Mother-in-law From Hell

[myboysmom]

I know I don't have the absolute worst, but sometimes it feels like it! I have 2 boys under 5 years old. I can't send them over to their gma's b/c I can't trust her! My husband's 14 year old brother watches South Park and plays Grand Theft Auto and other bloody, violent games while my boys look on -- and she lets them!! I have explained to her several times over the last few years that I don't want my kids exposed to this sort of thing, especially at this age. But she rolls her eyes behind my back and does whatever when I leave. Basically, I don't ever call her to babysit anymore. Is that fair? Besides all that, (as if it's not enough) she has a meltdown every summer that has to do with her ex-husband, my f-i-l. And this summer he's getting remarried! It ought to be a real blowout this time.

[KelEMcE]

I think you are totally right to keep your kids away from her. She can visit them in your home. My mom and my MIL have NEVER once babysat my kids. My mom's response to everything is, "I raised four kids and you all lived", not remembering that things change and it's been, oh, I don't know, THIRTY THREE YEARS since she had a baby around! My MIL has no clue, allowing my then-two year old to shove an entire banana down her throat. I had to use the Heimlich to dislodge it, while 9 months pregnant with my next child. She also forgot how to support a newborn's head, allowing my second child's head to loll around, causing my sister to literally grab the baby out of her arms. Yikes.

Just because she's the grandmother doesn't mean she has to be left alone with your children. Your responsibility is to your boys and you must protect them even if it offends her. Ideally, your husband should speak with her about your concerns, making them his concerns.

Can she babysit the boys at YOUR house, instead?

[myboysmom]

Wow, what a horrible couple of stories! I feel for you. And thank you for sharing, because you start to feel like a horrible person, or was it really that big of a deal. It's comforting to hear that, yes, it IS a big deal. As far as my husband goes, I'm sure he gets it, but he hates confrontation (especially since she's such a nut) and I don't blame him. Life will go on, though, right? :)

[mary84]

OK, i know my mother in law is god awful. last year, her house burnt down so we let her stay with us and she has this fat ball of hair cat, she never cleaned up after her cat. the thing would kick its litter all over my floor, the stink was awful cat hair every where and i had to clean it. (did i mention i hate cats?) She would hand me her dirty clothes and say here will you wash these. I already had to do my 2 kids laundry and my hubby's! dirty towels everywhere. UGH!!! when she moved out (finally) She wanted to take like 90% of my furniture and decor. Now that she is in her own place she calls like 20 times a day and is forever bothering me. when she comes over she get the kids all wound up and i cant calm them, she eats all my food, comes over drunk...(I do NOT allow drinking in my home) Oh and this morning she called me at 5:45 am. on a day that my kids didn't have school. I want to enter a witness protection program to get away from her!

[SpinMom]

I can certainly relate about my MIL. She smokes three packs a day, has two dogs who can't seem to tolerate my 15 month old son, and a husband who couldn't be more disinterested in his step-grandson. My husband is an only child, and my son will also be an only child.

She didn't like it, but my MIL had to gradually be introduced to my son, and now she does babysit, but only at my house (there is absolutely NO smoking allowed) and on my terms. I can't control what happens when I leave, but it's just the two of them with minimal distractions and for a limited amount of time. We try to keep the toys age appropriate.

We have "rules," and my MIL SEEMS to try to follow them, but she still tries to be sneaky about things. She bought a four wheeler for my son this Christmas, no helmet included, after asking if she could get him one and repeatedly being told NO... he was 13 months old and not even walking yet! My husband disconnected the battery because we didn't want him on it yet. She reconnected the battery and put him on it while my husband and I were out. She finally admitted that she did it. Thank God my son is too young to understand to push the button to make it go.

As my son grows and changes, I'm sure we will have to change the "rules." Readjusting happens regularly once a child comes along. I want what's best for my son, and I don't believe that she always knows what's best. I'm not shy about what I believe when it comes to him, with her or anyone else.

[myboysmom]

WOW. . . . is all I have to say. How is it possible that these women raised men we wanted to be with and have children with? Do they just get stupid when they're grandmas and no longer moms? Anyway, keeping with the pet theme. This year before xmas, we had a dinner with my MIL's family. We walk in the door and my older son goes in first, no problem. I set my 2yr old son down and this cat comes at him, claws out! We rip the cat off of him, and I pick him up and throw his coat at the cat. The cat friggin' jumped up 3 ft and attacked my son again! He still has two scars on his stomach where the cat got him through denim overalls, not to mention his legs and arms. This same cat also attacked my MIL and BIL after this. Do you think the cat is gone? NO. If it were my cat, I would have had it put to sleep the next day. But she holds on to it.

[SpinMom]

I can relate! My MIL's "dogs" are pomeranians, yappy little things. When we tried to bring my son to their house, the dog was right in his face, yapping away. Not only did they not stop the dog, my step FIL thought it was cute that the dog was making the baby cry!! My husband almost kicked the dog through the wall. My step FIL didn't think THAT was funny! I later told my husband there was NO WAY our son was EVER going to spend time there without one of us. Thank God my husband agreed.

The dogs are delicate, and vet bills are extremely costly. I find it incredible what they do for those dogs. When they go to a restaurant, they order to go plates for their dogs. She gets up with them at 5 am every day to cater to them.

Don't get me wrong, we have a dog too. We love her dearly, but she's A DOG. Should she EVER show any type of aggression toward the baby, that would be the end of her living with us. She seems to understand; she is great with him... he loves to chase her and play with her, always supervised. We worked hard to train her well. We are very lucky.

[KelEMcE]

myboysmoms, I totally think that all the time - how did she raise my husband, who is normal and has a clue??? That cat would have been gone the next day! It feels like choosing the animal over the grandchild. Yikes.

I think they get insulted when we question them, but I don't care. I think my MIL THINKS she has a clue, but she really doesn't. How do you stand there watching a toddler pour bubble solution into her eyes? How do you lose a 9 month old in a children's museum???? yes, true story! She was supposed to be watching my baby, while I took my older daughter over to another exhibit. I was gone five minutes. When I returned, my baby was gone. Gone. My MIL was talking to a mom, not watching at all. It was the worst two minutes of my life. I started yelling her name, and running around - with my toddler on my hip, of course. Luckily, my daughter had just crawled around a corner and was fine, no one had snatched her. I was furious at my MIL and yelled at her in front of the entire museum. Needless to say, my MIL has never once been left in charge. She finally stopped offering to babysit, six years it took, but she got it!

[myboysmom]

KelEMcE--I read your whole post with my jaw hanging open! How scary. I guess it's good that my MIL is only emotionally unstable and neurotic?

[heathermarie]

its nice to know other people are dealing with the same madness! sometimes my hubby makes me feel like im over-reacting but she drives me crazy!

lets see where to start.. my in-laws babysitted my son when he was 5 weeks old! i really didnt want to leave him but i needed a break so we went fishing & were gone all day. my son had an eye infection so i explained to them what to do. not hard.. just take a wet cloth and wipe the yucky stuff from his eye 3-4 times that day. well we get home and my son couldnt open his eye! they never cleaned it!

then there was the christmas card incident.. my MIL wanted to send christmas cards with a pic of my son in them (every other year she has never sent out christmas cards) i told her no i wanted to take a family pic of me, my hubby, & son and send to everyone (this was my sons first christmas & our first christmas as a family). she actually says "just give me the family pics and ill send them with my christmas cards" i told her no i wanted to do it. well dont you know a few weeks later we get a christmas card in the mail from them with a picture of MY OWN SON in it! i was sooo mad! so my hubby goes talk to her about it and she says she felt like she did nothing wrong & still has not apologized! its like she doesnt know where the line is from what a mother does to a grandmother! she actually said while i was pregnant that she was goin to make my son a baby book! CRAZY!

they live 20 minutes away from us & they see my son MAYBE twice a month! they arent that busy! they say that the only way they will come over is if they are called and invited! how crazy is that they cant even pick up the phone and say hey if yall not busy today we would like to come stop by! then when we go around family they tell everybody they spoil him when they have bought maybe a handful of things for him since i got pregnant & they dont even spoil him with their time!

