View Full Version : One child only?
07-07-2008, 08:36 AM
My husband and I have always talked about having two children. We have a wonderful 19 month old son. We were pregnant again, but lost our baby two weeks ago through an early term miscarriage. We have obviously been flooded with emotions since this happened and realize that it is too soon to make any permanent decisions about the future. We talk about it every day and for the past couple of days we have both been thinking it might be nice to only have our one son here with us. Is there anyone else out there who has decided, for whatever reason, to only have one child? Any regrets about not trying to have more?
I know this is a very personal decision, but am just interested in hearing what roads others have taken regarding this matter.
07-07-2008, 09:05 AM
This sounds exactly like my fiancee and I,we have a 14 month old son and had always thought of us having 2.After we had Logan,my fiancee was against having another.He hated watching me go through a very exhausting 3 days of Labor and having a newborn home for him was very hard to adjust to..(I talked to my doctor about him having post-partum)So,I decided it was in best interest of the family to make sure that when we talked about baby #2 that we were both for it.
Around mother's day I was really strating to have motherhood pains or so to speak and my fiancee could read the signs.We talked about it,our son is still very young but had decided it would be nice to have them close in age and to just be able to plan our future as a family of 4 (6 with dogs).
So,In the month of June we tried.During that month my fiancee and I were constantly at eachother (not in a good way,nit picking) and I pretty sure my son read into our moods cause he was impossible somedays.I had started getting sick,I thought I was pregnant....I was having anxiety.When I started my period,my fiancee and I realized that our trying was causing such tension in our relationship that it was pretty obvious that we weren't ready.I said if it were meant to be than it would have been...
Now the last month has been great!We are enjoying our son's first real summer (last year he was just new)going to the beach,zoo,an all around adventure for him and us!The thought of baby # 2 is really not in the card right now.I'm 25(26 in Aug) and my fiancee is 26(27 in Dec) and we have plenty of time to still make that choice again.I know of lots of kids that are 5 years apart and they are still close. I'm not sure how old you guys are? Is it something that you have to decide 100% do right now or not ever? I hope this helps:) I know it's hard there are so many pros/cons to go through and like my fiancee said if there is any reason keeping you from being a "yes" without a doubt,YOu should wait..A baby can't be returned.
07-07-2008, 09:27 AM
A friend of mine went through a similar situation. They miscarried with their first and for awhile the emotions were very raw and she thought she didn't want to have any children then. Then as time passed and the emotional healing had set in she realized that yes, she still wanted children and today is a mom of 3!.
I think there is absolutly nothing wrong with only wanting one child, that is your choice. I would advise allowing yourself some time and healing before committing to any major decisions.
Good luck and hang in there!
07-07-2008, 12:27 PM
My first pregnancy was also an early term miscarriage. We waited to try to have a child until our early 30's. The miscarriage was tough on myself and my husband.
I did get pregnant again, and now have a beautiful 20 month old son. I am going to be 38 years old in November, and my husband will be 39 in December. My husband is an only child, and I am a middle child. We have discussed at length our options, and our decision is that my son will be an only child. While our ages were a factor in our decision making process, that is not the only reason we will not have more children. It is such a personal decision, so many things need to be considered.
I always joke that if we had another baby we would be disappointed... because we got the best with our son!!
Hope this helps! Good luck.
07-07-2008, 03:43 PM
Adjusting our life from just the two of us to one that included a baby was pretty hard on DH and I. We lost twins after premature labor in the 6th month of pregnancy, and had decided after that we wanted to have a whole slew of babies!! Then, we had our DD and our minds changed again - no way would we do it again! Well, again, minds are changing. Our DD is almost 22mo and I can't wait to add another one! Now that she seems to be coming out of the tantrum phase, sleeps like a champ, and is talking up a storm, every day is something new to share with her! Up till recently, every day was more of "How will we get through the day and still be sane?". :)
I don't know how some moms can handle having children so close in age, but I consider them super-moms. Not me. I've needed time to adjust and really appreciate how wonderful being a mom is. Give yourself some time to get through the grief AND to really appreciate the baby you have!! You might decide to have more, you might not. It really is a personal decision. My DH and I have discussed it and gone back and forth a lot. We both have sibling(s) - I have a twin sister and two brothers, he has a brother - and we're not sure we could take away that bond from our DD. We'll see.
You don't have to decide right now do you?
07-07-2008, 04:01 PM
Thanks for your replies. No, we don't have to make any decisions immediately. We are still grieving our loss and just thinking a lot about the family we have now with our amazing son.
Thanks, again, for your posts.
07-07-2008, 04:17 PM
My husband and I took 4 months to emotionally recover from our loss before even attempting again. The first few weeks were almost unbearable, but time did dull the pain enough to cope with it. Take time to grieve your loss, and don't put too much pressure on yourselves as parents.
No matter what you decide, it will be the right choice for your family. There's no wrong answer. I know some only children and they seem to be very healthy well adjusted adults. I know folks that have siblings that don't have their act together AT ALL. :)
I'm very sorry for your loss. 2 weeks isn't long enough to dull the pain much at all I'm sure. Thankfully you have a wonderful son you can hold and cling to. Good luck to you and your family!
07-12-2008, 07:49 PM
My sister is only having one baby. He was born with Hirschsprungs disease and after a few surgeries and six weeks in the hospital, she and her husband decided to just stick with him. My nephew is thankfully doing great but my sister doesn't want to take the risk of a second child having the disease and possibly not pulling through.
07-14-2008, 01:17 PM
I am SO sorry o hear about your loss!! I just went through a similar situation. I have a 6 year old son who is not my husband's biological child. We have been married for a little over a year and we decided to start trying for another child. Now, to answer your question, yes I did only want to have one child for the longest time. I never thought I would be able to love anyone like I love my son. I was a single mom for 5 years of his life and we were all we had. I didn't want more children, didn't need them, I felt that I had all I needed. But now I have a wonderful husband. He's like the piece that we've been missing all this time. My son and I are so happy to have him in our lives. We tried to get pregnant and suceeded right away. And we were going to have twins!! But when we went to our first ultrasound appointment it wasn't good. There were no heartbeats, no babies, just 2 empty sacs. And I was crushed. We all were... But things happen for a reason, I hate to say that and trust me I am SO sick of hearing it! But my grandma used to tell me (and we aren't super religious) that God won't give you more than you can handle, There was probably something wrong and that is His way of making it right. And the same thing if you want to be scientific. We are ok. I still get upset at times for my loss. I wanted this pregnancy SO much. But it wasn't right and I can handle that. We are going to try again very soon. And to be honest with you, I wish I would've at least had 1 more child that was closer in age to my son. I think it's good for your kids to have siblings to relate to. And play with of course! I hope you feel better, I hope this helped. And I would encourage you to try again when you are ready. All the labor, the stretch marks, everything about having a baby is worth it. And every pregnancy is different. But do it when you feel right. :)
07-15-2008, 11:43 AM
I had a early pregnancy miscarriage, but have a miscarriage made would I child even more. Now that she is 5 years old, I feel like a would want another one. But I'm scared that we want be able to afford another child. Should I feel that way? They say god will not give you more than you can bear. Thanks why me and my husband have decided to try to have another starting in August.
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