Parenting Advise

[alphamom]

First of all I have two girls. My oldest was very colicky as a baby and hasn't seemed to grow out of it still. She will be 8 in August. My youngest has just turned 3 in April. They can’t be more opposite than one another.

I have been having issues with my oldest from just plain listening, doing what is asked of her, and to help when needed. I don’t think that I ask too much of her but everyday we go through the same routine and we can’t seem to get through a day without something going wrong.

She will cry over the silliest things like: brushing her teeth, doing homework, saying no to something that she may have asked for, asking her to clean her room or to put away her clothes.

We have tried lots of things and usually we can remain calm for the first few times of asking her something and then it gradually builds to where we explode. I hate myself when I lose control and yell at her or ground her. I do believe in spanking to an extent but we get the feeling like we could blow and I have to walk away.

Can someone guide me in the right direction on how to correct this behavior of hers now before she is a teenager and it out of control.

She is a very sensitive girl and is very emotional and I just want to see her with more of a happy face than crying and pouting. She has such a beatiful smile and dimples to kill. Also I don't want her sissy to pick up the bad habits as she was always a happy baby and now has started with the "NO!".

[MommaC]

The two books I love most of all so far (in the discipline realm, that is) are:
Supernanny: How to Get the Best From Your children (by Jo Frost)
Don't Make Me Count to Three (by Ginger Plowman)

Once you choose your tactic and your discipline, be calm and be consistent. And believe that you're the mom and you're in control. And expect it to work. And make sure that your daughter feels loved by you.

I wish you the best!

[lovin3]

Here is a good website for a general behavior help.
http://www.family.org/parenting/A000000798.cfm

If she is emotionally charged when you're trying to address something, I'd try to have a set location/activity to allow her to "cool down". Maybe she needs this in the middle of a struggle, when she's too upset to talk. Maybe she needs this for a break after school and before she jumps into life at home. It could be something as simple taking a special pillow/book to her bedroom for a bit or maybe a quiet corner for her to gather her thoughts. In any case, try to be have set expectations and be consistant with how you handle her behavior. Good luck!

[alphamom]

Thanks for the advise. I think alot of it may also steam from the competing of attention with two other very over active out of control neice and nephew who also share after school time with Grandma from 4-6. I have made the decision with my husband (his mom) for next school year that we put her in after care and keep her away from the overy engergetic two who's manners have been rubbed off on to my daughter. So maybe some quiet time is what she needs after she gets home to settle back into our normal life.

Just one thing that I can't seem to get a handle on is the crying. She get's so upset when we ask her to do something that she completely shuts down and doesn't want to listen. I guess I was raised that no matter what you were still going to have to do what was asked of you so it was easier to get it over with than causing a scene.

The school counselor and my daughter have created a chart for in the morning to help her feel in control of her time and it seems to be working. I now need to see if they can create one for evening and weekends and come up with a reward system.

We are on the right path but I really feel broken some times and I seem to let it run me down. I can't give up as I want the best for her. :)