View Full Version : So Confused
08-09-2010, 05:01 PM
Hi ladies. I'm 23, I'll be 24 next month and I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my husband's and my first child. Our son due November 29, 2010.
24 weeks meaning I'm 6 months along. This is according to the ultrasound I had April 26, at the time the ultrasound tech told me I was 9 weeks.
When I got pregnant, I was living away from my husband in the States. We live with his family in Canada now. I came up to visit for his birthday in March for the couple of days I was able to take off work.
Each time I talk with my mother-in-law about the pregnancy, she tells me that I'm wrong about my dates, and that if I am in fact 24 weeks, that it's not his baby.
This makes me so angry because our son is his baby, and I just shut down completely whenever that's said. I don't know how to combat with her without seeming ungrateful or rude. We're staying in the family home rent free, and I don't have and can't get a job up here.
I guess I'm just confused and hurt that she would say such a thing. She's a lovely woman, very warm and caring otherwise. And I guess I needed to vent as well.
I don't want to take problems like this to my husband because she is his mother, after all.
Thank you all for listening.
08-09-2010, 07:32 PM
Sorry, I just realized I posted in the wrong section.
08-12-2010, 10:56 AM
Nobody would know better than yourself if the baby is truly your husband's. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I guess it hurts to be in your shoes.
You are forgiving and you still added on that she's a lovely woman. I guess at this point of time, you should just be your true self and hope things will turn out to be the best.
What you really need is your hubby's support and trust throughout your motherhood journey. All the best MrsCastaneda.
08-12-2010, 02:23 PM
You should not have to defend yourself. If you and your husband are happy (his baby or not) your mother-in-law shouldn't care.
Now, if do feel you need to give a response, remind her that a pregnancy is 2 weeks older than when you had sex. Medically doctors count pregnancy from the day of your first period, which is often 14 days before you ovulate. So, when the ultrasound tech said you were 9 weeks along there are 2 things going on there. One, the baby has been growing for 7 weeks and then the 2 weeks before ovulation was added in to make the baby 9 weeks. So at 24 weeks, your baby has actually been growing for only 22 weeks. And Two, your baby shows to be developmentally 9 weeks old, but if your baby is a tad slower or faster than the average fetus, then it may actually be a tad older or younger than you think.
I knew the day I ovulated, yet at my 8wk ultrasound my baby showed to be 4 days older in growth than he would be according to ovulation date, and at the 20wk ultrasound, he showed to be 3 days ahead of the previous estimation (making him a week older than according to ovulation date) and I still had him a week late from his due date.
Point is, actual day you and your husband had sex versus the age of your fetus has multiple reasons why they may not exactly correlate - and none of them have to be that there is a different dad. If needed, have your MIL read this, maybe that will help her to act a little more respectful towards you. Best of luck with your MIL and baby.
08-12-2010, 02:59 PM
one more thing, do take this to your husband. The unwritten rule is that the "child" speaks to their own parents on the couple's behalf. If your MIL is making you stressed, that is "affecting" the baby and your own health and wellbeing, which will affect your husband. He needs to know and he needs to tell his mom to stop it. Just because she is his mom doesn't mean he sees her as infallible. He chose to marry you, he should be willing to protect you, even against his own family members. This sounds a little militant, but the point is do talk it over with your husband, don't suffer it alone. Maybe he will be able to help. Couples should know everything about each other to maintain a healthy relationship.
08-12-2010, 05:37 PM
Thank you mamas! :)
Hubby noticed I wasn't feeling too well and we talked. Everything is better now.
I had my glucose test today and my OBGYN said that with my 20w ultrasound, our son is due on Dec 3, instead of Nov 29. But I guess like Newmom! said, babies come when they're ready!
09-18-2010, 07:52 PM
there is this site -http://www.baby2see.com/conception_calculator.html#ConceptionCalculator use it with your due date now or with the baby's birthdate once he's born.
My bf's mother hates me and thinks very badly of me in general. Secretly (though he told me afterwards, of course) my bf's sister told him that the reason his mom isn't particularly interested in our daughter is because she thinks she's not his-even though she looks exactly like him! Some stupid thing about her not having curled up toes like he did-although she did have them and my bf massaged them to make them straight when she was a newborn-so of course they're not curled anymore! (My bf's mother never took the time to do that and my bf still has a few curled toes today) Of course, there's no doubt in my mind that my bf is the father of our baby. I KNOW I didn't sleep with any other man, so if you KNOW you didn't sleep with any other man, I don't see why her comments would even bother you. (I'm assuming you're saying you got pregnant that few days when you were visiting.) :) But that's how I've always been, if someone accuses me of being a liar and I KNOW I'm telling the truth, it's a very calming feeling because it doesn't matter who believes what you say, it doesn't make something any less true.
Also, we're thinking of saving for a paternity test so that we can put it in an envelope with a ribbon and give it to her for her next birthday, since of course it will be positive. :)
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