when we go visit them at their house as soon as we get there my MIL takes my son into another room and checks his diaper! im like what are you doin! i just changed his diaper 10 minutes ago before we got here! are you checkin to see if i take care of him! dont you think i know what im doin! im a stay-at-home mom and been takin care of him day & night for 7 months! i just sit there shakin my head mad & my hubby is just lookin at me like "please dont say anything i want this to be a pleasant visit." it is really insulting to me! just ask me or if you smell something tell me & ill check his diaper! when im around thats not your job unless i ask you to! you are just supposed to hold & play with him! this is why i LOVE my mom so much because she understands that!

basically eveytime they have babysitted him they have showed me that they dont follow what i say, act like they know best, and they dont know what they are doin with him! i really dont know how my hubby survived! so the only time they babysit is when he will only be there for like 2 hours which doesnt happen often at all!

well i could sit here and write a book on how crazy & weird my in-laws are but theres a lil insight into my life lol

[myboysmom]

LOL heathermarie, I can just picture you typing this out, and the more you type, the faster it gets, b/c the more furious you are! All I can say is, my MIL lives 8 blocks away, enough said. And ask yourself this question: Do you really want your in-laws to visit MORE? :) BTW, the xmas card thing is really bizarre.

[ChisMomma3]

What a great feeling it is to know that there are other situations out there similar to mine! I have no words to describe my MIL. While I was pregnant with my son I was very sick and hospitalized a few times. I was extremely concerned that I would lose my son as his heart-rate was up to 211! She came to visit me at the hospital, and me, trying to liven the mood as always, started to talk about my son's nursery and how cute it was looking. She had the nerve to say "Why are you getting the nursery together before he's born, you don't know if he'll survive." What? I couldn't believe it and it brought tears to my eyes, but that didn't even phase her. I don't think she noticed. Not to mention that she told me she couldn't watch my son once he was born because her son kept her too busy. (That's really okay with me though!) I was put on bedrest at the end of my pregnancy and not once did she call or stop by to see how I was... BUT the day my son was born she decided she wanted to start playing grandma. My husband is Bosnian and we discussed that we were going to speak English to our son at first and then once he knew English we'd introduce Bosnian too, and I'd learn the language at that time as well. We told her and my FIL this from the very beginning. The day after I delivered, she came to the hospital and took my son, cradling him she started to speak Bosnian. She must have felt me tense up because she looked at me and said "I don't care what you say, we're talking to him in Bosnian and calling him Malik (which is NOT his name...?)." After my son came home from the hospital they wanted to come over daily, and if we had plans and told them we had plans, she would throw a fit and show up anyway. She would take my son from my husband (who works all day and had just gotten home), and when he'd ask for our son back, she'd refuse. Still talking to our son in Bosnian. I was extremely upset and eventually my husband could see me fuming and told them that they needed to start respecting us... they went FIVE months without seeing my now 6 month old. I don't want them in our lives, they have pushed it too far by being disrespectful not only to me, but to our decisions and life style as well. She has always been rude, and unaccepting of me, but now that my son is involved I have put my foot down. My husband respects me, and that's all that matters! Wow, I needed to vent, haha!

[myboysmom]

The more of these stories I read, the more unbelievable it becomes. But I'll share yet another! :) Last summer, my MIL cried and yelled at my husband and I over the course of a few days about her ex-husband, my FIL. So, I quit answering my phone and didn't talk to her for about a week. Well, one night, she decided to come over and confront me. (My husband works nights, which I think she planned around, b/c she would never do this in front of him) My boys (then 3 and 1) were eating supper, and she comes in and asks me if I'm mad at her. I tell her, yes, she didn't need to involve her son and I in her problems with her ex. She begins yelling, screaming, and crying (no lie) at me in front of my kids. I tell her several times that I am not going to discuss this now in front of them, she needs to leave, if she wants to call me, fine. She continues to try to get me to get into it with her but I won't. Finally, my 3 yr old gets up and hugs her, washes his hands, then hugs her again. I was furious!!! He should not feel he has to comfort his almost 50 yr.old grandma!!! She finally calmed down and left after about 30 minutes. In hindsight, I should have stood up and physically walked her out the door. She was totally out of control. I told my husband that night that that couldn't happen again. he agreed, but I don't think he knew how serious it was since he wasn't there. A month later was my older son's 4th b-day. I spread it out over 3 events. One for my family, one for my MIL, and one for my FIL. As I said in my original post, this summer my FIL is getting remarried. It ought to be fun!!!!!! :(

[tashman]

Well, it's kind of comforting to see that others have MIL issues, too. I swear, sometimes I take things so personal. Of course, how can I not...when our 3rd child was born, my husband called my MIL immediately. Well, she did not even call one person to let her know that she was born. My husband has 10 brothers and sisters, and not one of them knew our new daughter was born! They found out from the email my husband sent after we got home from the hospital!
She was born in May and I haven't gotten over this one yet. I'm not sure I ever will!

[angelbaby379]

Wow, I no longer feel alone on this crazy life that we share with our in-laws. Boy do I have a story for you guys. Ok last summer I asked my MIL to baby sit for me so I could attend church, my little girl at the time wasn't but like 5 months old and was not about to sit through a church service. Well she said yes at first and then had someone else call me back to tell she couldn't make it. Well after I never asked her to baby sit anymore. Well about 2 or 3 months later (she hasn't seen our little girl this whole 2 or 3 month time frame) well get a call late at night that my MIL has taken an overdose and is in the hospital and it might get bad. My husband was so upset about it. Well she gets better and spends some time in a mental hospital to get help. Once she gets home she starts telling all our family and friends that she took the overdose cause we were keeping our daughter from her ( the real reason was because she was cheating on her husband and he found out). I was so mad when I found out what she was saying but didn't confront her because my husband asked me not to get anything started. Well not long after that my MIL calls my husband screaming at him that if he didn't bring our daughter to her house she was going to go to court and get a lawyer and file for grandparents rights. When he told me this I was so mad I could have beat her half to death! We had made it VERY clear from the very first that the only way we would bring our daughter to her house is if she done something about her older sons drug use in the house and selling and buying drugs in the house and smoking cigs in the house and she wouldn't even try to do anything about any of it so I didn't take my daughter there. My husband and I still argue about the smoking thing cause he doesn't seem to think having a baby where there have been alot of people smoking will hurt her were as I have a brain and know it will. Anyways back to my MIL. I remeber one time when my daughter was about 3 or 4 months old and had gotten very sick and was hospitalized and my husband called my MIL thinking she would want to know her granddaughter was sick and in the hospital and maybe come and see her. But does she care enough to come...HELL NO! She rushes off the phone but lets my husband know that she would be at his aunts house (which is only a 5 minute drive from the hospital we were at) getting drunk and having a party. By the way guys she only lives a 45 second drive from me! Not only do I have to put with my MIL but also my husbands crazy grandmother on his fathers side. Get this the day we were getting married my husband grandmother pulls him aside and tells him not to marry me cause she "knows" our daughter isn't hes and wants him to wait till she is born and have a blood test done ( didnt know any of this till I was in the hospital having our daughter, what a time to find out what people are saying about you behind your back). I let it go just cause its his grandmother and I know how she is. She went way too fare though last year she started telling everyone she saw friends, and family that our daughter wasnt my husbands child (incase anyone needs to know SHE IS HIS!!!). Well I confronted her and told her if I found out she was saying anything else about me or my daughter I would beat the crap out of her old woman or not. I guess it was a bit extreme but I have put up with so much from his family I get to this point to where I am like ok I have had enough. Anyone else feel like that?

