Are today’s parents too strict – or not

[Kay at Parenting.com]

Do you feel Parents are too strict today, or not strict enought?

[Jayney]

I think parents today are too concerned with being "the cool mom" or "the cool dad." So they try to be as laid back as possible so their kids will like them. I've known too many parents who let their children drink because they think it'll make them like them. It's all about balance. I'm more laid back in certain aspects of parenting (I don't mind him watching a movie while he eats dinner every now and again, he can have a little sugar here and there, etc.) In other areas I'm more strict (bath time, bed time, washing hands before we eat, manners, etc.)

I also think that parents aren't strict enough on themselves. I think they should be completely dedicating themselves to raising great human beings. They should teach their children about the world, teach them about birth control, teach them to have self esteem. I want the next generation to be our best one yet, for my son's sakes. So, parents. Don't spend 13 hours a day on Facebook or any other website. Don't spend 5 hours a day texting. Do what you signed up to do when you decided to have a baby.

[E2001]

Well said, Jayney! Parents want to be their kids' "best friends" instead of parents!

[lonesomesmomma]

Not NEARLY strict enough. I swear kids today have ZERO respect for anyone! Least of all their parents. It's saddening and scary to think of the world ran by this generation.

I could never imagine speaking to my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers the way kids do these days. Some of my nearest and dearest let their kids run all over them. They scream, pitch fits, etc... It's ridiculous and annoying. I'm to the point with some kids to where I want to say "Discipline your kid or I will." Teach these kids resepct! It really is not all that hard! And I am in no way condoning spanking (although I do believe there are times where the situation calls for it), but some effort, time, and patience "you" can have very well bahaved, well mannered, respectful children.

I'm in no means an expert and I know there are times I stumble with my son. But I at least try. My boy knows I love him more than anything, but he's also learning the value of respect. Sometimes he says I'm mean and what not. And I tell him that's okay. He can be mad, but he has to follow the rules or there WILL BE consequences.

Discipline needs to come back in the worst way possible. Kids today are so out of control and disrespectful I weep for future generations.

[dubnchix]

My daughters are seeing what lack of discipline looks like with their classmates. All I can do is raise my children the way I think is right and they cannot control what others do, they can only control what they do. My children have respect and selfcontrol. They have manners and are polite, and they are good students and athletes. If they do something out of line, there are consequences. If they do something right, there are rewards. I am not here to be my childrens friend. I am their MOTHER.
So I think parents are slacking these days and letting technology raise their children. Not for me!

[andbabymakes4]

I think parents today are afraid of their kids, afraid to teach them right from wrong because their afraid they're not going to look cool. We need more parents to be parents not friends to their kids.

[ABoysMommy]

Both. Bad parenting goes both ways. If only the world could find a happy medium.

[crystele]

I'm with ABoysMommy - parents can be too strict or too lenient. Those with ultra-strict parents tended to rebel in their late teens when they got out from under the parental thumb and, sadly, often in very destructive ways.
The real problem I think is that today's world seems to focus on raising individuals, rather than raising the next generation of society. From the inability of our Congress to compromise, to the refusal of parents to discipline, no one is realizing that individual need sometimes must come after societal needs. It is great to be an individual, but in a society, sometimes the individual must conform to societal goods. Otherwise society devolves into anarchy.

[bortega24]

I think parents are too lax these days. When I was growing up, I didn't have a say in what I wanted or thought I "needed". I couldn't wear make-up until I was 16!! These young girls these days walk around looking like drag queens with all the make up they wear! And let's not even discuss the clothes!!! Like a previous posted said, too many parents want to be their child's best friend, and that is the WRONG way to go. You are there to teach them to be the adult they are going to grow up to be.

There is definitely a balance between getting your child to trust you and still be able to parent them. It's hard to find that balance but it is definitely attainable.

[dreah87]

I think a lot of parents are too strict. We expect kids to sit still for 8 hours a day, to dress a certain way, act a certain way and learn certain things. We want them to act like robots and just do whatever we tell them to, for no other reason than the fact that we told them to do it. We expect them to act like grown ups by the time they get to school. When do kids ever just get to be kids?

