View Full Version : where was your husband when labor hit?
I just started a post called am I being irrational and basically it's about a disagreement between my fiance and I about whether or not he should be booking shows so close to my due date. I'm just curious to know from everyone who's experienced the birthing process, where was your husband/boyfriend/fiance when it all started?
05-29-2008, 03:53 PM
I'm not sure what you mean by 'shows'. But, I can tell you that my husband is in a band. I was due October 24. The whole band agreed to not book any shows for all of October, November and December. My husband not only wanted to be completely available (other than work hours of course) when the time came AND he was unwilling to play out for the first 2 months of our son's life. That said, my husband does not make ANY money playing out. The band actually costs us money. So, it's more of a hobby for him. If he made money doing it I would be happy with not doing shows the two weeks around my due date.
To answer your question, I was induced on October 17 and my husband was right there with me.
I suppose I should have been a little more specific. by shows I mean that he is a paid musician. I would be happy if he didn't book anything for two weeks around my due date. he wants to book a gig sep. 1st and I'm due august 26th though. I'm so not comfortable with that cause it's very hard to get hold of him when he plays.
05-29-2008, 04:21 PM
Another thing to think about is what if your late? I was 10 days over when they decided to induce me;it was definitely not planned that way.As for where my fiancee was well,he own his own business so,him being available wasn't an issue.
Good Luck!I hope it works out but I would definitely tell your fiancee he shouldn't book gigs so close!
05-29-2008, 05:10 PM
my hubby was sitting right next to me on the couch and we were watching a movie with his family! if your wondering yes we had to stop watching the movie and had to finish it weeks later! but as i said in your other post i think he should be there and he shouldn't want to book any shows! It was nice to be able to see the look on my hubby's face when i told him it was time! then i had lots of help getting all my stuff and me in the car!
05-29-2008, 05:38 PM
We were at his work's christmas party. We left and he took me to the hospital. it was a Thrusday and they told me I wasn't far enough a long so they sent me home and I ended up being induced Saturday by my doctor's orders. My husband was with me the whole time, the doctor's appointment and even during the hospital stay. I usually only went to the appointments alone but as I got closer to my due date he would tell his work he had to leave to be with me.
By the way I think it's rude of him to book shows around your due date.
05-29-2008, 07:05 PM
For my first, my husband was home with me. For my second, my water broke and I had to call him at work. It took a couple of tries because he works around machinery and can't always hear his phone ring. For us, my husband and I worked right up until both of our babies were born and my husband only took a couple of days off with me. It was a matter of financial decision. We are expecting our third in September, and I expect the same thing to happen. I would love to have him home, but we need the income. I think it is all a matter of circumstance and personal preference. The likelyhood of you going into labor during the few hours he's at the gig is pretty slim, but I understand you wanting him to be 100% available to you, too.
05-29-2008, 10:48 PM
My husband was in the shower when my water broke. He came home from work early to run fire calls (we had a tornado that day). I was lucky he was home, our daughter wasn't due for another 5.5 weeks. We had planned around her due date that he would stay in town and send his other crews out of town. He owns his own business so he's able to be pretty flexible. I don't think wanting your fiance avaialable is being irrational. You shouldn't have to stress about getting ahold of daddy when your in labor. If he absolutely has to book for days when you may go into labor, does he have a back up person that could take his place? I don't know a lot about musicians, but hey...it's a thought! Good luck!
05-29-2008, 11:11 PM
My husband was in the hospital with me when it happened.. they induced me the day before i was due (still not sure why to this day) and i woke up on my due date and at 645 am my water broke. he called his work and said my wife's water just broke, and they said ok dont come back in until your paternity leave is up!
i hope all works out well for you!
Mine was right there with me the whole way through. I made him go to each and every doctors appointment with me and so much more. It had been a while since we had been in baby land with our oldest. So we both needed to be reintroduced to it all.
05-30-2008, 08:14 PM
My husband was in a manhole an hour away. He works for the phone company, and it was a Saturday, and he didn't have to work but he could get overtime if he wanted to. It was two days before my duedate. Actually, I guess my labor had started before he left, but I figured it would be awhile so I told him to go to work. Big mistake! I delivered our daughter eight hours after my first contraction. Luckily, I called him when my water broke and he was able to make it out of the manhole and get to the hospital just in time for the pushing.
05-30-2008, 11:14 PM
Hubby came with me to all drs appts, except for one and I ended up going on the wrong day for that appt. Totally blame the placenta brain! He was right there beside me when I was induced, and when I had the epidural, he was even there holding a leg during the delivery (I know, TMI), he even stayed overnight at the hospital helping me during post partum. He's a sweet guy! But is he beside me doing a days worth of bottles? Vaccuuming? Folding laundry? Not a chance! I guess I can't have everything!
