View Full Version : Parents with two religious views???
10-07-2009, 12:54 AM
My husband and I have two children, a 6 YO son and 2 YO son. My husband and I were both raised Catholic. I attended catholic school from k-6 but other than that my parents did not have us involved in going to church with them regularly and never had a real strong religious upbringing or strong faith. DH had a very strong Catholic upbringing with parents who still attend church daily. I have decided that I'd like to attend a Christian church. In my 20's I attended a non-denominational christian church and was able to apply many of the religious teachings to my own life which I found beneficial. I have struggled for many years with some of the Catholic teachings (though maybe I haven't given it a fair try).
I feel like for the past 10 years that my hubby and I have been married, I've only attended Cath. church because I felt like I "should" and now feel resentful that I haven't followed my heart or done what's important to me. I have many friends that attend the church that I'm looking at going to and they seem to have a great childrens program as well. My ? is, have any of you been through this? What helped? Were you able to find a balance? DH and I agreed to try going to both for 1 year, meaning I take the kids by myself to my church one day a week (on my own) and vice versa. That way my older son can get a taste of both and we can then decide the direction we'd like to head. It's really complicated and my husband and I are both stubborn about this. We ultimately want what's best for our family and our children.
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. MUCH THANKS!
10-07-2009, 02:43 PM
I like trying out both churches, but I'm not sure how you'll ever resolve this problem if you go alone to your church and he goes alone to his church. May I suggest that one weekend you go to your church and go to hubby's the next weekend. Keep on taking turns for awhile. Then you and hubby can sit down, alone, and discuss the pros and cons of both churches and make a decision together about what church to attend as a family.
I am Catholic and hubby is Presbyterian, so we went through the same thing. Although we resolved our issue before having kids. I can understand the Catholic guilt your hubby has, it is frownd upon Catholics participating in worship in another church. He'll have to get over that so that you both can make this decision for your family. The sooner you can resolve this the better it will be for the kids.
10-14-2009, 07:59 PM
If your hubby is happy in the Catholic church, you're unlikely to change his views. I suspect he's humoring you about the year trial hoping the kids like catechism better.
If you can stomach it, look for a Catholic church where the priest is more sympathetic to view such as yours. Or see if you can do non-church hour activities at the other church. Many churches have kids programming for their lectures and other activities to get parents to come.
It may be tough, my ex is fighting me on religion after originally agreeing to let me guide the religious training so now we have 1 week a month where he takes her. Our views are so opposed that it is really tough for me and if the church you're attending is at all "their way or no way", it will be tough for your husband to take.
10-20-2009, 05:16 PM
I have somewhat the same problem. My husband and I are both LDS (Mormon) but he is inactive. He allows me to raise my son LDS and go to church, but I always wonder what will happen when he gets older and Daddy isn't there...
I think religion should focus on family and it probably won't work and will most likely confuse your children if you take them to separate churches without your spouse. I would go as a family to both until you decide which religion is best for your family as a whole. Compromise is the key and hopefully you can both agree to disagree until you explore the faiths together and decide.
I hope things work out for you...it is so hard to have strong beliefs when your spouse doesn't.
10-20-2009, 07:11 PM
My husband and I are also of different views. He is catholic and I am agnostic. We are both stubborn, so there's no way I'm going with him just for appearances, and there's no way he's going to stay home because he doesn't like explaining why his wife isn't there. And we like it that way. Sometimes he gets irked about it when some little old lady asks his kids for the tenth time where mommy is, but I just remind him that I would never force him to abandon his beliefs, so he shouldn't force me to believe in his. We send the kids with him because we believe that they need to know as much as they can about the religion so when they come to confirmation they can make an informed choice. We don't want them to get confirmed just because an adult made them (that's what happened to me and it quite possibly may be why I turned so strongly from my church). If they decide to get confirmed, fine, if not, that's fine too. We want them to be able to believe what they want, being well informed about the pros and cons of both sides, and feel no pressure with either decision. Until that day comes, they go to church with daddy. Now, the catch may be that they may think they don't want to be confirmed because it's a pain to get ready and go to church on the weekend (they will be teenagers at that point)! Well, we've decided that if they decide to stay home they will spend the time cleaning up the house with me or doing homework. No watching TV or sleeping because they're too lazy! Maybe since you and your husband go to separate churches you could do the alternating weekends like you are doing now, I like that idea. That way your kids can make an informed decision later about which church, if either, they want to be confirmed at. Whatever happens, good luck!
10-20-2009, 07:53 PM
My situation is, I am Christian and my 3 boys and I go to church every Sunday and my oldest is now in youth group. My husband doesn't believe in God or any religions. He is okay with my going to church with the boys but he still says things against God in front of them. I've struggled with this for many years. We've been married 14 years, together 19. He said we'd find a church together when we got married, that never happened. Then he said we'd find a church together after we had kids, that never happened. I don't understand why he feels the way he does against God, he was raised Catholic.
I'm sorry I don't have an answer but it looks like there are a lot of us out there who are in similar situations.
10-21-2009, 12:02 AM
For you, I'd suggest you achieve some kind of comprise. Perhaps as previously suggested, you alternate attending churchs together. It may be tough to convince him to miss mass and attend at another church. Or perhaps, you attend Mass on Sundays with him and have the kids and yourself in your church's Bible studys on a the weekday evening.
My husband grew up Catholic, but is better described as agonistic. I am a Pagan. My mother is a devoute Baptist. Life is interesting. Our son is only one, but I have been teaching him the ways of the Gods and Goddess since he was born. My mother tells him about Jesus and the One God of Christian faith. The biggest key (in my opinion) is to make sure you do not bash or insult each others views. That you allow your children to view them equally, as paths that you have choosen to walk, but neither more correct than the other.
10-21-2009, 09:52 PM
I was raised multi-religious (my mom is Jewish, my dad is Episcopalian, and I attended Catholic school.) I am very glad that I had the opportunity to see religion from many perspectives; my brother and my sister feel the same way.
That being said, none of us are very religious and have gone through different feelings of religion and faith. So, yes, you need to figure out a compromise with your husband, but also think about what you want for your children. If you want them to grow up with a faith, then I think it is easier if religion is consistent. If you are happy for them to explore and question and decided for themselves, the multi-religion thing is great.
By the way, I am exposing my son to church with his Grandpa, temple with his Oma, and he's even gone to a Christian church with his dad.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.4 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.