would you remarry?

[E2001]

If you ever found yourself widowed or divorced, would you try to find another spouse/significant other?

I most definitely would NOT. I would not want to risk making a bad choice that would be detrimental to my son. I've seen it happen with other women and I will not put my son through that. Plus, we were on the brink of divorce a year ago & I frankly would not want to risk putting myself through that mess again - including getting stuck with a lunatic MIL like the one I have now and who is squarely in the middle of our relationship problems! ALL of my female family members and friends say they would not remarry.

[Jayney]

I really don't believe in bringing men into children's lives. I think that's really flaky. And I just can't foresee how a man comes into my life in some significant way who won't then become a part of my children's lives. And they don't need another man to become a part of their lives; they have a father. So that pretty much takes dating off the table.

Marriage is a once in a life time event, in my opinion. I found the love of my life, why would I settle for someone that could never even compare to my DH?

[dubnchix]

I have found myself divorced, and YES, I did remarry. Best thing I ever did for my children! Just more people to love them. Not everyone is as fortunate to find someone after a divorce, but I am glad I kept an open mind and allowed someone into our lives.

[crystele]

I would if I found the right guy, but I don't actively "date". I was asked recently by someone why I'm not dating (it's been 5 years since everything was finalized). And I've had dates but I don't have the energy to focus on "dating" as I did when I was younger, that energy goes into my child.
I've had friends who remarried and most are happy they did. I'd probably follow those friends rules; no overnight "visitors", no meeting the kids until you're talking marriage, and marriage is the only result, no long-term boyfriends.
Which narrows the pool considerably but my friends have found it narrows it to the right sort of men.

[lismom2]

Yes. Would I put dating before my kids, absolutely not.

[dubnchix]

I would if I found the right guy, but I don't actively "date". I was asked recently by someone why I'm not dating (it's been 5 years since everything was finalized). And I've had dates but I don't have the energy to focus on "dating" as I did when I was younger, that energy goes into my child.
I've had friends who remarried and most are happy they did. I'd probably follow those friends rules; no overnight "visitors", no meeting the kids until you're talking marriage, and marriage is the only result, no long-term boyfriends.
Which narrows the pool considerably but my friends have found it narrows it to the right sort of men.

I agree, and did have these same rules....my kids come first, always!

[allisonb]

Possibly. I wouldn't rule it out a few years after a divorce or death, but I would always put my kids feelings first and would never bring any man around them that I wasn't very serious about. I would first focus on getting myself and my kids past the emotional issues after a divorce/death. If at some point I found a man who was wonderful to me and my children, I would consider it.

[KelEMcE]

I am 42, and that may explain my response, but I wouldn't even consider remarrying if my husband died or we divorced. I love my husband like crazy, but marriage is a compromise and I can't see doing it with someone else. I have young daughters, and the thought of any man other than their dad being actively involved in their upbringing is really distasteful to me. Parenting WITH my husband can be stressful at times, and I can't imagine being OK with anyone else making decisions about my kids.

I have friends who have remarried or who are in committed relationships after a death or divorce, and it works for them. That's great! I wish them every happiness! I just know that, for me, this is it.

But I DO tell my husband to find a nice young teacher up at our local elementary school and remarry if I die...my girls need a mommy and he can't do hair!

[DragonMomma33]

If my husband died, not sure. Probably not.

If he was the cause for divorce (ex. cheating) then I probably would do my best to move on.

[joeysmom0419]

Its hard to answer this because you can never say I never will, because one day you might. As of now though, I'm not married, but if I did get married to my boyfriend and something happened that I was single I don't see myself searching for someone. My boyfriend has changed my life and made me feel important and wanted. If I ever lost him I would be lost myself. I'd be a wreck.

And I've also seen a family destroyed by remarriage. My bestfriend's dad died when were 14 and then not even a year later her mom remarried. They didn't find out until the week before the wedding that there was another man. And they weren't given a chance to actually get to know the guy, but that didn't matter. They were still in mourning of their dad. And now my bestfriend's little brother is real bad on drugs because of his mom remarrying so soon.

I could never do that to my son. I'd sacrifice my happiness for his happiness.

