choosing to be a SAHM...

[razimi]

I'm 24 and we're expecting our first child in January. Me and my husband have both agreed that we think it is in the best interest for our child for me to be a stay at home mom. It's something that I want to do and I can't think of a more fulfilling life for myself and anything better for my baby.

But the problem is mostly my family. They tell me that nobody is a SAHM anymore, that all moms work outside the home. They tell me stories of women in their 30s pumping breast milk at the office--like that's the norm, and me wanting to be a SAHM is weird, abnormal, and stupid. I have told them my decision over and over, and they have ignored me.

Has anyone else faced opposition about the choice to stay home? How do you defend the choice to others? How do you deal with relatives who don't approve? Is it common for women making this choice to face disapproval? I thought nearly everyone would want to be a SAHM for at least a few years, but my family seems to expect me to go back to work as soon as maternity leave is over.

[Jordyn]

I choose to be a stay at home mom myself. Infact because my pregnacy was so hard (I threw up pretty much every hour for the first 4 months) I was let go from work,and my husband and I made the decision to start our lives as a one income family by the time I was 2 months pregnant.

I have known since a young age that I wanted to stay home with my children because my mom worked full time and always told me. " make sure you have a husband who will support you being with your children.if that is your choice. because I wish that I could stay with you."

I told my husband when we got engaged that if he would not support my decision to be a stay at home mom then I could not marry him. he supports me fully to this day and it's because he gets frusturated being with my son for a few hours and I am on duty 24/7. Not that he's not a good dad he is,but he tells me all the time that he doesn't know how I put up with it all day.

I have recieved several negative comments from his side of the family where all the women work. sometimes they'll ask my husband when I'm right in the room
"why isn't she working? She's being selfish don't you think?" They don't even say it to my face when I am right there. they talk through my husband as if I'm not a person because I don't work. of course my husband always stands up for me and tells them to shut up and mind there own business and to respect me. Most of it is behind my back and then I end up hearing about it later.

It doesn't bother me anymore because I realized I am so happy with my life and a lot of them are most likely jealous because they want to stay home but their husbands won't support them. A lot of women probably want to stay home but in the world today women are looked down upon for being old fashioned and it's really not fair.

Don't ever feel like you have to do something just because some people may think that is the way it's done. There are plenty of stay at home moms who choose to be sahms the only reason you don't see a lot of them is because in this day and age it is popular to work and people almost look at you like you aren't a person if you don't. I respect moms who choose to do both,but it is not for everyone and sahms certainly should recieve a bit more respect for all the crap they put up with from the world.

I only care what my husband thinks and he supports my decision. You do what you want to do. Don't let others drag you down. if anything the moms at parenting.com are always here for you. :)

[firebabe]

50 years ago a working mother was a big no-no! my how things have changed. its a personal choice to be a SAHM. i plan on being one for a bit, maybe like 6 months to a year. and to be honest woman pumping breast milk at the office is not something im into. what i recommend when people oppose your decision,tell them that youd only be working to cover the cost of daycare anyways so why not stay home and bond with my child. it seems to work

[kaiya23]

You and your husband need to do what is best for your family. If it were me, I'd go nuts staying at home all the time, and I'd live life in my pjs. I'd love to give my daughter the experience, however, I think she'd see a side of me that isn't necessary. I do get summers "off" as a teacher, so I do get a little bit of SAHM time. I'm back at work now, and while I miss my daughter, the stability of schedule is best for both of us. And our cost of daycare is only about 20% of just my take-home income (not including my husbands), but that all depends on what type of work is being done. We do what is necessary for our family. If you can afford to live on one income, and you personally can take it day in and day out, don't worry about what others say. Keep yourself busy in other ways (like daily outings once the baby is old enough) so that you have some adult interaction throughout the week. It's a great choice to make if it works for your family, and especially if you're breast-feeding. Good luck!

[Melinda_Jane]

its sad tht women feel guilty for being sahm or for being working mums as well, dont let others influence u just do wat u can and wat ur happy doin and it shouldnt be anyone elses business, i hope u feel comftable with wateva u decide.
ur fmaily should really be supporting u, hope u work it out chickie!

[War_Eagle]

I'm 24 and we're expecting our first child in January. Me and my husband have both agreed that we think it is in the best interest for our child for me to be a stay at home mom. It's something that I want to do and I can't think of a more fulfilling life for myself and anything better for my baby.

My wife would agree. She left a fine career to be a mom and she says that it's the best decision she ever made.


But the problem is mostly my family. They tell me that nobody is a SAHM anymore, that all moms work outside the home. They tell me stories of women in their 30s pumping breast milk at the office--like that's the norm, and me wanting to be a SAHM is weird, abnormal, and stupid. I have told them my decision over and over, and they have ignored me.

