Help new parent

[TGAHBOW]

I should not say i am a new parent. but me and my husband took in his nieces that are 6 and 4. and before we had them they never were told NO. so now we are trying to raise them. and everything is a battle. they talk back, throw tantrums, get mad when they dont get what the want. When i try and discipline them they think it is a joke. time out do not work, being put in the corner, taking toys away. I am at a loss. i need some different ideas i guess. The problem gets even worse after they go and visit there dad. They are the ones in charge when they go over to his house . he lets them do WHATEVER they want. and when they come home they are still in that mind frame. if there is and one that has any tips. for a stressed out auntie i am all ears.

[MommaC]

Sorry for your yucky situation. First, I'd recommend 2 books:
Supernanny (How to Get the Best from Your Children, by Jo Frost)
Don't Make Me Count to Three, by Ginger Plowman

Whatever techniques you decide to use, be consistent. Don't let them see that you're frustrated by them or that they're getting the upper-hand. Use a low-tone, firm voice. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If they're in time out, ignore them. If they get out, put them back and re-set the time. DON'T GIVE UP. You're in a battle of wills. Once you prove your will is stronger, they'll know you mean business. Best of luck to you!

[myboysmom]

I agree with MommaC. You have to pick tactic and stick with it, even when it seems you are losing. And Supernanny is a great person to watch and learn from. She's not unrealistic. You have to consider that these girls are older, and if you are the first person/people to try to make them mind, they are going to figure they can break you before you get to them. Just don't give up. When it seems futile, just remember that you are doing the RIGHT thing by these kids. You know how much better people they will grow up to be because they had someone not willing to give up on them. Good Luck, you will be thought of!

[autymsmommy]

I would have to agree with myboysmom and mommac... with one addition, never let a day pass without hugging your nieces and letting them know you love them. As hard as this situation is for you, imagine for a second how hard it is for them. I'm not sure of the circumstances under which they came to live with you, but can only assum it is because of something far more drastic than their parents never telling them no. They need to know that you give them boundaries because you love them, but that when they break those rules it disappoints you - but you will still always love them. I imagine their behaviour is alot worse when they get back from their father's house, they are still too young to understand why they are not allowed to be in the only home that they ever knew (whether that was with their father or elsewhere). Once again, hugs, kisses and reassurance from you along with consistent discipline and rules will probably make a world of difference - in time. Miracles don't happen over night.