Need some advice or just some responses!

[tysonbaby08]

So I am here because I do not know where else to go! I am at wits end, losing my patience faster then I have ever, and finding myself with no energy to even raise my son.

I know how that may sound to many of you, but I need somewhere where I can tell the truth and tell someone how I really feel. Maybe I need people to tell me the straight up honest truth of how horrible of a mom I am or tell me the things that work for them. So here is my story.

I am 22 years old, I have a DS who will be 2 in January. He is so full of energy. Lately, he has not been sleeping through the night, which drains me because I am up at all hours. I stay at home with him all day and my husband comes home and tries to do somethings but he doesnt understand I need a break from the mommy roll just for a few minutes. Sometimes I even wonder why I even have a child. But I would not trade it for the world, he is my world.

I have some health issues that I find is weighing me down, and that could be a major reason why I dont have enough energy. I feel terrible because I find myself screaming and yelling at my DS just because I dont know any other way to handle the situation at hand. I have done timeouts and that is down to a T. I say timeout and DS goes straight to time out. Its just me.

I feel so guilty, I feel as if I am being a terrible mom and I dont want to be ugly to my son. I grew up with a mom who was unhappy always yelled and who hit.
Does anyone have anything and I mean anything that can help me! Please I am reaching out to the thousands of other moms. I just want to be happy and I want my family to be happy!

[moonemaiden]

You're not a terrible mom because you get worn down! I understand exactly how you feel. Sometimes I catch myself yelling at the kids when another method would work much better. I only yell because I'm tired myself.

It's important for you to get your break. It will help you be a better and more calm mommy, your family will be happier too. My husband works nights and sleeps during the day, so I'm pretty much with my son all day long and my daughter as well in the evenings. The things I do to help keep my sanity:

1. Plan weekly outings. I take my son (16 months) to the library once a week. Our library has a great toddler section and we try to go when we know other toddlers his age will be there.

2. Get outside. I try to get my son outside for at least 15 minutes a day, much longer if the day is warm. It helps us both calm down and enjoy a fun moment.

3. Explore! We explore either inside or outside. I try to set aside some time everyday to just explore something at his level. He gets excited because it's quality time with mom and I get excited because I get to see things that I have taken for granted (probably since I was a toddler myself).

4. I have two children, so I set aside time to spend with my oldest weekly. She has quite a few activities both in school and after school. My husband stays home with our son while I take our daughter to gymnastics. I always take her out for a special snack with mom first, then I get to read quietly while she is in her class.

5. Personal time is necessary. I put both my children to bed before 9pm, and I'm strict about it even though my son doesn't sleep through the night yet. As soon as they fall asleep, I take time to enjoy a nice hot bath or maybe a yoga routine. I used to use this time to clean, but found that I became a very worn down, grumpy mommy.

6. Friends! I don't get much time with my friends anymore but I still make time to see them or talk to them at least once a week. I meet one of my girlfriends for lunch twice a month. It's only an hour but it's a much needed break (grandma gets the kids for lunch that day). My best friend calls me a couple times a week just to keep me mentally motivated. We're both science minded and he provides me with some much needed adult conversation.

I hope these ideas help you. Just remember that it's easier to take care of your son if you take care of yourself. Breathe!

[avahs_mommy09]

Your not a bad mother. Everyone has their breaking point. Especially with lack of sleep or exhaustion. But if you feel that you are more exhausted than you should be then maybe its time to see a doctor. You could be suffering from depression & just need medication or have some other health issue. So thats always a place to start.

Then maybe talk to your husband. Let him know that you appreciate how hard he works but that you work hard to. Being a mom is a full time job that we dont get paid for. We rarely get vacations and no sick days. Explain to him that your exhausted, your not happy and you just need some time to yourself. Maybe try to get out once a week for just you. Or if their is no way around having your son 24/7 then maybe doing some activities with them that will help both of you to gain some energy. My 15 month old daughter and I work out on our Wii daily. (I do. She just plays with the extra remote & i made a wii board for her out of cardboard). She loves the upbeat music on the game & i get a workout which gives me more energy and wears her out enough for a nap.

