Sticky situation, please help.

[JasmineF]

I am the youngest of four girls, and three of us are married and have one or two children. Well, one of my sisters I need help with. She is 24 years old and has two wonderful children. Her son is 4 and her daughter is almost 3. Every time that we go over to their house it is so dirty that I don't even want my son to get down on the floor. The kids rooms always smell bad, the floors look like they haven't been vacuumed in months, and the children are always sick. I went over there a couple of weeks ago and mt nephew pointed to a stake knife on top of the porch awning and said that he through it up there. This is extremely scary for me to think of him throwing this knife up in the air, or even playing with it. This is just one of many incidents that have me concerned.
She is also very mean to the children and yells at them often. I think that she has spanked them so often that it has lost it's effect. My friend told me the other day about how the has seen my sister out with the kids about 4 times when they have been filthy, and looked as if they had not had a bath in a week. Someone please help me. I know that something must be done about this situation. Any suggestions?

[Jakesmom]

I hate to say it but maybe an anonymous call from the children's aid will smarten her up. They don't take the children away unless there is an extreme DIRECT AND IMMEDIATE thread to the children in the house. They will however, tell her what she's being accused of and follow up with a home visit.
Also, the school will phone home or alert the children's aid society if they feel that the child is being neglected or not being properly taken care of. You can also anonymously call the school and tell them what you've witnessed.
It's horribly unfortunate but it doesn't matter if it's not a 'nice' thing to do.. The children are what matters.
Hope this helps.

[AAS2007]

Yes, a call to your local Child Protection Agency is the best thing to do. You have to do it for the children's sake. What is happening is considered neglect and needs to be at the very least investigated.

[smartygirl]

wow. my sister's house is a sty, but knife-throwing?? that is definitely over the line. make the call. cas can offer counselling and parent support services in a case like this.

[sarahdennisscott]

I would try to talk to your sister 1st. If that doesn't work, try getting your family involved where everyone can encourage her to clean up. Knife throwing is very dangerous. I think you may want to talk to CPS and not report her instantly, but see if they can suggest some way for your family to intervene.

[peanut]

I would understand the rest but the knife thing no way! Is there any grandparents like your parents who can look at the situation? If not then try to find out what is going on. Maybe she is just to over extended and things are slipping through the cracks. I mean two children back to back and trying to keep a house going without any help must be hard.
If things are to out of control then it is time for some help. I tmay be all of your family or outside help. Which ever you think will do the most good. These are your neice and nephew. Good luck.

[gorgeousmom]

Sounds like we have the same sister. Only mine has 4 kids and she's a single parent. Many people have called DCFS lots of times. They come and she shapes up for a day, then things are back to "normal". It's vey sad. However, her kids are older now and they are great kids. They get high grades and excel in school tests. She's a good mom in the fact that she spends all her time with her kids and tries to do things the best that she can. I never leave my kids with her and I watch them like a hawk when we're at her house. It's the best I can do. I look for the best in her and I praise her for what she's doing correctly.

[eilom]

All the above are great advice. She might be going through a severe depression and overwhelmed with her situation. Talk to her. It's important that you and the closest family members confront the situation and if it's possible even offer to help out. If you see that there is no interest at all in her to change or seek help then you can call your local Dept of Children and Family. The most important thing is to take action. You don't want something terrible to happen and look back and wish you would have done something on time to prevent the situation. If I were in your shoes, I'd much rather her be mad at me for getting involved than living with the guilt of not doing anything. It won't be easy because nobody likes to be told what they're doing wrong or be told how to live their lives, but many lives have been saved because of the right words at the right time. Your neice and nephew need you and the family right now. Be there for them.

[rachelhayton]

I agree with #8. All the advice is great advice, but first you may want to find out what is going on in your sisters life. Depression can cause all kinds of behavior. Not caring about your surroundings and feeling to overwhelmed to deal with things is a huge one. You may want to talk to your family about things also. I'm sure everyone is talking about it behind her back. Im sure your not the only ones talking either. Im sure that friends and teachers are concerned as well. Family and friends should get together and sit her down, something of an intervension. Advise her that this is not a safe environment for her kids or anyone elses! And let her know the possibilities of what could happen if she doesnt change things. Not a threat- a promise for the children. She may be mad at you but if you have family and friends to back you it wont be as bad! See if you all together can change things. Remind her that she makes her future if she loves her children and wants to keep them its up to her to change things! If all else fails please call someone- the children are what matter most!

[sblevan]

An anonymous call to CPS is definitely in order. The more you get involved with the situation, the more likely your sister will suspect you of calling. The longer those kids are in a situation where they are neglected, the more likely the risk of serious injury.

I've suffered from Post Partum Depression which made me not care about the house, but your sis' situation pretty severe if the house is filthy, the kids are dirty, etc. Do something. Both your sis and the kids are suffering.

I've had to call Child Protective Services before. It wasn't fun but it was warranted. They will investigate the situation and give help where it's needed so life for your nieces and nephews will be healthier and happier.

That's my two cents worth. As a mandated reporter, I say make the call today!

[may2mac]

I agree with the others. You might also ask her if she needs help cleaning and organizing the house. Then make a date for the two of you to spend a day together and help her get organized. Hopefully if she can get everything put in its proper place there won't be any more "knife throwing". It makes me wonder if she is even aware that her kid was doing that.