Nothing wierd, abnormal, or stupid about it. It's just being a mom.


Has anyone else faced opposition about the choice to stay home? How do you defend the choice to others? How do you deal with relatives who don't approve? Is it common for women making this choice to face disapproval? I thought nearly everyone would want to be a SAHM for at least a few years, but my family seems to expect me to go back to work as soon as maternity leave is over.

I don't know that Julie ever faced outright opposition, but there were some people who didn't understand why she would choose to stay home with her children, rather than run a bank.

[ra11en]

You should absolutely do what you feel is your calling to do in life. Unfortunately, you'll face negativity no matter what your decision. As a SAHM you'll face ridicule that you're too lazy to work, you have the easy life (what a joke), etc. If you choose a career outside the home, you'll also face negativity and jabs that you're doing a disservice to your child(ren), you're missing out on uber special moments, etc. As women, we must decide what is best for our family and follow that, regardless of outside influences.

There are problems you'll face on either side of the coin; neither choice is a bed of roses.

Good for you for knowing what is your calling and following it, no matter what. In the grand scheme, its that inner peace that will make your family happy and healthy regardless of where your career is (in or outside the home).

[silvermoondust]

I'm a SAHM at the moment, because I can't work as no one will watch my daughter. I've faced some opposition because of my choice, but I don't care. What is best for my daughter and for myself comes before anything and anyone.

I do not oppose anyone who chooses to be a SAHM, nor do I oppose anyone who chooses to be a working mom. These choices that we make are what's best for our own children. No one should look down upon anyone who wishes to stay at home, or work.

[Kerisweetpea]

I am a SAHM and plan on being one for all my kids! how ever many that may be? i am too 24 but my son is 16months old, i love every day of it and i wouldnt change it for the world! the only thing i get from family members is "why isnt he in some kind of day care?" well because i dont like where i live and i dont trust the day cares around here! i pretty much try to ignore all the comments that i get! what ever you guys decide is YOUR decision and other people shouldn't make you feel bad about something you and your hubby decided!

All my friends around here are SAHM i only have about 2 friends that work outside the home and a couple that work at home. but what i say is if you can afford to live on one income, then i dont see any reason why you shouldnt be a SAHM!

I know I will be staying home until all my kids are grown and in school all day! then i may think about getting some little part time job for something to do, but other then that i want to be my kids primary care taker! theres no one that can take care of your kids better then you!

Just try not to let everyones comments get to you! i know its hard and it will be hard for a while but stick it out for your family :) just remember that there are a LOT of SAHM on here so if you ever need some help or reassurance just holler for us we will came a runnin! :) :) :)

[MommaC]

Don't let them get to you--do what you know is best for your baby. I'm sorry they're giving you such a hard time, but they're totally lying. I'm sure location has something to do with it, but where I live there are LOTS of stay-at-home moms. I have taken some crap for staying home...mostly from the professionals I worked with who think I should neglect my own baby to serve other kids (I think some of them say it because they don't want to feel guilty about leaving their kids at daycare 50 hrs/wk...and some may be jealous because they don't have the resolve to make their finances work on one income). There's a great deal of hostility between working moms and stay-at-home moms...and it's all stupid. We need to mind our own business and do what we think is right. And no own should make you feel guilty about doing what it right. You're doing the right thing--just ignore them the best you can. Good luck! :)

[luckymama2]

Don't let them say that to you...there are plenty of SAHMs. I am one of them out there!!! And I love it! I have stayed home since I was preggo with my first. She is now 3 and we have an 11 month old little boy now too. Sometimes I feel the working moms who look down on me are jealous bc they aren't able to stay at home or they have to make me feel bad to make themselves feel better about the decision they made to go to work. Either way it is about their insecurities; nothing to do with you. Just do whats best for your baby and your family. Don't worry about everyone else. Although I do understand it is easier said then done bc words eat at you sometimes. Just remind yourself you are doing whats best for your baby.

[New Mommy 808]

Wow. I'm sorry about your family not being supportive. I have to applaud you! I too am 24 and wish I could be a SAHM, however can't do it financially. I have to say that if the opportunity is there, take it. Being able to raise your child has got to be the most rewarding experience. Stay strong and stick to your guns...they are your family and will always love you, no matter how they judge you. Not to mention that you are starting your own family now and you and your husband call the shots. I'm struggling with wanting to stay home, but not really having the choice but to work...I hate the fact that someone else is going to be watching my baby...and it's not going to be a family member because I live FAR away from home. Just be thankful you have the opportunity and who cares what anyone says this is your baby. You have made the best choice possible. You go girl!