How to deal with defiant 4 yr old?

[wency25]

I need help.. my 4 year old son is very defiant (only when he's home - when he's in other places, he's a perfect little angel).. My husband and I are running out of patience and creative ways on how to deal with this behavior. Everytime we say "no..because.." he will do the exact opposite. We tried giving rewards and consequences but nothing is working..Any ideas or suggestions on how to deal with this defiant behavior will be highly appreciated.. thanks for reading

[clnrc88]

My three year old son is the same whay but only for me he listens to his father im still trying to find something that works. He screams, hits, bites you name it he does it to me. His doctor said i might have to take him to behavior coach if it dont stop soon. We are gonna make an appt for easter seals to have him tested for behavior problems cause now he just ain't doing to me he's doing it to his 11 month old brother too.

[Newmom!]

Try to be positive.
Say "Yes" as much as you can. "yes you can have a cookie after dinner" "yes we can go outside when I am done with the dishes" etc.

Also, give controlled choices - 2 little choices that still lead to the outcome you desire. "Are you going to wear your red shoes or blue shoes?" "Do you want to sit in this chair or that chair?" "Do you want to get in the car on the left or the right?" Etc. He gets the control he wants by doing things his way, but you still get him to accomplish what he needs to do.

Take a parenting class such as "Love and Logic" (there are many good ones out there). This will give you a new set of skills to add to your bag of parenting knowledge.

I hope these ideas help a little.

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[big-mouth-burgher]

I agree completely with this. I would also suggest that you need to be consistant and stick to your decision. Don't give in just because he gets whiney or starts acting up.

Try to be positive.
Say "Yes" as much as you can. "yes you can have a cookie after dinner" "yes we can go outside when I am done with the dishes" etc.

Also, give controlled choices - 2 little choices that still lead to the outcome you desire. "Are you going to wear your red shoes or blue shoes?" "Do you want to sit in this chair or that chair?" "Do you want to get in the car on the left or the right?" Etc. He gets the control he wants by doing things his way, but you still get him to accomplish what he needs to do.

Take a parenting class such as "Love and Logic" (there are many good ones out there). This will give you a new set of skills to add to your bag of parenting knowledge.

I hope these ideas help a little.