How many kids is too many to have?

[andbabymakes4]

I am no stranger to large families I am the oldest of 9! I always wondered what my mom was thinking bringing so many kids into the world. I remember growing up and feeling frustrated, I had longed for a quiet and slower pace then what I was being raised in.
When I started my own family I knew I would have way fewer kids and even have them spaced years apart. I don't miss the hustle and bustle of "big" family life but I do love everyone of my brothers and sisters! So, in everyone's opinion how many kids is too many to have nowadays?

[Newmom!]

As long as you have the means to support your children and have the "right" personality to enjoy so many children, I don't think there is any set number. Too many is more than you can afford or more than what you can be happy with.

On the other hand, I strongly believe in spacing out your children somewhat (at least when planning, surprises to happen). Breastfeeding at least a year, preferably two, is harder to do if the pregnancies are too close together. Even if you formula feed, your own body still needs some recoup time - especially if you are planning to have lots of little ones.

And for those who have lots of children because they "don't believe in birth control" there are still non-hormonal, and non-material ways of spacing pregnancies (the basal body temperature method is the most common) I would hope that helping to increase the odds of having healthy children by spacing out pregnancies would outweigh having a large family.

I used to tell people I plan to have "10-20" - mostly meaning I wanted a larger family. But, after having my first, I realize I want a smaller family, just don't have the energy I had in my 20's - for me any more than 3-4 would be too many, but that is just me :-)

[supermomwannabe]

If it were up to me I'd have 5 or 6! But my husband is perfectly fine with just 2.

[MaryAlbright]

More than you can adequately support and take care of.

Me personally, I'm happy with my two children. I would be fine with having another one, but I think four is more than I could handle!

[Roxy377]

It depends on you possibility to make you children's life happy, to get everything they need - things, education, your attention, love.
It is good to have children in general, but every family is a special case to decide how many children to have.
And this issue shouldn't be egoistic, as first you should think about your kids.
I am quiet sure about one thing that child needs to have a sibling to learn comunnicate and to be more adaptive in the life and in grown up life to have support.
I have sister and brother. But my husband is the only child and he really suffers of sibling absense. and it is a pitty....
And if you are ok with 5 children, why not.... but these 5 should be really loved and feel that you gave them all the best!

[FourMiles]

I think enaught children is two. I have just one yet. In the future I would like to take one more child from children's home.

[joeysmom0419]

I think it really depends on the family itself. I have two sisters, but my mom miscarried a lot, but if she didn't miscarry there would of been 12 including me. I thought was awesome when I was younger, but growing up that started to fade in excitement because my parents could barely afford three. I think if you can afford to have a large family and you want one then go for it.

A great example of a couple who is happy having a big family is the dugers on tlc. They now have 19 kids and they are happy. They know having a large family is a lot but they couldn't be happier. They give each of their children as much love as possible, and they tell you its hard to give each child their individual time, but they try to make it work any way possible.

Personally I want 5 kids. I have a lot of patience and a huge heart, but the real question is can my boyfriend and I afford 5?

[nakaelee]

My fiancé is the last of 12 and his dad has about 15 brothers and sisters. Too many for me but I think. If u have the money, time, and patience for that many then go for it! :D

[craftyashley]

Three kids are kicking my butt! I couldn't imagine having more. I am one of two kids. Two was a little frustrating, we fought A LOT as kids. My husband comes from a large family. He is good with three. Like we realized last night, our kids will never have to wear hand me down clothes. (the bane of my husband's existence)

I think as long as you can adequately support your kids, financially and emotionally- then have as many as you want. Just make sure you are happy too! A stressed out mommy does no one any good!

[Prica]

My husband and I want 5 maybe 6. Personally for my husband and I having more then that is too much for us, financially and emotionally. I want to be able to spend time individually with my children every day and as I am planning on homeschooling I will be able to do so with 5 to 6 children. But I don't think we will go beyond that.
However I have a friend who plans on having 10, yes her husband is in full agreement, I believe they can do it. They have the right personalities for it. I think it should depend on each couples financial and emotional capabilities.
I have known many large families, 10 children, 12 children, 8 children, 13 children, 15 children (the last two are friends of friends not personal aquaintences). It just depends on the parents.