[Prica]

I have always known that if I'm widowed I will remarry. Probably within 3 years. It is my personality. I am not a person who does well alone. Though I will be careful about who I marry. I made an excellent choice in a first husband, and with the guidance of Jesus I will make an equally excellent choice the second time around if the second time ever comes.
However if I'm elderly when I'm widowed, my children grown. I may not marry again, I'll either move in with my child or close by. But if I'm widowed young I will remarry, I have no doubt.

[MrsBurke]

That's hard to imagine specially when your husband is still alive. I might love again as I did to him. I don't know. I'd probably be gardening and spending more time with my grandchildren if I'll have one. Or I might end dying first than him. LOL

[H.Starr]

If, god forbid, I were ever widowed, there would never be another man in my life. In my eyes, I'd still be married to my husband, so I'd be cheating on him. I realize most people don't see it that way, but I do. Most wedding vows say "Til death do us part," but since that isn't the way we view marriage, ours said "For all the days of my life." MINE, not his. If I'm still alive, we're still married and completely committed. And vice versa. :)

[alissa1979]

If, god forbid, I were ever widowed, there would never be another man in my life. In my eyes, I'd still be married to my husband, so I'd be cheating on him. I realize most people don't see it that way, but I do. Most wedding vows say "Til death do us part," but since that isn't the way we view marriage, ours said "For all the days of my life." MINE, not his. If I'm still alive, we're still married and completely committed. And vice versa. :)

I have to agree with you, Heather. I can't imagine bringing someone else into mine and my daughter's lives to take the place of her daddy. I am actually watching this situation unfold with a close friend who is getting divorced and already seriously dating someone new, and it is really hard to see the confusion her child is experiencing. My husband and I discussed this the other day, and we both agreed.

[ra11en]

If my husband died (I hate even typing that) I might remarry many years later. I really don't know. He would never be replaced, and our child(ren) would never call another man daddy. The only way I would entertain being married to someone else is if my DH were called home to God.

If we ever divorce (almost makes me laugh typing that) I would never remarry. I never saw myself being married, but my DH is my soul mate and it was the natural progression. We took our time, together for 8 years before we got married. If we ever divorced, I have no doubt I would not remarry. My vows were "till death do us part".

[luvs2rit]

I've been divorced for 10 1/2 years and have never remarried. I dated a couple guys, but they turned out to be jerks. After being divorced so long, it would be very difficult for my kids if I introduced a new person into our family now. It would take away from the time we have together. If I ever get remarried, it will be after my kids are grown.

I'm happy for those of you who were able to find a good mate and start again. Unfortunately it didn't happen for me in time. I think it's too late now.

[bluegrassmom]

I don't think I'd actively try to get remarried, but if the right guy came along, I might consider it. I pray I never have to worry about this though!

[shanmann]

I, unfortunately, have found myself a widow at age 25. My husband, the love of my life, father of our beautiful daughter, and my best friend was a Marine killed in Afghanistan 2 1/2 years ago. I would have responded to this question before the accident, much like most of you had, that no I would not remarry. My argument was that my husband has given me all the love I would ever need, and I would devote my life to raising our daughter. I have actually carried this opinion with me up until a couple of months ago, when speaking with other widows who have remarried, and I learned that you can love again, it will just take someone really special and understanding. For me, a potential husband has to be someone who is willing to be a father-figure (not her father); they have to be comfortable with me, my daughter, family, and friends talking about my husband; my husband's pictures will stay displayed in my home; and he has to not be threatened by the memory of my husband.

The love I have for my husband will never go away, nor do I want it to, and I am still devoting my life to my daughter, but that doesn't mean I can't open my heart to love again, or include someone else to share our lives with. So, now I am taking the idea of 'dating' open mindedly. Although, with a Kindergartener, going to grad school, and taking care of the house, I don't know where I am going to find the time to date or meet anyone to potentially date. I guess I will just leave that part up to God.

If there's any advice I could give, I'd recommend you all talk about this subject to your spouses and significant others. My husband said that 'if anything happened' to him, he wanted me to remarry, because he didn't want me to be lonely. Even though he said that, I fought those words, and now I feel confident that if I do remarry, my husband would support that decision and my and our daughter's happiness.