Hope thats at least somewhat helpful.
Best of luck

[big-mouth-burgher]

Girl, you need a break!!!!! Everyone gets a day off every now and again and you are starving for one. The ladies above me have given you some good ideas of what to do and how to do it, so please take their advice and get a break.

Remind hubby that he gets time off from his job and you need to have time off as well. Even if you just walk around the block for half and hour every day, it would help you clear your head and just get away from your DS long enough to recharge your batteries.

[hardworkinmama]

The ladies are all right. You need a much needed and deserved break. For me, my break time is work but seeing as how you are a SAHM, that won't work for you. Maybe you could pick up a hobby, such as billiard or bowling that you can go do once a week. My husband plays billiard once a week and it rejuvenates him. Just find something that you can go do away from the house and kid and husband, it will work wonders.
And please don't feel as though you are a bad parent. I have a 2yo son and I know how trying they can be. As far as feeling as though you are yelling all the time, try finding more things to say yes to. The no's should be limited to things that could hurt him or others. The more you say yes, the less you will be yelling and you will both be happier. Good luck!

[freehelena]

if he's 2, you may want to consider enrolling him at the local YMCA or equivalent organization where he can engage in more physical group games and activities for a few hours a day. I definitely agree about getting him in a regular eating and sleeping routine. outdoor activities always helps them sleep deeper and longer too. i made the mistake of taking my daughter into bed with us. she's now 14 months and it's harder to go back and is also soooo addictive. but i need it bad because i'm also a part time attorney. if i had less pressure from work, i may try to go at it from the other end, which is to wear her out during the day with activities and a regulated schedule. i've noticed the best kind of outdoor activity which kids can't get enough of is swimming. they sleep the most and eat the most after swimming. don't be frustrated. you are a great mother. you are simply tired and feeling like you've lost control. at this point, begin thinking about it more objectively like a science experiment. have a few different methods and try each one of them methodically. eventually you will discover things that sticks. good luck.

[tysonbaby08]

Thank you SO much for the encouragment and the advice. I will definitly be taking a lot of it into consideration. I have finally made a routine for DS and I to follow so both him and I can get enough "me" time. He can have so much of my time but when it is time for him to play by himself then he can do that. Thank you again for all your support, it is nice to know that the people that do not even know me are the ones that give the most encouragment. Thank you again

[trimom]

The other ladies are right, you definitely need a break. But I can also say, that as a working mom, your husband who works full time is just as worn out as you are. If you want to get a few minutes to yourself, you need to make sure that he also gets a few minutes to himself too. He will also be more receptive to the idea of giving you a 30 minute break if he knows that he either just had his break or will get his break after yours.

As for other ways to handle your son so you don't yell, I may be able to help. First, you need to recognize when you are reaching the boiling point and take a deep breath. At 2, unless your son is in danger you should never have to yell at him. Instead, get down on your knees so that you are at eye level with him, look him in the eyes, and explain what he did wrong. You can use a stern voice during this conversation, but you should not raise it to a level that would be considered yelling. Timeouts are great (I use them all the time with my 3 year old) but they should always be followed up with a conversation about WHY he was in timeout and what he can do differently next time. And ALWAYS re-affirm that you still love him.

Pay attention to what triggers his behavior. Does he have trouble with shifting from one task to another? Maybe a countdown or warning that time is almost up would help. Does he have trouble following the rules such as no coloring on the walls? Designate a single area for crayons to be used (enforce it diligently) and put away crayons when finished playing. Take the crayons away if he can't follow the rule.

We use a 3 strikes you're out rule in our house. First offense, I give you a warning, telling you what you did wrong and why. Second offense, I repeat the warning and say if you do it again, this will be your consequence. Third strike, the consequence is enforced. We make the consequence fit the crime. If you can't share your blocks with your sister, then I will have to take the blocks away. This type of punishment used to cause major fits until our girls learned that we will follow through on what we say. Now they hardly ever go past the second warning.

The biggest thing is consistency. He has to kow what to expect from you. If your reaction changes every day, then he knows throwing a fit might get him what he wants. Or if you only enforce certain rules some of the time, he doesn't know if he will get in trouble or not, so it's worth it to break the rule on the chance that this is a day you won't enforce it.

OK, sorry this was so long. I hope I have given you a few ideas. Hang in there, it does get easier!