approaching 30- do I still have time?

[beforeatwinkle]

hello ladies-

the commonly accepted advice on deciding when to have children after you get married is: 'Wait'. 'Enjoy your time together'. 'Build your relationship and your finances', etc, etc, ad nauseum.

All that seems so true... if you get married young and have that kind of time. What if you are little bit older and don't have that kind of time? Myself, its not like I've put off or delayed getting married or started a family, I guess it was just that I assumed that it would happen someday and that the Mr. Right would come along sooner or later. I have never been the power-hungry corporate ladder-climber; I just have had various interesting careers that I could take or leave, and have had marginal success in my love life. If my college BF had ever actually gotten around to getting serious and proposing, I think I would be happy with how my life could have gone- but that never happened. Now, 30 is swiftly approaching and my panic button is going off.

My story: we've (my now BF) been together almost 3 years and have discussed getting married next fall. I want nothing more than to be married, have children, and be a stay-at-home mom at some point (the sooner the better). He supports this plan. I turned 29 this past summer and he turned 44. He already has 2 kids from a previous marriage. All my late 20s-age friends that want to be married, are married and have children, if not working on the second. I'm going to a shower this weekend as it is. You can understand the pressure.

The thing is, of course I have a HUGE case of baby lust and am worrying myself silly about my declining fertility.

So, of course I want to be married before starting a family, but what then after that? (considering me nearing 'advanced maternal age', especially if I want to have more than one, and have concerns about not being able to conceive immediately (you ~assume~ that it would happen immediately, but apparently that's not always the case) Should we take the plunge right off? Life's too short right?

[big-mouth-burgher]

My best friend got pregnant with her first for her 30 birthday, and I got pregnant with my 2nd for my 30. It was our plan to do it together. She had her 2nd child at 34 and everything was fine for her. My sis had her 2nd at 32 and all was fine with her as well. I even have an Aunt who accidently got pregnant at 40 and gave birth at 41. The baby was just fine and had no complications. The pregnancy was hard on her and she got tired very quickly.

IMO it is fine to wait until you are married if that is what you want. Your clock is ticking, but it hasn't ran out yet!

[kare.bear]

You definitely have time, don't panic! I didn't meet my husband until I was 33, got married at 35 and had my first child at 36. Now expecting my second child at 37. It's been an active few years, but I'm loving every second!

My Dr doesn't seem even remotely concerned by my advanced maternal age. She says she sees so many first time mother's in their 40's now that she is experienced, prepared, and ready for anything that comes my way.

Have fun with the whole process and congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals!

[allisonb]

Don't worry. My mom got married when she was 34, had my sister at 36, me at 39 and my younger brother at 44. But if you're ready to start a family right away, there's nothing wrong with trying as soon as you get married.

[mommakat86]

my mom had me at 34 and she had my sister at 39. it is definitely ok to try for it. dont stress over your time running out, you got plenty of time :) good luck and best wishes

[Aquarius68]

My partner is 38 and will turn 39 around the time our baby is born and I'm 41 turning 42 around the same time also so ... yeah you got time :-)

I might add ... 30 weeks and so far everything checks out perfectly (he seems to be a BIG boy)

[cuttiebomb]

I got married at 28 and have my 1st daughter at 33, the reasson hubbie and I both decide to wait to have aour first child, now I'am 37 and just have my 2nd 3 months ago an they both look great and healthy, so my advise no need to worry the best time to have a child is when you feel ready.

[RLTMommy]

Had my first at 32 and when the second arrives, I will be 34. I have had great pregnancies and an easy vaginal birth. I was on birth control for 10+ years and conceived when I missed the first pill. Take deep breaths......you have plenty of time. :) And good luck!

[beforeatwinkle]

thanks ladies for all the advice and encouragement! feeling better now! :)

[Jill_at_StorkRadio]

I was 33 when I had my first baby -- no problems conceiving or with the pregnancy. in fact, my midwife said that the ama is probably upping the high risk category to 40 from 35. part of it is just luck, good luck!

[shmonster]

Beforeatwinkle, I'm no expert but it sounds like you have time and will be fine :)

I, myself, am 31, married, and STILL don't know if/when we will have kids... I'm trying to figure it all out. So I find it very encouraging to hear stories like kare.bear's, or what Kill_at_StorkRadio said about the risk being upped from 35 to 40... Thanks for the posts everyone because you are helping soothe my own anxiety as well.

[monika12]

here is a good article:
http://www.ovuline.com/ovublog/?p=17
Good luck!