[MrsBurke]

We have two kids and my hubby doesn't want anymore. We both came from a big family and for him more than 3 kids is already big. Besides he said which is true we can support the kids better that way...

[LunaSunny]

I think people should be realistic about the world we live in. With the population exploding and resources dwindling this trend of super sized families is irresponsible and even selfish. If people want to have a large family then offer that love up to some of the thousands and thousands of kids in the foster system. There are so many wonderful beautiful children in the world that don't have a family. The greatest gift you can give is the gift of a better life. The gift of love and security. Adopt, foster, mentor... we have a responsibility as human beings to care for those who can't care for themselves.

[lauraxyo]

i have two brothers, but i want a big family

[jlucas5110]

I think that parents need to think of the effect that a large number of children has on the earth and our enviornment and the limited resources we have and the carbon footprint of even one living being, let alone 10. People always act like "It's my life, it's my decision" but it affects the whole world.

[ElektraLane]

I think if you can afford a lot of kids, go for it. It doesn't matter the number really. Some parents struggle BADLY with 2 while some with 10 are just fine.

[happylyg]

My husband has 11 brothers and sisters, he is the 12th child. For me, this is a big family. I have 3 children, and that is actually more than enough for me, and it is already enough stress for me to have these 3 children.

I am a working mother, so I don't think I need more kids than 3.

[mindyjo82]

I think people should be realistic about the world we live in. With the population exploding and resources dwindling this trend of super sized families is irresponsible and even selfish. If people want to have a large family then offer that love up to some of the thousands and thousands of kids in the foster system. There are so many wonderful beautiful children in the world that don't have a family. The greatest gift you can give is the gift of a better life. The gift of love and security. Adopt, foster, mentor... we have a responsibility as human beings to care for those who can't care for themselves.
Nice of you to call people you know nothing about except the number of children they have irresponsible and selfish. You don't come off as a bigot or anything. So, just wondering, how many children have you fostered?

[titzer11235]

I am 24 and have 5. Three boys and two girls, the oldest is my 6 yr old boy. I love it. they are all really close. We do everything as a family and although there are some moments where I want to pull my hair out for the most part they are all well behaved and respectful of eachother. I think it's wonderful. and i'm glad they wern't spaced out. It makes diapers and toilet training a lot harder but i think as they get older it will be worth it. I was the youngest of 6 and i was the late in life baby... i might as well have been an only child. My sister and two of my brothers are old enough to be my parents. I think because of this i am not close to any of them. If it was feasible and if i could afford it, Id wait about 10 years and have another set of a few. I love big families and I hope that i can pass on my love for families on to my children... blood is thicker than water as they say

[Bluelight flower]

It's too many when you can't afford them and you need financial assistant just to feed them. If you can afford them and this includes University in it then they sky is the limit

[ejlperez]

While I'm not calling anyone selfish, I do agree with other posters about the benifits, for everyone, of fostering or adopting children. My husband and I are working on our first TTC. We plan to have 2 biologically and then complete our family by adopting "waiting children." I'm a teacher, and I know I can easily give my heart to kids even if they don't share my genes. I would encourage those who want to have large families to adopt some of the children-- not because of the environment (although that is a real benifit), but because they are so many lovely children who need a home. Especially a home with parents who have successfully raised other children.

[unimom]

Hello,

Couples should be able to have as many kids as they want. Just as long they are able to take care of them and that they are able to raise their kids with good morals.

[mum2mum]

Some families have more than a handful probably due to poor family planning or failed birth control. While others have lots of children because they are wealthy and have enough help running errands, housework and so on and still have time for the kids.

I think we can just cope with 2 so that we can spend quality time with each kid and provide sufficient attention in terms of health, academic and finances.