Childhood doesn't last long. Let them enjoy it before they have to be grown ups.

[gbmama]

I think that too many parents these days think "love" equals "permissiveness" when it comes to their kids. Whether it is out of guilt for not having enough time to spend with them, or some attempt to recapture their own youth through acting like their child's friend, this inability to say no to our kids is really hurting the next generation...they are becoming spoiled, self-centered, disrespectful and self-entitled (and I am talking about some 5 year olds I know).

[Teagan's Mommy]

I think a lot of parents are too strict. We expect kids to sit still for 8 hours a day, to dress a certain way, act a certain way and learn certain things. We want them to act like robots and just do whatever we tell them to, for no other reason than the fact that we told them to do it. We expect them to act like grown ups by the time they get to school. When do kids ever just get to be kids?

Childhood doesn't last long. Let them enjoy it before they have to be grown ups.

EXACTLY!! i agree 100% :)

[HER MAJESTY]

I could really spend a lot of time on this subject. There has to be a happy medium. Let's face it - it's easier to not parent your children than it is to parent your child. I think a lot of parents these days are lazy and doing a huge disservice to their children. So many children are over privileged /under appreciative and it becomes expected behavior of the parent(s). I am all for celebrating your children but there comes a point where it is over the top. What will become of all of these little princesses of the world when “Prince Charming” isn’t so charming and doesn’t buy them whatever they want while they do nothing to contribute to the household because mommy (& daddies too) treat them like the royalty they are not? And, whatever happened to MANNERS?! I think that is the biggest problem these days. No manners, no respect for others… There are so many bad parents in this world and I feel sorry for these children when they become adults, assuming they will “grow up” and mature. The parents of these children will be the first to complain about how society did them wrong and failed their children. I also feel sorry for teachers these days. Not only do they have to educate our children for little pay, now they are expected to raise them too. Why? Lazy, spoiled parents just like the little brats they are raising. It is a vicious cycle.

[cbonds1220]

I don't really think that parents are too strict, but I do think that they have different things to deal with as opposed to what our parents dealt with when we were coming up. Times have changed and so have people. I think that a person's environment, family makeup, and the things that the parents did when younger will all have an impact on how strict or not that they are.

www.parentsmalltalk.com

[DragonMomma33]

Chronic problem I encounter at restaurants and malls is parents not teaching their children how to behave in public places.

[joeysmom0419]

In overall parents are too lax. I know a lot of parents playing the friend card rather the parent card. I am still new to being a mother but when my son grows up I want him to have morals, manners, respect, self esteem, self control. I want him to have some individuality, but not like the kids walking around with their pants at their ankles.

[raly86]

Honestly, some parents are too strict, but most are not strict enough.

Go to your grocery store and watch people for a little bit - you'll see that the majority of parents have NO control over their children. This is a lack of proper discipline and love. A parent who truly loves their child will discipline them, teach them respect for their elders, and yet they will also show them how much they care! A parent who only ever tells their child "NO," or is constantly being strict with them over whatever, is not showing their child true love. You should not be all "buddy-buddy," but playing with your child (age doesn't matter) is vital to a healthy relationship. Your child needs to know they can come to you no matter what. Yes, there may be consequences for their actions, but they should know that FIRST AND FOREMOST you will help them.

[franclan]

I'm an older mom- 52- of two beautiful boys who are 8 and 11 years old. I have maintained, to my husband's horror, that I AM NOT their friend, I AM THEIR MOTHER. They are not required to like me, they are required to obey and respect me. If they like me, it's a bonus. I believe my job is to guide and protect them through a very short childhood, readying them for adulthood, preparing them to make all those millions of decisions which will define them in their manhood. I have been gifted with a limited amount of time to do the most good or most evil possible to these two precious souls. I take that responsibility seriously. That said, there are no other people I enjoy as much as my boys. They are a constant source of amazement. They are so funny! so smart! so compasionate! so loving! They are learning to take responsibility for their daily lives, to forgive themselves and others for human frailities, to stand up and be counted on matters of right and wrong, and that perfection is highy overrated. Sure, they can be whiney and sassy and annoying and messy; they are 8 and 11 year old boys. I pray constantly for God's wisdom as I parent them. I am both strict and lenient, depending on which of my relatives/friends/parents/peers/neighbors one might poll. I am a parent. I suspect I am no different than any other parent out there.

