View Full Version : When will we be ready???
03-09-2010, 12:43 PM
Our wedding is this July and we are very excited!! We have talked about having babies and we both want children. But what we don't know is when. He, thankfully, has a job where he can support both of us with plenty left over. I do work (making much less than him) but enough to where i can support my own needs, ie: Car, insurance, groceries, smaller bills for the house. He has told me plenty of times that after I get pregnant he wants me to be a stay at home mother. But again we are left with the question of when we should try to start a family? any advice would be greatly appreciated!
03-17-2010, 12:59 PM
That is a very personal question that on you and DF can answer. I think you should consider the following when you make this decision....
How old are you? How old is DH? How long have you been together?
How financially stable are you? Do you have a savings or investments in case DH lost his job? How stable is your relationship? Are you prepared to put everything else on hold or forget about it? Have you honestly talked about "life situations"? (AKA...what would you do if...you had twins, would you have testing for diseases, if so what would you do if you found out x, who will be there at the birth, etc) Getting all of those discussions out in the open in advance will save you a lot of stress during your pregnancy.
DH decided we were ready after we both had our degrees, were married for 5 years (not the number that counts...more that we felt very stable in our relationship...we past that honeymoon stage...and the stage where reality sinks in...and we got to enjoy each other for a while), I had my masters, we were on our second owned home, we had enough money saved for me to stay home for a period of time, we had enough investments in case there was a medical emergency we needed to fund, and most importantly we were prepared to make our child our number 1 priority as a team. We are 4 months along and I have not been nervous once..neither has DH...well other than saying we are going to miss snuggling on the couch or in bed into the late morning on the weekends. We aren't stressed about money or our ability to provide. Every step of my pregnancy even the hard part has been a blessing. I feel lucky that my only worry is that I am eating well enough that my baby has the best chance to be healthy and strong and that delivery goes well. DH is supportive 100% of the time and is in love with our baby already. Some men feel jealous or scared...so just make sure you are both ready..and good luck...congrats on your marriage.
03-17-2010, 11:16 PM
My mom said over and over, wait before having children. I did, and I am glad. My husband and I were able to have 5 great years being DINKs (Dual Income, No Kids). We really got to know each other and build a strong and solid foundation for our marriage to rest upon - and glad we did as it has been regularly tested after baby as we have delt with different parenting ideas, lack of sleep, and lots of inadvertent mis-communication.
Tarakan has lots of good advice, and I guess mine tries to sum it up. Be sure you and your husband are on solid foundation before you start to try. If you two are solid, anything and everything else will fall into place.
PS - be open minded about being/not being a stay at home. Many women change their minds after having kids. If you decide want to go back to work, make sure your husband will support you in that.
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