Advice for Parent of a One Year Old [Archive] - Parenting Message Boards

mikemalphurs

03-27-2010, 01:35 PM

Hi all-
My son recently turned one and I have a few general questions I could use some advice, feedback and/or comments on:

1) For the past few moths, my son only seems to want me. No mom, no grandma, no grandpa. Just dad... We have to trick him in order for me to be able to leave the house and I am the only one that can settle him down. It is becoming an issue since it makes everyone else feels so bad! Is this a stage he is going through or am I doing something wrong?
2) He is "talking" quite a bit. In all reality, much of it is just garbled non-sense, but he can say a few words correctly. Am I making a mistake if I accept his mumbling and do not correct it?
3) Last, but not least, at what age is it appropriate to begin "light" disciplining? I think he is getting the grasp of what "no" means, but only in a vague sense.

Thanks for your help!

Newmom!

03-29-2010, 11:12 PM

My son is also one. What he is doing might be a stage, but tricking him to get out of the house is probably one of the worst things you can do. You son is learning that you simply disappear and that will make him want to cling to you even more. The better thing to do, although there will be many more tears, is to tell him "Goodbye, I'm going to work now" give him a hug, pass him to the caregiver and leave. Let the caregiver (mom, grandma, etc) hold him and take him to a window to wave bye (if possible) then get into a fun activity. You can make the activity be something he only gets to do or a toy he gets to have only when you leave and it is off limits the rest of the day. Making it have a little more pull at attracting him.

You might need to ease him into it. First go away for 15 minutes, then call, if he is still crying then stay out another 15 min. If he is still crying, come home and reassure him that when you leave you still some back. Try it again the next day, every day adding a little more time to when you are gone.

When you are at home but busy, and it is mom/grandma etc who is caring for him, let him know that you have to do *** and will be back, right now he gets to play with mom. Then leave.

Don't stretch out the leaving. When you say you are going to go, go. Otherwise you son will not be able to predict when you will really leave if sometimes "bye" means you will stay a few minutes longer.

2. Don't correct his jargon (the official term for his gibberish) but do accept it and give a response that uses the words you think he is trying for. "I do see the dog" "The milk is yummy" "Do you want a cracker?" (and by doing that you are also teaching him how to hold a conversation.) A 12 month old can say 0-5 words correctly. My 12 month old has 0 correct words, but uses "dat" for look, duck, and dog. And that is perfectly normal and appropriate. There are some sounds a baby just isn't supposed to produce (like the R sound comes in correctly around the 7th birthday) The more your baby hears you speak, the more he will be able to pick up on. Read books together, point out the pictures and name them, or name the pictures and have your son point to them - do the same while on walks and while playing with toys. Use lots of language but keep it fun.

3. Discipline (to teach and instruct) should start now, or earlier. In our home we have the rules that the curtains and electrical outlets are not to be played with, and the girl I baby sit is not to be touched (at this age, baby touches tend to be hits, even when they mean to be nice). Whenever my baby tries to play with the curtains I tell him, "Leave the curtain, play with your ***". Right now, discipline is letting the baby know what is expected. You will need to give the rule, then distract with a new activity. The outlet is "That is Ouchie, go . . ." and hitting the girl is "No Touch Sara, go . . .". Try to minimize the use of "no". Best to tell the child what to do "Walk" vs "No running". Time outs do little at this age - redirection and distraction are better. You do want to start teaching some limits at this age to establish that there are limits.

Hope this helps.