[MCousino83]

Recently I was told that, as a parent, I am "psycho". Granted this was by my ex-boyfriend's ex wife and I took it with a grain of salt. Yet I had to think about it a bit. She has two boys ages 4 and 6. I have one daughter who is 8. Maybe I am a little strict. I am sorry but I do not allow a child to walk up to me and say "go get me some juice". (As both of her sons are allowed to do to her) Instead at my house they say "Chelle may I please have some juice?". At which point I go to the kitchen and get them their asked for juice. Manners go a long way in my house. I also do not let children run willy, nilly around my house without some ground rules as to what they can and can not do. It is amazing at how well behaved the kids are at my house and how completely different things are when they were at their mommy's house. Lately she has instilled a game where she makes it fun and acceptable to slap mommy. I am sorry if I am far too strict but this would also be an activity that would never be allowed. We do not condone any hitting what so ever, even spanking. In the grocery store when they kids have a hard time keeping their hands off each other they get to walk around with their hands on their heads.

Parents want to be "the cool one". I am seeing this a lot more especially in divorced families. We need to remember as parents, even though it would be nice to be our child friend, we are a parent first and foremost and it is our duty to mold well rounded children into well rounded adults.

[cbhus5104]

It's so nice to see all the "strict" parents on here. I plan on raising my daughter as my daughter and not my friend. I'm the mom and she'll do what I say. I respect my mother for being my mother growing up, now we have the best relationship and we have become friends.

[byronsmom]

im a very relaxed mom, i see no reason to be so strict. byron is only 2, yeah he pushes bottuns but thats what kids do. it's all how you deal with what comes up. as for all that teen stuff i'll face it later.

my parents showed us no respect or listened to anything we had to say. i and my husband plan on listening to byron, but he also needs to listen to us too. it goes 2 ways in life. sometimes a comprimise does wonders. everything has its time in place,

[lyricmezzosoprano]

Some parents are too strict, and some parents are too lenient. It's hard to find that right balance. As far as the majority in this day goes, I'd have to say that with younger children, parents are too strict, and with older children, they tend to be too relaxed.

I don't want to force my child into growing up before he/she is ready for it, and least of all before my baby is even at a responsible age. Yes, I will teach manners and respect, but I will not force them to be "grown up" at a young age. Let kids be kids!

However, I do agree that a lot of parents are serious about being their children's "friends". While I will try my best to find middle ground, I will always do what I think is best for my child. I don't want to be so strict that they run off and experiment in an unsafe environment, but I want to be able to teach them how to control themselves, and how to respect themselves. That doesn't mean I'm going to get drunk with my child at the age of 15, but I'd like to teach them about alcohol and sex, and how they are okay -- when you're old enough, and in moderation and safety.

[freckles]

Have you been out in public lately? lol

Parents need to lead by example and be a great role models. The best thing I have done for my children is to teach them manners, have respect for mom and dad, respect for themselves, and for others as well. I will do my children a great service in life to teach them love each other and be polite as possible. It would be a great disservice to my children to spoil them and to take away that feelings of accomplisment and success.

[alonso43]