[KelEMcE]

I think it's about a lot more than financial issues. I think there is a point after which you cannot really give of yourself, your time, to each child. For one couple, 2 may be too many, but another family may welcome 6 kids with no problem. If you can feed, clothe, educate and give of yourself (time, emotion, physical comfort) your kids, then have however many you want. What I have a problem with is people who have more kids than they can care for and then expect to be given a handout.

[carriehas5]

It's too many when you can't afford them financially, and/or give them love, attention and time. Obviously the number will be different for everyone. I can't imagine finding time to give 10 children the attention and love they need, but I've seen it done in other families.
For me, the five I have sometimes feels like too many in terms of giving them each the right amount of attention. I always feel like one or the other of them didn't get enough at some point. I think having a larger family just means I need to focus more on the "time" factor than parents of smaller families have to. It's tough but I wouldn't change it for anything.

[SweetOne710]

I think to each it's own, but the more kids the more risk. By risk i mean this...i was watching the show "intervention" once, and the story was on sum1 who had come from an excessively large family. And part of their problem was the attention they longed for and never got because not only of the number of ppl, but both parents worked a lot to support their kids. I originally wanted a large family, about 10 or so kids, until i saw that episode. It would be impossible to shower all 10 kids w a large amount of love and affection. Whether or not i was in a situation to be a SAHM w all 10. But like i said, to each its own. But if one of the kids happened to be the type that needed an excessive amount of attention, it would be hard on them.

[Chrissy86]

That depends!If you are one of these couples who just keeps having babies because you are getting more and more money from the government (food stamps tanf etc)then no. I dont want to have to support you and your kids,because you are a irresponsible lazy a** who wont get off your butt to go out and get a job to support the kids you DECIDED to have.Now if you have the means as in finacial means to take care of 5 or 6 or even 10 kids then more power to you.I say go for it.But dont have that many and then expect people like me and my family to have to shell out more in taxes because you didnt know how to wrap it up.

[christy27va]

I think you could have as many as you can deal with and that each child can get the right amount of attention. Last but not least, make sure your spouse get time with you as well, cuz so many kids can make it hard for quality time with your spouse..

[crazydancersmama]

Like a few others have said, have what you can afford. But that being said, you shouldn't have to work 60hrs a week each to pay for your kids. We only want 2 (have one, one on the way), because with the things my daughter likes (namely dance...), we can't afford any more! It depends what you consider "affording your child". For some people that just means food and diapers... for some of us that's sports and dance too. We may end up with a smaller family because of it, but we will have happy kids with good futures!

[the5joys]

I think this is too broad of a question. The answers could vary greatly by things like religious beliefs. If I were to answer this question it would be purely based upon my beliefs as a christian and not feelings. I believe in having as many as I am given and oddly enough so do other religions.

If you take in account that very soon other countries will have been bred out by people who believe in having as many as they can to re-populate the country with their ideals and religions, one really needs to take a step back and ask that question with a grain of salt.

Am I having children because they are a status symbol, expected of me, something to fill a void or simply because why not? Or are you having children because you believe that it is your duty to pass on your ideals, thoughts or religion? and if so are you actually raising them to learn these things?

I really have to hold my tongue sometimes when someone says they love their children and would do anything for them. But, they send them to school early, have someone pick them up and take them to after school programs and then have the nanny pick them up, feed them and put them to bed. WHO IS REALLY TEACHING THEM THEIR IDEALS? Not the parents.

[hotmomof2]

I actually had the opposite growing up experience. I am an only child and always longed to have lots of brothers and sisters. Now that I am married with 2 children of my own, I still wish that I had siblings because it would be really great to have family around besides just my parents. My husband does have siblings but they live on the other side of the country so we don't get to see them often.
We plan on having atleast 4 but maybe 6 ( it has to be an even number). We'll see. As long as we can afford another child, I think we will have another. For me 6 is the limit not because I can't handle them or can't afford them- there is no vehicle that i've seen that can transport more than 8 people (unless you get like a bus!)
So if you can afford children and can handle them emotionally and physically, go for it! There is no set number. There are peopl who struggle handling 1 child and others can handle 12 or 15! or even more as evidenced by shows on TV such as 19 and counting.
Good luck mommy's!

