View Full Version : My Hubby is onery to me!!
05-08-2008, 03:09 PM
my husband has been really onery to me lately almost everynight, i'm 5 months pregnant and very emotional, what am i doing wrong? or is he just dumb?
05-08-2008, 03:18 PM
Is he being overly onery, or are you more sensitive, or both?
My DH went through that during our pregnancy as well. I didn't realize how overwhelmed and worried he was about everything until I sat down to voice my sensitivity to his insensitivity. Pregnancy, in many ways, makes becoming a parent easier for a woman than a man. He was trying to come to terms with being a daddy and a husband, and everything that meant to him (he is such a good man, it was a HUGE deal) but it also still seemed unreal to him. I felt the baby move and all the changes my body went through really made it tangible to me. That wasn't true for him, and it was very scary to him.
I would advise you sit down and not only voice your sensitivity, but clearly tell him what would make you feel better (more sensitivity on his part, more interest, etc). Also, tell him how confident in him you are and how wonderful a father he is going to be. Let him know that you're in this together! Our pregnancy was totally planned but didn't stop the insecurities for him. Men - strange creatures they are. :)
And try to keep in mind, we are not the most rational beings when growing another human being. While asking him to be more sensitive to you during this time, try to give him a little extra leeway because you're more emotional.
05-08-2008, 03:34 PM
I'll try that thank you so much, like last night she was kicking so hard and i told him to feel deep into my stomach and he said no i'm scared i'll hurt her, maybe he's going through the same emotion as i'am and i'm not being sensitive to how he feels aboutbeing a dad, i tell him all the time how good of a dad he is i feel that he doesn't care about what i say, maybe that's the pregnancy? he tells me not to blame everything on pregnancy, am i allowed to do that?
05-08-2008, 03:52 PM
Hehehehe - of course you're allowed to do that! I blamed everything I could on being pregant (although I wouldn't fall into the trap of eating everything in sight and using the pregnancy as an excuse). How many times in your life do you plan on being pregnant? :) Use it!
My hubby got SOOOO tired of me wanting him to feel the baby kick or talk about this article I read or going back over my birth plan for the millionth time. I had to work really hard at being sensitive to him, just like I wanted him to be to me. It was a bit of tight rope act, but we got through it. I'm sure all couples have their ups and downs during pregnancy.
Just keep talking to each other!
05-08-2008, 04:10 PM
I blamed absolutely everything on being pregnant. So much so that at one point my boss told me that I can't blame everything on being pregnant and I told him 'Oh YES I Can!" hehe
You and your hubby will go through so many mood swings over the next four months. All you can do is hope that he can control his better than you can control yours. ;)
05-08-2008, 04:44 PM
wow you guys are helping me so much, the only thing i have blamed on pregnancy is the leg cramps i get at 6 in the morning, OUCH!! how can i get rid of those or reduce them?
05-08-2008, 08:03 PM
leg cramps? Have you tried sleeping with a pillow between your legs on under them? When i was pregnant it helped me to sleep on my side with a body pillow tucked a little under my belly and through my legs and when i got up in the middle of the night I'd rotate sides(I know they say try to sleep on your left side as much as possible but after a while my left would go numb)I hope this helps a little.
05-09-2008, 10:03 AM
Body pillow was so helpful while pregnant. And if you're having muscle cramps, you should start eating bananas. The potassium (sp) will help the muscle cramps. Good advice that my biology professor told me a few years back. Works like a charm! One a day and I bet you notice a change; although they probably won't go away all together due to the changes your body is going through from the pregnancy.
05-12-2008, 02:27 PM
I would say it's the stress of being a father weighing on him. Will he make enough money to support his girls? Will he love her instantly? Will he be able to stop her from crying?
Lots of questions that plague us, plague daddy's but they don't talk about it.
wow ra11en, my hubby would get mad if I suggested he'd read something (he had a lot on his mind with our soon to be born daughter & work, he didn't want anything else in there or whatever) but he would stare at my stomach or sleep holding it in the hope he'd feel/see a kick.