everyone is losing sight of whats really important when it comes to this THE KIDS
nowadays parents are eigther leting their children walk all over them or yelling at them for the wrong reasons. they say they yell and punish their children because they love them and care for them but they dont even know what it means to care for someone .todays parents dont care for their children they just let them go rampant and yell at them when they get on their parents nerves. so what does that teach them -do whatever you want just dont bother me-? see this is what kids learn today because of their lazy parents. so kids just go wild without any morals or ethics this is why todays yought doesnt care about anything we need to go back to the old days when parents werent all caught up in their careers and todays technology when they werent to depresed over their own lives to take care of their children. parents need to pay more attension to their children and they must learn when to be their friend and talk with them about the world or when to disiplin them for their wrong doings and remeber kids make mistakes so dont be to hard on them. i dont really belive in violence if you hit your children you'll only teach them to how to hit. im an uncle and i have a neece and a nephew and well their dad is ussualy working and when he is home he yells at the boy only when he disturbs him and otherwise rarely pays attention to him and the mom can be careles sometimes going to parties often or ignoring them sometimes
i mean i know this job can get stressull but then why have children if you cant handle the responsability ? so thanks to their parents the kids are turning out kinda spoiled espesialy the girl i try to teach them wrong from right. i punish them when they're bad but i also play with them watch movies do do arts and crafts and read with them i know im not perfect but atleast i try mabey if their parents payed more attention to their children they wouldnt be so spoiled(tip;you dont have to hit your children to disiplin them just scare them off if they're being bad just warn them in a loud voice if they dont listen take out the belt and whip it but dont hit them this works for me when they dont listen and i dont have to hit them)

[iamacat]

Most today's parents are too strict and too lenient at the same time, like having age-inapproporiate expectations like yelling at toddlers for needing constant attention while failing to take care of essentials like healthy meals. I think it's the lack of extended family that deprives parents of examples of realistic working parenting throughout their lives.

[jbmomlife]

I think discipline (or being strict) is a form of love. It takes a lot more energy on the parents part to teach your child right from wrong, good manners and how to be a good person then to let them do (or have) whatever they want. Kids have plenty of friends they need parents to guide them and create a structured environment for them that offers security. My 12 year old nephew is a full blown brat because the parents have given up and let him do whatever he wants. So he just runs wild getting into trouble to get attention, even if it is negative. My daughters get their attention through positive reinforcement. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

barb
www.jenandbarb.com

[TLCombest]

Being strict is really based on opinion. I do not allow my kids to play with other children on school nights and they go to bed at 7:30. Some would say that is strict, I say it works with my kids. They are overly tired when they get home from school and playing with others usually ends in a fight. They may go to bed at 7:30 but they don't fall asleep until after 8. It works for our family.

www.tlcombest.wordpress.com

[jlucas5110]

Some parents aren't strict enough, but some parents are too much so.

I see so many parents yell or snap at their kids for being kids, and I think that parents can be too strict when it comes to things like that. I had a friend who wouldn't even let her kid walk into the bathroom by himself at the age of 4 because "he might get into something". She wouldn't let him run in the park because "he'd just hurt himself", and she would yell (and I mean yell) at him for doing small things that she found annoying, like moving his arm up and down to make his superman doll fly. I felt really bad for him.

[MrsBurke]

I don't think I am strict like my parents were to me before although my son thinks I am strict. I want to be called a cool mom so I try to relax a bit but I still set rules.

[Zebra16]

Parents have a really hard time finding a happy middle of being strict or being lenient. There needs to be a balance of the two.

We try to always find a middle ground with our kids and its not always easy or able to be applied to the situation. Having rules and boundaries is important but its also necessary to give children some earned freedom.

[KBEVERITT]

i agree... you maybe the cool mom to the kids but to your peer parents you are a crappy parent. my mother was my best friend and i raised hell and wow was there a punishment. i was 18 y/o and grounded for 6 months for having a party. but in the end i realized thats what made her the cool mom. she made me take responsibility for my actions, but i could tell her anything. now that i am a mother she is the type of mom i want to be. i want my son to tell me anything or ask me anything but i also want him to know mama means business. good manners good work ethic self respect and respect for others

[BlakeNLyric]

When I was a little girl, there were so many things I had to do in order to remain a child. My mother along with other relatives, would always tell us to stay in a child's place. Whenever there were adults talking, I was told to go outside or in the room.
I don't remember my relatives ever having to repeat something to me or my siblings. We were told once, if we didnt follow directions, we were yelled at, IF there was a third time, we would get a spanking. In today's world, parents are afraid to spank their children because of social services, or the neighbors calling the police. My family would tell us, they would call the police for us WHILE they were spanking our butts.AWe weren't allowed to ask why we had to do something, we better had done it, or else. We werew not allowed to question authority.But today, kids talk back way too much.
I look back on those times, and I am grateful for those times.They taught me how to be responsible, how to have respect for your elders, how to go to school and do your homework prior to going outside for recreation. We were told we needed to be in the house before the sreet lights came on, and we couldn't be anywhere the family didnt know. Back in those days(I'm only 24), if the neighbor witnessed us doing anything wrong, they were allowed to discipline us. There was a sense of community then.It's true, it does take a village to raise a child. But, these days, we dont have a sense of community which is why children can do and say whatever they like.
Well, i'm from the South and I will raise my children the same way my family raised me. No, ifs, ands, or buts...or else!lol

