View Full Version : Help me with my 7 year old
06-14-2008, 10:03 PM
Ok, so I have 3 wonderful children, all girls, ages 10, 7 and 3. My problem is my 7 year old has all of the sudden reverted to her 4 year old ways and has started getting into anything and anything she can and making a huge mess out of it. Here are some examples, spray suntan lotion squirted on the house, nail polish dumped on the carpet ( her sister's of course), hand soap rubbed all over the bathroom sink, her sister's lip gloss all over at the end of her bed. Now mind you, this may sound like I'm not watching her but it's the exact opposite, somehow she manages to commit these crimes in a matter of seconds. Now her father is a truck driver and is rarely home, and I know this affects her quite a bit because she is a Daddy's girl. I also know the other reason is she is probably lacking in affection. I have a tough enough time splitting myself 3 ways, and they always want me for different things at the same time. Someone please offer me some advice to help rescue my child from middle child syndrome, and pull her out of this rut she has fallen into. I want my children to always be happy, but the only one who seems constantly happy is the baby. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
06-16-2008, 10:04 AM
My husband works a lot of overtime, and mostly a lot of graveyards so even when he IS home, he's asleep. My son is a Daddy's boy, so I understand the "acting out and reverting" to get attention thing.
I haven't quite figured it out yet because here lately he's taken to doing what he did when he was much smaller and his dad and I first started dating (stepson almost seven) Which is to push me away when Daddy is home and go "My daddy, you can't have him..." etc... things he hasn't done in about three years. He'll even wake up early and crawl into bed with us in the morning right after his Dad gets home from work, and push me away (I'm pregnant, so this usually gets him in major trouble with his dad because he will kick me in the back or sometimes the tummy to move in between us, not the reaction he's trying to get from his father.)
The only thing that's really worked is as MUCH Q-time as you can alot to each kid. We have a half hour of just "mommy-lil man" time each evening where we play a game, watch his favorite show, etc. On his Daddy's days off I vacate. As much as I'd love to spend more time with my husband, I see him quite a bit more than lil man does because I'm newly a SAHM and he's usually at a day camp in the summer.
With your lil one, the only suggestion I really have is to carve out just some "mommy daughter" time, for all three of them... even if it's just a five minute story time. Make it individualized as possible, and make sure your man knows when he's home to try and carve out some special time for each girl. I'm sure he misses them bunches and won't mind at all.
Wish I could be of more help, but I'm going through some similar issues right now...so if YOU learn of anything please let me know! :-)
06-16-2008, 08:39 PM
I'm with ccmommy. Setting aside time to spend with each of them individually can go a long way. I know a mom with 5 kids who set aside special time for each of them once each week. Having that time, that connection, provides not only a bond, but also a basis for discipline. If they know you love them and value them as individuals, they're less likely to interpret discipline as mommy not liking them. That being said, I think your daughter should be made to face the music. Don't blame her behavior on birth order. That's an excuse. She knows better that to behave that way. She should have to help clean up then take the consequences (whatever they may be in your house). Be firm, and be consistent. And check out the Supernanny book ("How to Get the Best From Your Children" by Jo Frost). It does a lot of problem-solving for all the different ages and stages. Also, if you feel you're being pulled in every direction and there's never peace in your house, set up a routine and have them participate in activities TOGETHER. Have time that you spend with them, but also have time when they're playing independently. If you're not enjoying the 3-ring circus ;), loop 'em all into 1 ring! Best of luck to you! :)
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