Rude Friend.....

[gostomskiart]

So here is my vent......My husband and I have only been married 6 months and I am 3 mo pregnant. We have recently started telling friends that we are expecting. While most people are suprised (as were we!) they are generally happy and excited for us. Well, dh told his friend and wife and the wife's response was "why?"

Now I am used to her responses to things as she is very outspoken, sometimes rude but I let it pass as she is foreign so maybe part of that is a language barrier. Usually I don't let comments effect me anyway but being preggers and hormonal I just want to smack her! I feel like someone is trying to make me feel bad about my pregnancy. Yes, dh and I haven't been married long but we are both in our 30's, established and we were going to start trying in a year anyway!

I don't plan on saying anything as this was not said directly to me but I did need to vent about it! Also, she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant but no luck yet so I do realize how lucky I am. Maybe that is the reason for the negative response?

Thanks for listening ladies!!!!!!!!!!!

[1st Time Mom - Again]

2 easy responses come to mind "Because we want to be obviously." or "Why not?"

I think my daughter would respond to that in a sarcastic tone by explaining the mechanics.

[lou]

okay this is just to weird. I read your post this morning and not five minutes ago one of my coworkers came into my office and starts a conversation. He says to me, what made you go and do a thing like that, my grandsons 10 months and crawls and gets into everything but maybe you could handle that. It took all I could muster not to snap at him. I should think the answer would be obvious, we wanted a baby and I'm 25 years old and if I thought for a moment that I couldn't handle it I wouldn't be pregnant. and my favorite comment from him: well this (being pregnant in summer and hot) should keep you from doing it again, As though I'm being punished or something. WTF? okay admittably the timing was bad, well not the timing but if I could do it over I would have waited so I would be having my baby in the spring, which I'll be sure to do next time if there is one. and what does it matter to him if I have another child or not? sorry but that pissed me off. your personal life is no business to anyone but you and your significant other, especially the business of a coworker you see maybe once a month in the hall and say no more to than hi. people can be very thoughtless and rude and I really try not to let it bother me, but when you throw condescending and patronizing remarks at me it just makes me want rip out your tongue and stragle you with it. Had I not been at work I likely would have said something back, but I like my job, well at least need it, so I just smiled and gritted my teeth. I feel for you I do. I just can't get over the coincidence of having read your thread and then a mere few hours later am assualted by rudeness myself.

[MamaT]

I know this feeling! We were living with my MIL when I got pregnant, and we had just asked our room mate to move out because of differences and what not.. and as soon as she found out I was pregnant the ex room mates response was.. " I thought you and your husband wanted time for yourselves before you had a baby" i was like.. well, things happen for a reason. I didnt tell her that our son was planned.. but still.. I know how it feels.

[ccmommy]

At least it wasn't your PARENTS ladies :-D My mother and father are still living in the 1800's. We were in the middle of planning our wedding (originally scheduled for October 2008) when we found out we were pregnant.

We weren't supposed to be able to HAVE children...not without a lot of medical assistance anyway, because my husband is a severe diabetic.

Well as soon as I peed on the stick we started calling the WORLD! I mean, this was a miracle right, we wanted to shout it from the rooftops! :-D (Literally, we danced around the kitchen like morons for twenty minutes we were so happy!)

We decided to surprise our parents by telling them in person that night. Hubbies parents were ECSTATIC....tears, champagne (none for me haha) whole nine yards...

My parents however, (who were NOT paying for my wedding) were not happy at ALL. My mother broke down in tears. My dad said nothing and looked at me like I was an alien. Not the response we were hoping for to say the least. My mother started trying to cancel the big wedding that night and said "well I guess we're just going to have to go to the courthouse now..." remember... she isn't paying for any of it, hubs and I were... The amazing thing was my mother actually told me she'd pray that we weren't so we could have the big wedding. She sounded HEARTBROKEN when I had it confirmed by the doctor.

Needless to say, I was pretty crushed. They were sooo happy when my sis got preggers that the response about their second grandchild to be one of disgust was terrible. My husband has completely written my family off for the most part.

Then my mother decides to tell me then the problem isn't the baby... it's my fiance'. She and Daddy didn't like him. They wanted me to call off the wedding and move back home! (WTH?!?) She said this was the EXACT reason they never wanted me to move in with him blah blah blah...