[Littleape]

wow, I can't believe so many of you have probs with your MIL. I live next door to mine and she drives me nuts! Right after my husband and I got engaged, someone at church told her congratulations that her son was getting married. She replied, and I quote, "Well, it's not like it was my choice." By the way, I was standing right next to her. The other lady looked embarrassed for me. My MIL seems to be the exact opposite of the other posts. If anything she is TOO involved. We have a rule that our twin daughters do not get sweets regularly, just spec. occasions and the occasionally treat. They love to eat fruit so this works great. Everytime I am at her house (which is every Thursday night and every other Sunday after church) she tries to feed them sugar of any variety! Not only that but she uses every opportunity to tell other people how I am depriving my kids by not giving them sugar. I have explained that we are trying to raise them to be healthy and not addicted to sugar like a lot of kids. In public, she makes a big deal about it, but 4 different times now she has complimented me about it when no one else is around. I think she feels better by putting other people down. My MIL would see the girls everyday if I would let her, but I don't think I could see her everyday. I see enough of her as it is.

[littleboyblue]

I love mother-in-law drama! They are all from hell, in my thinking, except for when I become one of course. I hate letting my son go with my mother-in-law because of the constant chainsmoking and nasty smoker's cough/laugh. Can you get anymore uncouth? I haven't seen her hold my son and smoke but I've seen her hold my nephew and smoke. My son has only gone with her once or twice without my being there and both times we immediately took a bath.
The worst part is, my husband loves his mother so much. He doesn't like the smoking either but doesn't want to say anything to her.

All I can say is, pollute your own lungs lady!

And littleape, were you drunk when you decided to live next door?

[Littleape]

Living next door is not my choice for sure! We had just found out that we were having 2 babies instead of just 1 and daycare costs made it to where I had to become a stay at home mom which we were not prepared for at all. My in-laws have a 3 bedroom trailer that they were renting out but renters weren't working out. They offered it to us rent-free after their renters left to help us out til we could afford our own place. Trust me not permanent!!! My husband hates living here as much as I do. My husband just got a new job with more money so we are going to start look for our own place soon. If you have ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond on TV then you will see pretty much my MIL. In her opinion, no one can take care of her son and grandkids as good as she can. She doesn't know how to let go!

[littleboyblue]

How funny I was thinking about that show when I read your original post. Perhaps the tenants weren't working out because the in laws are crazy. My mother in law just came by here completely unannounced... again... I don't know when my home became a revolving door for whenever she decides to come by. It's amazing that cell phones work whenever she needs to get ahold of someone but they don't seem to work to call someone and tell them she's dropping by.
Oh and of course, just because I have no one else to vent to, I should mention the smoke. I immediately changed my son after she left because the smell grosses me out! Also, I don't know anyone that thinks it's okay to cough in a babies face or let them chew on your fingers when you have psorioisis (sp?) and your skin is flaking off.
Am I irrational?

[myboysmom]

EWWWW! No, you are not irrational, and no, that is NOT OK!

I have a smoking story, but it's my own mom, not MIL. My husband and I got to take a vacation to Myrtle Beach (heaven!) last October alone. So my boys stayed with my parents (of course, not my in-laws). My parents both smoke, but never inside when the boys are there. But when we came home after 5 days, not only did their laundry, which my mom had washed, stink like smoke, their poor little heads even stank! My dad was totally offended when I told him this "We didn't smoke in the house!!" I told him I believed him, it's just that bad in the house. Of course, I had to wash their laundry again. But that was still way better than leaving them with my MIL for 5 days!! I wouldn't have been able to wash away what she would have done to them. LOL

[littleboyblue]

Do you ever feel really awful for feeling the way you do? My mother-in-law is inherently a nice woman I'm sure. My husband is absolutely wonderful and she raised him. Does everyone secretly feel this way and we're the only ones who admit it? Are we in some way threatened by them? Nothing p@ss#s me off more than when my mother-in-law knows something about my husband that I don't know. Not things from when he was little, but things in our everyday life.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going to hell for thinking the things that I do. I don't wish her harm, I just wish she wasn't around. We would get along great if our relationship could be through email or snail mail.
Anyone have fantastic job offers outside of Kansas?

[Littleape]

Yes I have to say that my mother-in-law, as bad as she drives me crazy, does mean well. I know she would be here for me in a heartbeat if I needed her. She may not like me very well but she loves her family. I think we could get along a lot better if she would just let go and let me be the wife and mother that I need to be, but I love her anyways. My mom lives about 45 mins away from me so it is nice to know that I have someone close I can rely on if need be. I just sometimes need to vent. My husband doesn't like to listen to it because, even though he doesn't get along with his mother well, it is still his mother.

[myboysmom]

LOL! No, not fantastic offers. Yes, I do feel bad thinking these things. And I feel guilty, especially if it's something I need to bring up to my husband, b/c he doesn't want to hear my gripes about his mom. I don't blame him. But I also think deep down he knows what she's like. I don't think we are threatened by them, but they are by us. At least that's how it seems with my MIL. My husband was such a mama's boy when we got married, and he's not now. She was still balancing his checkbook when we got married, not b/c he couldn't, but b/c she would. Just things like that. I haven't tried to take him away from her or anything, we've just got 2 kids and one on the way of our own, and a house we're renovating and trying to move into. Life just gets in the way. And I'm sure she thinks that's somehow my fault. I can't say anything that bad, my MIL doesn't hate me, or anything. (Sometimes I think it would be easier if she didn't like me. . . . j/k?) And about her raising him. She had a full time job until he was 11 years old, so he spent a lot of time with his dad (farmer) or his grandma, which is why I personally think he turned out like he did. Now, yes, I feel guilty for saying that, but now that she's remarried and a stay-at-home mom, you should see how my 14 yr. old BIL is turning out! It's my husband's half brother, and he has no friends to speak of, b/c she won't let him go out and she puts notes on her door saying that her son isn't home or he's grounded. That way she won't have to share him with anyone he could be friends with. (Speculation) But I dont think he's ever stayed the nite at a friends house or vice versa. Everyone picks on him in school and she can't figure it out. She buys him whatever he wants and cant' figure out why he is spoiled and ungrateful. I feel really sorry for him, b/c I think somewhere in there is a boy who wants to come out and be accepted and normal. But she has just about ruined it for him. He is so cynical and everyone is a "moron" or "idiot". I could go on for days, but I won't. *SIGH*

[myboysmom]

I can't go on for days about the good things, but I will try to redeem myself a little. My MIL, too, would be here in a heartbeat if we needed something. I think she probably tries to do things right by my boys, it just doesn't seem that way to me. And I've seen her 2nd son, I'm scared mine will turn out like that. But she does compliment me on how I mother my boys, which I appreciate. She gives my kids lots of gifts. . . . positive/negative. Sometimes it just seems as if it's so stressful to balance out what she does in our lives. The bad things seem to overpower the good. I need to be less judgemental, but still raise my kids the way I see fit. . .

[Mommy007]

Thankfully....I've found a place to vent!!! I, too, will begin by saying (only for my long term salvation) that I know my MIL has a good heart and that she would do anything for us. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and for much of that time, my MIL has been tolerable and distant and mindful of her own business. And then came the baby. Until last year, we lived across the street from my parents, it was Heaven! However, when our baby arrived and we felt we needed a bigger house, we happened upon the perfect one when he was just 3 months old. And it happens to be about a 30 minute drive from them as well as my MIL. However, I was also returning to work then and my mom is retired (my MIL is not) and she offered to be our daycare solution. I still work in the town where she lives so driving him to her house each day is no problem. My own conscience and fierce determination to be "fair" ..I set aside each Thursday night espescially for my MIL to visit to have him all to herself. THis seemed like a great idea. It hasn't worked out that way. Instead, Thursday is the day she prepares to unload all the things she has saved up all week to tell me that I am doing wrong. (I'm feeding him too much, he's not ready to walk yet, it's too cold outside, it's too hot outside, it's too windy outside, the dogs are outside, his feet are cold, his feet are hot....) Apparently I'm an idiot and she is Dr. Spock. My husband and I have fought so much over her and he hears her comments and only recently has he started speaking up in my defense or our defense...she does this to him too only not as much. My feeling is that I would NEVER let my parents make him feel the way she does me (not that my parents would ever do such a thing) but my solution is that he should handle his mother and i'll handle my parents and that way there are no long term ill feelings. I try desperately to hold my tongue but its getting harder.. I am to the point that I just wished she wouldn't come over at all.

Is there anyone out there who has survived this????????