[unimom]

I am married right now and god forbid if anything happens to my sweetie pie right now, and I will still always love him, I would marry again only if the right man comes along.

[sjoquestion]

My late husband would always make jokes when we were married about "my next boyfriend" and I would get upset saying I would never be with anyone else, not just because I planned on being with him forever, but also because I would never want to go thru the drama we went thru again. When I was 8 months pregnant or so with our second son I got a call saying my husband had been in an accident. Our son was born two days later and my husband remained in a coma until he passed away on his own 100 days later. I swore the whole time I didn't want to be with anyone else. One night after work I wanted a drink and asked a coworker where I should go and instantly we just connected. It was something so natural, I mean an immediate comfort. He has been there for me and my kids. I am happy to hear my oldest put "Daddy" in front of his name. We plan on getting married. I was so scared to have my kids get close to another man, especially one that might not stick around, I didn't want them to experience another loss. But he takes care of them as if they were his own and I can see how much they love him and he loves them. And even though there has been a lot of a pain with losing their dad, I feel very blessed, very, very blessed.

[sjoquestion]

So my answer is Yes =)

[charliesmommy]

I would not remarry for a couple of reasons. First, I've been married twice and that is enough for me. Second, there is absolutely no way in the world that I could EVER find anyone who could come close to being as amazing as my husband is. We've had our ups and downs but our marriage is solid and I have the best husband I could ever hope for.

[mamaj120]

My parents got divorced when I was 3 or 4 and my mother remarried when I was 9. Since my biological "father" was never in the picture after they split up, my stepdad has been the only man I've ever considered to be "my Dad." It took a while to adjust after she first met him, but now I can't imagine it any other way! I suppose it might be a different story if both biological parents are still in the picture after the divorce, though...

As for myself, I'm divorced and remarried as well. There were no children from my first marriage, so there was no mess as far as that's concerned. I don't plan on getting divorced again, but if it did happen, I can't necessarily rule out another marriage. It really would depend on the circumstances and how my children reacted to everything.

[LitenKatt]

I have seen both sides. My grandmother was widowed at a young age with 3 children, she never remarried. I had a 4 year old when i remarried. I think it is a very personal thing. I think re-marrying was the best thing i ever did. My husband is a very strong male role model for my son. I believe that 2 parent homes are important for just that reason. If yo have good role models such as uncles, aunts, cousins, whatever that is fine too. As long as your child is well rounded with their influences, that's what really matters. That said i know people that i disagree with very much because they introduce their kids to every person they date. That is very wrong and confusing for the child. I did not introduce my husband until we were engaged. The meeting was also not, 'look it's your new dad' but rather Mommies friend until they created a bond, then i asked if he wanted Niq to be his Dad, he said yes. I even had him "give me away at our wedding.

[MUM2GR8BYZ]

I would definitely not remarry if something ever happened to my husband. I have been with my husband since we were teenagers and he is just irreplaceable as far as I am concerned. I might be able to find love with someone else, but I would never find that same level of intimacy.

There are a lot of other things I would enjoy doing in my life, and I would concentrate on my children and my other interests if I found myself single again. I have a close knit, supportive family and a great circle of friends (both male and female) - so I know my children and I wouldn't find ourselves lacking meaningful relationships. I would probably just get a big furry dog and let it sleep on the bed! :)

[scwitte]

i am currently going through a divorce.....it sucks. i supported my wife during her pregnancy as best i could and while she went to lvn school. we had our beautiful baby in april 22 2010 and she graduated in the fall of 2010 from lvn school and began to tell me she wasnt happy during xmas time. we got married in 2009 but have been together since 2003. starting in jan 2011 she became distant to the point she would leave the house on the weekends and not return until it was time for the baby's bath. her family does not appreciate the value of marriage, her grandmother and aunt are divorcee's her moms first child was born out of wedlock and the childs father was not involved in the childs life, her sister recently had a baby in november with the same situation. my wife and i attended therapy but she was unwilling to participate in the process, i am kinda looking for answers, how does a woman just up and decide its over after investing so much into a relationship and going to the point of getting married and finally concieving a baby after two years trying. i wasnt a perfect husband and i made major changes because i realized that wow now im a dad and i need to set an example for my child. but i cant believe that a woman would work so hard to make a family and turn around and destroy it. does anyone have any answers my wife doesnt seem to have any answers for me, i dont know wat to do anymore. i have been faithfull even after being served divorce papers, i feel that we were blessed with this child because of our committment to marraige. does any of this sound normal?

