Potty Mouth!

[Jessica at Parenting.com]

In the August issue of Parenting, we discuss what to do when your sweet child develops a potty mouth.

One reader asked, "The 5-year-old next door is teaching our 3-year-old to say things like "butt" and worse. Is this just kid stuff, or should I keep our daughter away from her?"

What do you think? Is it harmless silliness, or the beginning of more bad behavior?

Have your kids used bad words? How did you handle the situation?

[War_Eagle]

In the August issue of Parenting, we discuss what to do when your sweet child develops a potty mouth.

One reader asked, "The 5-year-old next door is teaching our 3-year-old to say things like "butt" and worse. Is this just kid stuff, or should I keep our daughter away from her?"

What do you think? Is it harmless silliness, or the beginning of more bad behavior?

Have your kids used bad words? How did you handle the situation?

Same as our parents did: we washed their mouths out with soap.

They never did it again.

[cdato20]

I agree. If it's just the language, wash their mouth out. If it's other unsavory habits as well, limit contact.

[newmommy010206]

Wow, what cruel behavior to wash out a child's mouth with soap... my mother never did it to me when I cursed as a child and I still learned that it wasn't appropriate behavior. My 2 1/2 year old has started saying "damn it" and "****" but only because she repeats them from the tv, I just take her aside and remind her that we don't repeat what we hear from the tv and we don't watch that show or movie anymore unless she is in bed.

[War_Eagle]

Wow, what cruel behavior to wash out a child's mouth with soap

How on Earth is that cruel?


My 2 1/2 year old has started saying "damn it" and "****" but only because she repeats them from the tv,

I hate to point out the obvious, but why were you letting a 2 1/2 year old watch a show with such language?

[charliesmommy]

Wow, what cruel behavior to wash out a child's mouth with soap... my mother never did it to me when I cursed as a child and I still learned that it wasn't appropriate behavior. My 2 1/2 year old has started saying "damn it" and "****" but only because she repeats them from the tv, I just take her aside and remind her that we don't repeat what we hear from the tv and we don't watch that show or movie anymore unless she is in bed.

I don't find it cruel at all. Maybe for an only child. But, siblings tend to feed off of each other and that can give kids big potty mouths. I had my mouth washed out with soap for swearing and saying words that were insulting to others. To this day I do not speak the words that I was punished for.

[mum2004]

If you would do that here in germany (wash out mouth with soap) you would incur a penalty...child maltreatment.
That is violence against children and absolutly needless.
Potty words are normal, that is just a stage of development.
Just ignore it..or tell your child that you do not want to hear those words.
The more you mention it the more it gets interesting.

[mum2004]

Well..let me guess...you had your mouth washed out with soap and didn`t realize/understand WHY. You surely did not understand the reason.
Don`t you think it makes more sense to explain things?

[SusanStiffelman]

I would agree that while it might "work" to wash a child's mouth out with soap, there are definitely better ways. If you don't give it a lot of energy or attention, and simply say, "I know that word. I don't like hearing it," and then walk away and get busy with something else, I would suspect the child wouldn't find it so compelling to keep using it.

Then again, if you're concerned they'll say it in front of Grandma, you can take it another step and say that it looks like neighbor Billy (or whoever) taught them a new word, and it's a word that makes people uncomfortable, so the only place they can say it is when they're alone in the bathroom. I much prefer offering a positive option than engaging in a power struggle--especially with a two year old!

Mostly, though, I would downplay it, and not make your reaction so interesting and dramatic that the child keeps using it...

[SusanStiffelman]

I would agree that while it might "work" to wash a child's mouth out with soap, there are definitely better ways. If you don't give it a lot of energy or attention, and simply say, "I know that word. I don't like hearing it," and then walk away and get busy with something else, I would suspect the child wouldn't find it so compelling to keep using it.

Then again, if you're concerned they'll say it in front of Grandma, you can take it another step and say that it looks like neighbor Billy (or whoever) taught them a new word, and it's a word that makes people uncomfortable, so the only place they can say it is when they're alone in the bathroom. I much prefer offering a positive option than engaging in a power struggle--especially with a two year old!

Mostly, though, I would downplay it, and not make your reaction so interesting and dramatic that the child keeps using it...

Susan Stiffelman, MFT
www.passionateparenting.net

[War_Eagle]

That is violence against children and absolutly needless.

How is this "violence against children"?

[APEMBERTON]

I Don't Think I Would Ever Wash My Kids Mouth Out W/soap, But I Don't Think It Is Violent Or Too Mean. I Agree W/ Previous Posters That The More Attention You Give To The Prob. The More He/she Is Likely To Say It!! Kids That Young Don't Understand What They Are Saying Only That They Can Get You Frustrated By Saying The Word. I Would Say "we Don't Use That Word" & Move On.

[Mamaof1]

I have washed my daughter's mouth out with soap (she is 5), after hearing her say potty words, letting her know we don't say them, reminding her again that we don't say them, asking her to not say them and finally letting her know that if they were said again, she would be disciplined. After she had her mouth washed out...no more problems. Everyone might not agree with this method, but it worked in my household.

[jojojoanie]

I would agree that while it might "work" to wash a child's mouth out with soap, there are definitely better ways. If you don't give it a lot of energy or attention, and simply say, "I know that word. I don't like hearing it," and then walk away and get busy with something else, I would suspect the child wouldn't find it so compelling to keep using it.

Then again, if you're concerned they'll say it in front of Grandma, you can take it another step and say that it looks like neighbor Billy (or whoever) taught them a new word, and it's a word that makes people uncomfortable, so the only place they can say it is when they're alone in the bathroom. I much prefer offering a positive option than engaging in a power struggle--especially with a two year old!

Mostly, though, I would downplay it, and not make your reaction so interesting and dramatic that the child keeps using it...

Thank you so much. I was reading down this thread appalled at the talk. I was so glad to get to your sensible, intelligent words.

You are a god-send.