baby rejecting mom

[gavine]

Hello. My one year old seems to be rejecting my wife. She is pregnant and due in 6 weeks. Ijust want them to be happy together again. Please help.
A concerned father

[tangerinelullaby]

Hi there Gavine. I hope I can help with this, I think that your 1-year-old may be a little jealous or confused about the situation. This may be only as a phase as you have to assure her that she is loved and now she is going to be a big sister and she has to look after her sibling too. She'll get over this pretty soon.

I hope I've answered your question properly. I'll get back to ya as soon as I get more info about this.

[bcheek]

I just had my second child 11 days ago and my 2 year old daughter did the same thing to me when I was about 2 months from delivery. Unfortunately it's only gotten worse since her baby brother has come home. She wants nothing to do with me unless she is being aggressive. She cries for her dad when he's only in the next room and she used to love us equally before the second baby came. If you come up with anything that works, please pass it along to me and I'll do the same. It breaks my heart that she doesn't want me anymore!

[cay8099]

They need to feel secure in your love for them, and in new position as the big sibling. The cure: one on one mommy time. I know they are still little but they do understand what is going on. Help them do special things to help with the baby or getting ready for the baby. Like picking out a special toy, or something. While feeding let big sis/bro hold the bottle so they feel like they are helping. It will make them feel good about themselves, and help create a bond between siblings. Just figure out ways to let them know that they are still loved and their place in your heart has not changed.

[1st Time Mom - Again]

... she used to love us equally before the second baby came. If you come up with anything that works, please pass it along to me and I'll do the same. It breaks my heart that she doesn't want me anymore!

Keep in mind that babies learn right from birth how to be manipulative (though not necessarily in a bad way). For example, they quickly discover "if I cry, someone comes to me." So when they want to be held, fed, changed, etc., they cry.

Your older child has apparently discovered the power of guilt. Through her unloving behavior she is sending the subliminal message that she is feeling unloved by you (not that she is) because you are now dividing your attention between your children and she may feel subconsciously that the baby has "replaced" her in your affections. She is reinforcing that message by being extremely clingy (more loving) with your husband (who I assume is picking up the slack with your daughter when you need to focus on the baby).

This doesn't necessarily mean she is consciously manipulating you. She is just expressing her own frustration and confusion.

I agree totally with cay8099 that the best thing you can do is continually reassure her of your love not in words only but through hugs, kisses, tickles, etc. while including her in "helping" with the baby. Make her feel she is getting MORE attention because she is such a great big sister and she will come around.

If it makes you feel any better, my 23 yo DD was doing the same thing with regard to her 8 mo brother. ...and SHE has raised guilt tripping the parents (especially mom) to an art form! LOL! She has even referred to him as my "replacement child."

She'll come around in time, just be patient.