Is it me or him?

[Amber987]

I worry myself about having a baby. I don't think that I'm going to able to conceive. I think that I think that way because I want one so much. See, the problem is I never had a child before, I'm still young and I really want one in the next year. My fiancee' has a 10 year old son. He was with his first wife for years before they conceived and they never used any protection. But she did have personal problems like getting her period twice or not getting her period at all. And it took them years to conceive. So I went and made sure that I was okay to have a baby.The doctor says I'm fine but I still worry. And getting my fiancee' to go to the doctors and get himself checked for fertility is I guess embarassing and he always says that he doesn't have time. I don't want to push it but I really want to have a baby. What would be a good way to bring it up without pushing it? He says he wants a baby and everything but I don't know if he just says it because he knows how much I want one or if he really honestly wants another child.

[fuzzy]

Have u guys even tried yet?If you haven't maybe you should talk about trying for a couple months and if nothing goes then bring up the fact he should get checked.If you guys have been trying them maybe you should explain to him how important it is to you and ask him to get answers as to why it not happening.You kinda sound like me when it comes to having our second (him saying it just cause you want it) and I finally sat down for a no hold conversation with my honey and truly let him know all the different emotions i was feeling and how i was reading some of his actions,saying and how sometimes I felt like it said it to shut me up!
I think if I were you i'd do the same thing don't hold back and I know you don't want to push it but you don't want to hold back for your own wants and desires right?? Good Luck!

[Amber987]

We haven't done anything to prevent it and its been about 3 monthes. So I can't really say yes wre trying but I'm not on birth control and were using any type of protection. I went to the doctors and got pre-natal vitamins and my fiancee' was like "I didn't know you wanted to get pragnant that fast." It's just frustrating. For example I came home from work one day, and he was up stairs painting or something and he asked me out of the no where if I was ready to have a baby because his been thinking a lot he is ready for a baby. oO course I want one. So I get all excited and get happy and than when I tell him I got the vitamins he has something different to say. I don't know if he knows what he wants and I don't want to be the only one that makes this decision. He just thinks that if it happens it happens and thats his out look on this situation. But I worry because I think were going to have problems getting pregnant.

[ra11en]

3 months is still pretty early in the game; especially if you've never been pregnant before. I wouldn't be getting so worked up and worried just yet, and being so worried can REALLY impact conceiving at all. Just relax, enjoy trying, and take it one day at a time. My dr said not to even start thinking of worrying until around 12 mo of trying with no success - you're only at 3 mo! :) Take your vitamins, and try to stop worrying so much! Let nature take its course!

There is another thread on here about how long it took to get pregnant - I bet that would be really good for you to read. Our first pregnancy took 8-9 months before we conceived. Our second one was a week or so into trying. Its always different, and can sometimes take a long time. Just relax!

[Amber987]

I guess I get more frustrated with him and his comments than with actually trying to conceive. I know its still soon. My Dr told me that only 20% of women trying to conceive get pregnant in the first 4 monthes and 90% get pregnant after trying for 12 monthes. I'm not rushing it, I enjoy trying and I always think after were done like could this be the time. I don't really think about it while were actually having sex. And I do enjoy myself. We don't really have sex all the time. Maybe, on a good week 4 times. Usually it's only twice a week. I just don't think he is as serious about having a baby as I am. I guess it's because he's already had one and knows whats its all about. I'm just kinda upset and mad at the same time about this whole thing.

[ra11en]

That is a totally common issue while trying to have a family. It just doesn't seem as important to them as it is to us. But I bet it is just as important to him, he just doesn't show it the same way you do. Plus, men tend to be more visual, which means until you actually have the big ole belly he's probably going to be very nonchalant about the whole thing. And even when you do have the big belly, he won't be nearly as excited as you will be. But once that baby is home, that will change. :)

[Babesy]

My husband had similar mixed feelings about when to try. He told me he wanted to wait a few years mostly because of money. Before we were able to settle on timing that worked for both of us, he flip-flopped a lot. I recently had a biopsy on a mass they found and for a while we were really scared about it. When it turned out benign, the first thing my husband said was "Let's not wait! Let's have babies now!"

A few days later when he came down from his fear of all the tests I had done, he came back to his senses and admitted that he wasn't quite ready yet and he was sorry for a knee-jerk reaction. Because, quite honestly, it messed with my head.

Anyway long story short, we have to travel to a third-world country in the next few months to see family. And its not going to be a very pregnancy-friendly trip. So that gives him a few months to get comfortable with the idea and it gives me more of a time line to work with, so I'm not waiting for him to just decide one day out of the blue that he's ready.

I think sometimes we forget that men have their own complex emotions about these things. And while they want to be our rocks, they have their worries too and need some reassurance.

Maybe a good idea is to plan a Baby-moon. A trip that you can look forward to and gives your fiance time to digest the idea and get comfortable with it. I'm sure he'll come around.

[Babesy]

I think its also noteworthy that while it is embarassing to be tested for fertility...it is a lot less invasive for men to be tested than for women. If there were problems the doctors might recommend he get tested first anyway.