[ParentingPatty]

I agree. I see a lot of parents letting their children hit them, spit on them, and call them names. It is important to let your child know early that this is not acceptable. Most experts don't think you should spank your child, I personally think it sends the child the wrong message. Instead take the child away from the fun. The child will sit there and watch everyone else play and have fun and will think twice about doing it again. The same with older kids. But with any child, you have to follow through, there must always be a consequence to their actions. Let the children help decided on what that is.

[sawyerrush88]

I actually think it depends. I agree most parents are trying to look like the cool parent and don't discipline enough. But smacking your child because they didn't clean their room or are acting up isn't okay in my opinion.

[andbabymakes4]

My pet peeve is watching a parent let their child do whatever they want and then get upset when someone has to "audacity" to tell their child no! Just because *you* let your kid call you names and talk back does not mean I am going to let your child do that to me! Especially, if I don't let my own kids talk to me that way! I've been that situation, and the parent wants to get all pissy and roll her eyes! My biggest pet peeve is when I'm in an adult conversation and the kids are sitting in on our convo and the parent doesn't tell them to leave and what's worse the kid has to put in their 2 cents, are you serious?! If I don't let my 16 year old dd in on my conversation why would you allow your 9 year old?! Im sorry ladies just venting alittle Im going thru that right now...

[kanwal123]

yeah i agree wid dreah87 but most of da time iam very rude and hyper wid my kids i have 2 kids one son and one daughter so can anyone tell me what can i do? iam very depressed iam not that now a day what iam but i just love my kids and i want happy mom so pplz tell me did i tak a postpartum pregnency calsses or not i fell iam mad.............

[Chrissy86]

1.I think parents today just dont give a damn what their kids do.Their to busy worrying over wanting to be the cool parent and let their kid get away with any and everything.I am only 23 years old and I can already sit back and say "wow when I was your age if I did that I would have gotten in trouble".2.I think parents today are too afraid to smack (not abuse) their kids because they are scared they will get in trouble.You have too many librels running around yelling thats abuse even if it is only just a small little tap and these are the people that are complaining that there is just to much violence in the world.Well if it wasnt for them than maybe parents wouldnt be so scared to disicpline their kids when they need it.

[Japanee mom]

I think parents should teach children what is right, what shouldn't be tolerated but never treat them like robots who obey their parents whatever we say. We, parents sometime get wrong, in that case we should apologize them, in that way we can make a good relationship!
Please accept my poor English. I'm Japanese, and I'm posting comment from Osaka.
Japanese mom

[sjmno]

This topic is at the top of the list for me in my private practice with families. I have countless parents marching through my office with the same complaint - that their kids are disrespectful or misbehaving and they have no idea what to do. If i had to vote in one direction of the other, w/o a moment's hesitation my vote would be that most parents are NOT strict enough with their children. I'd go as far as to say that most kids are begging for their parents to set limits on their behavior, and when they don't, these children end up being very unhappy and feeling out of control. Often children don't let on that their own behaviors are making them miserable, but 90% of the time in these kinds of cases it's the reality.
I've written a book addressing exactly the issues, entitled "Have the Guts to Do it Right: Raising Grateful and Responsible Children in an Era of Indulgence". Perhaps it can be helpful to someone struggling with this issue.

Be strong!
Sheri Noga, MA

[CollegeStudent]

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[Stephanie Chavez]

I fell that there are a lot more kids today who do not have enough respect for their elders, I think there are parents who are not strict enough! It is their kids so I guess it is their choice! We all would like to think we are doing a great job parenting but infact for a lot of us first timers we do need advice!!! So please don't be affraid to ask for it theer is no shame in asking!!

