Terrified about 1st child...

[dragon32986]

I'm about 19 weeks pregnant. I read in the newsletter sent by Parenting.com that the raging hormones that make you moody and depressed subside...how long until I start to feel normal again? I feel depressed over little things, I want to cry when someone says something with a slight attitude, and I feel absolutely useless all the time like everything I do is wrong..I'm forgetting simple things and I need a job and no one wants to hire me or my babies father to work. Please help me...This is my first baby and I'm terrified that these feelings will make me have post postpartum depression once the baby is born...I don't know what to do. I've already lost one apartment during this pregnancy, Jumped from house to house...finally in another place again but could lose this one too....I'm a freaking wreck.

[RImommy]

It sounds like you are experiencing more than just the normal increase in emotions that often come with pregnancy. It could be stress, depression, or probably a combination of the two. I would talk to your doctor about at your next visit... moms aren't just at risk for postpartum depression, pregnant women can also be more susceptible to depression before delivery. In your case it also sounds like alot of overwhelming and stressful situations going on in your life. If you have family that you could reach out to, getting some help right now may make you feel more at ease.

[Saphira]

Ok... here's what you need to do. Take a deep breath.

Now, to gather what you've said. You don't have a home, you're not married, and you're jumping from home to home... Why did you get pregnant? I'm not gonna push adoption, but I'm gonna tell you that that option is available.

Jumping from home to home while you're pregnant... that's one thing. Doing it with a newborn infant... that's another. I think RI is right, you need to reach out to your family. I dunno what your situation is, if you and your family are fighting, etc. But you need to make ammends, let the baby bring you guys together. You need the home, you need the support. Stress can cause complications, you need to find some sort of peace of mind.

Hope your life pulls itself together soon.

[dragon32986]

I do have a home and i'm not jumping from home to home...when I got pregnant I had a stable home, yet something happened and i lost my security job so now both my bf and I are jobless...we're both looking but for some reason although i'm not showing all too much no one wants to hire me...i thank you all for your support.

[Aquarius68]

I'm not a "mom" but I very much can relate to your situation as my partner is often very depressed and she doesn't have much support at all besides me. We had to move at a time when we weren't romantic and just getting used to being "friends" again because she terminated her relationship with me after getting pregnant and without telling me I was going to be a dad (in dad to dad there's a thread 'it would be so much easier if we were in love' that has more detail than you need to know on that) She has very limited income but we got two separate apartments in the same building (working out great) when she was sure her mom would help her with rent but that never materialized and I'm currently paying $2600 total in rent a month now. No I can't really afford that but I'm managing. ... so far. The best news now though is we are in love again after a long rebuilding process and I'm super excited to finally be a dad at my old age :-)

So if you don't mind a man chiming in it sounds like we both need a little support and assurance that things will be ok, and they will :-)

It sounds like you want the baby so while adoption is an easy answer, it's definitely not an easy answer.

on money:

My partner is currently on medical and we even have a good birthing center and midwife that medical covers. I have a decent job and the baby will go on my insurance once born, but right now medical is covering almost everything.

While WIC and food stamps may seem unsavory to many I've had friends down on their luck that had to accept public assistance and if you're in it short term it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Hopefully your partner will find a job soon, but with the current unemployment situation this is going to be tough. He might have to take a job that pays less than he's worth and is work he doesn't enjoy but this too will pass. Encourage him not to be ashamed to take any job he can. Unemployment should be covering both of you if you both had jobs, and also remember that you might possibly qualify for disability while you are pregnant.

on depression:

Hopefully your partner is supportive emotionally. I know I try my damndest to be, but I can't help her with everything. She has a lot of issues with her family and I listen and hug her and tell her I love her and she has my support but I honestly don't know what to say so she is seeing a therapist that specializes in depression in pregnancy. It's not cheap, but it's affordable and she won't be going to very many sessions but she finds it is helping and that's encouraging.

I really hope that you can find some way to manage the depression as it can be contagious. Hopefully you have more support from family and friends than my partner does, but even without that she is miles from where she was in the first trimester. Actually our midwife today at our prenatal visit mentioned sarcastically "why do you look so cheerful" she said she's been sick (she has) and we talked about the therapy and such and then the midwife said "well, compared to where you were the first trimester you're a veritable ray of sunshine" which is true, even on bad days like today. So as far as the hormones go, I figure right around where you are now is when we had our first civil phone conversation which led to more civility and eventually led to our relationship coming full circle. So from my observation as to when the hormones should be shifting over: any day now.

Try to be positive, things have a way of working out if you let them.

I really wish you the very best and that the three of you will be very happy and loving parents. That you're here trying to get answers is a very positive sign.

[ra11en]

I think it's only natural to be so hormonal given your situation! When you're expecting a baby, its natural to crave stability and security, not something you have in abundance. So just give yourself a break, take a deep breath, and keep moving forward to build a good home for your baby, it's all you can do!

I had extreme mood swings and depression while pregnant with our twins, but none at all with my DD. The mood swings evened out around 5 months with our twins.

Take it one day at a time, keep trying to find a job / stable home. Embrace your ability to find those things NOW while you still have more flexibility. When that baby gets here, your freedom / flexibility will be non-existent for the first few months at least. Buckle down and do whatever you have to do to build a good home for that baby. You can do it!

[dragon32986]

thank you for your positive support...I think you and Aquarius68 were the only two that understood my issue at hand...I have been putting in applications in since my unemployment was denied and before that too. It's just hard because even though it's the holiday season "No one is hiring". I haven't given up hope though. I will survive (tee hee aretha franklin is cool)...thank you again for everything.

[clararose]

I feel for you, the hormones (and stress) of pregnancy combined with any stresses in your life feel almost impossible in the moment. However, try to remember to breathe and push it away when possible. The bad times will pass with time and because of your own efforts to get through them. Now is the time to listen to people's positive support and advice because you clearly need that while you're going through so much.

So far as the employment searches, if you can, take the time to call the folks who haven't hired you to get information on how to improve as a candidate. It can be touchy but when you're feeling good enough about yourself to do so, it can be worthwhile to look at the jobs you don't get as learning experiences for that job that is out there that you will get. I'm sure that it's largely because so many are unemployed that the candidate pool is just big enough to make finding something hard, but you may feel better if you know what employers want in your application and interviews so you have something to work on.

In the end it is all a process. I say this from experience both from a difficult pregnancy and the long grieving process after a miscarriage (almost didn't want to include this, but I hate giving advice that might sound trite). You will absolutely survive, you'll be a great mom (because you'll work at it) and you'll find a way to provide (because, again you'll work at it). But in the moment it will hurt, it will feel impossible, you'll cry but you will pull through!

[Newmama22]

I know how you feel about the job situation at least. We aren't having the problems with housing like you but even with my hubby being a manager it isn't easy... I mean he's a manager at McDonalds for crying out loud not the best paying job inthe world...he's so stressed about his job making him stress and not being able to find a better job and i'm freaking because like you i can't get hired anywhere either. Unfortunately i've been out of a job for exactly one year now and it's really taking a toll on him because he's paying ALL of the bills. And yes we are getting assistance but we can only get food stamps because I receive to much on unemployment. All my money goes to keeping our one car on the road so he can continue going to the job he hates. But yeah I know how you feel, it really stacks up quick some times, especially when you aren't looking, but when that happens try to take a relaxing bath or listen to your fav. music. Do anything you need to to destress yourself.