How to get my kid to listen to me

[mycrazyone]

I just had an issue with my daughter going to bed and brushing her teeth. she was up with her blocks and then it was time to start to go brush her teeth, i said ok it's time to brush now and as soon as i said that she started to throw herself around and she broke my MIL's glass decoration on the table. I feel that it is my responsibility that this happened and I should be more strict and nip this behaivior in the butt before it happens but even when i am calm and say the first sentence, she starts this attitude. how can I regain order back?

[TLCombest]

My daughter is six and an extreme drama queen. She pretends to hyperventilate over everything. She used to pretend to pass out when she didn't want to do something but she stopped that. Hopefully all we are going through is a stage, otherwise my hair is going to start falling out.

www.tlcombest.wordpress.com

[mycrazyone]

i hope so, i try and all i do it seems is to make it worse.i hope as she gets older it slows down but i know she will always have a temper, shes just built that way.

[Newmom!]

Prepare her in advance. The first few times, remind her of the expectations before she starts to play. The "expectations": when it is close to time to clean up, give her a 2 minute warning (more or less minutes, depending on what works for her). Remind her that she gets to play for two more minutes, then you will tell her to clean up and when you tell her she will then need to clean up and go brush her teeth. Then two minutes later, let her know it's clean up time. The idea of the warning is that it helps a child move to a mental state where they can prepare themselves for stopping work/play. Think about it, if you were at work with no clock and in the middle of a report, and someone said "OK leave" you would have a hard time getting up and leaving without trying to finish your thought or whatever, same thing for kids and play.

Also, consider giving her choices, she can clean up in 3 minutes or in 5 minutes. Or she can put on PJ's first or brush teeth first after she cleans up, etc. Give her a little control and she might be more willing to comply.

Another thought, have her brush her teeth, get on PJs, etc about 20 minutes before bed, then she can go and play a little longer before bed time. But then, still use the warning for both brushing teeth and later when it is time to clean for bed.

Remind her that she can play again tomorrow, and if she has built a special castle or something like that, work with her to be able to keep it in a safe place to be able to continue to work on it tomorrow, instead of having to dismantle it.

One more thing (sorry really long reply) - consider taking a parenting class. My personal favorite is Love and Logic, but there are many good ones out there. Invite your BF, MIL, and SIL to join you so you all can be using similar techniques when interacting with your daughter and be better able to maintain consistency between all caregivers. Even if they will not join you, you can still go and hone your skills.

[mycrazyone]

I do the five minute two minute warnings also, that time she was ignoring me when i remined her that bed time would be in a few minutes

[mum2mum]

Hello mycrazyone, i agree with Newmom because I practise the method she suggested with Jasmine since young and it works well.

You may also try using a Reward Chart - which is to encourage positive behavior. Whenever she's obedient, reward her with a sticker and if she has collected x number of sticker, get her some balloons or color pencils (depending what works with her).

If everything else fails, try the Happy Child Guide - It Turns Misbehavior To Great Behavior from http://www.mumsafari.com/for-parents.

Good luck! :)

[Newmom!]

it just so happend that night that my MIL was encouraging her to play after she heard me remind her of bedtime and teeth brushing, so that of course didnt help the situation.

Your MIL didn't just not help the situation, it was her actions that the situation happend in the first place.

It sounds less like you are lacking any skills (although I do always still think parenting classes are beneficial for everyone), but it sounds more like your MIL is undermining you - a lot. Many parents only see their child 3-5 hours a day (or less) when they work, many children are cared for by other people. That does not mean they learn to prefer those people. In your case, it is that the caregivers are overstepping their boundaries, both as caregivers and as extended family.

Since it sounds like talking to them hasn't helped (I hope your BF is supporting you in all this, and preferably doing most of the talking), and it is unlikely they are going to change, my overall suggestion would be to move out. I know you are trying to save for a place, but your sanity is worth more than owning a home. You could rent a really tiny place and hope to be there temporarily. Being in such a small place might motivate you and your BF to really scrimp and save to be able to afford a better place. You could still use your in-laws as caregivers (if they are still willing after you move out), but you would have your daughter to yourself, without their criticism, during non-work hours.

Discuss this with you BF, let him know how much it means to you. If you are really willing and think it through, you should be able to make it - even if it is a struggle. When you cut the "purse strings" you will have more leverage to stand up to your in-laws and do what you really need to do for yourself, your daughter, and your family.

[JACKEMAMA]

Well here are some helpful disciplining ideas you could possibly try (link below)...but pretty much whenever your child misbehaves or doesn't listen, how ever you handle the situation, make sure you are stern and carry through with it so that your child knows that she can't get out of it.....good luck!

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/discipline?utm_campaign=theskinnyscoop&utm_medium=textlink&utm_source=parentingforum&utm_content=discipline

[SweetGirl]

You have to be calm when you start talking to kids that way they wont feel that they will be scolded at all times.


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