05-31-2008, 07:26 AM
Is your hubby worried about financial issues? If he ABSOLUTELY has to book one of his shows, then perhaps you could have a backup person who can take you to the hospital, and who can coninue to try and reach your husband. Maybe a close friends, neighbor or family member. Or perhaps he can arrange for a co-worker to be called (one who is reachable) and notify him when the time comes. Im still far from my due date, so I am hoping my BF will be hanging around when the time comes.
we aren't in dire need of the money and he's the only one who books the shows so that's optional. I do have the numbers for all his other band members but nobody's able to hear the phone ring while they're playing and even if they felt it vibrate or something they can't very well answer while playing and they don't always check for messages. when he's at work during the day it's not a problem. though he can't answer his cell I can reach him through the business and right now we live only minutes away from where he works. I do plan on my sister being with me at the hospital but getting me there at a moments notice would be another thing. she has three girls so I can't count on her being available at the drop of a hat. As someone said earlier the chances of me going into labor while he plays a gig are slim but I just want him available to me around that time. even if I've had the baby by then I would only have been home a couple days. this is my first so I really don't know exactly what to expect and I'd really like him with me especially since finances aren't really a problem (he's got about 200 hours paid leave). Also if he's there he can fight off my mother and father or any other visitors that feel it necesary to basically move in for a couple weeks.
05-31-2008, 05:41 PM
actually with our first child we werent married yet and he was on his way to his moms because we just had an arguement. Anyways he was just geeting to his moms door when i had to call him to let him know....kinda funny because we were so happy that we forgot all about whatever we wer fighting for and he got there really quick to go to the hospital with me. And with our son Thank god he didnt have to work that morning , because the contractions were terrible , so he was there with me hand in hand the entire time.
06-01-2008, 12:51 AM
My fiance (now husband) was laying right next to me keeping track of the times of contractions. We already had the car packed (we had already been to the hospital twice in a month), and he carefully drove me to the hospital, being very patient with my grumblings over every bump. :)
As for booking a show, I would hope that he could have someone on call to play in his place in case you are late, which is a common possibility with your first. I've been a fill-in pianist and sax player on many occasions...for whatever reason, the person holding the position couldn't be there. Ask him to consider that possibility b/c you need him there. In any case, those last few days before the due date (and after the due date if the sweet thing doesn't come on time) all activities are up in the air. You'll end up playing everything by ear. Compromise...he has his back up musician to play, or leaves the dates empty, and you have your back up ride to the hospital and "assistants" ready and on call.
06-01-2008, 01:12 AM
Well, I would keep in mind that you might be late as well. I was 7 days past my due date when I went into labor. My husband was actually on his way home from work at the time. He took a half day because the very next day I was suppose to be induced. My son came at 12:35 am on a friday and my labor started at 3pm the day before. And even though his mom was here, per my asking her, my husband took the week off so he could be home to help me and I was grateful for that because I was completely wiped out. His mom mainly helped with the house cleaning and cooking and was only there for 4 days after our little one came, then my mom showed up for 4 days and cooked and cleaned. My husband played buffer for everybody else who wanted to come and visit the very first week. He basically said they could not come until I felt like I was up for the company.
Our son was our first and we did not know what to expect. I was sore and exhausted and very grateful for the extra hands. The first few weeks I mostly slept when my son slept and woke up with him to feed him because I breastfed. I don't think I could have cooked or cleaned that first week. The second week I had a little more energy and I used lots of microwave dinners, hot pockets, and the foods that my MIL and my mom cooked in advance for me to just have to warm up.
I agree with you that it would be nice if he could not book a show that close to your due date. Unless you have somebody like maybe your mom or MIL that could help; though per your last post it doesn't sound like you want your mom there. I was very great full to have my husband and my MIL and Mom able to help.
06-01-2008, 03:15 AM
With my first my hubby and I were separated and living in different towns but the hospital I used was where he lived(My town was too small for even a grocery store!). So my mom took me to the Hospital and then went to his house and picked him up to come be there. He was there the whole time and even spent the next two nights sleeping in the hospital with me while going to work during the day. We got back together a week and a half later! Mom took me over there and said "Here's your wife and baby back, love you son!"(she has always liked my hubby-they're like bffs-weird huh!) -------------- With my daughter he had to go to work even though I was on my way to the hospital to have the baby and he was home. He had an hour to get ready to go to work so he couldnt come with me. He works on an oil rig and they were already shorthanded so he was needed(He works with my step-dad so neither one was there). My mom and sister were there for me though and my son was in the room too. I think he finally realized why I kept telling him we couldnt just take the baby out to play when he wanted to! LOL ---------- With this pregnancy he said he isnt going to work no matter what. He wants to be there when we have this baby because he feels so bad about missing our daughters and he could hardly keep his mind on work anyway. I dont know If I am glad he wants to be there or not...after the first one. Everytime they told me to push he would hold his breath and push so they had to keep telling him "Not You! Her!" so he wouldnt pass out. Guess he just got too caught up in the moment!