[theoneman]

i am currently going through a divorce.....it sucks. i supported my wife during her pregnancy as best i could and while she went to lvn school. we had our beautiful baby in april 22 2010 and she graduated in the fall of 2010 from lvn school and began to tell me she wasnt happy during xmas time. we got married in 2009 but have been together since 2003. starting in jan 2011 she became distant to the point she would leave the house on the weekends and not return until it was time for the baby's bath. her family does not appreciate the value of marriage, her grandmother and aunt are divorcee's her moms first child was born out of wedlock and the childs father was not involved in the childs life, her sister recently had a baby in november with the same situation. my wife and i attended therapy but she was unwilling to participate in the process, i am kinda looking for answers, how does a woman just up and decide its over after investing so much into a relationship and going to the point of getting married and finally concieving a baby after two years trying. i wasnt a perfect husband and i made major changes because i realized that wow now im a dad and i need to set an example for my child. but i cant believe that a woman would work so hard to make a family and turn around and destroy it. does anyone have any answers my wife doesnt seem to have any answers for me, i dont know wat to do anymore. i have been faithfull even after being served divorce papers, i feel that we were blessed with this child because of our committment to marraige. does any of this sound normal?

You should have started a new thread for this. It's a different subject from this thread.

My answer to you is it sounds like your wife is seeing someone else. If she wants the divorce then deal with it maturely. Don't go bizerk like some guys do. Let her go if she wants to and try staying involved in your child's life.

I would get remarried again if I found a wise enough woman who truely understood what it takes to have a healthy marriage. That's not easy to know what it takes, and it's even more difficult to actually do what it takes.

[LucillesMama]

My man would want me to find someone else- he tells me he'd haunt me if I chose never to love someone else again lmao!!
I have a right to happiness, to be loved. I'd still insist on having pictures of my current husband, and my future man would have to understand. Because jeff will ALWAYS be my first, true love, and my daughter's father, no matter what happens down the road. that'll never change.

[stepmom1]

That is hard to say. I would love to say not. But my mother and father both remarried and if they had not I would not be here today.

[MollyMccunes]

you sure is chomping at the bit. from one failed relationship right into the next.
just do it now, you dont need to wait. life's two short.
Lean 180 (http://lean180.net/)

[diaperdad]

I am divorced and I would remarry again if I felt it was right. I would also have a longterm relationship (living together) without being married if that felt right.

Remarrying, or dating, isn't about replacing someone in your life, or the lives of your children. It would be like losing a child and having another to replace the lost child. A person can never be replaced.

[summerledesma]

I found that special someone and that person passed away, I would rather live alone then move on. I wouldn't want to love again.
Essence of Argan (http://www.buzzzler.com/viewupdate.php?id=1565)

[carolinaw]

No, i will never plan to remarry because I love my hubby so much. I never quit him and fall in love with other, I swear. I am sure everything is changing, but my love never.

[Malea]

I have always believed that marriage is sacred and should only happen once in a lifetime..unless it is ended by death.However, I found myseld in a situation where divorce was the only option. After I went through that mess I met someone else and we recently married. I have to say it was the best thing that has ever happened to me...and a word of advice to those that say they will never marry again...never say never..-)
Malea

[Swati88]

Well everyone has to do for their children's only!!

[irishblueyes]

It depends. If I've been widowed or divorced for a long time and meet a wonderful man who loves kids and knows how to take care of them, and if my children likes him and are comfortable with him around, then I would consider remarrying. If they don't like him, I would respect their wish and I'll just remain friends with the guy.

[CloPatt80]

I'm not sure you can say what you will or will not do in the future, who knows what's round the corner.
You have to put your children first but also be aware that they grow up and move on. Also, most kids want to see their parents happy.