[myboysmom]

Hey, if you've been there for 15 years, I'd say you're doing okay. I've been in mine for just over 5, and I'm wondering how am I going to do this for another
20+? And I do applaud you for attempting the one night a week thing. It sounds good in theory! I'm content with one visit every 2 weeks or so!

[sfried93]

I love hearing mother in law stories. My best friend and I love to share our stories. I can't decide whose is worse. Well here is mine. I suffered from Infertility and it took close to 2 years for us to have our little boy. We ended up doing In Vitro to get our precious baby. He is now 10 and a half months. Well at Thanksgiving I mentioned to my MIL that maybe we woudl be pregnant again by next Thanksgiving ands she practically bit my head off. She said "You know you guys have no business having another baby with all you went through and your financial situation". First of all, we are not on welfare getting TANF or food stamps. Both my husband and I work and I am a social worker so while I am not making alot of money, I still have a steady ful time job and our son is in a very good daycare. BUt the thing that really annoyed me was how much she is hoping my BIL and his wife have another baby. They have a 2 year old daughter who is the light of my MIL's life. She has said what a great mother my SIL is and she gets to stay home with the baby as my BIL makes tons of money. Frankly she kisses my BIL's and SIL's butts and acts like my husband and I have all sorts of issues. So annoying!!!

[Beachymom]

Ooh, can I play?

Some of you really do have mother in laws from hell!!

My MILs just moved across the country. Thank God. When they lived here, they only lived 16 minutes away (with traffic - I timed it because they insisted they lived 40 minutes away) but they saw my daughter about 9 or 10 times in two years. Most of those visits were because we went to their house or met them at a restaurant so we could pay for their meal (even though I am staying home and we are on a limited budget - they never even pretend to offer). They have given my daughter about 4 small gifts in her life. One time my MIL handed me a "gift" for my daughter and said "I'm not sure what this is but here". Hey, nice to see you put some thought into the gift. My Father in law doesn't even look at my daughter until my MIL tells him to and then he will look at her for literally 3 seconds before he turns away. My MIL will pay attention to my daughter when my daughter pays attention to her. My MIL gives me absolutely no credit for how bright or sweet my child is even though I am the one who is with her 24 hours a day. My husband works a lot and really doesn't do much in the way of child rearing. MIL made the mistake of asking my daughter "do you love your daddy?". Well, my child loves her daddy very much but she is a BIG mommy's girl (which MIL doesn't know because she doesn't know my daughter at all). My daughter responded with "no, mommy" and my MIL said "say I love my daddy" "say I love my daddy" "say I love my daddy" over and over again. I am not usually the violent type but I really could have been at that point. This all started the day my daughter was born. They came to the hospital for about 10 minutes and rushed off saying they would be back later. They never showed. They never brought a gift for the baby or me and when they finally visited the house two weeks later, they ate our food instead of bringing a new mother who just had surgery a meal. Who does that?

Thank you all so much for letting me vent.

[mainguy]

Talking about my mother-in-law; or shall I say soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law ...

Here is my story ...

My daughter was born two months early and had to stay in the hospital for 45 days. This is my only child. Two weeks after I brought my daughter home, my mother-in-law went to visit us. My husband confided in her that he wasn't up to this hard time. A part of him wanted freedom, traveling, partying and meeting new people. And he felt he couldn't do that if we were still with him. She gave him the advice that he should do whatever makes him happy, meaning to forsake his own family. Then, he said to her that he didn't want to pay child support. She told him that in her culture if the husband didn't want to pay child support, he would have to give up his parental right to the baby. After listening to his mother, he told me that he wanted a divorce, didn't want to pay child support and didn't want to be involved in my daughter's life. And my mother-in-law returned the present that I gave to her out of love and respect for her. It was my daughter's first tiny clothes that she wore in the hospital. She said she would rather to end her relationship with her grand-daughter now and prefers not knowing any thing about my baby.

All of this happens just within one month that my daughter was born. It was so hard for me. Up until now I'm still angry. What kind of a mother and grand-mother would give advice like that to her son? What was she trying to teach her son? Definitely, it's not responsibility. No wonder he ran away from the first obstacle he had in his life.

[myboysmom]

mainguy -- You win. That is a truly awful thing to do, breaking up a family. I can understand telling him to do what makes him happy, but to encourage him to completely disown and disregard what should have been such a big and involved part of his life? Their loss. You definitely got to keep the best part of him. To look at the positive, it happened soon enough that you have the chance to find someone to share your life with and be a father to your wonderful daughter, if you so choose.

[workingmom]

I am so glad I found other people who feel like I do. some of your MIL's are just terrible. here's my MIL, she is rude, controlling, intrusive and socially inept with a dash of crazy. I can't count how many times she has told me that when my 4 year old daughter grows up she is going to leave my husband and I and move in with her. She shows up unannounced numerous times a week, questions my parenting skills and is rude to me in my own home. come to think of it i think she hates me because i came between her and her son. My husband and I have been together for 7 years at first i thought i was nuts, he didn't believe me and took her side all of the time because she would go crying to him when i said something she did not like. I finally lost it and told him to pack his stuff and move in with mommy if he wanted to take her side. I am your wife and you stand by ME, if i say the sky looks purple today you say yes honey it does! none of this "my mom said..."
he's better now and actually sees that she is the problem, has even sat her down to tell her to back off, didn't work.
i have tried biting my tongue, ignoring her comments, talking to her about her episodes, lashing back. And then i realized i have alot more power than she does in this, i set some limits. she is not to come over unannounced, I don't see her unless i absolutely have to. I tell my husband to take our daughter and go visit his mother, but I will not go. I don't answer her calls. She is not asked to babysit anymore. Once while she was babysitting she decided she would move all of the clothes in my daughter's dressers around. none of the clothes were where i had put them. oh, not to mention, the first time she met my mother was in my home and every time i left the room she would talk to my mother behind my back, how classy. lets just say my mom was not impressed.

[DeJahzf]

It's good to know that I have company. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and from the time we announced our engagment it was down hill from there. My MIL does not know how to let go. She once told my husband that she knows he's married but he's still obligated to her. We now have two girls(6 yrs. and 9 months). My in-laws probably sees them at least 3 times a year and they live 10 minutes away. Their problem is that they cannot control our house hold and has told us that they are not comfortable coming to our house. Most recently I had a bbq for my husbands birthday. First they show up about 3 hours late and my mil does not even come inside to say hi. The baby was only about 6 weeks old so I spent most of my time inside. However she sent in other family members to scope out what's going on. Things are so bad my 6 yr old ask me why her daddy's mom(as she calls her) doesn't call her while my mother who lives in the Virgin Islands calls her everyday. It's really sad that these women have such a wonderful opportunity with these kids but because of their need to control they won't. My in-laws have never baby sat my kids and never will. The want to do things their way and don't want to follow your instructions. I pray that if I have the opportunity to be a mother-in-law that I will never be that way. I'm glad I'm not alone.

[Niamh]

Holy cats! Even though I am not married or have children(at the moment all of my *babies* are furry),I read parenting magazines because I do alot of babysitting and I can get good tips from real mothers.I have been reading all the MIL's from hell stories and it has made me determined that when/if I do get married there are three things I'll make damn sure that my future husband will have and not have 1:A very dead mother 2:No ex-wives and 3:No children.The last two items can cause as much trouble as an MIL from what I have seen.I think that it is sad that MIL's and DIL's can't be like Ruth and Naomi from the Bible.I have also noticed that all the complaints about MIL's come from the DIL's and not their husbands.Which I say speaks volumes.Historical note:Mother in Law used to be a title applied to Stepmothers back in the Middle Ages.Curious...no?

