dad needs help

[alysia76]

Hi--my husband is a wonderful father to my 7 mo old daughter. She is a very happy playful little girl who he adores. However, since she was born, when she screams--not cries--he can't handle it. Luckily she behaves this way less than 5% of the time, but it makes him lose control. He never endangers her in anyway, but he becomes a very impatient angry man when she behaves this way, and this is NOT in his usual personality. He is embarrassed and upset that her screams make him angry and he has been working so hard to make this better. He walks away or puts her in her crib but its the screaming that he can hear that makes his anger fester. I can calm her down quickly, but with the same techniques, she continues to scream likely sensing his anger. He HATES that he gets this way and would love any suggestions to make his behavior better. We want to make this better before she starts to throw temper tantrums and understands why she is throwing them.

[joeysmom0419]

My boyfriend sorta had the same problem. Our son cries only 5% of the time too, and when he cries he can sometimes get so worked up he screams. My son will stop if i pick him and calm him down, but wouldn't for my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I for a few days went in together. He would pick our son up and I would talk to our son. Telling him that daddy has him and that he's fine. The same thing I do when holding him and calming him down.

Also if you husband gets angry about it, ask him if there is anything you can do, thats what I with my boyfriend and he told me why he was getting angry. He feels that our son only knew and had a strong bond with me. Now we work on things that will strengthen their bond and relationship.

Hope everything works out!!

[BlessedPapa]

Wow, this is tough. Since he recognizes the problem and wants help, is there some type of counselor or really close friend that he could set up regular meetings with to discuss the reasons he gets upset?

You make it sound like he does a fantastic job of walking away from your daughter before losing control. That is AWESOME! That's a huge positive. Maybe you can help him focus on all the wonderful things she does that puts the smiles on his face. Have him write down a few favorite things before going in, and coming out. Talk to him about the favorite things. Post a couple of them in the nursery or at the door. Anything to help him focus on the positives of his baby.

[ammahaffey]

The most important thing is that he realizes that this is something that he needs to work on. Unfortunately, children screaming is a normal part of childhood, and the more we build up immunity to it, the better off we all are! Instead of getting angry, encourage him to find a way to block out the sound. Ever notice how people who live next to train tracks aren't bothered by trains going by? They get used to it.
Luckily, he has you to step in when he gets angry. It is good for him to walk away when he reaches his breaking point. Chances are, however, that you'll have a few breakdowns of your own, and you will need his help, so he really needs to make an effort to get his anger under control.

[EricBHF]

I believe this is one of the reasons their are 2 parents. Like you said, taking over when he gets this way is the number one way to deal with the it!

now, preventing it is a different question...I also have a tendency for anger. What helped me was that I realized he only really screamed when there was something wrong (i.e. pain, discomfort, etc.) When I realized this I just wanted help him. Although now that I have a toddler, there doesn't have to be anything wrong any more for him to throw a tantrum....it makes it a little more tricky.

[charliesmommy]

Wow, that sucks. I feel bad for your hubby. Girls scream and that's just a fact of life. :(

[Mcoulter876]

First, I just wanted to say that I thought this was suppose to be a "Dad" forum.
Secondly, if you've researched how men work, they want to fix things. Ever notice that when you get upset or mad at him or something else he tries to remedy the situation when you just need someone to "listen"? That's what he's doing, but sometimes there is no remedying a screaming baby, which can be very frustrating for a man. Passing a child back and forth when one gets frustrated can actually make the child frustrated. But usually, if the child is not in pain and all their needs have been met, a good "time in your crib" with a favorite blanket, teething ring, and toy(s) can work wonders.

[Joe the Man]

Does he understand that this is something that is inevitable? He has to solve the problem of why does she scream before she will stop screaming. He cannot make her just stop reacting without fixing what it is that she is reacting to.