Suspect son may have ADD - what do I do?

[lovinthismamathing]

My oldest son is 4 1/2. He is a fun, energetic, bright boy, but as time goes on I'm beginning to suspect more and more that he might have ADD. For a long time now I've not wanted to admit it - because I was certain that he was just being a young boy and all the special traits that go along with that. =)

However, he's not "out-growing" some of the things I thought he would have by now. He can't focus on much of anything - always wants to jump from one activity to the next. He hates practicing writing his name (an issue at preschool) because "it's too boring". He talks non-stop and doesn't seem to hear anyone else (like me or DH) when we try and get him to stop so we can talk to him or get him doing something else. There are times when he remembers a task I give to him, but most of the time I ask him to do something, he says ok, then he goes off to do something else. I'll say to him - "What did I just ask you to do?" and he can't remember.

There are days when DH & I get so exhausted from dealing with him. He really is a good and sweet boy and doesn't like to act naughty, but he doesn't listen when we ask him something. But it seems like it's more an issue that what we say isn't registering with him - not that he's deliberatly disobeying us. And as much as we have worked on a talked about certian things (not interrupting us when we talk, picking up toys before doing another activity) he doesn't seem to "get it".

Would you suspect ADD? If so, who would I go to? His preschool teacher, maybe the pediatrician? I'm afraid that they'll just want to put him on meds from the get-go, but I've heard so many horror stories about those that it has made me worry about bringing it up to anyone. What should I do?

[recenello]

I would suspect ADD. I have it and have had it since i was a kid and thats exactly what i do.

Remember, it's not that he can't learn. He just needs to learn in a different way. I just posted something on ADD on another thread a few days ago. I'll paste it here:


Hey! I'm 25 and still have ADHD.

People with ADHD learn differently than normal people.

We don't like doing something if we think it is useless. In other words, if your child is told to learn something without the reasons of why it's applicable to life, then he won't do it.

My parents worked extra hard with me in grammar school because of my ADHD. The problem was once I matured into highschool and college, I didn't have my parents as a crutch. I had to do things on my own. And that didn't work out so well.

I feel teachers teach in a style that is learnable to normal children, but not learnable to kids with ADHD. I only can learn something if I feel passionate about it.

It's no wonder that I am doing more learning now that I've graduated college than I ever have in my entire life. Why? Because I'm falling into subjects that are valuable to ME.

I like learning how to be creative, and I love things that have to do with human behavior. I find people with ADHD have an entrepreneurial spirit that normal people seem to lack.

We are good at fixing leaks (metaphorically), we are good at creating things, we are good at managing and delegating. We know how to hustle (when we know it's valuable). We are very charismatic (in our own way).

I find I learn best visually and sonically, just a smidge more effective than text. Though, text is valuable if it is INTERESTING!

How is it that in the past two days, I have watched over 8 hours of video on how to market your brand? In the past month, I have watched more than 30 hours of video on human behavior? In the past 5 years, I have mastered the art of human interaction by reading endless psychological and human behavior books. I have studied facial expressions and emotional intelligence by Dr. Paul Ekman and Daniel Goleman like crazy in the past seven months.

What I'm trying to say, is when I think something is beneficial to my life, I jump on it and devour it whole. However, if I think something is a waste of time, I will do everything in my power to avoid it.

Take the time to teach your child the benefits of the work he is doing. A person with ADHD thinks, "Why should I be studying, doing homework, and taking tests for no reason? All of this stuff is boring and not applicable to my life. I'd rather sit and do nothing than do this work."

Teach him and let him experience why these things are interesting.

If it is math, bring him to the store and tell him to pay the cashier, while managing to receive no coins back, only bills.

If it is social studies, bring him to different parts of the world (even the country), and show him different cultures.

If it is english, show him the excitement YOU receive out of reading books, and writing letters. Have him write a letter to a friend or relative across the country. Let him understand the benefit of learning the english language.

