Good Afternoon

[bunny323]

I am a too-be-step mom of two boys. I have no children of my own but I have wanted children for a long while. I am divorced and the only thing that kept us from having a baby is my ex told me repeatedly that I was not ready to have his kids. Ironically enought, after cheating on me, he left me to chase after his highschool sweetheart who is also married and has three boys of her own. That is a whole other soapbox for me though. I am happy with my current relationship and although I am jumping into a ready made family situation, we both want to try for one after we are married. That in itself will not happen for a while (I want a long courtship) I am just happy to have found a community where I can rant and get help on the step-mom issues instead of always chatting my co-workers and friends ears off.

[gostomskiart]

Hi and welcome! I'm glad you have found a happy relationship, this is a great place for advice etc.

[dubnchix]

I was a step-mom for 12 years. They were 7 and 13 (both boys) and their mom was a real peach. Although I bonded somewhat with the younger one, the oldest and I went rounds and rounds.....pulled the 'ol "your not my mom" card. Thank God, I wasn't his mom! Geez. Anyway- just want to tell you that it is hard at times BUT it can be rewarding. Think of it this way......your soon to be step children have 2 mommies. You may not ever be able to say that verbally but, in your heart you'll know you are doing those children good. Good luck!

[1st Time Mom - Again]

As a former step-child, the best advice I can give you is be patient. Even when you are certain "His" kids hate you (and there will be those moments) remember that they are "Our" kids and that underneath it all they really love you and want you to love them. They tend to test the limits because they fear you won't love them.

My step-mom and I recently had a long talk. She spent most of our growing up years wondering if she was doing the right things. As an adult I was able to assure her that she was the best mom I could have had - but as a teen I was not able to say so.

[lou]

Oh I'm so dreading the teen years with my stepsons. I have two SS's ages 7 and 9. well not exactly step sons as we're not yet married,but that's a whole other issue. teh oldest and I get along great. he's just a lovable, affectionate, polite little boy. the youngest on the other hand is well a handfull. he's not bad or even misbehaves all the time, he just has a different personality. he's a total daddy's boy, onry, and stubborn, but as I said he's not bad. In fact they really only ever get in trouble for fighting with eachother, which is to be expected. However I can see this sort of underlying defiance bubbling just below the surface and I just know he's going to give us hell as a teen.
As someone said to me on a previous post being a step mom in alot of ways is harder than just being a mother. I'm really starting to see that. with your own children you've a virtualy instantaneous bond (i'm due in 5 weeks with my first). However with step children it takes time and patience to bond with them and that bond is continuously tested, by them, their bio mom, life in general, and yes even by yourself etc. I still find myself at times hating the fact that the boys aren't ours and that his ex is in the picture still, limited as it may be. It's nice to be able to come on here and rant and vent to people in similar situations that can offer perspective, advice, or just lend an ear so to speak. Venting keeps us sane and free from regret.

[bunny323]

It's nice to be able to come on here and rant and vent to people in similar situations that can offer perspective, advice, or just lend an ear so to speak. Venting keeps us sane and free from regret.

Amen to that!