[kelparka]

Those all sound horrible. Well.. my MIL went into FORBIDDEN parenting land and said the two most atrocious words any parent could ever be slapped with. Neglect and Child Protective Services. Oh and it was on Easter. I was shaking I was so mad.
So first off, she makes me soo mad because she is the ONLY person in both our lives who tries to make us feel like BAD parents. "Why is she wearing a t-shirt shes too cold, why does she have a sweater on shes too hot, why didnt you bring toys she needs to learn, my god whats with all the toys your overstimulating her, stop forcing that damn binky on her, why did you only bring one binky" and on and on and on. Most of the time I just grin and bear it and fake nicely change the subject or not acknowledge what shes saying. But on Easter she took it waay too far.
So she picks the baby up from daycare twice a week. Well we live in MN and it was a heat wave (about 40 degrees) and it was just one of those mornings we could not get out the door to save our lives. So we ended up just putting the baby as is in her carseat and snuggly wrapped a blanket over her. Im sorry, thats not uncommon. I have seen it be 30 below and babies as is with just blankets. She was going from a warm house to a warm car and vice versa. We shoved her snowsuit in the diaper bag in case a car broke down or something.
Well at Easter we were putting the baby in her darling little Easter pea coat (too cute!) and in a really angry and condescneding voice she says "yeah. that baby BETTER have a coat on her when I pick her up." So my bf just laughs her "yeah yeah yeah ok mom" and she goes "is your daycare lady licensed?" um yeah. we wouldnt send her somewhere unlicensed, where the hell is she going with this. "you know that you are risking Jessica's licesnse!!" what on earth is she talking about? "yeah. Jessica could lose her license if she sees neglect and dosnt report it to Child Protection Services." THe steam was rising from my ears and everything around me was in slow mo as the words "neglect" and "child services" came out of her mouth. How DARE she. I am still livid and pretty much consider that she has burned her bridge with me. THose are unfogiveable parenting words. Case closed. Im done with her.

[MomofBrendy]

HOLY COW!!! I have done what you have done a couple times. Especially if my kid is going to be in the car only a few minutes. I nice heavy blanket is just fine. Not like they are naked underneath. How many times have you ran out to the car in a sweatshirt? Too me, it's the same thing. Those truly are unforgiveable words to say to ANYONE let alone family!!!!! It sounds to me like the woman just doesn't like you period!! You could find a cure for all the diseases and it wouldn't matter to her. People like that need to turn their energy elsewhere.

[bkmev]

HeatherMArie, sounds as if you are a little unsecure in your parenting, do not assume that people do not think you are doing your job as a parent because they check a babies diaper. You can change a diaper and two minute later they will soil it, just relax a little.

The best way to can confidence is let things roll off the shoulder.

To many of you on this thread, Did you not see any of this erratic behavior in the MIL prior to the marriage?????? They don't just change, when a grandchild comes along. And remember, none of us took parenting classes..... you do what you learn as you are raised, think about it for a minute, watch your spouse closley, this is the woman that brought them up through the years.

[Littleape]

I know for me, I was warned by my sister-in-laws and practically every one else but I love my husband and figured it was worth it. Just an update, I posted about my MIL. Well, we were at a birthday party and I actually stood up to her. My girls were in the middle of eating a piece of cake and she was asking if she could give them some candy (they don't eat either usually because both dad and I are completely addicted to junk food and trying to give them the healthiest start). Well I told her that she needed to back off that I was letting them eat the cake but no candy and please just leave it alone. My husband was SO proud of me! I think he actually wanted to applaud! So just a tip, it will make you feel really good about yourself if you just stand up for yourself but it helps to make sure your husband is on your side 1st!

[myboysmom]

bkmev, Honestly, no, my MIL never came over to my house to yell at me before marriage/kids. She never went on and on about her ex. And of course, b/c there were no grandchildren, she never went against anything I had laid down as a rule b/c there weren't any rules for me! So, no, I didn't realize my MIL was the way she is. Knowing she is that way now, I would still marry my husband b/c I love him, and I would still have children. Having a not-ideal MIL doesn't change that; it just makes it harder day-to-day, week-to-week.

[SebinsMother]

i HATE my boyfriends Mother. My boyfriend, 6month old and I share a two bdroom apt with them.. UGH everything i do is wrong, "well thats not the way I did it back when Chris was a baby" like seriously, this is my glory to shine, my baby to raise back off.. We fight about absoulty everything... Whats crazy is her lame boyfriend is a follower and they both treat me like the poop.. Anyway If i could i would seriously jsut leave out of their lives, but i know it would hurt chris (my boyfriend) to much..

[ShutterbugMommie]

Holy cats! Even though I am not married or have children(at the moment all of my *babies* are furry),I read parenting magazines because I do alot of babysitting and I can get good tips from real mothers.I have been reading all the MIL's from hell stories and it has made me determined that when/if I do get married there are three things I'll make damn sure that my future husband will have and not have 1:A very dead mother 2:No ex-wives and 3:No children.The last two items can cause as much trouble as an MIL from what I have seen.I think that it is sad that MIL's and DIL's can't be like Ruth and Naomi from the Bible.I have also noticed that all the complaints about MIL's come from the DIL's and not their husbands.Which I say speaks volumes.Historical note:Mother in Law used to be a title applied to Stepmothers back in the Middle Ages.Curious...no?
I was just reading this thread out of curiousity. I just want to let you know Niamh, not all MIL are like this so do not get too scared when it comes to deciding to marry. I actually worked for my MIL before my husband and I got married. I was her assistant for 4 years (my husband and I have been married for 1.5 years and have been together for 8 years). Other than the odd little remark or every now and then she gives unsolicited advice I love my MIL. I actually frequently ask her when she can come and visit. I would love it if his family and mine lived closer to us (though 2.5 hours isnt really that far away).

So yes some MIL seem to come from Hell but not all of them.
Though after reading this tread it would seem that I am the only one that has a great MIL (if it is at all possible, i think she was more excited that we got married than we were).

[NewMama]

Ok, so I love my hubbie to death but his mother is the worst...I left my 2 Month old with her for 1 hour... my daughter woke up hungry. We use to warm water in the microwave and warm her bottle that way. My mother in-law picked up my daughter and got the water out of the microwave and spilled it all over her leg...She called me bawling telling me that she had been burnt... Ok so i beleive this was not on purpose but the level of Stupidity was beyond beleif...She received 2nd degree burns to her entire right leg.. Not to metion the fact that we have to drive an hour and a half to see the burn specialist once a week....She has never offered to pay for gas, Guaze or cream that we have to buy about once a week...Now the doctors are making her wear what they call pressure pants...she has to wear them for a year and a half, all summer long and my mother in-law laughs it off....Like i said I love my hubby to death but his mom is another story.!

[mary84]

ok so i posted on page one about my mil. well we just found out that i am pregnant and she had come over to drop off some movies that she had borrowed from us and my husband had told her that we expecting our third and last child. she rolled up her eyes and said well, whatever. when my husband went upstairs to use the bathroom, she looked right at me and said "you know, abortion is cheaper than another kid." I think i saw nothing but red!!!! I told her well ok, sure, you go get pregnant and then you have an abortion. THIS WOMAN IS INSANE!!!!

[littleboyblue]

What is your mother-in-law doing warming up the water to that degree in the microwave? Surely she wouldn't have fed it to your daughter with it being that hot. I don't think it's probably a good idea to warm it in the microwave to begin with because of uneven heating, hot spots etc. To each their own on that regard but I absolutely wouldn't let that woman near my child again unsupervised. Your husband may be lucky he made it past childhood!

[NewMama]

Dear Littleboyblue....we live with my mother in law and she was to dang lazy to walk upstairs and use the bottle warmer...We have had many conferntations from the time I met the Woman to this day she is not allowed to be alone with my daughter I had to go take a test to get in to college and my mom was working... She went WITH ME!!! So I have no respect for this woman..Because of the fact that she was lazy my daughter could have scaring to her legs for the rest of her life but thank you for the response back...its nice to know that someone agrees with me and I not just Crazy!!

[myboysmom]

mary84 -- I would have your mil aborted from your life!! What grandmother wouldn't be thrilled to have another grandchild??? It's not like she has to raise it, that's you and your husband's choice and responsibility. What a NUT!!

