Now that daddy is completely gone...

[mommy0829]

I am going through a divorce, following a very ugly and messy marriage that could only be described as the most terrifying emotional roller coaster for all involved. Since my marriage was so dysfunctional, the kids seemed to be adjusting to a seperation and divorce process with minimal turmoil. I have 2, a 5yr old daughter and near 3yr old son. Recently however, my soon to be ex has informed me that he no longer wants to pick up the kids at all. I didn't know what to tell the kids the next day, when he didn't show (was hoping it was a bluff), so I said that he was out of town, and didn't know when he was coming back. It has now been a month since he has seen or called. My son cries for him almost everday, and wants to know why daddy is all gone. My daughter has become very defiant and mostly angry (in her eyes, it must be my fault) . If anyone out there is going through this now, or has input on how they handled it I would truly appreciate someone to talk to about it. I know I can't kiss this owie and make it better, no matter how much I want to. I just want to help them through it, the best way possible.

[Newmom!]

There are a variety of counselors out there who can help. Consider counseling for both you and the children. If you have medicaid there are many options, and there are also counselors who accept fees on a sliding scale based on income. Also, many jobs offer counseling as a benifit or through insurance.

It sounds like you have been through a lot. A counselor would help you to put it into perspective as well as give you ideas and help working with your children in coping with the difficult issues. You might need to see a counselor only a handful of times or maybe for a long while, but either way it should be helpful.

If you are unsure where to start, call up your neighborhood elementary school and ask to speak to the school counselor. She/He will not be able to see you, but they should have the names and phone of a few Medicaid/sliding scale counselors in the area that you can check out. Wishing you the best

[AddyMOM]

i think newmom is onto something. coming from a family of disfunction, i can say i acted out when my parents got divorced and i spent alot of years blaming my mom for things that i now understand she did for the best. she never made any attempt to explain it to us, we literally heard, it is what it is, get over it. i was 5 when this happened. i remember everything. things that now at 32 i mention to my mom and she cant believe i remember. they will remmeber. seek the advice of a counselor if you can, have the kids talk to someone, if you can. i know its tough, but dont let them live with the memories and thoughts they have, it will make things alot better alot sooner for all of you. in the long run he will be the one with the regrets, and even if he doesnt, he still is the loser in this case if he walks away from his kids. dont let your kids grow up thinking this was your fault or theirs, they will retain that anger and you really dont want to know how they will get rid of it, the things they will try and think of, what it will do to them as adults. it relaly weighs on you for a long time going thru that as a kid, and now many years later ive grown as a person and was strong enough to get past it, my sisters didnt fair too well. they arent very strong people so at 34 and 28, they live very tough lives, they have repeated so many of the mistaks my mom has made.

[MrsBurke]

I hope your husband realize that his children needs him. You should talk to your husband how your kids need both of you. Talk to each other and stay friends it will help you both and the children.

[samee.d.brown]

I would definitely recommend counseling. Fortunately (I say that like it's a good thing) my husband and I got divorced while i was still pregnant and he said he didn't want to see her. She's 2 now and hasn't asked any questions yet. Children just don't understand things like we do unfortunately. I think counseling would be your best bet. Good luck!