03-02-2008, 12:39 AM
I am 25 years old and have a 2 year old daughter. I am not married but I have been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years. I'm not kidding, I look like I am 15. Everywhere I go and everything I do with my daughter I get looked at. It makes me feel like I did something wrong. The older she gets the more difficult it is for me. I lost all my friends when I had my baby, and trying to fit in with other mom's is so hard because they all judge me before I even open my mouth because I look so young. I don't know what to do. Any help out there for me?
03-02-2008, 08:03 AM
Unfortunetly people will always look at you for something. I have a mixed baby. Dad black, Im white....very white!! Our daughter is almost as pale as I am and people are shocked she is half black. With you looking 15 all I can say is smile, when you are 40 you will look 25. I just turned 30 this week and when I get carded for lottery tickets Im thrilled. There are also worse things like being 25 looking 40!
03-02-2008, 03:48 PM
If you weren't looking at them, you wouldn't notice they were looking at you. Just smile and say Hi. They might not be thinking what you think they're thinking. You could politely say to anyone that you're happy you waited until you were 23 to have a baby, include that it was the perfect time for you to start a family. Good luck!
03-03-2008, 12:21 AM
When I was 25, I went to my sister's school to pick her up one day when she was sick. I was a teacher at another school, but it was a day off for me, so I had on jeans and a tee shirt. When I walked into the office, the secretary yelled at me and told me students had to stay on the other side of the attendance window. Was she shocked when I flashed my employee badge and told her why I was there. I was carded at bars until I was 30. This is NOT a bad thing!
Now I am the "old" mom of the group, about 12 years older than the other moms, and I will admit that I've seen young-looking moms and thought, "Wow, she looks young!" But that doesn't mean that I am "judging" or thinking anything other than "What face cream is she using and how can I get some???" The only thing you can do is just be the best mom you can be, and maybe try to meet up with moms in a formal setting like a playgroup where you can get to know them and discuss yourselves as people and not just as moms. If your pediatrician's office has a community board, you can post something there about starting a playgroup, or look at local churches (even if you aren't religious, it's a good starting place) or even start conversations with other mommies at your local mall. When my oldest was a baby, I smiled at a mom at Gymboree one day over the sale rack. She started chatting casually, and then as I left the store, I thought, "Why not?" and gave her my number. We are still friends six years later, and helped each other throughout our subsequent pregnancies and deliveries, all because I took the chance.
Meeting mommy friends is kind of like dating - you have to go out on a limb and risk rejection.
Honestly, if you are happy with your youthful looks, then I say try to ignore any unkind looks. If you want to look more "grown up", not necessarily older, then that's ok too. If anyone actually makes a comment, have a snappy comeback ready. Maybe "Well, I'll never be asked if she's my granddaughter!" or "Yes, I guess being 25 DOES make me a young mom. I'll always be able to keep up with her!" You could also make references to things that will show your actual age, like "when I was in college..." or "Wow, high school, that seems like yesterday but it was 8 years ago!" or something.
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