[MomofBrendy]

WOW!!!! I am absolutely horrified listening to your stories!! How on Earth do you all cope with these loons in your family? I get along with my MIL and FIL. Yeah I know, we are weird ;)

[MomofBrendy]

By the way, Mary84, I love that your MIL waited until your hubbie was out of the room to make that rude and INSANE comment. Congrats on your pregnancy!! I hope things only get better :)

[mary84]

i really think i know what my mom in law's problem is. She was a single mom, living in the ghetto of buffalo ny. it was just her and my husband. we were introduced by my best friend and her now husband who is my cousin in law now, she always had him around and whaen we met at age 16, we were attached at the hip. having our first child at 18, married at 19 and living together since in a whole different city, maybe she is just scared that i am taking him away from her for good. obviously the woman has issues. when we had our son at 18 she tried to press adoption, our daughter was born 2 years later and she was barely around and now her abortion comment. her sister said i would of slapped her silly. i just cant stand the woman....and when she calls, caller ID is a beautiful invention.

[mary84]

and oh my gosh newmama...i would have killed her. good choice not leaving her alone with your baby!!! thats crazy! we never left our kids alone with my mom in law. She actually burned your baby, now thats bad. You live with her, now is it your home or her's if you dont mind my asking. if it's yours i'd have her stuff packed and by the door in fear that she would harm the baby again. I find it so funny that these women actually raised kids of their own and they actually turned out ok. Be strong ladies, as long as we can vent our MIL issues here we should be ok...LOL

[NewMama]

Mary84- No I dont mind you asking it is her house. We had the little one unexpected so we are trying to get out. But yes if it were my house she would have never been there in the first place... But thank you for your reply..I have been having a hard time copeing with the fact that she acts like she doesnt even care but you know we have to keep our mouths shut not to harm the Hubbies..haha...But yes I agree thank god for the venting areas..hehe

[MomofBrendy]

OMG!!! I keep coming back to this thread to see all the stories but this one takes the cake!!!! How could someone advise their son to give up his rights to his child because he wants freedom to party and meet people?? If only he knew what he has lost. I really hope you find someone who will love and respect you and your daughter.

[want1more]

Wow! You all deserve a purple heart for your valor. I guess I got lucky. My mil is wonderful. I go to her for advice more often than my own mom. I have so much respect for her...she raised 3 wonderful sons while her husband had to work 2 (sometimes 3) jobs so they could make ends meet. I hope I am half the mom she is. I wish she was my mom sometimes..lol. Now, if there was a place to vent about my crazy mom....I could write you a book.

[mary84]

Hey want 1 more, you are one of the lucky ones. but i gotta say both my mil and my own mother are nuts!!! my momo isnt as bad she just reminds me of barbara jean from the show reba. she is a funny nuts not a wish you would go away nuts!!! and i agree with mom of brendy, it wasn't even that lady's place to step in like she did, thanks to that mil a family is ruined.

[nursegina]

I completely understand your thoughts. My parents, while not the worst parents by any means, let me eat whatever I wanted as a kid. I grew up on junk food and have worked very hard to change those habits as an adult because heart disease is so common in our family as it is. My two year old son loves to go over there but they are constantly stuffing his face with candy,cakes, soda! I will never forget when I caught her putting Mountain Dew in his bottle at 9 months! He never even had regular milk yet! I finally got threw to them that he has to eat first but now if he eats a meal they think it's a green light to stuff his face all night and he needs to learn to eat for hunger not for fun and when enough is enough! They also teach him disgusting habits like burping at the table and showing people his chewed food in his mouth! Gross! I love my parents and am happy they enjoy being fun grandparents but I don't let me son go there very often anymore because of this. It ruins his routines at home and he thinks he doesn't have to listen to me when he's there. Also, I just had another baby and i don't know how many times I have told my mother he must sleep on his back with no blanket but she just says "you always slept on your tummy". I finally said "I DON'T CARE WHAT I DID!" So basically, yeah, I agree with you.

[hismom]

my MIL does the same thing. nice to know i am not the only one. my sister in laws told me about her. but i thought they were over reacting boy i was wrong. i have a baby boy and he is about 6 months now. but my MIL smokes and drinks while she watched him one time i feel so bad because she never sees him and he sees my mom more. i dont trust her to tell you the truth, i had a c section to have my child because i he was so big but they she came over to help one time, when i really needed it but the thing that made me so upset was i had just got a new couch and she changed my sons diaper on that couch and he had gone to the bathroom and pooped everywhere while i was asleep, she flipped the cushion over and put my college blanket on top of it. bad enough having the my hormones all messed up but that made cry because his bedroom was right there with a changing table. and then not even a week later she called to ask if she could have some of pain pain pills i was so mad. my MIL cause so much trouble between me and the other sister in laws because she will talk about me with them and we all know how she is about talking about every single one of us but she cause so much drama.

[mary84]

OK, so i got another one for you guys! It isn't my mil, this time it is my twin brothers wife. Ok, so my brother is excited for me and my husband, they are really good friends. But his wife is Anti-Stay-At-Home. she thinks all women should work that staying home is unacceptable. Well, i am a stay at home mom. She Had a baby last year and i asked her to hang on to what ever clothes the baby grows out of, i may need them. This girl, oh she makes me sooo mad! she said, "I sold them all already." so just joking around with her I said "Oh, come on stac, you aren't having more babies." And you can tell by my voice it was sarcastic and meant to be a joke Her response..."You don't know what it is like to work and support a family!" WHAT are you serious! I don't know what it is like to work, honey, please My job is 110% harder than yours. AND i don't get paid. BUT at least my home is beautiful and clean and my kids don't eat dinner at 11 pm on a school night because you never know when you're getting home from work. ok, sorry i had to vent that. she just drives me crazy. and the 11pm thing is true, she works at a department store so her hours a whacky and they never know when to expect her to come home. but i am just sick of this girl telling me oh so when are you going to get a job, are employed yet. it is just crap.

[ra11en]

I feel so sorry for all you women, and you have my both cracking up laughing and also counting my blessings. I have the most wonderful MIL, I'm so thankful for her. Only twice have I ever had to set up boundaries that went against her wishes, and both times she was so gracious and we had no problem gaining resolution that made us both happy. And my husband is the youngest, a total mama's boy! I love that about him. But even as the mama's boy, my MIL never ever over steps her boundaries. She is a total godsend and one of my favorite people! We talk on the phone at least once a day, sometimes more. I can only wish my own mom was as well rounded and trustworthy as my MIL (my mom is way on the crazy side). When she wanted to be in the room at my daughter's birth and I had to say no way, she made it so easy to talk to her about it. She was so disappointed (only grandchild she didn't get to see born) but so gracious and accepting of me. Then, she would call my daughter "Her baby" when I was pregnant. Oooh that was annoying to me, so I did say something and asked if she could call her newest grandchild something else. She listened and agreed (begrudgingly) but I have since learned not to sweat something so small, I love my MIL too much, so I've extended to her to call my daughter "Her baby". Its a wonderful bond for my daughter, and my daughter is so lucky to have her Nana. We all are!

She comes over (always calls and asks first) to visit with us (to see the baby) on a regular basis. Always offers to cook or clean. We go over for breakfast from time to time. When my daughter was a newborn and my husband worked nights she was always there when I needed help, but never without me asking. Always offering to help. When my daughter stays the night with her, she will call to ask if she can give my daughter a type of food that she has never given her, and she always follows our routine of naps, feeding, and bedtime. My MIL is a total saint and blessing compared the women written about on here, holy cow!!

My heart goes out to all the women on here, some of these stories are absolutely heartbreaking and disheartening! I don't know how I would be able to deal as well as some of you in such situations. Wow!! If I didn't know how wonderful my MIL was before, I sure do now after reading all these posts.

Okay, I have to go call my MIL and tell her how much I love her, be back later! :)

[myboysmom]

ra11en -- you can't see me, but I'm sticking my tongue out at you. :P LOL

[ra11en]

LOL. I'm still reading some of these postings and just cringing! Like the poor baby that got burned! Oh my goodness! Hats off to all you ladies for putting up with that kind of crazy and making it work. I moved 1500 miles away from my mother because of looniness.