You have to make him understand why these things are beneficial to his life. Make him WANT to do these things, not just resign to them.

You need a teacher that makes this stuff INTERESTING. That's why Bill Nye was so great. That's why Mythbusters is huge. He needs Bill Nye as his teacher.

What do I recommend? Join the PTA board. Make friends with all of the teachers. Find the one that is the most charismatic, and push to get your kid in THAT TEACHER'S class. We learn best when the person teaching us is exciting. Why? Because if someone teaching it is excited about the subject, so are we. Because it must be valuable.

Find the teacher that teaches students in a different way. It sucks to have ADHD and have to live in a world where people learn differently than you do.

[RLTMommy]

I would suggest looking into a Montessori school because they tend to be more student lead as far as course of study. They allow students to get up from their seats and move around the room purposefully. And the student to teacher ratio is significantly smaller. My husband's family has a lot of people who have learning disabilities/ADHD. He does. He has turned it into several successful businesses and is easily one of the most accomplished people I know. If you knew him in school, you would have thought that he would have turned out to be a loser. Even if your child doesn't excel in school, it doesn't mean that he won't in life. Finally, remember that you DON'T HAVE TO give your child any medications that you don't want to. If the doctor you speak with suggests medication right out of the gate, I would get a second opinion.

[recenello]

Even if your child doesn't excel in school, it doesn't mean that he won't in life.
If I could kiss you on the lips I would. You hit it PERFECTLY.

[Newmom!]

The book "Should I medicate my child" by Dr. L. Diller would be a good read for you. Lots of ideas on NON-medication ways to help your child as well as thoughts on to when to consider medication. To give meds or not is your decision. There is a lot that can be tried before considering medication.

Go to both the preschool and the pediatrician and ask them their thoughts and ideas. They may have some good strategies that you haven't tried yet.

Also, look into getting your child evaluated by the early intervention program - in my city it is run by the school district - but every state does it their own way. (your doctor should have information on how to contact them) The evaluation is free ( the child does not need a diagnosis to be evaluated), and so are services if you child qualifies for any. If your child qualifies for early intervention then he will be able to receive behavior therapy services that will help him to learn how to function more as expected in a classroom setting. If he does qualify, then he will have the support he needs that can later move on into kindergarten with him if he continues to need it - helping him to begin school successfully. As was previously quoted, he may not excel in school, but with the support he will at least like it and not feel so overwhelmed by it.

As a preschool special education teacher, I have worked with all sorts of children with ADD. Given an environment that works with their needs, the children are able to hone their skills to eventually be able to work in a "typical" environment. Some do very well by the time they are kindergarten age, some continue to need support through grade school or beyond. Either way, I think having any child who qualifies for special education enrolled in the program is very beneficial. At the very least you have the special education teacher who can be an advocate for your child's needs in the general education classroom. Plus, the earlier you start helping a child learn the skills they need, the easier it will be for them to learn them.

So, talk to your doctor, have your child evaluated by an Early Intervention Program, and read what you can about behavioral strategies for working with your child. Even if he doesn't have ADD, the strategies you find will often still prove to be beneficial.

And, in the meantime, When you make a request, make sure you stop him, look him right in the eyes, use very simple language, and ask him to repeat the expectation. This should help somewhat and is a start to increasing your bag-o-strategies.

[Newmom!]

Another strategie, to help increase duration at an activity. Have him work on/play at an activity and when he wants to "jump" to another, have him "do one more then you can . . ." or "one more minute then we will . . ." etc. Having him continue an activity for just a little bit longer every time will help, over time, to increase his time at activities.

Find out what the preschool is trying to accomplish by having your child write his name. Unless kindergarten is this coming school year for him, then tracing or copying other forms/shapes/pictures would be just a beneficial in handwriting development and he might be more interested in it. He could be responsible for writing his name at the top of each of these handwriting development papers using a visual to copy. At first his name will be illegible, but eventually he will begin to make strokes that look more and more like his name, and it will be for a functional reason, so people know that paper is his :-) As said above, if the reason why is clear, the child will be more likely to comply (this is true for all people).

