I need help please!!

[Hopefaith]

I am the mom of a 20 month old son. I am attempting to find daycare for him, due to the fact that I need to return to work...need to, not want to. I have a daycare provider that my son has been with on two different occasions to try out, and although the first time went great, the second time did not. He needed a nap while he was there, and unfortunately for me, I have not been able to "properly" lay him down for naps. My son sleeps in bed with my husband and myself, and for naps he usually sleeps on our bed as well. I have not seen that as an issue before, it works for our family and we both love snuggling with our little munchkin at night. However, the daycare provider has basically told me we need to "work on" naps and that my son needs to learn how to lay down and take a nap on his own. The daycare provider has two of her own children at home at the same time. Her daughter is one month older than my son, and apparently has the same sleeping habits as my son...so I'm guessing that she is getting the same nap treatment whether there are other children there or not. How am I supposed to just tell my son, "Ok, you need to lay down and take a nap" when that's not how we've ever done it before, and especially when he's in a strange place? I already have so much guilt about having to return to work, but now I have all these thoughts about him not getting the care he deserves...etc. etc. Has anyone else had any similar problems and can offer some advice? Everyone else that I know that has children have the luxury of parents or family members to take care of them, and I unfortunately do not. This is so upsetting for me I haven't slept in days and I just don't know what to do...I appreciate any feedback...thanks!

[MommaC]

Don't make yourself a wreck; that won't help you. Finding a caregiver who will do everything just like you would be heavenly. However, it's extremely unlikely. No matter who you find, they'll more than likely require your baby to sleep independently. Teach your baby to sleep independently at home first. It won't hurt his feelings. You'll be doing him a favor. Really. We never did any co-sleeping, but I know Dr. Weissbluth addresses the transition to independent sleeping in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Rest assured you will get it sorted out. If you find a caregiver that you really trust, do what you can to be accommodating...because that's what will make her more willing to work with you and your preferences. Good luck--I wish you and Baby the best!

[kaiya23]

I understand the policy of sleeping independently in the day care, as there is usually at least one or two other kids of the same age in the room who need the same attention and cannot all be rocked or put to sleep with assistance at the same time.

My daughter has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old, so they actually trained her to go to sleep on her own with that policy. I was still putting her to sleep on the weekends by rocking with her or laying down with her, because that is how we put her to sleep at night. But now the rocking has become a distraction for her, especially for her naps. So I lay her in her pack and play and go about my business. She knows now to put her head down and go to sleep.

If he would be one to climb off of the bed if you laid him down awake, he needs to be put into a crib or pack and play. Something that would keep him there. When it is time for his nap, lay him down, maybe rub his back, tell him to go on to sleep and walk away. You'll probably have to repeat this process several times the first few times he takes a nap, and he'll produce some tears along the way, but you have to be firm and somewhat emotion-less, very matter of fact. At the age he is at, I would anticipate that you'll be having him sleep in his own bed soon (the "big boy bed"), so this will send him in that direction. Do it all with a calm, loving voice (even throw in a couple "I love you"s along the way) and it will help him to self-soothe. I wish you the best!

[HuMom]

If you can afford it look into a daycare center. Everyone has their own opinions about daycare options but this may be an answer for you. There are more adults there to care for your child. At naptime they all get into a routine. He will be with kids his own age and see what they are doing. Because there are more than 1 adult caregiver, they may be able to give him some 1:1 attention for awhile. I wish you rest and happiness soon. "mom guilt is horrible" good luck - thinking about you!