Help with my 5 year olds friends!!!!

[TheDavisGirlsMom@aol.com]

I need advice...here is the problem...

I am a stay at home mom of a 5 year old girl and a 15 month old girl. My 5 year old has been complaining lately about not having any friends to play with and there hasn't been any in the neighborhood. Well, about 2 weeks ago my daughter was at the neighborhood park with a babysitter. She ended up playing with 2 little girls that live a few houses away. One is her age and the other is about 2 years older...we thought this was going to be great. Well, now we aren't so sure. When my husband and I met these 2 little girls, we weren't very happy. They were very intrusive, kinda rude and basically tried to take over our house. Anyway, we asked the girls if there parents knew if they were at our house and of course they said yes....my husband and I were a little nervous about having them at our house without there parents knowledge or without meeting their parents. So my husband called their house and introduced himself and told them that the girls were at our house...she said it was fine and to just "send them home when we were tired of them". The girls parents made no attempt to meet us or anything which we kind of thought that was strange. My husband and I decided we weren't to big on the idea of the girls playing at our house until we actually met their parents. We are afriad what would happen if one of the girls gets hurt at our house and you never know what kind of accusations might fly. Which of course this now makes it now even harder for my daughter to play with them and is really upsetting her. Now, someone advised us to let her play with the kids outside...well there is a problem with that. They girls ride their bikes and go off galavanting all over the neighborhood and my husband and I don't like the idea of letting our daughter do that. To us she is still too young.

Basically it comes down to the fact that we aren't too happy with letting our daughter play with these girls, however she breaks are hearts becuase she doesn't have any other friends to play with. I know she will make friends when she starts school in september and she starts soccer this week but its hard when these kids are knocking at our door all day, every day.

Are we being over protective? Are we being mean towards these little girls? How do we handle this with the parents? We thought we should go introduce ourselves but we don't really think the parents will really care. Does anyone have any ideas or advice for me? Please Help!!!!!

[fuzzy]

I'm not really sure about this one..lol.I think talking to the parents or maybe inviting them and their children over for a BBQ would help either make or break the deal I guess.I'm just thinking that it's better to try to make it work then not ;considering these girls could be your neighbors for a long time.I'm also wondering if maybe the parents just gave off the wrong impression and they actually aren't that bad??I think in this situation until you really get to know the parents and see how they really are,then you could decide if your being overprotective or not..Good Luck!

[MommaC]

Allow supervised play outside with the neighbor girls. I'd be cautious, too. Invite soccer friends over for playdates. See if you can find out who some of her classmates will be so she can start building some friendships early. Utilizing your other options will show her you're trying. Keeping her entertained (whether it's with you or new friends) will keep her from becoming bored and/or focusing on the girls you may not want her hanging out with.

[lovin3]

I would definately try to meet the parents. A BBQ is a great idea- friendly and casual. You may find out that they are a great family (even if you disagree with some of the parenting choices) by meeting them face to face and getting some time to talk. Then you and your husband need to talk and set some "ground rules" for your daughter and her playmates, whether it is these girls or new friends from soccer or school. Set limits out front to your daughter and your neighbors. Maybe they can't come over until you open your blinds in the morning. Maybe if your daughter can't play when they come over, you can let them know when they can come back to check again (later, next day, whatever). Maybe you set a time limit or keep things outdoors. If their behavior is unacceptable, you can let them know what your rules are and let them know that they'll be asked to leave if they can't follow your rules. Consistancy is the key. It sounds like your daughter will have some great opportunities to make some new friends, too. I'm sure some of them will be great families, but you'll probably run into other kids/families that just don't jive with you. Ultimately, you are responsible for your daughter and the things that you allow to influence her at this young age, friends included. Good luck!

[lena241]

Its never a bad idea to meet the parents. Some people are not very social, and they may not accept the invitation. I agree that 5 is way to young to allow your daughter to go off with these other 2 kids. If do allow outside play, you can tell your daughter that this is restricted to backyard play only. She may not understand and may howl and growl at the idea, but it sounds like it is necessary in keeping her safe. Just offer structered activities while these girls are over to keep them interested and at your home. You can find may arts and crafts ideas, as well as outside games to play, to keep them busy.

These also dont sound like the kind of parents who offer many rules at home. Dont be afraid to step in and enforce them in your home. Explain that in this house, we dont boss, and we share all the toys. If there is a case of behavior that is unacceptable and it gets out of control, make up an excuse to have them leave. You can also have your daughter signal you in some way when it is getting to be too much for her. This will keep her in control of the situation and allow you to step in when she feels it is necessary.

Good Luck