[hotmomof2]

I agree! Very well said. If you're not raising your children, what's the pont in having them in the first place?? Though I understand that it's not always possible to drop off/pick up due to work scheduals, atleast do as much as you can! Your children should be your priority!. Though I must say, the families that I know that have lots of kids, the mom is usually at home a lot with the kids. It seems like people who only have 1-2 kids are the ones who never see them, Who could afford daycare for more than 2 children?? It's like 1000/month per child!

[aprilrem2481]

me personaly i have 4 kids already and don't get me wrong they keep us very bissy but i love each and everyone of them and give them what they need and want when the deserve it.. but see as if we have 3 boys and one girl i would love to give my daughter a sister to grow up with. even though we can't guarentee it will be a girl it would still be nice to have one more.. i think that peolpe need to have as many our as little kids as they want it your choice don't let someone else make that decision for you.... have as many as you think you can handle...

[ksims]

How many kids is too many?

Interesting question for sure. Is there really any right answer? And if there is, does the answer stay the same all the time? For me, I have to agree with what some of the others have said and say that any more than you're financially capable of taking care of is too many. Having said that, there are some people that are more than financially capable of taking care of many children, but shouldn't. Then there are those that can't afford to take care of many, but keep having them anyway, as if by having more they win some prize or something. Really, it's all dependent on situation. Some people plan to have x number of children and that is what they have. Some people play it by ear, and whatever happens, happens.

I know for me, and don't get me wrong when I say this, it depends on when you ask me this question as to what answer you'll get. If the kids are good, and it's been a good day, I'll tell you that three is just right. Not too many at all. On other days, when the kids have been fighting and need to travel here and there and everywhere all at the same time, I'm going to tell you that I have three too many children. All in jest, of course, but you get the picture. The answer may change from time to time, but it does not diminish the fact that I have three children, and three seems to be just right for me.(It's been a good day! :))

[Rita82]

What's interesting to me is just how much one's own childhood influences the number of children we want to have as adults. It's not surprising...just interesting. I was raised as an only child and often felt lonely growing up. I always envied my friends who had siblings to play with every night. As for me, I played with my friends at school and on weekends. But weeknights were kind of lonely. As a result of my experiences, I have vowed to have more than one child. I actually want six (no particular reason - the number just "feels" right). I'm 28 now and plan to start my large family next year. Since I'm getting off to a late start, I guess I will just see what nature decides to give me during my upcoming years of "advanced maternal age."

[Prica]

I want between five to seven. My husband wants five, and with the line of work he will be getting into once he graduates we will be able to afford that many. However, as I think about it, I want to have personal one on one time with each child every day, which will be possible since I am going to homeschool. Which will esp be possible with 5 children, not so much with 7. Possible, but much more difficult. So I think we will stick with 5 children.
As a child I wanted ten, and it is possible, but emotionally, I don't think I could do a good job raising ten children. So 7 is my limit, and 5 is our goal.

[bluegrassmom]

It really depends on the family. Personally, I grew up the second oldest of 5 and have always wanted to have lots of kid (6 because 4 just wasn't quite enough and 5 means that nothing divides evenly). However, my husband is more than happy with the 2 we have and wants to stop now.
However many children you want to have is fine as long as you and your husband agree on it.

[ZEPHYRVI]

Homeschooling in my opinion is not a great idea. I speak from personal experience, my mom "homeschooled" all of us growing up, (there are five of us.) And I am still not happy about it, she
Did not have the time or the means to educate us or provide us any kind healthy of social interaction,
We grew up extremely isolated, and it was honestly a painful shock to the system when we joined the
Real world, I'm not saying homeschooling can't work...but you also need to be extremely dedicated to
achieve a balanced education for your kids. I think public school is a better option most of the time,
kids need lots of social interaction with more than just their own family, and they need to learn how
to deal with peer pressure, its a part of life. I also believe that kids who go to public school have more
oppurtunities than those that are homeschooled, like sports and clubs etc, etc, homeschooling isn't something to take lightly, nor is having several children, I hated hand me downs...everything I had was
A hand me down, and I still don't feel like I got the attention I needed growing up, in fact I know I didn't.
I strongly caution anyone thinking about a big family, 2 or 3 is great, but but 4, 5,and 6, might start to
Feel crappy because they are still stuck with 1,2, and 3's hand me downs, also 1,2, and 3 might feel like they don't matter anymore and grow to resent their younger siblings, it doesn't matter what your intentions are it is fairly likely to happen, so please keep these things in mind when you are deciding how
Many children to have.