06-02-2008, 12:33 PM
My hubby went with me to the last appointment when I was one day past my due date. He didn't want to go to the hospital with me because they were just going to monitor the baby. Thank God he stayed because they decided to induce me that day. He was there the whole time, from early labor to catching the baby to the hospital stay afterwards.
And, Lou, I wouldn't worry about your so booking a "gig" around your due date. He shouldn't book too many though. However, you never know when you'll be going into labor or if you are going to be early or late. Just make sure you have a plan on how he can be reached.
06-02-2008, 04:09 PM
My husband was with me when we found out we were in labor. We had been in labor for about 2 weeks without it progressing, and the day before we were going to induce I noticed the contractions were more intense, although not closer together. So, we went to see the doctor the next morning and he informed us that we were just hours away from being parents. :)
How we would handle getting a hold of him and him getting to the hospital in time was a big topic of conversation leading up to the birth. It was worrisome for both of us - he works at least an hour away if no traffic, closer to 2 with regular traffic. So, we lucked out that he was able to go to the dr with me that morning. He took a week off after her birth before going back to work.
I think it is a bit insensitive for him to be booking gigs so close to the birth of your baby. I can understand why you are upset about it, but I would advise you try to reach an agreement knowing plans will more than likely change. Babies have a way of doing that. :) It is most likely you will know you are gearing up to go into labor - usually your body will give you some major signs. And I bet he gets more worried about missing anything the closer the due date gets. Men are funny like that.
Keep talking to him, and try not to worry so much about it right now. Is he going to take any time off after the baby is born? I wish my husband had taken 2 weeks off but he didn't have the time available for it and we couldn't afford it to be unpaid.
Good luck Lou!
yes he's going to take time off afterwards. he has almost 5 weeks paid time off saved up at his day job. I doubt he'll use all of it then probably just a couple which will be nice.
I have been talking to him and he seems to finally see things from my perspective (that of a first time, scared out of my wits, no idea what to really expect or when so I want you with me or at least available at all times cause I'm hormonal/irrational -is there really a difference-, soon to be mom). After i've had the baby a week or two when I'm on my feet and feel more comfortable dealing with all the demands of parenting on my own I really don't mind him playing. it's just a matter of no one knows exactly when the baby will come or how things will go so I want him to be fully available to me around that date and for a week or so after the arrival. Now he seems to understand this and hasn't taken that show.
BTW, thanks to everyone for their posts/advice. you've been helpful.
06-02-2008, 10:28 PM
Great update Lou! Glad to hear he came to his senses. The closer the day gets, the more likely he will be to worry as much as you. It drove my husband crazy in the last month of our pregnancy. He talked us through every conceivable situation and how we would handle it; what if it was so strong I couldn't drive and he was at work, what would I do? what if his phone died and I couldnt reach him, what would I do? On and on for weeks. :) It was very cute. Glad to hear your husband came to his senses and will be available all around the due date.
After a few weeks of him being home, you'll probably be ready for him to take a gig / go back to work so you can spend some alone time with the babe. :)
06-03-2008, 08:15 AM
I am glad tht he seemed to come around. I would like to tell my story
#1 my hubby was in the bathroom when my water broke and we only have one bathroom. I stood in the kitchen for at least 10 minute till he finished, then there was a huge pile of water under me. We cleaned it up and got to the car. We live 45 minutes from the hospital. My hubby was SOOO excited that he couldn't stop talking, I told him when we got there he had to go take a walk because I was trying to pay attention to contractions and he just kept babbleing. Really he was there the whole time, my family took littel shifts in the room but my hubby stayed the whole time. Shocked the hell out of me I was planning on being 2 weeks late, I was 2 weeks early! and he took 2 weeks off
#2 we were playing the is it or isn't it game all night. Ended up going to the hospital early in the morning were thing progressed super slow. That night (in the hospital) we were sleeping and I had one huge conrtaction I went from 3 to 10, I was ready to push. Hubby jumped up really for juty. I was 2 weeks early again, and he took 1 week off
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