View Full Version : In laws trying to tell u what 2 do
05-04-2010, 04:07 PM
My fiance and I had our son in December his name is Daulton. Well his family is kinda crazy and they try to act like they run my son. They think they are the ones that make all the decisions' they tell me oh don't do that or oh your doing this and that wrong. And when I tell them oh you don't do this or please don't do that, for an example they try feeding him human food that he can swallow he ends up puking well they went to go do it again and I said don't please and she got all mad at me. I'm fed up do I just become a really peed off mom and say now look knock it off I'm the mom or what? If I could get some advice it would be great!!!!
05-04-2010, 11:48 PM
Speak to your fiancÚ - the "rule" tends to be that when there are in-law issues, the spouse needs to talk to their own family on the behalf of the couple. Does your fiance see the same problems? Let him know you need his support by having him speak to his family as well as making sure they follow through with what is requested.
Discuss with him the specifics of what you really need the family to stop doing, and put a positive spin on it by discussing some of what you like. (You might have to reach for likes, but everyone can handle constructive criticism better if it is accompanied by positives). And let the family know the reasons why (even, "I want to be the overprotective mom as long as possible, please help me in doing that" can be a good reason for your in-laws to back down a bit).
You can start many of your conversations with "I read in XYZ baby book/magazine that . . . " and then state your plans for your baby (starting solids at a later age, not using baby powder, etc.) Might help them to know where you are getting your ideas from, and not think that you are just "doing it wrong".
If all else fails, you can say "Knock it off, I'm the mom" but you will have to live with these people as family for the rest of your life, so you should try to come to a happy medium with them in a kind as possible way. Good Luck.
07-15-2010, 07:59 PM
im so sorry that ur going through that with ur in laws. im in the midst of it myself right now. there was a big blow up four months ago and i havent spoken to my boyfriends family since which is causing major problems for us. i hope everything works out good for u. i couldnt handle being told how to raise my son and his mother doesnt think that there is anything wrong with acting like his parent because she does it with her other grandchildren and thier parents dont mind. please let me know how things work out maybe i can try what u did to make thing better between my bf and i.
09-12-2010, 03:23 PM
I live with my inlaws . i love them to death because they love my daughter and have helped me out so much.
09-16-2010, 01:10 AM
Do you live with them?
I never had in laws but my mom did acted like she was the mom. I just talked to her in a nice way explaining myself. Living with in laws or parents should be avoided so we won't be clashing with them.
09-18-2010, 11:49 AM
my bf's sister has three kids (only one is in her custody now) and their parent's totally tried to be like that towards her kids. His mom is a horrible mean, uncaring person with zero personality and less than zero interest in her son. I don't like her and she doesn't like me and we each know that and we don't talk. His sister wants to be my friend but is really creepy and weird and makes me uncomfortable. His dad wants everyone to do everything he say and sit quietly while he preaches then say 'thank you sir' for the tongue lashing. pshhhtt as if. the funny thing is his 'dad' is actually his stepdad, who doesn't have any kids of his own. I remember once he told us (speaking with oh so much authority) that if we ran a vacuum, it would be soothing to our daughter and help her sleep and stop crying. My daughter is terrified of the vacuum. She screams whenever I turn it on, and i can't turn it on while she's sleeping because it will wake her up and, of course, make her scream. Of course, i never told him that (a different opinion than his?? blasphemy!!!! lol).
They're all selfish and stuck up and horrible and because of that, I told them all off (I called his stepdad a sanctimonious b*st*rd).
As an aside, his mother was of the school of thought that letting a baby stand supported on your lap before eight months would lead to bowleggedness. My baby is seven months and can crawl, pull herself to stand, and cruise on furniture with only minimal supervision (in case she loses her balance). hahaha i laugh at my bf's mom. There have been so many advances in child care and development information, and assuming you have at least base knowledge of current childcare practices, you probably know better than they do (hey you're not going to start your baby on straight cow's milk at three months, right? haha or something like that, sry that was from my grandma) Also, remember that you know your baby best. Oh and if he puked (I'm not sure what you mean by 'human food', babies are little humans too, so formula and baby food IS human food, right?) he's probably not ready for that.
My point in this story is, if you don't need to rely on them (if you do, you might try a gentler approach) there's no reason to put up with their crap. I have no problem telling people I don't like exactly why I don't like them, and if my bf's family were doing this, well, I wouldn't tolerate it even once let alone all the time.
of course, i never tried a gentler approach with my bf's family because i knew they wouldn't listen. before you go telling anybody off, make sure they know that their behaviour bothers you, and if you're convinced they're doing it on purpose just to try to exert power and control, you might think about removing them from your life. Think about it (and this is where I'm coming from in what I did too), if your child grows up seeing his grandma and grandpa disrespecting his mommy, and his mommy just sitting there and taking it, how much respect do you think he's going to have for you when he grows up.
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