[Littleape]

Ra11en, you made the smart move. I did the opposite and moved away from my mother (who is willing to do things my way with no problem whatsoever, respects that I am the mother and know my children the best, and is absolutely wonderful) and moved right next door to my MIL who drives me crazy.

[myboysmom]

I have both close by (within 5 miles) so luckily I can balance them out. But that's not to say my own mom doesn't drive me crazy every once in a while! :)

[heathermarie]

Bkmev the diaper thing was just an example of something my MIL does that bothers me. They see my son MAYBE twice a month and never call to check on him or see how doctor appointments went. The whole point behind the diaper thing was that they never show any care or concern about my son until we are in front of other people then they try to act like the perfect grandparents. They tell everybody that they spoil him and say things like “hes like that all the time” talking about my son when they have no idea because they are never around. They def. do not spoil him because from when I got pregnant til now I can count on one hand the number of things they have bought for him and they do have the extra money. Not that material things are important but they don’t even spoil him with their time.

Im not at all insecure about my parenting. I know I am a great mother. I do the best I can and I get compliments for it. I do let lots of things roll off my shoulders. The only thing I’ve made a big deal about to my MIL was the Christmas card thing. I was just venting as is every other person on this post.

In my case, me and my MIL got along great before I got pregnant. Me & my hubby were together for four years before I got pregnant. As soon as they found out pretty much instantly our relationship changed. They were not happy that I was pregnant. My MIL did not want to talk about my pregnancy and how things were going. The minute I would bring anything up she would change the subject unless we were around family or other people then suddenly she was sooo happy to have a grandchild on the way and would talk about it. My mom had a hard time getting her to help and set up the baby shower. My family members even noticed that she didn’t seem happy about me being pregnant.

“And remember, none of us took parenting classes..... you do what you learn as you are raised, think about it for a minute, watch your spouse closley, this is the woman that brought them up through the years.” As far as what you said there, the whole time me & my hubby have been together they have thanked me for coming into his life because before we meet he was hanging with a bad crowd and was doing drugs. They think ME for changing him and straightening him up. They’ve said if it wasn’t for me no telling where he would be now. So how much credit should I give them when they are giving it to me for the way he is now. not to mention his little brother is 18 and has a long juvenile record. he has stolen their car and totaled it twice, punched teachers at school, was caught with drugs, and went to jail for 6 months. when he got out of jail they gave him a car and got his license. he ran into an old lady at 9 in the morning drunk, got a dwi, and his license taken away. he dropped out of school, cant hold a job, and still lives with them. now hes dating a 15 year old. so yeah how much credit should they get?

So don’t judge because not every situation is the same and you don’t have the whole story just bits and pieces.

[heathermarie]

ps. my husband is a great guy! he's a diseal machanic and works saturdays so i can be a stay at home mom! he is helpful with my son when he's home and he is really happy to have us in his life!

[MommaJax]

She is absolutely the biggest pain in my you know what, but I have to be grateful for her, because if she wasn't such a pain in the arse my husband wouldn't be the patient person he is today. In some ways I feel sorry for her, like I can't hold her accountable because she is bi polar. And then she flips out and I think that I just might kill her no matter how crazy she claims to be. About one third of the time she is totally rational, she is sweet, she wants to be my best friend, she tells me personal intimate things and tells me how good I am for her son. Then the other two thirds I am blamed for everything that goes wrong in her life. Did I mention she likes to date people that are hardly older than her son? I'm talking like her current boyfriend is only three years older. We got engaged young and didn't plan to get married or have kids for awhile, but about a year after we were engaged I got pregnant (on the nuva ring birth control) and we decided to push up the wedding. She told my husband that I was baby crazy and that I did it on purpose and that he needed to make me get an abortion. CRAZY! Then all the sudden toward the end of my pregnancy she wanted to be involved. She started dropping hints about the delivery room so I decided to try and bury the hatchet, despite the fact that she makes my skin crawl, and invite her in. THAT'S RIGHT, but somehow she's the victim. When our baby was born she was fatally ill and was in the NICU till she was a month old. My MIL would flip out if she thought someone saw the baby more than her, if someone was finding out news before her, even though I would call her before my own mother because I KNEW she was like that. She would get angry and then insist we have a meal with her at the hospital only to be cold and make us uncomfortable the whole time. Finally I (with MUCH self control) politely told her enough is enough and not knowing whether we would ever take home our baby was enough to deal with, and score keeping for her sake was not top of our agenda list. She thought I was way out of line. She called and harrassed my husband yelling and screaming about me so many times she brought him to this crying, collapsing version of himself. Then when I told him just to ignore her calls, she came over uninvited, ringing our doorbell 18,000 times and yelled at my husband in the driveway saying that she was going to kill herself so she wouldn't be a burden to him anymore and preceeded to bring up everytime that she has helped us or bought us anything (we never asked her for anything and were hesitant in accepting gifts, knowing how she gets) and saying because of those things she deserves more from us. Our daughter is fine now and MIL is currently in psychopath remission, but she still digs in comments about every single decision we make. Tension has been building and I feel another episode isn't far off. I'm just waiting for her to bring up the fact that she hasn't gotten to babysit even though she has offered many times. Yeah right, she's suicidal, but here, please care for my infant. Not a chance.

[myboysmom]

MIL strikes again! Yesterday she and my 13 yr old BIL came over at suppertime. Then, my BIL begs and whines to come back so he can install a wireless box for our internet so that he can play his psp and laptop over here. So, she of course brings him back while we're eating. (I let them hook up the stupid box b/c I don't want to look like a *****, and my husband said it's okay) Anyway, tonight, at suppertime, they're here again! for the internet. (they have internet at their house, btw, but it's dial-up, not dsl) They stayed for an hour, while we ate, just so he could play his games. Oh, and while I was fixing supper, they're letting my 2 and 4 yr. old sons watch him play Grand Theft Auto, after I have explicitly said NO! OOOOOOHHH! And she tells me that "he wanted to come over, and you know 13 yr. olds, they think the world revolves around them." Like she has no control, or didn't drive him over here! But, I held my tongue. . . . I don't know how much more I can take! They are NOT coming over here everyday. I have got to learn how to stand up to her, but how do I do it without burning bridges? Especially when she already thinks the whole world is against her?? Help Please!

[Littleape]

I was lucky and someone else told my MIL to back off for me! LOL! She was talking to a lady at church who happens to be really close to us and she was going on about how we are depriving our girls of everything (of course the sugar issue again). Well lets just say she picked the wrong person to say this too. Miss Roxie is about 60 years old and has no problems speaking her mind (I love this lady - even more now!) She bluntly told my MIL to "leave them kids alone, they are doing a wonderful job". My husband was sitting right there and said he had to hold in his laughter. It kinda shocked my MIL, hopefully it will help but doubt it. Is your husband willing to say anything or is it all on you? My husband and I made a deal that if his mom stepped out of line too far that he would talk to her, and if it was my mom then I would be the one to talk to her. My MIL is sneaky though and does most of the stuff when my husband is at work. Good luck!

[kfiedler]

I have to say my MIL is truly amazing. She lost my FIL 3 years ago to a unexpected heart attack. Currently she is fight Kidney cancer. Her Dr tells her to take it eay but she insists on helping us out with the kids. She treasures every moment with them. She could babysit them in a padded room for a whole day and keep them totally occupied, I truley really look up to her, so I can't quite say I understand what everyone is going through. However:
My mom drives me crazy! She has a lot of emotional baggage, she didn't have the greatest life growing up lots of horrible things happeded to her and her family. So she is on a a lot of meds, she is the type of person that NEEDS to be on a lot of meds, with a couple suicide attempts under her belt, and some days(weeks) in a psych ward, she is now facing the worst thing ever. My dad is divorcing her and had an affair. Some of the meds my mom is on have certian side effects she forgets easily. I usually have to call her and remind her what is going on in her day, and as far as babysitting she says she will, but is extreamly unreliable, sometimes she forget when she is babysitting, she forgets!, she doesn't leave, but she will leave the gate open and forget the my son doesn't do stairs, or start cleaning out cupboards, leave things out that the kids can reach. I can no longer really rely on her to babysit. So I am running out of lies, because how do you tell an emotion wreck that she can't babysit. My worst thing though, she when she has a bad day (usually 2 or 3 a week) we ALL have a bad day, from leaving work, to being on the phone constantly listening to her how "she hates everyone, and nothing makes her happy NOTHING" Well I am just venting, it is a bit hard for my husband, anyone for that matter that hasn't been around something like this. Sometimes I feel totally lost and out of ideas.