[freakof6]

There's no "right" number, whatever makes you and your husband both happy is the only measure that matters. I have 6 kids. It was alot easier when their dad was alive, I'll admit, but you can't plan for everything. I do wonder, if I had known I would end up doing it by myself, would I have had so many?

[Mamaof8]

We have 8 kids & been homeschooling for 11 years.

We know many families that have many more than us & homeschool as well & it worked for some & not for others.

I personally let my kids see the light of day. We watch TV & go to restaurants. That is the major complaint with society is that the kids are isolated. And if that is the case that they are isolated then shame on the parents because of course when they go out in the real world it is a shock to them. My kids don't wear ALL hand me downs either. They all have new stuff.

How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers. (St. Mother Theresa)

Now if someone were single then my opinion would change of course.

And I'm not saying it is a cake walk. It is what I chose for my career.

People chose to do what the love right? Medical Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers, Police, Mortician's! How can someone look at me & say my profession is "wrong". That's not very fair is it?

As to the argument of wanting to bring more children into the world. Well, that's just stupid. Maybe the one's bringing so many into the world are the smart one's & will get this world back on track! <big smile>

Take Care all & LOVE those babies!!!!!

[UNCOMMON]

I think it's interesting how many posters are saying "have the number you can afford" - does this mean that y'all think poor people shouldn't have children? Most Americans probably struggle at least somewhat to afford their daily lives. I don't think you should run off and have 10 kids and have to use assistance just to feed them, but I don't think "have what you can afford" is realistic or even reasonable.

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[paulinaw]

none!!! kids are too much work!!! The worst expierience of my life.

[stepmom1]

As long as you love your children and can provide for them, then there is no wrong amount to have!

[8chipmunks]

We are having our seventh. We don't need assistance, our kids get individual days out and we have good income. We are very devoted parents. Dh is military, but doesn't deploy, so it really is the best for us. We are quiverfull and don't believe in bc or anything like that.

[8chipmunks]

none!!! kids are too much work!!! The worst expierience of my life.I hope you are joking! That is horrible. Poor kids.

[Swati88]

Well according to me having more than 2 kids is not good in today's era!!

[KarrieS]

Too many is
- the amount that is financially irresponsible, or a hardship on the rest of the family
- the number that you can no longer emotionally care for and nurture
- the amount that puts you over the top!

They say having one is like two-on-one defense, two is like man-to-man (if you're raising the kids with a partner), and more than two is zone defense. I agree!!!

[jklib]

Totally depends on the situation and living scenario.

[EaglesFanx4]

1 is too many for some,others it is not enough. We have 4 and I was a stay at home mom until everyone was in school.We are no means rich,but learned quickly in regards to what we wanted and needed. We built our home,but still drive our original cars. We don't take vacations far away,but instead use that money toward college. Our house is always busy and loud,but I love it that way. The kids are spaced 3-5-3 years apart,so its not overwhelming. Everyone gets along and knows how to share. We spend a ton of one on one with each and are actively involved in whatever they do.Which they actually love and when I hear my teenage daughter talk to her friends and say things like" why wouldn't I tell my mom,she's my best friend?". It makes every old car,lost vacation,voided shoe passion worth it. So to answer the question clearly. It depends on the family to decide on the amount. I will however say something controversial I personally believe if there are people having kids and not taking care of them and continue having them..I'm paying for them,so I think something needs to be done to prevent this. I am not at all against hard working people who need a hand,or people who are just having a hard time finding work, but I am against people using this help to take advantage of the system set in place to help people who actually need it....and NOW I have officially arrived. Lol..