Well...we said screw that...moved our wedding up to April. HAD the BIGGEST bash our small town has ever seen... and I walked down the isle a little heavier at four months in my WHITE dress and looked friggin fantastic.

You have to keep your head up because there are always going to be rotten people who question your decisions. Our baby wasn't planned, but we couldn't have planned it any better ourselves. :-) Our lil family is happy and couldn't be more excited about it. :-)


Things are still dicey with my family, but screw it. At least I know that my daughter will have one set of grandparents who will spoil and love her :-)

[1st Time Mom - Again]

My favorite one was when I told my dad (keeping in mind that our dd is 22yo and we had been told that no more children were possible) he got a questioning tone and said "Are congratulaions in order?" as if this miracle was something we might not want.

[Jordyn]

I was 20 when I got pregnant. My husband and I had only been married 6 months too and guess what we planned it! That does happen sometimes.

My husband is 26 and we both really wanted a child. now did we know it would happen that fast, not really. But we weren't fighting it and we were very happy I was having a baby.

Don't let anyone bring you down. we had people react the same way to us including his siblings and my grandparents. the important thing is that you are happy with yourself.

A lot of people now a days see kids as a life time in jail. they see it as "I can never have fun again" and they think it means their life will end.

I say my life has just begun and I'm happier now then I have ever been.

[gostomskiart]

Thanks everyone for the responses. It is good to know we are not alone with the rude people of the world. CCmommy, wow!! Sorry you had to go through that. I had a small rough patch with my mom when I first told her (she likes everything to planned especially her way) (lol). But now she is excited. Are you having any better luck with your parents?

Well, you are all right in it is how "we" look at it and not the rest of the world. I'm very happy and excited about this baby so to hell with the rest of 'em! :-)

[msalyer]

I know exactly how you felt. My dad is always very opinionated and when I told him about our first pregnancy I was so scared to tell him even though we'd been marriend 2 years. I asked him if he was ready to be a grandpa and he said well, i don't think you're ready to be a mom and that was all he said. wow! that sure made it difficult to bring the subject up a second time. but now...4 years and 2 kids later he is the happiest, proudest papa around! sometimes people have things to say that they really know nothing about. one of my friends had to quit her job b/c the people she worked for had trouble getting pregnant and they were so jealous and they made rude comments to her all the time so she quit. you are blessed to have a miracle and don't worry about other people! Congrats!

[Sept29th]

i know exactly how you feel, when we told my in laws my father in law didn't say one word to either of us, he didn't even say congrats or anything, but it will be their second grandkid so it was like i felt they thought oh well we already have a grandkid it's just another one and my sister in law acts really weird towards me now what's that all about, my mom and dad on the other hand were SO EXCITED!! it's their first grandkid i hope they act excited for my brother though when they start having kids just because i know how it feels, maybe you freind is a tad bit jealous because they have had such a hard time getting pregnant, i've had a couple of those too but they didnt act quite that rude! i'm so sorry she acted like that towards you, hopefully she will come around and be excited for you.

[War_Eagle]

At least it wasn't your PARENTS ladies :-D My mother and father are still living in the 1800's. We were in the middle of planning our wedding (originally scheduled for October 2008) when we found out we were pregnant.

We weren't supposed to be able to HAVE children...not without a lot of medical assistance anyway, because my husband is a severe diabetic.

Well as soon as I peed on the stick we started calling the WORLD! I mean, this was a miracle right, we wanted to shout it from the rooftops! :-D (Literally, we danced around the kitchen like morons for twenty minutes we were so happy!)

We decided to surprise our parents by telling them in person that night. Hubbies parents were ECSTATIC....tears, champagne (none for me haha) whole nine yards...

My parents however, (who were NOT paying for my wedding) were not happy at ALL. My mother broke down in tears. My dad said nothing and looked at me like I was an alien. Not the response we were hoping for to say the least. My mother started trying to cancel the big wedding that night and said "well I guess we're just going to have to go to the courthouse now..." remember... she isn't paying for any of it, hubs and I were... The amazing thing was my mother actually told me she'd pray that we weren't so we could have the big wedding. She sounded HEARTBROKEN when I had it confirmed by the doctor.

Needless to say, I was pretty crushed. They were sooo happy when my sis got preggers that the response about their second grandchild to be one of disgust was terrible. My husband has completely written my family off for the most part.