[lovinthismamathing]

Thank you all for the great advice & tips! I really do appreciate it. I have a conference set up with his preschool teacher for Wednesday and plan on discussing this with her then.

In the mean time, your tips are great. I'm going to work on doing these.

We are planning to start kindergarten this fall with him. He's on the young side (turns 5 the week school starts), but I think he's ready. I'm going to see what the preschool teacher and pediatrician say. Maybe we need to hold off a year?

Anyway - thanks again.

[Newmom!]

Social Skills and self control are often the deciding factors or entering kindergarten or not. Academics can be learned if the child already knows how to sit and engage in the learning. Don't be surprised that, even if your son is bright and academically ready, it might be suggested that you wait until next year to see if he is able to increase his attending skills.

You can wait and see or enroll him and hope that all goes well. A positive of enrolling him, is that if he continues to show needs in the k-class you can request the school district to begin the referral process for special education or 504 Plan support. (A 504 plan is accommodations in the classroom to help a child who has minimal needs, such as a desk in the front of the class to minimize distraction, or allowing the child to pace the classroom as needed to help regain focus).

It is very normal in my district for parents to wait until next year if their child has a July birthday are later (the cut off date is Sept. 1).

Okay, so this is probably more information than you really want, but I am one who likes to know all my potential options before I even know which way I might have to go :-). I do hope everything works out the way you hope it will.

[RLTMommy]

My husband's parents got him a tutor to help with his school work because of the ADHD. This tutor was also the special ed teacher at his school. Talk about giving him a complex! I would be careful to not treat him too much differently. It's a learning disorder, not a handicap. Also, be sure to get him involved in activities that he can excel at. Whether it's karate, art, or sports, having something in his life where he can feel confident and proud of his achievements will help to balance the struggle that school presents. He needs to feel good about himself. I can only imagine how it would feel to be a bright person who has to do something you suck at everyday for YEARS......

[annavm]

An assessment by a licensed psychologist is the best way to determine whether or not your son has ADHD. Once you know, you can better plan treatment. www.effectivechildtherapy.com has great information about science-based therapies that work for ADHD, along with other childhood disorders. It is maintained by the top professional organizations for psychologists and has a tool to help you find a local psychologist. Best of all, it's free!

[ewoods]

It's important to keep in mind that medication for ADHD is just a tool. As my doctor explained it to me, "Medication isn't a cure. We use it to get the symptoms under control so that the non-pharmaceutical work we do is more effective." The horror stories come from parents who put their kids on medication and don't bother putting in the work to correct the behaviors. They just keep their kids medicated for years, giving them larger and larger doses because it becomes less effective over time. They don't realize that they're hooking their kid on a stimulant and opening them up for addiction problems.

I was diagnosed early with ADHD and my mother refused to give me medication. I wish she had. When I started taking it on my own, my whole world changed. Now I don't have to take it at all. That being said, the "solution" to ADHD is teaching the child to identify on his own when he's becoming distracted. Newmom suggested the "one more" method. This is brilliant and it's something I do with my kid (though I don't think he has ADHD). Not only does it teach him to stay focused a little bit longer, but it also teaches him that he's capable of doing more than he thinks he can.

Something that helped me when I was a child was Silly Putty. My teacher gave it to me during class to play with. I couldn't make noise with it and it gave me something to do with my hands, which provided me with that little boost of stimulation that I needed to focus a little better. Background music can also be really effective. His brain is looking for stimulation and he gets it by constantly switching activities or "talking non-stop." If you can give him some background noise (not the TV that he'll be tempted to watch), you might find that he won't need to talk as much and he'll be able to listen better. Remember, if it's overwhelming to you, it's probably perfect for him.

[lovinthismamathing]

joesmith - this is the post. Some great advice that I found very helpful for my son. Good luck.