme and they can't control themselves.
miami_mom, does your toddler still tell you to shut up?
my friend has the same problem with her little girl. She yells "NOOOO!" to the top of her lungs. I can not stand it when she does that. I mean, i know a lot of toddlers do that... but it's like "oh no, you just didn't tell me no.." lol!

[auntmaggie77]

I took the liberty of emailing Ginger and she replied quite promptly. She is very cordial and answered my questions about her book. She confirmed that she does explain how to spank in her book. I will be looking for it soon.

[MommaC]

Wow, I'm impressed! I've never tried e-mailing the author herself--good thought. :)

[auntmaggie77]

yeah I'm quite amazing, lol.