Then my mother decides to tell me then the problem isn't the baby... it's my fiance'. She and Daddy didn't like him. They wanted me to call off the wedding and move back home! (WTH?!?) She said this was the EXACT reason they never wanted me to move in with him blah blah blah...


Well...we said screw that...moved our wedding up to April. HAD the BIGGEST bash our small town has ever seen... and I walked down the isle a little heavier at four months in my WHITE dress and looked friggin fantastic.

You have to keep your head up because there are always going to be rotten people who question your decisions. Our baby wasn't planned, but we couldn't have planned it any better ourselves. :-) Our lil family is happy and couldn't be more excited about it. :-)


Things are still dicey with my family, but screw it. At least I know that my daughter will have one set of grandparents who will spoil and love her :-)

I have to be honest with you, I understand how your parents feel. If my daughter got pregnant out of wedlock, I can't imagine I'd be that happy about it, either.

[dubnchix]

Wow War_Eagle....I don't think ccmommy was looking for comments like that! Geez.

ccmommy-I am so happy that you were blessed with the miracle of your baby! As I can tell by your "dancing in the kitchen" antics, you two sound like you were just so so happy with the news.

About the "Rude Friend" in the original post. My dbf (at that time) and I had only been dating for 4 months when we started TTC! Seriously! I knew he was the one and we talked about having a baby and I said, "Well- I'm not getting any younger!" My son is the most precious thing on the planet, born out of wedlock or not! He was born in January 2008 and we had our BIG beautiful wedding in South Lake Tahoe on May 17th. So to me, it doesn't matter if you have that paper that says YOU'RE MARRIED......as long as you are in a committed relationship and the baby was concieved with love and 2 parents that are responsible and committed to rearing the child. As long as YOU are happy.....everyone else can mind their own square! I remember when we found out we were expecting, my fiance` was calling EVERYONE. Then when he went to work, he told everyone and all except for one person had nothing but nice things to say. One person (whom we both don't really care for) said, "Are you stupid?" Nice huh? Some people are just idiots, I swear. We just don't let those comments get to us.

[War_Eagle]

Wow War_Eagle....I don't think ccmommy was looking for comments like that! Geez.

You've got to remember that there are a lot of us who didn't grow up in this generation and we were taught that sexual immorality is a bad thing.

I'm one of them so, yes, I can understand why the parents wouldn't exactly be thrilled.

I'm not trying to hurt her feelings, but let's be honest: you can't bring up something in a public place that so many people object to and then not expect anybody to say anything.

As a parent of teen and pre-teen girls, I'm having a hard enough time fighting the world's influence on my daughters to dress and act immodestly without people glorifying having babies out of wedlock.

[gostomskiart]

War_Eagle, you are right, there are going to be different opinions especially with different ages and generation gaps. Maybe the first post just needed that little bit of expaining to show where you are coming from too.

I imagine having teen girls is so difficult with all the body image issues and sexy images they have displayed everywhere! Good luck to you at this time (I'm still pregnant and believe me, i don't look forward to those issues and i still have quite some time to go!!) :-)

[War_Eagle]

I imagine having teen girls is so difficult with all the body image issues and sexy images they have displayed everywhere! Good luck to you at this time (I'm still pregnant and believe me, i don't look forward to those issues and i still have quite some time to go!!) :-)

We're fortunate. We live on a large farm, we homeschool, and we don't have a TV (and yes, our children get plenty of socialization and interaction in the community) so our kids aren't influenced by peer pressure and a lot of things going on in pop culture.

I seriously doubt that any of them could tell you who Brittany what's her name is.

We have a total of five (15-8), three girls, two boys.

The girls dress modestly and have a really good age appropriate understanding of what is and isn't appropriate.

Melody and I have regular "dates", so that she knows what to expect from a man, when she finally does start to date.

A few years ago, our middle daughter and I were walking through a store and she saw Brats dolls. Her first comment (after pointing out that they misspelled "Brats") was "Eww. They dress dirty."

So we're pretty confident that they have a great self image and aren't going to look to Hollywood to tell them what to do.

Getting rid of the TV was the best thing we ever did. You really don't realize how many bad messages children, especially girls, get through that stupid box.

[gostomskiart]

War_Eagle, I agree, TV is filled with bad messges and so much of it is such trash.

