New baby and a step daughter

[Newmom09]

I just wanted to know if there are others like me. This is my first pregnancy and I am so excited, my husband that I have been with for 4 years now has a 3 year old from a previous relationship. I love her to death and her mother is not really a figure in her life she just comes and goes as she pleases and leaves me and my husband to do all the work, but when she does come around the words " Your not my mom" come up often. I am concerned that she will see a definate change between me and my child and feel neglected or left out.She is a wonderful little girl and I often worry that my pregnancy moods and behaviors maybe hard on her and that she will maybe resent the baby.


Like I explained her mother is really not there she just doesn't seem to see that she needs her and that she should be her mom. I just want to stop feeling guilty about loving my own baby and not being able to be what my step daughter needs right now. I'm not due until March, but I start to feel like a monster when I'm moody or that I need more breaks from her. I just started feeling better after the 4 months of morning sickness. What can I do?


Help

[MommaC]

Definitely try to use self-control even when you FEEL like the Wicked Witch of the West inside. You don't want to create a reason for her to feel pushed away. During the "You're not my mom" episodes, I'd just say, "You're right. You already have a mom, but I do love you." (And, of course, if it's a discipline issue, I'd remind her that I'm an adult and an authority in this house.) Your love should always be on the table. If/When she decides she wants you to be her mom, be waiting with open arms. You guys can still have a very special connection even if you weren't the one who carried and delivered her. She's still so little. She's probably conflicted about the whole situation, and she can't possibly understand what she needs in her life and who can give it to her. Don't push it on her, but don't rule it out either. Your love ready and waiting will give her a sense of security. When the baby comes, treat her like a sibling. Try to include her. Offer to let her hold the baby or hand you wipes during diaper changes. Let her give the baby a bottle. Read stories with her or watch cartoons while you breastfeed. The special times you have with your infant can also be special times between you and your stepdaughter. The more a part of things she feels, the warmer she'll be with you and with the baby. Good luck :)