[Annie28732]

I would love for every adult to read "From a Child's Perception" by Anna Fowler! This book isn't written by a great author, but it has all the basics for a great read and finetunes the balance of love verses discipline, and parenting verses friendship. It's written from the heart and not a textbook, so it's personal and down to earth. Happy Reading! Kids need to be kids and live the adult world less, allowing for parents to have the greatest career in the world!

[Annie28732]

i agree... you maybe the cool mom to the kids but to your peer parents you are a crappy parent. my mother was my best friend and i raised hell and wow was there a punishment. i was 18 y/o and grounded for 6 months for having a party. but in the end i realized thats what made her the cool mom. she made me take responsibility for my actions, but i could tell her anything. now that i am a mother she is the type of mom i want to be. i want my son to tell me anything or ask me anything but i also want him to know mama means business. good manners good work ethic self respect and respect for others
In reading kbeveritt's post, I am again reminded of "From a Child's Perception" and what the author tells us about seeing things thru a child's eyes. Children need structure with understanding, love with discipline, and guidelines with options to promote self-esteem and character building. Wrong is wrong and their futures depend on us to draw lines between acceptable and unacceptable behavior and consequences define this line. There is logic to be explored in this book and every child should have the benefit of the best childhood possible!

[dragon_fly606]

I think most parents are to soft on their kids. I'm sorry, but in my opionion they are. When I was growing up never would I EVER invite myself to someone else's dinner table, family night out, sleepover, anything of that sort. NEVER. You waited for an invitation. You showed respect to your friends parents, and your friends showed it to yours.

I've had my kids' friends invite themselves over for all different kinds of gatherings at my home and find it disrespectful. Went this summer with my family to a theme park here, what happened? My older son's friend shows up expecting to go with us! Excuse me? We had never invited him, not did my son, he just assumes he's going. The answer was no.

I've seen kids yelling at their parents like they aren't deserving of respect. Wake up people, when you let your kids walk all over you all the time, it does get hard to see you as deserving. A healthy respect of you is needed for you to have a healthy family. You don't punish for the sake of punishing, but you do teach your kids a lesson by having boundries set and showing that those boundries are in place for a reason.

"Childhood is short, let them be kids". Bull. I've got brothers older then me who still act like kids. It's not about robbing your kids of their childhood, is about giving them a healthy family boundry to do it in. I'm not their best friend, nor while they are kids, should I be. We have when they reach adult for us to become friends. Until then, I want them healthy, happy, and YES respectful. Kids years ago helped on farms after school all day and were happier than kids are today. So stop assuming we're driving them like work horses, they have more freedoms then ever.

[HappyHappyJoyJoy]

I am a teacher and have worked at a high school, middle school, elementary school and day care center at various times throughout my career (while working on my degree and now working toward my Ph.D. in Early Childhood) I have to say that the day care job was the worst - I had no idea how others really treat their children and what they allow or don't allow until I saw it on a daily basis. For example, I had one mother of a 3 year old who wouldn't allow her son to be put in any sort of time time out because "a time out would show that the teacher just wasn't watching him and showing him what to do correctly". So, when we were playing with cars and out of nowhere (he wasn't escalating or playing "wild like")he would drive his car into his friend's head and hurt his friend, it was the teacher's fault for not watching him closely enough. She didn't want any sort of outside rule placed on her son because everything he did was his way of expressing himself and she didn't want to quash his emerging personality.

Also, I had so many parent's complain about "positive reinforcement". I had one mom tell me to stop. She expected her daughter to keep her hands to herself while standing in line and she thought that teacher's telling the kids that they were doing a good job doing what they were supposed to be doing in the first place was just plain idiotic. "She's going to grow up and get a job and think her boss is going to tell her ""Nice job showing up on time"". I agree. The kids think that they need to be told every single time they were doing something correctly. There was one child who would blurt out "Look at me. I'm not touching Jacob" at least 25 times a day or "Look at me using my walking feet". She expected a compliment each time she did anything she was supposed to be doing. I know so many parents who just hate it. I agree. Once in a while, kids just need to be told "No". Why? Because I said so. They don't need an explanation or a pat on the back and a dissertation on why Mommy doesn't want little boy to do X or Y. Sometimes they do, though, and I see that, too.

