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rain racer
11-11-2009, 12:01 AM
How do you handle this situation: I have four kids aged 2 to 11, three of them are at their prime “play date” years, and the two older ones have their own cellphones (which means they can organize their own play dates and only need to secure parental approval at the final step). Occasionally either my child or one of their friends gets a nutty idea in their head and something boneheaded happens.

I have told my children that because it is not my place to discipline their play date friends (beyond telling them to stop or sending them home), they are responsible for the actions of their friends during play dates. Once during a sleepover, my child watched while a friend ate 9 popsicles. I made my child buy a new box of popsicles out of her allowance money. She thought it was unfair, but I explained to her that when her friends mess up I as a father have three options: 1) do nothing and hope the situation doesn't reoccur, 2) limit or eliminate future play dates with that particular friend, 3) hold my child responsible for their friends' actions. My children usually choose option 3, so that's what we do.

What do you all think?

If you want to see a fuller discussion about this topic here is a link to it:
www.therainracer.wordpress.com. If you are not interested in having the discussion at my blog, that's fine too. Thanks for reading and responding.

Mark Stephens
11-17-2009, 09:52 PM
Oh I don't know . . . I was at a play date (my only daughter is 2) in which a 5-year-old boy hit a younger girl. I was the only parent in the room at the time, and I hesitated for a second. But I jumped in and explained to that kid that he wasn't allowed to do that (with a mighty vociferous "HEY! NO!") and that he needed to apologize to the girl. Of course, the whole episode caused him to break down and bawl after he apologized, but whatever, kids do that.

In that kind of situation, it makes no difference that my child wasn't involved. That kid needed to be set straight.

Kids need guidance my man, whether they're sucking down nine popsicles or worse.

Cheers,