[spitfire117]

I am glad to see that other peoples MILs aren't the greatest either. I lived with my boyfriend and his mother for seven months while I got back on my feet. The whole time there she was fine with me staying there. On Feb. 8th I found out I was pregnant and she said that either I abort or I get the hell out of her house. My boyfriend and I packed our stuff and moved in with my family. Since then she had made my life a living hell. She constantly degrades me in front of everyone. She tells people that I slept around with other men (which is not true, I would know) and that this child isn't her sons because there's no way he was having sex with such a slut. Some days I really wish she would just wake up and realize that we have kept the baby and she can get over it or get out of our lives.

[myboysmom]

Littleape, same here! My hubby works 2nd shift 2-11pm. So it's just perfect that she never comes over in the mornings, when we are ALL home. She waits until almost suppertime to drop in. BTW, They were here twice Mon., 1 on tues. and twice on Wed. Today is Thursday, and I'm planning on going shopping and having the door locked behind me! How sad is it that I'm leaving the house to avoid my MIL? I will talk to her, eventually, I promise. :) Good news though! My blood pressure was normal at my 6 month appt. today! LOL

[Littleape]

Ok I need to vent again! A little background on the situation: My niece and nephew (twins 4yr) just started playing t-ball recently. They have been super excited about it and asking if I was going to come watch them play when the games started. I am really close to them both and was really excited about going to watch them. Their 1st game was yesterday, however I woke up yesterday morning and one of my twin girls was not feeling well (coughing, sneezing, and just seemed a little sluggish) so I was not able to go to the game. Well, my SIL called this morning to see if everything was okay because apparently my MIL told her that I said I was not coming because Bethany (the one who is sick) keeps throwing tantrums lately so I wouldn't let them come to the game! I didn't even speak to my MIL yesterday! We ate lunch with them Sunday and was talking about the tantrums lately but never said anything about the game. She never called to see if we were going (which she usually would do), she just decided to make up a lie as to why we weren't there. My SIL luckily knows me better than that and called to see if we were ok, because she knew how excited I was about their 1st game. She found out we were sick (yes we all have it this morning) and she asked if we needed anything. She is going to make sure her kids know that I didn't purposely miss their game and we are sick, so hopefully they will believe her over my MIL. Tried to talk to my husband about it but he just kept acting like I was over-reacting. I told him that she had no right to lie about me like that. Sorry just had to vent to someone about my crazy MIL.

[hismom]

ok i am sorry i need to vent. my sil has a myspace account i do but to keep up with family northern area, but i want to ask her to take the pictures of my son off her myspace she has a daughter has well but her myspace anyone can look at it and she has her address on there so is it wrong of me to ask her take the pictures of my son off there. i dont want to offend her but she does tell my mil everything and i mean everything she doesnt know when to stop saying things to her when i dont want them repeated. so i was just wondering if anyone knew how to say it with out offending her. thanks.

[myboysmom]

Not at all! A few years ago, my little brother had a picture of him holding my toddler son upside down by his ankles and had captioned it "Shaken baby syndrome". It was the last of a string of family things, but I amped out. I told my parents that was completely uncalled for and needed to be removed immediately. They didn't really see what the big deal was, but to me it was completely offensive. So, either you or your husband should find a way if you want it off. It's your child and your right.

[Jennifer_Pankey]

I really need to vent. I love my husband dearly and am so greatfull to his mom for letting us stay with her while we finish school, but she continually calls my little girl HER baby and asks over and over for us to let her take our daughter to her new boyfriends house. She tells me how to raise her, what to do with her and where and when I can go out of the house with her. Should I have a sit down talk with her and let her know that this is really irritating me and ask her to stop? I do appreciate her advice, just not this way.

[Gracious]

This seems like a little problem compared to everyone else's MIL problems, but mine keeps buying these FUGLY dresses for my little girl! And she expects me to dress her in them all the time! DO I HAAAVVEE TOOOOO?

[hismom]

Gracious, no way your child my MIL did that too with my son some really weird stuff too. i told her he grew out of it, even though he didn't told his dad that too because he asked. but i told her the other day that he was set for a long time because my sister finally gave me all her son's old stuff. And you can always only put it on your child that one time in front of her and make her day.

[myboysmom]

Yeah, my MIL likes to sew, so she sew these outlines of characters on sweatshirts for my boys. Well, for the past year my 4 yr old son won't choose those shirts if I lay one out. Finally the other day I told her that he had outgrown them, and told me he didn't want to wear them anymore. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I didn't want to make my son wear a shirt he didn't want to wear, either.

[Lkoncaba@hotmail.com]

I am very lucky, my MIL and i get along pretty well for the most part and she respects my decisions. Its my sister in law that i cant stand, and my MIL is on my side with all of what i tell her. See she is married to my husbands older brother and until they got married they were best friends and every childhood memory involves him in some way. my brother in law was married before and went through a really nasty divorce and my husband lived with him after. I started seeing my husband the same time my SIL was and three months later she moved 300 miles (with her 13 year old daughter) to be with him. She is much much older than he is and hes a good looking guy, everyone told him that he was moving too fast and to just slow down and the right woman will come. they got married 2 months later.
I dont hate all mexicans, just the mean ones. and she is defiantly a mean one and her daughter is just like her. They are rude, selfish and they dont know how to act around normal people.
I got pregnant before we got married but we were engaged and living with each other (she was pregnant also) and thats when a something went off in her head. Before that she was nice to me and my husband, but i guess she thought i was stealing the spotlight from her. She would say things like "i knew jonny would knock that girl up" right in front of us. And at my wedding she sat in the corner and pouted the whole night, she got out of her chair once to go to the bathroom and made her husband sit next to her and not hang out with his BROTHER!
My husbands family has not had a girl in 3 generations and his mother had 4 boys, she now has 4 grandsons and im pregnant with the girl. You can just imagine how she reacted to it considering she just knew she was having to girl and was rude to me when she found out that it was a boy because she asked what i thought she was going to have.
I just dont like the woman. She had her son 4 months ago and refuses to go back to work even tho they are in debt and cant even afford a crib. Oh and the fact that i have only seen her husband hold his son 2wice because she is so weird about breastfeeding, i support breast milk but the baby is obviously not getting enough if he is always hungry. i have never held the baby and my mother in law who LOVES babies has only held him once while she was in the hospital and was scowled the whole time.
My husband feels like he lost his brother, and his mother and i just pray that he will divorce her so he can be happy.
What kind of mother are you when you move your 13 year old daughter 300 miles away from where she calls home after dating the guy 3 months?! You dont even know whats going to happen.
Thanks for letting me vent. i can do this for hours, just on this awful woman

[natsmom28]

i am so relieved that i am not alone. i have felt awful for feeling this way. MIL is better know as my MONSTER IN LAW, she always prides herself on how wonderful her 3 children have turned out , which isnt the case at all she is 3/3 on drug addictions . yes my husband had a drug problem but he overcame it. she tries to tell me how to raise my daugther. i dont feel safe leaving my child with her at all it terrifies me just the thought. my SIL is addicted to drugs she has 3 children and my MIL constantly has them she DRINKS & DRIVES with her grandchildren in the car minus mine. and she holds the baby and smokes . i cant stand it ive made numerous comments to my husband but its a touchy subject with it being his mom. she always makes comments on how i willnt let her keep natalie but do you blame me? && to top it all off i wanted to hold off on giving my daughter adult food until she had teeth , well while she was teething my MIL gave her a WHOLE PORKCHOP to chew on i wanted to ring her neck!!! and thats among the list of things ive boldly said NO to. bbq chicken , cotton candy , hard candies ,etc i cant leave my daughter with her not even for a few hours i would be a ball of nerves