I see so many parents who are so lenient and let their kids do whatever they want and feel the need to explain every single move and decision that they make as parents. A co-worker used to call the kids "pocket pets" because she thought that the parents were raising little pets to be carried around like Paris Hilton's little dog. Dressed up, paraded about and never told anything that wasn't completely positive. Sadly, I agree with her for the most part. There are no rules, no boundaries and no one telling the kids that what they are doing is wrong. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "But look at that cute little face. How am I supposed to say no to those sad little eyes?" One last story: Last week a little boy was dipping his chicken nugget into bbq sauce and "driving" around the table while he was eating with his friends make loud car sounds (they eat family-style). I sat at the next table watching the teacher say "Buddy, please put your chicken nugget down. Please either take a bite or put your nugget down." The child just kept dipping and driving with his "mud". The teacher got up, knelt down beside the child and said "Please. I need you to eat so you are not hungry later". This went on for over 2 minutes. He was "driving" his nugget so wildly that there was bbq sauce all over the table and the child next to him and he eventually tipped his chair over because he was driving so wildly. I asked if she needed help and she said that she "had it". Finally, another teacher got up, snapped her fingers and said in a commanding voice "Tommy. Stop" He stopped. He also sat back down, watched the other teacher to see if she was watching him and continued to eat nicely. Because of my position there, I am privy to certain information. The teacher that snapped her fingers was reprimanded by the center director for snapping her fingers and using a "loud voice". The center director told her that she shamed the child by bringing attention to him (like the other kids didn't notice the nugget car making loud noises and dragging mud around the table) and intimidated the child by snapping her fingers. The center director then wrote up the teacher and put it in her file. I see so many of the "educated" doing such things. They don't want to do anything to make the child feel bad or tell them anything that "isn't happy". So, it's not only parents who don't want to discipline their children. Teacher's are also being taught that positive reinforcement is their only option for classroom control and I see that it's just not working for many of the children.

As an educator, I am saddened to see how many people are raising their children without discipline. I see so many children being raised without respect, care for others or any sort of moral compass. I hope the tide turns to another "educated" method soon because what I'm seeing isn't working.

[Supermomma]

Nowa days I see 16 years olds having kids and throwing them on mommy and daddy- The grandparents. I think discipline is important, but I think that it's more important to teach them values and not "don't touch that, No No, or be nice." I think it's important as a parent you explain to them the difference between in right and wrong. You can tell a child to not do something and they not do it, but do they understand why they shouldn't do that?

Babies are seen as an accessory, like a purse. I see more grandparents raising kids. Mommy and Daddy are just the host. And kids are not listening to mommy, because mommy isn't raising the child the grandparent is!

[superexcitied3]

well said !

[ekerazy78]

As a former pre-k teacher I can honestly say that parents are not strict enough at all. Too many parents give false threats. Parents today tell their kids "If you do that one more time then you will be punished." This does not work on the child if you have to tell them this 20 times!! Follow through with threats!!

Parents are afraid to discipline. They are not afraid of their kids though, they are afraid of society. Society tells us to let our kids do whatever they want. A woman brought her 4 year old daughter to a parade and the little girl kept running out into the street. After the 3rd time the woman gave her daughter one little spanking on her bottom. The woman was escorted by security, arrested, and now has to live outside of her home and in apt. She is only allowed supervised visits with her daughter now.

Society says it is wrong to discipline, yet we wonder why so many kids are spoiled brats!

[existingclara]

I would rather dicipline my child so she can become a responsible adult.

[MAMABLUE]

Parents need to be a Parent 1st and a Friend 2nd. Pain and simple children need rules and discipline. If parent's "Let them enjoy it before they have to be grown ups, " you'll have a child with no manners, no self control, and horrible social skills. I've seen how "Cool Parents" kids have been damaged from their parents lack of discipline and wanting to give them whatever they want. They become teens and adults who are rude, hot tempered, and unpractically impulsive. I love my daughter and I intend to raise her to be a good person with good morals and manners. How can I possibly teach her that without any discipline?

