single mom...

[adriannasmommy85@yahoo.com]

Hi everyone,
I need some advise about my 2 yr. old daughter. OK to start off, I'm a full time college student living at home with my parents, my sister, her son and her bf :(. OK here's the problem- my daughter screams loud when she gets mad , frustrated or doesn't get her way and her cousin (my sister's son), who is 3- loves to push her buttons so she screams and this happens first thing in the morning when other people in the house are trying to sleep so I have found myself locking her in the bathroom with me in the mornings while I'm in the shower so she doesn't yell and so I don't have to hear anyone complaining about her screaming. I don't understand why she screams so much when I tell her often "NO SCREAMING AND NO YELLING IN THE HOUSE", and she still does it. Another thing is that FIRST thing when she wakes up she whines and asks for juice and when I tell her no or to hold on a min. (so I can wake up), she still; continues to whine. I hate waking up like this first thing in the morning and having to smack her on the leg or put her in time out because she's not listening. Another issue I'm having with her is she wants to sleep in bed with me now, I did let her sleep in the bed me the Monday after my classes started which happened to be the same weekend she came back from her dads so I felt bad cause she was away from me for a long time when we were together alot over the summer but now she just won't stop... WHAT DO I DO ABOUT ALL THIS???

[adriannasmommy85@yahoo.com]

I'm sorry this is soooo long but I have a lot of questions

[Newmom!]

The screaming - keep the cousins apart. If possible discuss with your sister how the children interact and brainstorm ideas on how to teach them to get along. Teach your child a different way to express her discusst rather than screaming (coming up to you, telling cousin to stop, walking away to her room, etc.) If you can replace a "bad" behavior with a "good" behavior the bad behavior is more likely to decrease or go away. (PS make sure you don't raise your voice when you are trying to quiet her, or she will learn that screaming is something okay to do)

The Juice in the morning. As with all requests that cannot be fulfilled - let her know that you understand. I know you want some juice. Juice is yummy. First I need to wake up. Then I can help you get juice. Go play with your doll. I will be down in a minute to get the juice. First wait, then juice. If she can get her own cup and get the juice out of the fridge, then wait for you to pour it, she might be happy to be able to get the process started (be sure to teach her how to do this before you have her do it on her own) This will take a while for her to understand, but if you practice waiting with similar words for other things throughout the day, she will understand that you will get it, she just needs to wait. Plus at her age, waiting for 3-5 minutes is all the more she can do - she is just not old enough to wait any longer for something she really wants.

The sleep in the bed issue: This is hard, expecially since you have a household of other people to think about. I would let her know that she needs to sleep in her own bed, have a bedtime ritual that includes hugs and love, and remind her that you will see her in the morning. She might cry for you, but you just keep kindly sending her to bed with little to no talking to her. Be sure you have your family support on this, she will be noisy for several days before she will give up trying to sleep in your bed. But if they don't support you and put up with the noise, it will be much harder.

I hope some of this helps. Remember, children need to know that the adult understands what they want and feel, even if they can't get what they want. They need to be shown how to act the right way so they can learn the right way, not just punished for the wrong way.

[adriannasmommy85@yahoo.com]

Okay thank you for your advise, I will try this. I know its so different when you work with children than when their your own lol. I have worked in the child development field for the last 7 yrs. now and I'm still confused on how to raise my own child.

[Queenzfinest510]

I think the best thing to do when you want to discipline you child is you should try talking to her in a low voice explain to her that some people are sleeping instead of giving her time out or hitting her in the legs. instead of giving her juice you might want to seat her down in the kitchen table or in your room and give her some cereal with milk also turn on the t.v and have her watch cartoons, also try to find time to talk with your sister and her boyfriend and explain to them that their child pushes your daughter buttons and this is why your daughter is scraming so you guys can work this out with both the kids, children can be very difficult at times and being a single mother and going to school fulltime makes it more difficult for you to spend time with your child.What you can start doing is have the child sleep in bed with you but as soon as she falls asleep put her in the crib .you might want to put some cartoons on your t.v and have her watch it from her crib put some dolls if she doesn't want to watch t.v and she will get tired and eventually fall asleep.

[IHaveAGreenBaby]

I don't know what your house rules are, but if her juice means that much to her ( which at her age, it's probably the world) put a juice box where she can reach it so you can take a min to wake up. Or even a sippy inside a zipped lunch thing so it's cold, plus she gets to practice her zipping!
Def talk with your sister about working with both kids, and set some rules for the two, as well as yourselves as far as who gets what discipline for specific actions.