BabyChloe, talk to ur hubby about his fears & what's stressing him. And let him know that taking it out on you isn't good for the baby. Some doctors will tell you that you becoming upset won't effect the baby but arguing with hubby raised my blood pressure & concerned my doctor. For months they thought I had pre-eclampsia, turns out it was just hubby's loud mouth rattling my nerves.
05-13-2008, 10:34 AM
There were a few times my DH fell asleep with his hand on my tummy, hoping to feel a kick. But after 10 months of pregnancy, he got tired of me rushing to him every 10 minutes "The baby is kicking!". :) One thing that really blew him away and he never got tired of was when my belly was really big and you could actually SEE the baby moving around. That had him totally riveted. But that was towards the very end. He thought that was totally cool.
And while he didn't read any of the stuff I read, he did ask about certain things I read which was encouraging. Now that our daughter is a toddler, he asks a lot more about what the books I read say about this behavior or that behavior.
05-13-2008, 12:17 PM
Thank you cynister! he doesn't think he's stressing me out, but men can't admit that they are wrong.
"he tells me not to blame everything on pregnancy, am i allowed to do that?"
My fiance would laugh so hard at this!!! I blame absolutely everything on being pregnant right down to the most ridiculous and absurd!! for instance, deciding where to eat. he'll want chinese and i don't, so the baby doesn't want it either. two against one! He constantly reminds me that I'm milking this pregnancy for all it's worth to which I reply doctor's orders!! at the begining of my pregnancy my Dr. asked if i had received any special treatment yet and said to milk it for all it's worth, I took him very litterally!
Also, and my fiance would be the first to admit this, men are dumb when it comes to women and our desires and feelings especially while pregnant cause we're just that much more sensitive. My first sonogram was valentine's day which also happened to be my due date from a previous pregnancy that I miscarried. I mentioned to him how ironic that was and he laughed, I burst into tears (I was already scared out of my wits and him laughing was not the reaction I was going for). He explained that wasn't the cause for his laughter and proceeded to comfort me but of course I wasn't convinced. another example of their stupidity: i'm twenty five weeks and showing pretty good by now. a couple of days ago my fiance was trying to give me a compliment. He says "honey you are just so big". I was flabbergasted. "what did you just say, you did not just say that to me?" Of course that's not what he meant to say, that's just how it came out. he was trying to say I'm a big person, big hearted, kind, ETC. I just had to remind him that HEARTED was the most IMPORTANT word in that phrase. Don't worry, his black eyes are healing nicely now!!!!
The thing is with men you have to spell things out for them and be very literall. As Dr' phil said, "you have to put the bread crumbs really close together".
05-15-2008, 10:45 AM
that is awesome bout him telling you your just too big duh!! i was wearing some shorts that i wore last summer on saturday and they were a little tight okay... blake (my husband) says your "odd shaped" i couldn't help but laugh you know, but it's things like that that hurt our feelings obviously it didn't hurt mine because i laughed but somethings he does say do hurt me like he told me that i'm getting annoying because everytime she kicks i laugh, this is my first pregnancy so i don't know what to expect so sometimes it scares me (is that weird) but yeah he told me that like 2 days ago and i didn't talk to him the rest of thi night. And then he wonders why i was onery to him DUH!! i told him that he needs to stop being a typical man and admit to things. i'm so mean! thank you for your help though it really did help me out!!
If you liked the big thing you'll love this. just another example of the differences between men and women. shortly after we began dating my fiance and I were in the bedroom. he says to me, again his lame attempt at a compliment, "baby you have beautiful childbearing hips". (A side note to all men out there: childbearing should never be used in an attempt to compliment). I just laughed at him and told him that from then on he should stick to complimenting my hair, eyes, intelligence, so on. Of course obviously he did not heed my advice as every few weeks or so he says something equally dumb like the big thing. He really thought it was a compliment though, despite the fact I've never before had a child and am only now pregnant (25 weeks) with my first child. I wasn't even over weight or out of shape. I've forgiven him for the big thing as that was purely accidental, but this I'll never forget! I just don't understand the part of him or any other man that would think this to be a compliment, as I'm sure men don't understand the part of women that don't find this to be a compliment.
05-15-2008, 03:46 PM
well it's like they think they are being "cute" when they say someof the dumb things they say, but sometimes i like stuff he says because i love the fact that he's trying to be cute you know.
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