I really like your "date night" ideas! I think a strong father figure is very important in a girls life. My father is such a wonderful, kind man and I have found those same qualities in my husband. I had no problem wanting to pick a man like my Dad!!

[easyasbreathing]

I am so glad that my DH and I haven't gotten negative feedback. His brother was a little dubious, since we'd only been married a month when we got pregnant, but otherwise the response has been complete support from both our families. His sister is 20 weeks pregnant (I'm only 8) and she's given me advice from her 12-week advantage. :)

When we told my parents, my mom was so incredibly excited. :) The neighbors probably heard her squeal in delight. This is her first grandbaby, and I'm the oldest of 7, 5 of which are still at home, so I guess it's cool to have a baby she can spoil without having to change all the diapers. :)

[babyKP]

I have come to realize that some people are just rude. When my husband and I found out we were expecting we told his best friend (and his girlfriend was there too) and the first words out of her mouth were "weren't you on birth control?" I was dumbfounded. We have been married for about two years and were trying. I didn't think that I should have told her before hand that we were trying it is none of her business as far as I though. I didn't know what to say at the time so I just looked at her and said, no. The nerve of some people. Just don't let it get to you. I am sure there are plenty of people that are happy for you, but most importantly you two are happy!!

[lindseyh911]

We were very excited when we got pregnant the first time, we had been trying for a year and a half and were usually fertility meds, clearly this was not an unplanned pregnancy. When we told my MIL her answer was "I'm not sure I'm ready to be a grandma yet." I couldn't find a polite thing to say to her so I left the room. Once the baby was born she asked constantly when we were having another because she LOVES being a grandma. I did find a polite way to point out that WE have to raise the kids, not her, so we'll have another when WE are ready.

[shadowanna]

I have led an unconventional life when it comes to having babies. I got pregnant at 16 and gaver her up for adoption. I got pregnant again at 19, and married his father when my son was 6 months old. I was two months pregnant with my daughter at the time of the wedding. After my divorce, I started dating a wonderful guy and we started trying after 4 months together. I got pregnant that first month. I couldn't marry him because my divorce wasn't final yet, but i knew I wanted a baby with him.

When I called my dad to tell him, he said to me, "You think you'd want at least one legitimate kid!" and then hung up on me. We didn't talk for months after that, but he came around when the baby was born.

[brandie1127]

My bio-mom and I don't have the best relationship. ( obviously I call her my bio-mom ... LOL ) Last year she "sent" my 8 year old brother to live with my husband and I. BUT This year when I told her I was pregnant. Her exact reply, "Oh no really?" I was floored. Apparently its ok for my hubby and I to raise her child but not one of our own! Then when I came back from the confirmation appointment she was in shock and said, "I was holding my breath for you that you werent" From time to time over the last 40 weeks she has actually said to me, "You aren't REALLY pregnant are you?" She obviously hasn't seen me! :) It took a while for me to get over her bitterness. I chalk it up to the fact that she realizes I can no longer solve all of her problems, I'll have a "child" of my own to raise now and can't raise her anymore. One of her other wonderful comments, "Awe ... we were getting so close and in a few months your going to be a fat B***** ( thats right she said it !!! ) who does nothing but complain about back ache and swollen ankles." OMG! (she drinks)
We weren't getting close! I just actually answered when she called and sat silently for hours while she complained about the same things shes been complaining about since I was old enough to listen!

OH I"M SORRY MOM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ... I"M GOING TO REVOLVE AROUND ME!


My grandmom says don't ever let anyone steal your joy!

[littlemadstar]

Wow, how 'bout you're married and ready for the next step? How 'bout you want a baby? Good lord not everyone's "biological clock" is on the same schedule. Plus your point about your age is a good one. A lot of women are ready by then, no matter how long they've been married.

You're a better woman than me keeping your mouth shut. I would have to say maybe a little something...lol.

[AddyMOM]

dont let anyone ruin your great time. who cares if its a summer or winter baby. who cares about any of that non sense. you are being blessed with a beatiful gift and enjoy every moment. talk to the baby all the time before they come out and join you for all the fun, and then talk some more once they are here and you can see their beautiful face. i tried for 5 years, and i never treated anyone like that when i found out they were pregnant, that is no excuse. i knew my time would come when it was meant to, and in the mean time, i loved and spoiled all the beautiful babies being born to my friends and family.