Now with that said, we also need to listen to our kids as they get older. If you continue to slap more and more rules and scare your children of making mistakes, they'll feel that they can't come to you with anything, especially serious problems that occur. There were so many horrible things I went through that my mom to this day still does not know about. Parents are supposed to be the people that their children can come to with ANYTHING. If my daughter ever has a problem she needs to know that she can come to me for help. If I don't help her who will?

Like I said be a Parent 1st, a Friend 2nd. True it's easier said than done but I strongly feels it's what a parent should strive to be.

[maciasjennie]

Parents are none at all strict. As a teacher, I see and experience the lack of parental involvement and the kids lack of respect for adults. It's also has to do with the involvement of the government in parents' lives. My mom would reminder us of our status in the household with a belt or her hand. Now, If parents try to discipline their kids CPA will get invovled. WTH!

[ajbrownies]

I think it's a mix. Many parents give their kids too much and expect too little from them. Basic manners are practically non-existent and 9-year-old kids with cell phones is insane to me.
On the other end of the spectrum some parents are forcing their kids to grow up way to fast and that isn't fair either.

[mountainmom]

As a teacher and a mom, I believe that many parents these days are not strict enough and the consequences can be huge. When I was a kid, if I got in trouble at school I was more afraid of my parents finding out than the principal, now it seems that many parents tend to bail their kids out when they get in trouble at school. Kids are not learning to take responsibility for their actions, and as a result their manners and behavior are suffering.

[thewoman]

It is an old thread but I am happy I came across it. The strictness issues has been bothering me for months, and I thought it was a cultural thing. Now, reading posts in this thread I see it is not. I am Russian, born and raised there, but my husband is American and so are his kids. I got them as my stepkids when they were 10 and 11, they are an year older now, and I consider them very spoiled. I was talking to my husband about it and giving examples from my childhood (my parents were very strict on me) but he said it was all due to my homeland and lack of independence in the country. I am sorry, but responsibility and respect are universal. Amazing, my husband is a strong-willed person but when it comes to his kids they manage him 100%. I thing the problem is him trying to be cool: his ex are not much of a mother, her house is a mess and she has no care for the kids but he is still in the war with her over the custody, so kids go back and forth. I think he feels guilty, and when they come over they can do whatever they want: stay in bed all day in their pj's playing video games and watching TV till 3 am, they decide where we go, where we eat, what we buy and what I cook for dinner. I think it is too much. Yes, they are individuals but I am afraid they may grow up lazy and irresponsible. I believe in tough love: if you set rules and are strict it doesn't mean you don't love your kids. My parents gave me this type of love, and I am very thankful to them (I am 28 now) and we still have great relations. I was a late and only kid in a big family and my best friend since early childhood was my aunt who is 44 years older than me but made no difference: since I was 6 I was involved into all family actions. I was never bored or left to watch TV all day. I was always busy doing things including reading, studying and helping around the house since age 6. My stepkids do nothing. Mu husband says that they are kids and they need fun. OK, everybody loves fun but I am sure teaching being responsible when someone is 18 is too late. What will happen to them when we are not around? They can't even the toilet properly not alone to clean up the bathroom. Yes, parents today are not strict at all.

[Chuck_Nora]

It's almost to the point where I feel like "happy median" is an imaginary place. Some parents may be too strict, but there are others whos kids are bullying in school and the parents say "Not my kid. My kid wouldn't make fun of your kid." There's something to be said for sticking by your child, but you need to correct bad behavior before someone gets hurt...

Unfortunately, it's also getting to the point where I'm not 100% against a parenting license. Dispite the fact it's a huge invasion of personal property and socially unrealistic, it would be a great way to ensure parents know what their getting themselves into. When pigs fly right?

All that said, I am completely terrified about being a mother (we're expecting our first in January). I don't want to be too strict, but I'd like my child to have the manners and respect I was taught growing up. Wish me luck!