Can we want more for ourselves

[TLCombest]

Should we feel guilty about wanting more for ourselves than just being a mom? Is it o.k to feel unfulfilled? I am not saying I don't want to be a mother, I am saying I want that plus something for myself.

I deal with these types of issues in my blog as well.

[iamacat]

As a dad of two small kids with no extended family to help I want more but I also realize that a) it's not going to happen at the moment and b) what I have right now is awesome on its own right. It's a phase like cramming through nights to graduate from a good college. Couldn't take this for the rest of your life, but you wouldn't have a chance even if you wanted to. They WILL go to school, get their own friends and make you miss these days.

[dandon144]

yes i guess you are absolutly right jamacat, these moments will be over before you know it, isn't it what it takes to be a parent. So enjoy what you have now, you will eventually have your own time.
But it won't harm for a few minutes aday for yourself.

[juliep80]

I'm a SAHM but I also have this underlying urge to do something more. I don't quite understand it because I love being home with my DS. But part of me feels like I'm being lazy and naturally I have more of a guilty conscience.

[Explored Heights]

NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... I had the same issue not long ago. I believe in the whole attachment parenting theory. I LIVED by it for the first 12 months. HOWEVER, I had my mother in law living next door, so when I had to do an hours work for my hubby, it was fine...

I do not think SAHM makes you a better parent. I believe living our passions is what will help us enjoy our lives much much more. The key is to keep it in perspective and keep the needs of our children at the forefront of our minds. The first 7 years are critcial for development, and having juts mummies perspective because they are home with you all day, then that I believe is not ok either. They need other perspectives too.

My son is 22 months old, and I have a about 10 hours away from him a week. He LOVES it and SO do I :)....

I do not think raising our children alone is natural. Back in my mums villages, they had the whole street full of kids, aunts etc......These days its us and us alone. I think we need to keep this in perspective!

[SweetOne710]

There is NOTHING wrong w wanting more. When i had my first i was a SAHM, nd loved it. But as time went on, i started feeling more and more unfullfilled. It didnt' help that I was only 20, nd didn't really live most of my life. I experienced a lot in those 20 yrs, but i was still 20 none-the-less. Now, at 23 w 2 kids, i'm working and in school. I feel a lot more fullfilled nd thus happier, which i think makes me an even better mom. In my situation, going to school seemed to be a necessity to me, so it is more hours away from my kids which i honestly would like to spend w them, but i think for others if being a SAHM leaves u feeling like something is missing, there's nothing wrong w having a hobby away from the kids, part time job, take a few classes, do something that is just for you and doesn't have ne thing to do w ur kids. Hey, even if u have some unfullfilled dream, don't think being a parent means u still can't achieve them. It might take a little longer, and a little more work, but it's definitely still attainable.

[MrsBurke]

My husband wanted me to become a stay home mom but now that our youngest is ten I can go and help him in the business. I've always wanted to do something else and he knows I get bored sometimes just staying at home taking care of the kids and him.

[Zack_Jenn]

I think the world wants us to believe we are unfilfilled if we don't work outside the home, but I can feel deep within my soul when I'm with my children I am doing the greatest work I will ever be able to do.

Raising a child will have a far more reaching effect upon the world than any job/career could ever hold. Your child needs you and your top priority should be your child and making them a productive adult with good morals/values.

Yes you have to find some time for yourself because you 'cannot fill another's bucket if yours is empty' but it shouldn't superceed your family.

[Bluelight flower]

I don't think you should feel guilty because it human to want more and having questions what if I have a better job? what if I had a better education? the truth is one should be content with what you have and be thankful. because when one is not content trouble might come, enjoy what you have. If Your child is small there is no better person then you to take care of that child , you know your child is in good hands because he/she is with you.

[V-Wifey]

I like what was said about yes- you can achieve your goals, it just takes a little longer and a little more work - to me that makes it more worth while.
I find getting out of the house by myself 3 days a week is the perfect balance. I go on a date with my husband once a week, go to the gym for another and picked up opera lessons for my third day.
I think my daughter has benefited from spending time at grandma's house with different house rules and daily routines. I see a different maturity in her and Grandma does fun things like finger painting that I sometimes neglect.

My daughter also benefits by coming to my opera shows and seeing me play pretend on stage. She really looks up to me for my talents and talks about wearing fun costumes like me all the time. It makes me feel good about the hobby I've chosen. I'm doing something that still enhances the people around me and I feel community outreach is important - just like the influence you are in the home.
Working on producing shows has helped me refine a different skill set I might need someday if our husband wasn't making a full income for our family. I have connections in the world to get services when I need it and social time with other moms who feel like me. I in no way feel guilty about my talents. I think we all deserve to use them to enhance the beauty in and out of the home.

[mommywarrior]

I guess for me I don't think about it as being just a mom. And being a mom isn't about fulfilling the mothers needs. It's about my kids. I stay at home because I want my kids to feel secure and know that I'm always there. My kids needs come first. Do I feel like I need more out of life? There are times I need a break to regroup but I think I've always known who I was and I didn't lose that when the kids came around. I still have hobbies, friends and such. I still find time to write and such but not when the kids are awake. I guess for me being a mom should be completely selfless. Yes you get a ton out of it but that's not why I do it. To me there is no greater thing to be than just a mom.

