Answering "Where's Daddy" questions

[joshiemommie]

I am a single parent on a 3 yr old little boy.His father is completely not involved. The last time he saw my son , Joshua was 2 months old. At that point he only saw him maybe 4 times after leaving the hospital. My pregnancy was unplanned and it was not a good relationship. The major problem is that his father is a drug addict. When I met him he was in recovery. However at somepoint he relapsed. I started noticing signs and then found drugs when I was pregnant. i confronted him and after numerous arguments he left. I called him when I was at the hospital, and he arrived high and created major distruption that involved hospital staff. All of these highs and lows followed by tears and begging. The last time he saw us, I gave him an ultimatum of drugs or us. He chose the drugs. I knew at the time it was what I had to do. But now Joshua is noticing that other kids have a dad and he doesn't. What am I supposed to say? I don't want to lie but I also don't want to overload him. I don't want him to ever blame himself nor do I want him to try and find/contact his father being as I don't know what condition he will be at that time. I just don't know what to say.

[Jayney]

I would just tell him that all families are different. Some families have a mommy and a daddy. Some have just a mommy. Some have just a daddy. Some don't have mommy's or daddy's, they have grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc.

You can maybe go into other ways that all families are different. Like, "Our family eats dinner at 5:00, some families eat dinner at 7:00." And there is nothing wrong with how anyone runs their family.

I don't think that explanation will overload him. I think it will give him the idea that your family isn't "weird" or "abnormal."

I hope this helps, good luck!!

[crystele]

It is a very much a teachable moment. My daughter had in her mind that families were mom, dad, one boy, one girl. We had to do some talking and showing of other families (your friend has 2 brothers, or this friend lives with her grandma) to get her to see that families are different. "Family" is such a conceptual word at that age.
If he asks specifically about his father you can say his dad decided he was unable to be a part of your family. That's a lot of what they're looking for at that age "do I /did I have a dad?"

[crodden]

I feel your pain. A part of me always feels like I'm depriving my son when I see him playing with his friends' fathers. I, too, had to tell "Dad" that if he wanted to see his child then it would be through the court system so that I could be sure he was sober & straight after which we have not seen or heard from him and that was almost three years ago.

I tell my little guy that his Dad had to move really far away and that phones don't work there. Don't worry too much - a completely absent father is much less traumatic than one who blows in & out of his life or is always fighting with you.

[Pianless2]

My son is now 9 and these questions started about the same age as your baby. Even today it comes up here or there. The way I handled it was by increasing his men only time with safe reliable males in my family or social network. I would tell him that some times Dad's aren't able to give the kind of care a child needs and that this isn't the childs fault at all. I also explained that just cause his Dad wasn't a part of his life he was lucky he had a mom who loved him SO much that she could be Mom and Dad to him. My son knows that his father didn't walk away because of him and doesn't have resentment towards it. I also started him in a therapy program where as he got older he could have a safe place to voice these concerns and feelings. He started at about age 5 when he noticed Dad's more involved in school. Having a safe place even at a young age where they can talk to us about anything really helps as they get older and more prone to hiding feelings or things they are doing.

Keep in mind anything you tell your child is something that could haunt your relationship for years the best bet is honesty in or child downed explinations. Everything always had a light shed on it in life.

[veronica4x4]

How old is your child. I can't really tell you without knowing the age :/ sorry.

[bestkeptsecretout]

My Daddy Don't Love Me
Even though he knows for sure that I'm his seed, he don't love me
most times it makes me feel so incomplete, was I not pretty enough or handsome enough or smart enough to be loved by my own father I believe he don't love me
SAMPLE OF A SONG I WROTE.......Titled "My Daddy Don't Love Me" I'm Looking For A Producer To Put Music Then It Can Become A Play,To Bring Awareness To The Pain Children Feel When They Are Abandoned By Their Father! I Was That Child! lyricistleo59@yahoo.com 504-610-6805