Help with Bullying

[lalfonz]

Good Day!
My son, who is 9yrs old, has been having difficulties with defending himself against bullying at the camp this summer. There were some older boys that teased him and in one case pushed him. I raised my concerns to the teacher and she spoke to the children doing this. However, he continued to get the name calling. I have done role playing with him to help him with what to say back to them but he says that he doesn't want to get them mad because then they will do it more. I think the issue is that he lacks confidence which is then picked up by the other boys and hence the bullying. What can I do to help my son with this? He will be going into 3rd grade this year and I know that he will have to deal with this in school.

[MommaC]

Does he have any good friends? I've been on both ends of bullying (unfortunately). If he can just stick with his friend and ignore or stay away from the bullies, that's his best recourse. As a bully, I did not respond to being talked to by teachers. As a kid who was bullied (which cured my bullying!), there was nothing I could do to make the other kids stop. It sucks, and I feel REALLY bad for your son. :( Just try to give him as many safe relationships and safe places as possible. Allow him to talk about being bullied, but don't let it become the focus of his whole day. Talk about what good things happened. Focus on the things he's learning and the things he's really good at. Help him feel competent in spite of the bullying. If the bullies are at school, get him involved in something outside of school--like soccer, karate, reading group, art classes, Boy Scouts, etc.

[lalfonz]

Thank you for your suggestions. It makes a whole lot of sense. For some reason, he seems to be drawn to those kids in order to 'fit in with the cool kids' and by doing so he gets hurt - its as if he wants a sense of belong to everyone he knows - which we all know in life doesn't happen. I will talk to him this evening and let you know what occurs. I so want for him to have outside activities but he doesn't want to - because he is afraid of being made fun of since he new to karate or swimming.

[MommaC]

If he does have a friend, try to get that friend to join with him. Entering a new group is easier with a safety net. If not, try to arrange a meeting with another child BEFORE the extracurricular classes start. Even knowing just one person can help. If he really struggles with social skills, prepare him. Talk about what he can expect. Talk about what he can say...what others might say and how he can respond. It just stinks that the quirks that make us easy-to-make-fun-of can actually be the qualities that make us interesting and attractive adults. Hard to explain to a kid that the second half of his life might be completely different and he'll just have to wait. ;)

[Kathygreen8888]

Like the previous posts, I feel really bad about your son being bullied. I know how hard thir grae is. There is way too much rough playing going on. However, I visited this website nogginpower2. What really inspired me to visit this website was the fact that they have these great readings on Bullying and Prevention (especially for what your son is going through) and Getting Great Grades. By reaidng these manuals on Nogginpower2, they might help you and your son deal with the bullying situation better. ALso, if your son does Get Great Grades in school, it could rebuild his self-confidence. I hope this helps.