[mamarmf]

I don't think that being a SAHM or a working mom really has anything to do with feeling unfulfilled because either way you can feel like you dont get "you" time. I looooooveeee being home with my daughter because the moments are irreplaceable, but honestly, I need something that gets me out of the house once in awhile so i still feel like a woman, not just a mom. It could be work (right now its not), it could be school, or it could be weekly/monthly dates with girlfriends are the hubby. I'm 21 and my daughter is 1 and another is on the way and I'm thrilled to be a mom. However, since few of my friends are mothers we don't really have much in common and therefore I don't have that social outlet anymore. I'm still trying to connect with moms my age and other ways to have "me" time. And although I would neverrrr change being a mom, I can't say that I don't get a little jealous when I see that my friends are going out and its been about 22 months since I've been included. Well, the time will come, and for now, I'll relish the moments with my family and reach out to moms in the same position :)

[quanisha]

i think we sould want more to oursewlves even though we r pregnant thats when the father part comes in.

[brandnewmom2010]

Being a mom is fantastic, but the reality is that we had plans for ourselves way before mother hood. And its unrealistic to think that those dreams and plans would just fade away after child birth. Call me a "bad mother" but I sometimes dream of the days where spit up and diapers were just an idea. I think its perfectly fine for Mothers to want more then being a "mom".

[hello there]

I'm 16 years old and i have a 4 month old baby....He is my world :) I don't think we should feel guilty yeah we need to do stuff for ourselfs but, my baby boy is my first and for most...When it comes to him and ALWAYS comes before me...I have a job and go to school and still have time for him....

[ekerazy78]

I am just so thankful I am not the only one that feels this way. We just moved to a new town in oklahoma. My husband works a lot and I am home with my almost 2 year old baby boy. I love my son with all my heart, but oh how I long for adult conversation. Before getting married in 2007 I worked full time as a pre-k teacher and took night classes. On top of that I taught sunday school class and had too many friends to count. Now I live in a town where I don't really know many. We haven't made any friends at church yet. So for now I just sit at home and play with my son all day. I took him to the park a few times hoping to meet another mother. So far all I have seen there are single guys bringing their kids or grandparents bringing their grandkids.

I am reminded of a song by Reba McEntire called "Is there life out there"

[ejlperez]

I am a teacher and I think there are plenty of jobs that make a bigger global impact than raising one child. Even if I raise amazing, do-gooder children, I have the chance to change 125 kids a year into the same type of citizen each year through my job. What about life saving surgeons? politicians that change the world? pastors? If all strong and motivational women were stay-at-home moms, the world would lose a lot of inspiration-- especially kids who don't have a stay-at-home mom of their own. I don't have a problem with SAHM/SAHD. My husband has even said he might be interested in this, but I don't think this is an accurate comment, and I thought it was biased against working parents.
Response to:
I can feel deep within my soul when I'm with my children I am doing the greatest work I will ever be able to do.

Raising a child will have a far more reaching effect upon the world than any job/career could ever hold. Your child needs you and your top priority should be your child and making them a productive adult with good morals/values.

[KelEMcE]

I think the key words here are "want more"...if a parent feels that being home full time is not enough for him/her, then s/he should actively seek out other options. This stay at home gig is NOT for everyone! It's mind-numbingly dull most days; change diaper, wipe a counter, wipe a nose, wipe a bottom, wipe the floor, lather rinse repeat. Not very intellectually stimulating. Maybe it's because I had my kids a bit older (33 when I had the first), but I didn't feel that I gave up a thing when I had my kids and quit working to be home full time.

Some parents feel more fulfilled when they feed other areas of their lives. I think the key is finding balance and finding what works for each family.

For me, I feel completely fulfilled as a stay at home mom, and I've been home for 9 years now. I quit when I had my first child, and I've never felt like anything was "missing" in my life. When my kids were babies and toddlers, I used my "work skills" to run my household, organize playgroups, volunteer for a moms' group, get involved in my neighborhood. When they all started school, I began volunteering about 10 hours a week in their schools. I also started writing again, something that I do for me but doesn't take me away from my primary role as mom. Keeping up with kids' activities, homework, projects, along with the household chores and obligations - that's a full time job. The difference is, I don't have to spend my weekends running around doing errands and cleaning up the week's worth of mess. My best friend spends her entire Saturday cleaning her house, buying groceries, going to the dry cleaner, picking up supplies for school projects, doing household repairs, etc etc etc. My weekends are strictly for family time, and we all feel lucky to have that as an option.

For me, the thing to remember is that this generation of women have choices that our grandmothers never had. Rather than saying "I want more than JUST being a stay at home mom" or "I could never leave my kids and not be a FULL TIME mom", why can't we all realize that each woman must do what's best for her family? When we will realize that we don't have to feel guilty about our choices?