View Full Version : Dealing with in-laws
08-15-2008, 12:35 PM
Oh my gosh I'm at a loss:
My husband's family is driving me crazy. The worst of it is we live a few hours from my parents, yet his parents and his sister and her family live in our neighborhood. My mother-in-law is always coming over to see my son, its not that I don't want her to see her only grandson but...she's always giving me advice, and talking about how she raise my husband differently, its been twenty-three years since she raise and infant is her advice really worth anything?
Then there is my sister-in-law and her husband and two daughters. They used to come over once a week to watch a TV show with us(thank god the season is over) Luckily my son would be in bed by the time they would come over, so I didn't have to worry about feeding my son with his crazy cousins running around the house. There in is the problem though, my son is asleep and my two nieces are screaming and running around the living room. I do not believe in disciplining other peoples kids, but these two girls have no sort of consequences for anything they do, so they walk all over their parents. How can I bring it up to my sister-in-law that she needs to control her kids better, without sounding like I don't think she's doing a very good job? I don't want to cause a rift between my husband and his sister, he already doesn't talk to his oldest sister, and I don't want this one to be mad with him too.
Is there a way to deal with my husbands family without driving them away?
08-15-2008, 01:35 PM
Ok So There Is No "good" Way To Go About This All Too Familiar Situation. I Would However Talk To My Hubby & Try To Find A Way To Approach Her W/ Him Or Maybe An Email. You Nor Your Baby Should Have To Suffer B/c Of The Out Of Control Children. I Would Just Let Her Know That Your Baby Has Rules & A Schedule & You Don't Appreciate Her Not Controlling Her Children. If All Else Fails & You Don't Want To Risk It I Would Start Disciplining Her Kids When They Are At Your House Or Anytime They Are Interfering W/ Your Baby!! Some Parents Are So Oblivious To Their Kids. Just Be Firm & Tell Them To Be Quiet The Baby Is Sleeping Or That You Have Rules In Your House. I Know It's A Tough Situation, But If You Are Like Me You Should Discuss It Sooner Than Later Or You Are Bound To Blow Up!!! Good Luck!!!
08-16-2008, 02:42 AM
Honey...in your home....you need to put YOUR foot down. "my son is asleep and my two nieces are screaming and running around the living room." Kids will be kids, I know this, but in your home when your baby is about to go to sleep or is asleep....you need to tell your nieces to calm down, no running and be quiet. Maybe set up an activity that can consume their time...coloring...? Or reading to them....let them know that your son is first in your home. You aren't being rude and your in-laws won't be offended. This is YOUR HOME. Not their home.
Sounds silly I know but you don't need your husbands permission or really anyone else's.....if you don't lay down the law now....you will have MAJOR problems in the future....you are the adult and you make the rules in your home. Don't tell the sis in-law you want her to control her kids....take action first....like the distraction I listed above...so your not the bad guy....and explain yourself so that their parents can hear you...if you sis in-law doesn't take action to help you with the situation. Then announce to everyone..."you don't feel well, you think it would be best if everyone left for the evening and that we could all pick up at a later date."
When ever I am in a situation that is not comfortable to me, that line works everytime.
Now your Mom in-law. That is your husbands area. HAve him talk to her about coming over so much...ask to set up a scheduled day & time....that way you can maybe get some free babysitting??? :) And just ignore her advice. I ignore mine....she means well....but seriously some of the crap she says to me....
I'm a really bold independent person. And I don't take crap from anyone so it sounds easy....but the truth is it's hard work having to be so tuff. Laying the law down now has really helped me in dealing with unwanted advice or interfering people regardless of the relationship...but I always feel so bad in the process...I have to remind myself that I do what I do for the health and sake of my child and for the health and sake of my relationship with my in-laws. Otherwise I go crazy...and then don't want to spend time with them....and that's not cool for my little one...he needs to around his family....no matter how crazy they drive me.....
sorry for the novel!!!
good luck, you sound like a very nice person! I hope your situation improves.
08-18-2008, 08:04 PM
Believe me, I know from personal experience that getting along with horrendous in-laws is not worth giving up what's important to you. I have in-laws who are so overly flowery and nice to your face, but you should hear some of the things they say about people behind their back!
My husband's nephew is much more aggressive than our son and loves to antagonize him by teasing him with toys, etc. I don't allow that in my home, and I make no bones about it. I'm sure they really rip me to shreads behind my back, but I'm fine with that, knowing that everything's out on the table.
Granted, you want to try and be tactful, but trying to have a wonderful relationship with people who aren't very nice to you to begin with just isn't worth the discomfort. I've come to realize that if I just say what I think, they might not like me, but 1) they must not have liked me much to begin with if they are treating me this way, and 2) I'm happier knowing that they know my boundaries, than I would be just trying to keep from rocking the boat.
Hope this helps.
08-18-2008, 08:07 PM
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