Why the Dad Bashing?

[CoachChris]

I have sole custody of my kids, two full time jobs, a coach for two football teams and a cheerleading squad (you heard that right), but all I seem to hear from Parenting magazine is this squabble about how men are such bad parents. Enough is enough! Don't stereotype the rest of us because of some lazy good for nothings are out there not participating in their kids lives.

I get quite offended at commercials where men are portrayed as some sort of idiotic oaf and cannot handle the simplest of child rearing tasks. This falls into the same sexist lines of what women in the work place face. So women, if you truly want equal rights and equal pay, then end this negative stereotype now. Otherwise accept the glass ceiling of the corporate world and just be the secretaries to us men.

Lastly, if you do have a man who is a lazy good for nothing and does not participate in their child's lives, drop him or make him aware of it. I have been in men's groups and sadly, some men don't know how to be father's because they did not have one growing up, so if you man is lacking in the fathering skills have him join a fathers group or help him out, don't bash him or file him under this stereotype.

[CoachChris]

HA, Parenting just proved my point of their sexist point-of-view. Even though my profile states that I am a man, they show my avatar on this posting as a woman.

[NaomiK]

I agree with you. I think men are portrayed as being incapable in the household, and they are not. In fact, there are many things my husband does that he does better than me :) I'm not sure if you are talking about a specific article in the magazine, but this has been discussed before on the forums. I think we all know that not all men are that way, but there are a lot of them out there. The purpose of articles like Mad at Dad, for example, was to let the women know that they are not alone.

Simply pointing out the behavior to these uninvolved Dad's usually doesn't correct the issues. Its easier said than done to just "drop him". While I personally would not put up with a lazy good for nothing, I can understand why some women do, but it does frustrate me to no end.

Oh and they really need a male avatar. That has already been pointed out numerous times.

[H.Starr]

Don't worry Chris, you are not alone. Or unrecognized. There are plenty of women who agree with you completely.
EX: There is the 'Parenting magazine unfair to dads' thread on here, which ultimately turned into a debate. There is a thread that I myself started called 'NOT Mad at Dad' specifically for those of us with worthwhile husbands.
There are some women who just don't get it, and they're not worth anyone's time anyway, in my opinion. Same as the dads who don't get it.
But I assure you, plenty of us realize that there are plenty of fathers who are WONDERFUL fathers (and husbands). I am very thankful and proud to say that my husband is one of them, and I am glad that you are too. :)
My advice - screw everyone who doesn't understand, doesn't care, doesn't agree, etc. Be proud of who you are and how wonderful a job you are doing. Anyone with half a brain will agree.

[alissa1979]

I agree - I posted the same kind of thoughts on the two discussion threads Heather mentioned above. My husband was a high school girls' basketball coach a few years ago, so I know how much time and energy coaching takes. You have to really care about kids to do it, because it is a thankless job! You obviously do, since you are raising your kids as well.

We are also offended by the frequency of commercials and television shows that depict dads as complete incompetent idiots - for some reason this has become socially acceptable. When my daughter is born this November, I don't want her to get that message from the media about her dad.

It is a shame when one parent chooses not to be as involved as the other, but that does include moms, too. Parents of both genders, grandparents, adoptive/foster parents who are raising children on their own should be commended - you are making such a difference for your little ones!

[Lindsey73]

I wish my sons father did even a fraction of what you do for your kids! You should be a proud father.

[JohnMcG]

The purpose of articles like Mad at Dad, for example, was to let the women know that they are not alone.

I think the "you are not alone" goes both ways.

At the same time, there isn't a distinction. A woman in a two-earner household who does all the housework has justified anger. A stay-at-home mother whose husband just fed the toddler something other than what she would have should probably get over it.

But then she opens up Parenting magazine and says, "See! I'm not the only one furious at my husband. I'm not crazy!" and continues to stoke her anger.

But the articles here lump them all together into a general "Dads are lazy; Moms are super" narrative, that if everyone buys into is ultimately destructive.

I was glad to see this month's article focussed more on solutions, but I wonder if Parenting is part of the problem.

[Airforce020106@yahoo.com]

I agree with everyone. Though I do not have a child yet we are expecting our first in January. I have an amazing husband who has already offered to take time off of work to stay home with me while I recover from birth. And even though I'm going to be SAHM once she's born he said that if I need a break when he gets home from work he will let me go take a nap, shower, go to starbucks or whatever just to get a break even though he works 8+hours a day. He said he will even wake up at night if he knows I've had a rough day, he wants to teach her soccer, and whatever he can to involved.

I know a lot of women out there have horrible husbands or father's for their children but not everyone does. They should put some postive articles in the magazine about the good guys. Maybe that will help the women who have the peices of crap to realize they deserve better since it is not normal.

And the commercials where it only have women feeding a baby a bottle and playing with the kids is horrible. Most Dad's do whatever they can to interact with their child but all the things about parenting it directed towards women. The is such things as stay at home dad's they need advice and help just as much as the SAHM does.

Sorry rant. But the men out there who take care of their kids and as involved keep doing what you're doing you are appreciated no matter what you read.

[Aquarius68]

HA, Parenting just proved my point of their sexist point-of-view. Even though my profile states that I am a man, they show my avatar on this posting as a woman.

Do you get the newsletters addressed to you as "Dear New Mom To Be" as well? I actually do read those though, and pass along some tidbits to the actual mom to be :-)

I've ranted here and elsewhere with similar complaints especially about the way parenting in general is portrayed in the media, along with the marriage stereotypes but along the way real people have made me feel a lot better than their two dimensional counterparts. I think I've come to understand that a lot of people write things, even professionally, they wouldn't normally say the way it is written. It's far too easy to generalize and fall on superstitions and assumptions in print. When people learn of your actual situation in a more personal setting they tend to be a lot more encouraging and supportive than the people behind the print could ever seem to be. Even if they happen to be the same people!

My situation is a bit different, and I commend you for all you've managed to do!

And this forum actually does have a male avatar:
http://forums.parenting.com/images/avatars/avatar_man.jpg

And it isn't the default for people who register as men because .......